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Mind control from a narc and breaking away


lizzygirl

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LDR of 3 years. He had a chance to move back 7 months ago and didn’t even though he has been working 3 hours away for 2 weeks at a time for 2 years now and swears he wants to be with me and our relationship has been on the rocks and he could have saved it by moving back and I was going crazy, which I think he liked. He is so mean and tells me to go eff myself when we argue and calls me a B. He doesn’t care to spend time with my kids or get to know them yet is the first one to say they are spoiled rotten and I baby them too much. All he cares about is appearances. He likes keeping me off kilter. He called the cops on me after an argument, when all was calm, and announced it as a threat. He did actually ask me to marry him and when he posted the ring on fb, all it said was here is your shock and awe. Not “I am going to marry my best friend or she said yes.” All about “in your face!”

 

He hates anyone “above” him. He is entitled. The only time he takes responsibility for anything is if it gives him glory. Everyone, even those on the highway driving around, are idiots.

 

He swore he loved me and wanted to marry me yet when I said let’s do it, he said no. He said let’s get married this weekend, but when the weekend came, we didn’t – it was just to get me back. He wanted me to move to where he is but when I said ok let’s do it, he said no, it can’t work, we can’t do it even though he made 38,000 a yr with no house paymt or car paymt and is just staying with a friend down there.

 

He swore he wanted kids so badly yet when I got pregnant I was so excited to tell him because I truly believed he really meant that, yet he said we are getting rid of it and that is the end of the conversation and I had to go by myself to take the “pill” and pay for it and he didn’t bother to pay me back until months later, and exactly half of what it cost – and the weekend I did it, he did not even come to check on me but for a minute that last day and brought me mc.donalds. Nice.

 

He swore I was the only person he ever loved, yet I caught him talking to his ex and later, a coworker rubbing on his back behind me where I was not suppose to see, down there where he works and I am 3 hours away, not to mention dozens of long blonde hairs on his clothes when he does come home. But I am just being silly and it is just my “perception” and all the hairs must have come from his roommate’s girlfriend….ok… He wants to have a threesome with me and his ex girlfriend – oh wait, did I say that? I didn’t mean to. Not her. Just anybody. But only if you want to, baby, cause it is all about you and we don’t have to unless you want to. But I am going to look up K.ate U.pton na.ked and her big b.oobs then lie about doing so yet tell you that yours are fine, yet tell you that if you got a b.oob job it would really turn me on but it is fine if you don’t….

 

His own wife shot herself in the head while he was at home after 2 years of marriage….I guess that should have been my first clue but stupid me, my heart went out to him for what he went through….little did I know that 3 years later I would want to do the same.

Edited by lizzygirl
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All the blowing hot and cold sounds familiar. Does he berate you and insinuate you are stupid? Does he minimize your feelings? I truly think my ex is a narcissist too. I think all of the hot and cold is a power trip and tied to impulsivity. It's a terrible way to live quite frankly. Feeling you are never good enough no matter what you do.

 

You know, we sometimes don't trust our gut feelings about a person. I know I didn't, and narcissists are good at taking advantage of that. You end up so twisted and confused that you don't even know up from down anymore. I hope you aren't speaking to this guy anymore.

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lizzygirl, this isn't okay.

 

Please just run, get away. The post above could be quite good for you to Google, narcissism and narcissists.

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Thanks guys . The mind games get you to a point where you start feeling like it is just all you. Maybe I am just crazy like he says. I have just got to go NC completely and stop letting him suck me back in. He is so smooth and so good at what he does. I have never been so low. Just have to pick myself up and get my self respect back.

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If you don't care about yourself, at least have some mercy on your kids and don't let this jerk in their lives. He will ruin their childhood and you will only have yourself to blame for this. You have no right to do this to your children.

 

This man is 100% broken and unfixable. Do yourself and your kids a huge favor and get away from this idiot.

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whichwayisup
Thanks guys . The mind games get you to a point where you start feeling like it is just all you. Maybe I am just crazy like he says. I have just got to go NC completely and stop letting him suck me back in. He is so smooth and so good at what he does. I have never been so low. Just have to pick myself up and get my self respect back.

 

Yes you HAVE to do this. Your head knows he's a real ****.ed up person and is mean, a true narcissist at his worst (he's not even a kinder version! Not that they are any better, but still..) and he's ass/hole to you and your kids.

 

Your heart and emotions still love him so FIGHT it and remember all the pain he's caused you, how bad he makes you feel and how you want to gain your confidence and self respect back. You can DO this!! Post here anytime you feel like caving and contacting him.

 

Block him, change your number and email address if need be. if he shows up at your house, tell him to go away. If he doesn't call the cops. This man is not playing with a full deck of cards, so you need to protect yourself and your kids.

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My kids are older, 18 and 14, boys. I do a good job at keeping myself together for them. The worst part is that I have been without a job for 7 months now and I have no one to go to but my BF. I have tried so hard to find a job and my savings is running out fast. I have a car paymt and if it gets repossessed, how do I job hunt or get to the job if I find one? So, not only am I beaten down by him, I am also not even in a position to be independent and block him out of my life.

 

I am suppose to believe that the contact with the ex a few years ago was totally innocent and all on her part. And I am suppose to believe that the female coworker I caught rubbing his back a few months ago is just a touchy-feely person and there was nothing to it even though I saw her touch no one else that night, only make a bee line to him to do so. I am just being silly. That is what he does - downplays everything, even giggles as to how silly it all is and constantly reassures me there is nothing to it.

 

It is all enough to make you go insane.

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That's his whole purpose - to make you feel nuts and off-balance. You need to find someone else to depend on besides this jerk. If nothing else, go flip burgers somewhere. Or, better yet, I have a friend who cleans houses and has gotten in touch with realtors. They often have houses that need to be cleaned when someone is moving into a new home. They usually pay $300+ for house cleanings. You can also advertise and you'll get business. Or go to a staffing agency. They often have jobs you can work at right away. Do something, anything, to get away from this guy.

 

It doesn't matter how old your kids are. This guy does not need to be a part of their lives in any way at all.

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  • 2 weeks later...
tobrieornottobrie

It sounds like you really have a lot going on. Is there anyone that you can talk to about all of this? Maybe a close friend or a trusted family member? Do you have any family nearby? I hope that it gets better for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the brie's cheese knees

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RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN before he destroys you!!! Dont be afraid to seek professional help or enlist your friends for support.

 

My GF dated one of these A holes in the past and is still paying a price for it. They do NOT care about you. They only care about the control and the games. It is sad but true.

 

My GF was warned and warned about this guy but stayed with him despite the mind games and let downs. It wasnt until she had a break down that she finally decided to leave him...of course then he wanted her back.

 

It has been three years since their relationship ended and I still deal with the fall out (trust and abandonment issues).

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