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I can't believe he threw a phone at me!


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Old 9th February 2005, 11:49 AM   #1
phonelady
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Angry I can't believe he threw a phone at me!

Yesterday, I called up my cousin long distance. He was telling me about his brother's divorce. He said that she cheated on him, and she gets $200 a month until she gets a job. I said, "So she gets alimony, even though it's her fault, because she doesn't have a job?" He said, "Yes!" I said, "So if I ever get divorced, quit my job first." and we both laughed. My husband got pissed at me for saying that! I told him that I didn't mean it, and that I loved him. He said, "That's not funny, you idiot!" and went upstairs.

I talked to my cousin for 15 more minutes, then went upstairs to talk to my husband. I told him again that I was sorry. He told me to get away from him. I said, "I didn't mean to upset you." He said, "You'd better get away from me!" So I turned to go back downstairs. He said, "Go roll your eyes downstairs!" I said, "I didn't roll my eyes." I honestly didn't roll my eyes at him. He said again, "I SAW YOU ROLL YOUR EYES!" I said, "I did not roll my eyes, don't ACCUSE me of something I DIDN'T DO!" and went downstairs. As soon as I sat on the couch downstairs, I heard him come bounding down the steps. I thought he wanted to say something else, but he came to the doorway, and reared back with a cordless phone. I curled into a ball, and he THREW IT AT ME!!!! It hit my butt, and my toe. I guess the way I was curled up, my foot was close to my butt. He hit me so hard that the battery pack cover fell off, and the battery pack fell out! I have a 2 inch bruise on my behind, and my toe is KILLING ME!

I didn't speak to him after that. I just can't believe he did that! I don't want to talk to him. We've been married over a year and a half, and I'm thinking about divorcing him over this >

He's thrown things before. He's broken all kinds of things (remote controls mostly) I used to let it bother me, but I just got over it. I figured if he wanted to act like a big baby, that's fine, he's going to be forking over the money to replace whatever he breaks, and as long as he's not hurting anyone (namely me) then I'll let him vent however he needs to.

But he can't throw things at ME!!!!
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Old 9th February 2005, 6:29 PM   #2
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Some people take things seriously. Had that been me as you hb, I would have ripped the phone that you were talking on and chucked that one. When your talking to someone about something serious, and say something like that. Well ya, expect your husband to get upset. You get married to stay married not throw the word divorce around, everytime you do that its like your hitting him. Think of it that way. Hitting is wrong, but words hurt to.. Damn don't be foolish and think before you say things. Stop trying to get a reaction from your husband cause you know you will get one. Thats why you said it while he was listening to begin with.. Thought it was funny to hurt his feelings. Not nice on both parts.
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Old 9th February 2005, 7:26 PM   #3
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Sunlight don't be so dramatic....people say things like that all the time. Her husband must really have insecurity issues (or anger issues) if he's going to get that upset about something so trivial. It was obviously a joke, even if it was said to get a rise out of him, it was still obviously a joke.

phonelady, your hubby totally over reacted. I went to a counsellor because of my hubby's temper when I first got married and she said that you don't 'make' people angry, their anger is a reaction to what you said. You can control your reactions. Different people have different reactions to different things.

It sounds like there is some underlying problem here, which could be insecurity that you will leave him maybe? Or it could be something that has nothing to do with you but that your comment was the 'tip of the iceberg' so to speak.
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Old 9th February 2005, 7:39 PM   #4
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Eavesdropping, no sense of humor, name calling, pouting, unable to accept an apology, accusations, destroying "toys," and throwing toys at others. Are you married to a five year old?

Seriously, domestic violence and abuse usually escalates. Now that he's been violent towards you for the first time, he's likely to do it again. Please be careful and don't stay if you feel you are in danger.
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Old 9th February 2005, 8:54 PM   #5
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If you can't laugh at life you're taking it way to seriously. I don't think there was anything wrong with the joke she made on the phone.
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Old 9th February 2005, 9:08 PM   #6
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If I had been her hb I would have been pissed too. I would not have thrown the phone at HER. Hurting a woman is wrong no matter what the verbal provocation (keep that in mind). If it had been me, I probably would have snatched the phone out of your ear and thrown it into the toilet. If you are going to talk $hit on the phone I am going to flush it down where it belongs.
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Old 9th February 2005, 9:50 PM   #7
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I can't believe that people are saying " If I was her H, I would have been pissed too"

OMG it was a joke!!!!! I would have laughed along and never thought about it again.

To violently throw and object at your wife because she made a joke is disturbing to put it mildly. I mean, she even tried to apologize even though a little joke like that shouldnt even warrant an apology.

My H even said that he saw it as a joke.

I don't know if this guy is going to get worse or what... but I'd definetley talk to him and take what he did as a big RED FLAG.
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Old 9th February 2005, 9:57 PM   #8
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I would run far and fast from anybody who fails to comprehend jokes and who would do something as asinine as throwing a phone anywhere. I suggest that any poster who thinks this man's actions was justified go seek help now. It is NEVER all right to throw something at someone and it is unfair and stupid to get mad at someone without finding out if there was even anything to be mad at.

Actually, the inability to understand jokes is a sign of several mental disorders. Phonelady, this is the beginning of abuse. Worst of all was that you had already left the room and he followed you to throw something at you. It's not as though he did it immediately, but had time to cool of yet still did not cool off.

He's not a 'baby'. He's a man with self-control problems and you don't need one of them in your life. If he's not willing to get help, you'll do well to get out because it's only a matter of time until he starts hitting.
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Old 9th February 2005, 10:01 PM   #9
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I said they were both in the wrong. She said he has thrown fits before, well then she knows darn well what sets him off, buttons to push, and she also probably knew about that before getting married.
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Old 9th February 2005, 10:08 PM   #10
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I would like to draw attention to this line.

Quote:
Originally posted by Podna
...Hurting a woman is wrong no matter what the verbal provocation (keep that in mind)...
So please, keep your diagnonsense of mental disorders to yourself. Divorce is a serious matter. I would be upset if I thought my wife was cracking divorce jokes with her family over the phone. Having said that, I would still get her side of the story before I did anything rash.

Allow me to reiterate. Throwing things at people for the purpose of hurting them is bad!
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Old 9th February 2005, 10:15 PM   #11
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Quote:
She said he has thrown fits before, well then she knows darn well what sets him off, buttons to push, and she also probably knew about that before getting married.
He never threw anything before. Nobody should live with a time bomb who has 'buttons' that cause them to explode irrationally. Sorry, I'm not buying it. There is no excuse.

Quote:
I would still get her side of the story before I did anything rash.
And hopefully not do anything rash. A joke is just that - a JOKE. It's funny because it's ridiculous. If you get flipped out by it, it would say to me that you're feeling fearful and insecure about the relationship.
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Old 9th February 2005, 10:22 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by moimeme

....If you get flipped out by it, it would say to me that you're feeling fearful and insecure about the relationship.
Welcome to the other half of the population moimeme. Glad to meet ya.
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Old 9th February 2005, 11:55 PM   #13
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Your husband sounds like he has control and temper issues..oh yea, and he is abusive.
He doesnt have to raise a hand and slap you to physically abuse you- he threw an object at you that he knew would cause a certain degree of pain. He wanted to inflict pain on you- perhaps not enough to really hurt you seriously- but enough so you could feel it.
If he has thrown fits before and broken things, I would suggest he get some sort of anger management counselling. It is NOT normal to throw fits and break things- a classic sign of abusive behaviour.
To be abusive a person just needs to call you names or try and control you or throw temper tantrums- they dont even NEED to hit you to fall into this catagory.

I would seriously consider getting therapy- for him- and for you as well, seperately..being in a relationship like this makes a person numb towards their abuser and the abusers behaviour.
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Old 10th February 2005, 2:03 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by JoL
Your husband sounds like he has control and temper issues..oh yea, and he is abusive.
He doesnt have to raise a hand and slap you to physically abuse you- he threw an object at you that he knew would cause a certain degree of pain. He wanted to inflict pain on you- perhaps not enough to really hurt you seriously- but enough so you could feel it.
If he has thrown fits before and broken things, I would suggest he get some sort of anger management counselling. It is NOT normal to throw fits and break things- a classic sign of abusive behaviour.
To be abusive a person just needs to call you names or try and control you or throw temper tantrums- they dont even NEED to hit you to fall into this catagory.

I would seriously consider getting therapy- for him- and for you as well, seperately..being in a relationship like this makes a person numb towards their abuser and the abusers behaviour.
JoL is right. Even if he throws things in your direction, never hitting you with them or even intending to hit you with them, but close enough to startle you or scare you, that's an abusive behavior as well.

