SerCay Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Incoming FB message: "I just want to ask you woman to woman, whether you are still together with S or not, not that I want to hurt your feelings, I just want to know if I'm being played or not" So I tell my ex, his answer: "I don't know who that is, I've been talking to multiple girls, but there was no one special" > then continuous in his pursuit of trying to get me back. Fast forward a week: I visit his mom. She's very delighted to see me, and says: "I'm so glad I finally see you, been so long. And now I can finally give back that pan from months ago!" Ex quickly jumps to situation: "It's my brother's pan, just say yes and accept" So I do so, later when I speak to him in private I get angry with him for his dishonesty...the message... the pan (from food leftovers)... obviously he has been at some other girl's. His responses: "Nope, honestly I DO NOT KNOW who sent you that message, and frankly, I don't care, cause I want you back and I don't speak to other girls any longer, somebody is trying to frame me. And about the pan: I got fed up with my parents so I decided to stay a weekend at my brother's, I cooked for myself and took the leftovers home. I didn't tell my parents about it because my brother always expects money from me when I ask him if I can use his empty house. It's your own problem if you don't believe me, but I'm tired of having to defend myself to you. Can't you just let it go so we can work on building our relationship back up?" Then goes on to run my errands (showing off his charm.) Me: Left puzzled...am I going crazy? Do I look for things that don't exist? Cause see how sweet and devoted he is to me. Now THAT my friends, is your typical example of gaslighting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Well not literally, as "gaslighting" is done purposefully. And it doesn't appear that your bf is purposefully trying to cause you to doubt your own sanity. If you are now making a choice to believe what he is saying, then give him that gift (of your trust). But always have your eyes open. Its just common sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SerCay Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 (edited) ''It's your own problem if you don't believe me, but I'm tired of having to defend myself to you. Can't you just let it go so we can work on building our relationship back up?" This right here is telling me that he is actually doing it on purpose. See how subtly he reverses the problem to me? He knows very well that he should have given me that information on beforehand and that if someone is messaging me anonymously through FB, there exists a person that he gave the idea that there's something going on between them. Why would anybody frame him? So knowing that, if he tells me that it's defending himself what he needs to do, instead of admitting that he omitted information, I call that gaslighting. Information is constantly missing. He's my ex btw, not my bf. And things like this, have been happening for the past 4 years. No way I can give him an inch of my trust. Trust, if breached, needs to be earned. Not manipulated. Edited April 7, 2015 by SerCay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Well if he is an ex then just stop talking to him. Problem solved. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Can't you ask the Facebook girl what kind of relationship she is in with him? Obviously you do not trust him so is there any point staying with him? I guess he's a charmer having so much opportunity. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I'm confused. That doesn't sound lie gaslighting to me, just lies and covers for lies. Why are you still dealing with him though? He is your ex. Just block him and have no contact with him. If you are still addicted to the 'what he might do next' then..block him and get some help. It's not healthy to be addicted this long. Once he is your ex that cycle should stop. Talking and getting it out is OK, still putting yourself in any situation with him is not OK. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SearchingForMyself Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 I've been blocked by a couple of women in my life. Question, why do so many women refuse to block an ex that dumped them? Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Call him on his possible BS. Have him take you to his bros house after the pan has been returned. Chat with the girl who messaged you. Link to post Share on other sites
lockedoutluv Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 That sounds like a lying, narcissistic SOB to me, not taking responsibility for anything. If he was gaslighting, he would be like "Don't you remember bringing that pan over to my Mom's that one time? We left it there because it still had leftovers in it. Don't you remember?", when clearly none of that happened. This stuff used to happen to me all the time. Both are bad and neither deserve you taking him back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 (edited) I got one for ya.... Some loser you meet in real life who trolls on MBs and pretends to be other people, yet post things here that reflect actions they do in real life... Then, when you try to confront them, they act like they are clueless and you are crazy and they just want you to go away... Then, the post how you are like a disease they must rid themselves of... Then, in real life apparently they can't get much sleep cuz they spend their nights staring at your house - but you're the nutty one, not them. Some people are garbage and are just worried about their little egos. The will use whomever to get their thrills/fills and could care less if it hurts others. Drop them like Hot Pockets.... You can try all you want to make them "come clean", but that's a waste of time...they won't. Just move on and stay away from them...Remember "they" are the mentally ill ones...not you. BTW, stay far away from garbage like this. They will lie and tell their SO, family, friends, even police that you are the one harassing them. They don't care and are dangerous...Stay away from them PERIOD. Edited April 29, 2015 by Gloria25 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 He sounds like a chronic liar to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SerCay Posted May 1, 2015 Author Share Posted May 1, 2015 ^ He is Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Gaslighting. YOU: What is the real the story about the pan? Him: What pan? YOU: The pan you got from that other girl???? Him: There was no "pan". YOU: The pan you told me was your brothers and to say was mine. Him: You mean that pan we lent to my mother ? YOU: Er.. no. Him: What are you going on about now? YOU: The pan that you got from that other girl???? Him: Are you crazy? YOU: The pan I just put into our cupboard, isn't ours. Him: Are you sure you are feeling all right? Of course it's ours, its the red one I had at uni. Link to post Share on other sites
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