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Feelings unresolved.


Stained glass heart

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Stained glass heart

When I was married to my first husband, I was not sexually attracted to him because of his lack of experience and his stuffed animal fetish. During the four years we were together, he took pictures of my feet without my knowledge and used his foot to jack off while I was sleeping! Having sex with him felt forced on my part because he claimed we were married and he loved me. He used corcion each and every time. I never wanted to do ANY OF IT but only went along with it to get it over with. Since then, my second husband and I are trying to conceive our third child, after having lost our twins. I hadn't had the chance to fully deal with the trauma of what my ex did while in therapy. When confronted, all he wanted to know was why I had brought up bad memories. Is this sexual assault? How can I get past what he did and stop viewing myself as an object? It's causing issues with my second husband and I.

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He used his own foot to jack himself off? Pretty limber guy.

 

As for abuse? No. It's a mental condition, but not abuse. He needed mental help to deal with it, not a wife.

 

You were right to leave him, as staying was only enabling his illness. And you deserved better.

 

Are you saying your EX husband said why bring up bad memories, or your current husband? Please clarify, as that determines my answers.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Then just consider your ex a mistake, one that you learned from. Right? You did learn from that, right? My question is why is he still coming up?

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Hugs, Stained glass heart.

How can I get past what he did and stop viewing myself as an object?

Just because HE may have viewed you as an object, does not mean that you have to view yourself that way. In truth, you have NEVER been an object - that is/was just the ex's distorted and wrong view of another human Being.

 

How you view yourself is exclusively within your own domain to manage and control. It kind of needs you to do something like slap yourself up side the head (but very gently and lovingly, of course :)), and say, "What in the heck have I been thinking, to even remotely see myself as my nutjob ex-husband might have seen me???" And then, just start thinking of and seeing yourself as the loving, kind-hearted, compassionate person you know yourself to be, in truth and reality.

 

It also is that you are a new person TODAY - so stay in the present with THIS person, and the positive stuff and the good life that she's got going on TODAY...that YOU have got going on TODAY.

That is, instead of letting the old and ugly memories, that some other nutjob influenced, stay alive and active in your brain. Kill them dead every single time they try to mess with you! Right? It really doesn't even matter, anymore, what label we want to put on his behaviour; you're physically out of it - 'good riddance to bad rubbish', as the saying goes - and now the only thing is to take back control (over those memories), so that they don't keep you stuck and psychologically trapped.

 

Wishing you all the peace and happiness in the world - TODAY and moving forward :)

In Light,

Ronni

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