Frankly, even if he did get pissed off, as some of these folks here say they would have, it doesn't make it okay for him to scare you with threats of violence, spoken or unspoken, or become violent with you.
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Old 10th February 2005, 2:48 PM   #15
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Angry Update:

Before I came into work yesterday, he brought me a biscuit from McDonalds, and a cappucino from the Texaco down the road. He never does this. I assume that he was either sucking up, or he went to get himself something, and got me something as well.

Yesterday evening, when I arrived home from work, there was a lady outside our home looking for her son. I talked to her a moment, then went inside. My husband asked me what that lady wanted, and I told him her story. Then, I told him that I wasn't speaking to him again until he gave me an apology that I could accept.

We have a kitten, and it scratches up our leather chair. We recently bought a new car, the same brand as our other one, but it has leather seats. I drive the new one, he drives the old one. I told my husband to take "My car" to work today, because I had to take the kitten to the vet, and we don't want him clawing up the leather seats in our new car. He said, "It's OUR car." I said, "I know..." He said, "Why do you always differentiate between 'yours' and 'mine'? Everything is Ours." I said, "I just referred to it as 'mine' so you'd know which car I was talking about." He said, "One is red, and one is blue." I said, "Ok, take the blue car tomorrow."

He was upset about that

So a minute later, he came downstairs, and said, "Do you want something to eat?" I thought for a moment, and said, "Sure, where are you going?" He said, "Then go get it yourself."

I was like what? I usually call before I drive home from work to see if he wants me to pick something up for dinner. I didn't, because I'm still angry at him. So he went to get HIMSELF something without getting me something out of spite. It's obvious it is out of spite, because why would he say, "Do you want something to eat?" and then tell me to get myself food.

Normally, he'd say something smart elec like that and then get me food any way

So as soon as he pulled out, I got in my car and went right behind him through the drive through and back home. As I was exiting my car, I made a grunt noise, and he said, "Do you have a problem?" I said, "Yes, my butt is bruised." He said, "How did it get bruised?" I said, "My husband threw a phone at me." He didn't say anything.

I went to hang up my coat, and he took my burger upstairs with him. I guess so I'd have to ask him where it is

I went upstairs and told him to give me my burger. He made a shocked face and said that he didn't have it. I said, "Fine, don't talk to me until you are ready to apologize."

I went back downstairs. He yelled from the top of the stairs, "Here!" I didn't respond. He called me again, then came downstairs with my burger. I ignored him, so he stood right in front of me, and said, "I'm sorry." I didn't say anything. He said, "I'm sorry I threw the phone at you." I said, "YOu don't seem very sorry." He said, "You know me! You know how stubborn that I am...I wouldn't say it if I wasn't really sorry."

I told him that I'd think about it.

He then told me he'd rented a movie, and I went upstairs and watched it with him.

After the movie was over, I started telling him how upset and angry I was. I said, "I'll forgive you right now, if you will throw that phone at your foot as hard as you can, so at least we'll be even." He refused to.

I told him that I didn't feel like he was sorry. He said he didn't understand. I told him that he throws things and breaks them all the time, and since it doesn't bother me that he breaks things, he took it up a notch, and started throwing them at me! He joked that I was always telling him that he shouldn't break things. I told him he wasn't funny, and that as long as he didn't hurt me, he could break whatever he wanted, but to know that I'd replace it. He said, "Well the phone didn't break."

He told me that I instigated his anger. I said, "So does that mean that I deserve it???" He said, "No, of course not!" I said, "I should be able to stand in your face and scream at you to hit me, and you should have the discipline to turn and walk away!" He didn't say anything. I said, "If you're really sorry, I want some assurance that this won't happen again, and if it does, I want you to get help."

He started to get angry, and said, "If you don't like it, you can leave!" (he always says that during and argument, but then after the argument, he'll say that he didn't mean it, and apologize) I said, "That shouldn't even be an OPTION for you!" He immediately apologized. Then, I said, "You should be willing to try! And if you fail, you should try harder! And if you continue to fail, you should say, "I'm going to get help, because I love you, and you're worth it to me." He started to get upset, so he asked to end the conversation. So I turned out the light, and left him alone.
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