Mizz Layta Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) When I was 15 my dad took us shopping with my younger sister who was 12 at that time.He bought was clothes. However , a month later when I got home from school he told me that he wants to buy me clothes so he was going to take my measurements with a tape measure.So he bought a note pad and a pen.so I was like sure and didn't think anything out of it.Then he made me take off all my clothes and I only had my underwear on and I was top less .This happened 3 or five times and the last time it happened he touched my breast and try to take my underwear off but I stopped him. He didn't even buy the clothes after all from what I remember .He was obviously was just using that as an excuse and took adavantage of the situation. Then that was also another incident when I was alone in the house and he told me that he wanted to see if the eczema on my back is getting worse.I said no its fine then he got angry and said ``Your mom is not here``i am the one whoc checks these things!(my mom is deceased)He then made me take off my clothes and I only had an underwer on and then that was it.I am not sure why he made me do all that . Another incident was one time I was sitting alone in my room then he came in and tried to sit very close to me without saying anything.Then my step sister who was 6 at that time came in immediately in the room and stood on the door and observed .Then he backed off and left my room. Then he came back again after few minutes and my step sister came back and followed him to watch him then he left my room and left me alone. It was weird. He was obviously up to no good Then when I was 18,he asked me to come and wash his back in the shower .I refused and told him that he should ask his wife to do that and not me. He then said its not a big deal and tried to lure me but I finally stood up to him and refused. He would try to do things like this when no one is around so he obviously knew it was wrong and inappropriate .I didn`t have anyone to go for support since he was the only person who have here. My step mom was also mean to us so I couldn't confide in her The weird thing is, I started getting flash backs of these incidents few years when I moved out of his house. My first flash back was when I was 21 .They come and linger for a while then they go away. They have been coming and going away over the years and I am now 29.I don't talk to my father anymore since I resent him and feel anger towards him.it its haunts me to this day. I just want it to leave my mind and forget about it already I planning to see a therapist but money is tight. I don't seem to remember anything else that happened when I lived with him but I remember those incidents clearly So my question is, would that be considered sexual abuse? why am I still getting flash backs ? Is it because I never dealt with this and now its coming after me? Edited January 9, 2015 by Mizz Layta Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 You need to see a qualified therapist who is trained in Repressed Memories. There may be more memories there that need to come out or you may be sexualizing these memories when they shouldn't be sexualized; there is no way to tell and you shouldn't use an internet forum to investigate if you believe there was abuse. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Yes, it is sexual abuse. And abuse done to a minor; at the time. He is a horrible person; seriously, I hope he gets his balls cut off. Hate people like that. I am truly sorry. Such an awful thing for any child to experience. But...You are at least being proactive in your recovery. Try and see a therapist when you can. That therapist should be able to guide you, and hopefully down the right path. Give you greater insight than any of us ever could. I am deeply appalled at this. Such a sickening thing. He should truly be in jail; I hope he did not do anything to the younger step sister. But yes, he sexual abused you - a minor - at the time. I am glad you stood up to him. It would be hard to prove he did anything in court...especially after such a long time. Nonetheless, you may be advised into that. I am truly sorry he should never see you naked like this...or touch your body 2 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I'm sorry you had this kind of experience with your dad Layta I don't know whether it's considered sexual abuse by the law, but I see it as such and I'm disgusted that this kind of fathers exist. A girl just won't feel that way around her dad without good reason. For me all the incidents were inappropriate. Because there were ways for your dad to do the same things without stepping on the line (letting you take your measures yourself, take you to the doctor to see your eczema, he could have one of those brushes for washing his back on his own or wait for his wife). Those flashbacks mean that this incident left a trauma on you that's being processed still. Did you realise his motives the moments he was inappropriate or you realised them after you moved out because you were older? Don't hesitate to cut off your dad from your life if you haven't already. It's going to be allright. Do you have good friends that you trust? A boyfriend? Do you think talking about it to them will help you? It's a good idea to see a professional, because he will show you the weapons to go through this faster. I'm happy for you that nothing worse happened though. It would have been awful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) Thank you everyone for your support and yes cut him out of my life.I haven't spoken to him in years.I am planning to send him a letter and told him exactly he is not part of my life. I d knew that his actions where inappropriate but I was scared to speak up. It started having an effect on me after I moved out at the age of 20. He was the only person we had who was our safety net. I also lived with my step mom who was also mean and emotionally abusive as well. I was a minor at that time and the rest of our relatives is back in Africa. My mom passed away back home So my dad brought us here in Canada with my sister and my step sister. Edited January 9, 2015 by Mizz Layta 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Have you talked to your sister about this, and see if she has any similar experiences? I am sorry this happened to you. And I hope there isn't more to it that you aren't remembering. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 yes I have talked to my sister who is one year younger than me and she had an incident where he touched her innapropritely and she moved out of the house because of that. My sister still talks to him though and we all moved out.I just didn't add it to my OP. However,I am not sure if he tried to do anything with my step sister who is now 15 and still lives with him and my step mom. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 ...and your step-sister. She was very at-risk for this type of thing, since he would be able to justify her not really being his daughter. If you haven't spoken to them, I would start there. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 However,I am not sure if he tried to do anything with my step sister who is now 15 and still lives with him and my step mom. OMG. I would talk to her. Cautiously. Just try to open a dialog without sharing too much yourself and see if she opens up to you. It is not a good thing that she is there with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 yes I have talked to my sister who is one year younger than me and she had an incident where he touched her innapropritely and she moved out of the house because of that. My sister still talks to him though and we all moved out.I just didn't add it to my OP. However,I am not sure if he tried to do anything with my step sister who is now 15 and still lives with him and my step mom. I'd imagine he would try to mess with her. He seems to meet the pattern..... I am glad you got out of this mess. I am sure with therapy you can recover. You're still too young to carry this for far more years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) Thank you everyone for your support. I am worried about my step sister safety but the problem is I haven't seen her in years since I don't talk to my step mom either.so I am not sure how I would go about it. Just to add, my step sister is his biological daughter as well not that it would matter to him. My parents got divorced when I was 3 years old and my Dad remarried and they had a daughter which is now my step sister that I referred to in my previous post Edited January 9, 2015 by Mizz Layta Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted January 10, 2015 Author Share Posted January 10, 2015 UPDATE:I have been working on letter than I am going to send my Dad for the last 2 days .My sister gave me his address. I am going to tell him what type of damage he did and I am just going to let it all out. I am going to take my time with this letter and write everything that comes to my mind .I am working on the draft then I will type it when I finish. I am going to tell my sister not to give him my address so he cant write back 1 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 You need to see a qualified therapist who is trained in Repressed Memories. There may be more memories there that need to come out or you may be sexualizing these memories when they shouldn't be sexualized; there is no way to tell and you shouldn't use an internet forum to investigate if you believe there was abuse. This x 100. Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 You need to see a qualified therapist who is trained in Repressed Memories. There may be more memories there that need to come out or you may be sexualizing these memories when they shouldn't be sexualized; there is no way to tell and you shouldn't use an internet forum to investigate if you believe there was abuse. I agree, but see a psychologist specializing in possible sexual abuse. Repressed memories are still a matter of discussion, but memory in itself is very fluid and influenced by numerous things. Especially after all these years... Link to post Share on other sites
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