Snickers26 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 I made this account just to post this and seek help or advice. I am feeling as though I am at the end of my rope. A little intro, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we are both in our 30s, we have TONS of fun together and always laughing... Truly my best friend, sweet as pie. He started a business, in December, not going as he had planned, I am sure he is stressed, pair that with heavy drinking he got physical with me in late December. I could NOT believe it. He was so drunk, he didn't remember in the morning anything that happened, was so consumed with guilt he was a wreck. Not like him at all, after time I went back to him... Everything was back to normal..... Now, for the negative on me.. I have a temper! AWFUL! I say mean things, I lash out, I just have a short fuse.. HOWEVER, it comes.. it goes... I do not hurt people, I do not destroy property, I get mad -- I act like a COMPLETE BRAT, then move on & feel stupid. Fast forward to recently.. his business is not doing well, he is losing money - very stressed. After the day he got physical with me, months & months passed, he got extremely drunk one night and started throwing me around (NOT OK, looking back I am sure I pushed his buttons -still no excuse, but I gotta get in line too). 2 weeks ago, he said I was antagonizing him, he threw a drink in my face. LAST NIGHT, we were fighting like cats & dogs (alcohol involved) and I told him I couldn't stand him, he's worthless (just brutal, so uncalled for) and he kicked me.. hard.. in the ankle as we were walking home. This created chaos in our household, of course we had both been drinking I am SICK of him lashing out at me, he is SICK of my verbal abuse, things got super violent - cops came (for the first time) he grabbed my cell phone as I making a call to his mom for help & shattered it. He threw it against the ground repeatedly... SO MY QUESTION TO YOU........ what do I do? I love him, he loves me. We both have faults... It wasn't always like this, is there a way to repair? Can one repair? If I was an angel & he was like this to me, I'd be LONG GONE, but I know my faults... I am aware. I am NO angel. Do you believe we could both fix ourselves????? And go back to the way things were before the stress of business, drinking problems??? Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 If you both love eachother, but are just broken human beings when it comes to communication of your issues, try some counseling. Also, stop getting drunk and fighting. Seriously. It's really that easy. I don't really see anything about you two fighting when you are sober. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Lives can always be repaired. Second chances are a good thing. There are steps that both of you need to embrace. You need to get into therapy to figure out where this anger comes from and to use some form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to control and manage your behaviors. He needs to go to AA or find a secular alcohol management program. Alcohol is something that can never be in your house again as this is a trigger for abuse from both of you. He also needs to be checked for depression and anxiety disorders. In order for this relationship to work, you both have to be willing to change some very harmful behaviors because physical abuse is never ok and emotional abuse is never ok. Sit down with your bf and see if he is willing to do whatever it takes to change things. If so, yes, you can both work towards changes that can repair your hearts and relationship. If not, you need to end this destructive and abusive relationship and go work on yourself in therapy so that you never find yourself in this situation again. Best of luck, Grumps 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Snickers26 Posted June 28, 2015 Author Share Posted June 28, 2015 Never, when sober we have the greatest of times! But he is a drinker, he loves to drink. I appreciate your reply to my long, drawn out post. I have a hard time walking away EVEN THOUGH, YES HE HAS PHYSICALLY HARMED me not even just one time -- because I know this is not like us... It's just that I believe NO ONE should be hit.. No one should be physically harmed, if someone is 'antagonizing' you, walk away...... I just care for him deeply, and everyone around me sees how much love he has for me.. It's the weirdest thing how this has happened 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Indreams Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 If you put a frog in boiling water it will jump out instantly and be gone, out of there. if you put a frog in warm water and slowly bring it to boil it will stay there,accept it, and simply die accepting its fate. An abusive relationship works in the same way, if this was present from the offset youd have been out of there as he would off. If you feel your relationship is worth saving then you both must make compromises, reach common ground and take out all the stresses that lead you here. The violence and abuse must stop now to make it work, before there is little respect for yourself and each other. It will be hard cutting out the stresses but you need to weigh up whats important in life, important to each other and start working as a team. Sorry if this is harse, its not my intention, im not perfect and never will be, just trying to help 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 You both have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. You drinking is harming you as individuals, and as a couple. Not everyone who has an alcohol problem fits the, 'always drunk and always drinking,' alcoholic stereotype.' You probably don't, but you have an alcohol problem, nonetheless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 he grabbed my cell phone as I making a call to his mom for help & shattered it. He threw it against the ground repeatedly... SO MY QUESTION TO YOU........ what do I do? Get one of those indestructable cell phone cases, one that guarantees your phone if it doesn't deliver as promised. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 If your bf wants to change things, he needs to quit drinking. (as do you) If he chooses booze over you, what's there to stay for? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Men are supposed to be able to control themselves. A man doesn't physically assault a woman, except to restrain her or push her out of his way while leaving, if she's the aggressor. Anger & Drunkenness are no excuses. Don't allow him or anyone to abuse you. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Men are supposed to be able to control themselves. A man doesn't physically assault a woman, except to restrain her or push her out of his way while leaving, if she's the aggressor. Anger & Drunkenness are no excuses. Don't allow him or anyone to abuse you. And ditto for her verbal abuse of him along with her rage. Each are accountable for their actions. I've seen the other side, that once they do recover, they remove themselves from that relationship entirely. Its simply how people grow from their mistakes and move on. If this is the concept of love ... not sure i'd want to know its antonym... OP, start counseling, start healing. You have the ability to modify your actions of words and behavior. Best to you in taking healthy steps. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts