Long Term Effects of Bullying

[Amy_D]

Bullying is ABUSE

 

Children are committing suicide due to being bullied by their peers. It's documented now and unfortunately, it's still being perpetrated daily.

 

The first time I pondered suicide I was ten, due to the daily bullying. When you get bullied by a group it is terrifying. They stalk you and get you when you're alone. They threaten to do you physical harm and they turn you into an outsider. Other kids don't want to befriend the bullied child for fear they will get bullied too. By the time I was eleven my self esteem was shot and I learned to fear everyone. Each time I made a friend one of the "mean" girls would make sure to alert them of my low status and usually the friendship diminished.

 

Things did improved as I moved on to JH and High School but there was one girl who was determined to harm me. I coulda/woulda/shoulda beat her up. But I didn't. I was afraid. Years of psychological ostracizing made me freeze upon confrontation.

 

To this day, I feel the effects of bullying. I keep clear away from group activities and limit my friends to only a select few. Sometimes I think about the girl I might have been if this didn't happen to me but that only brings more pain. If anyone has a child who is being bullied please take it seriously. They now have Online Schools which are a good alternative than to sending your child to hell. The only thing I learned in Elementary School is how cruel people can be. I didn't need to learn that, at least not then.

Edited August 21, 2014 by Amy_D

[Keenly]

That's the real world.

[Amy_D]

That's the real world.

 

Kill or be killed?

[carhill]

IMO, each person can be affected differently. It depends on person, personality, socialization and type of bullying.

 

Myself, after getting my eyes opened in MC to some of my inappropriate reactions and triggers based on being assaulted physically and emotionally as a young man, I took firearms and tactical training not to learn how to kill but rather to learn control methods to manage emotions and actions in threat situations. Also, I think caring for a mentally ill person helped with perspective on individual's actions and effects.

 

The downside I've noted is that, compared to prior, people simply don't matter to me as much anymore. I don't think that's bad or unhealthy necessarily, rather more balanced with how an average person behaves and feels.

 

The clearest long-term affect I note, now very transitory, is what I call 'the red tape', where certain threatening words or actions trigger an automatic process of threat assessment and disconnecting whatever humanity the person has from the actions I work out to neutralize the threat. I see the conscious process at work whenever such events occur. Having learned some control tricks from LEO's, I can see clearly that I'd never be able to do their job. I simply don't have the instinctive control a good LEO does. Without those early emotional and physical scars, perhaps. That's life.

[Zeurich]

Truly understand people can be so cruel even a little child of age 8. Once my daughter had a very good friend as she thought they were very close at school. She always pissed her off at school with saying nasty things. Once she invited whole class for her damn birthday but not my daughter she was really sad and when she asked her this little bitch said to my little girl" my mother said you are a ugly dark skinned child with a big ass so you are not invited " I felt till my back born the ugly cruel mind of that child and her mother who feed her with that nasty feeds about her friends. Since then I am not letting my daughter to be with her. And that little bitches mother tried just wipe her instead of letting her to apologize, so I got to realize that is the dirty mind of her mother what blown up at school. Not only that this little bitch thrown the lunch to the toilet, beaten my daughter while lunch hour, pulling her hair, total nasty girl.

[Amy_D]

IMO, each person can be affected differently. It depends on person, personality, socialization and type of bullying.

 

Myself, after getting my eyes opened in MC to some of my inappropriate reactions and triggers based on being assaulted physically and emotionally as a young man, I took firearms and tactical training not to learn how to kill but rather to learn control methods to manage emotions and actions in threat situations. Also, I think caring for a mentally ill person helped with perspective on individual's actions and effects.

 

The downside I've noted is that, compared to prior, people simply don't matter to me as much anymore. I don't think that's bad or unhealthy necessarily, rather more balanced with how an average person behaves and feels.

 

The clearest long-term affect I note, now very transitory, is what I call 'the red tape', where certain threatening words or actions trigger an automatic process of threat assessment and disconnecting whatever humanity the person has from the actions I work out to neutralize the threat. I see the conscious process at work whenever such events occur. Having learned some control tricks from LEO's, I can see clearly that I'd never be able to do their job. I simply don't have the instinctive control a good LEO does. Without those early emotional and physical scars, perhaps. That's life.

 

If you don't mind me asking who did the assaulting?

[Amy_D]

Truly understand people can be so cruel even a little child of age 8. Once my daughter had a very good friend as she thought they were very close at school. She always pissed her off at school with saying nasty things. Once she invited whole class for her damn birthday but not my daughter she was really sad and when she asked her this little bitch said to my little girl" my mother said you are a ugly dark skinned child with a big ass so you are not invited " I felt till my back born the ugly cruel mind of that child and her mother who feed her with that nasty feeds about her friends. Since then I am not letting my daughter to be with her. And that little bitches mother tried just wipe her instead of letting her to apologize, so I got to realize that is the dirty mind of her mother what blown up at school. Not only that this little bitch thrown the lunch to the toilet, beaten my daughter while lunch hour, pulling her hair, total nasty girl.

 

I'm sorry to hear about what is happening to your child. What is the school doing to protect your daughter?

[carhill]

If you don't mind me asking who did the assaulting?

Usually, known assailants, with a mix between resident children and school children. Occasionally, it might be unknown. I would say the general period of assaults began around age 8 or 9 and continued until around age 15 when I was playing contact football and learned how to physically hurt people so used those skills to hurt people who threatened me. Prior I was a 'turn the other cheek' person, socialized that way by parenting and religion.

 

I would say the most difficult part of the 'red tape' is separating out the emotional blows from the physical ones, since the early learning was the physical invariably followed the emotional. Nowadays, generally, people simply run their mouths and very few escalate to physical combat but I still fight the response process hardened during those early years. That said, I've managed to stay out of jail where things went sideways and haven't done physical damage to anyone in decades. I kind of view it like a person who drinks being in recovery. Today I'll process perceived threats and offenses in as peaceful manner as possible.

 

Sometimes, outside influences can assist. Today, it was spending some time talking to military veterans who had set up an informational tent outside the grocery store. Talking about their experiences and my dad's service in WW2 and the challenges veterans face puts other such interpersonal conflicts in perspective. Today was a good day.

[Amy_D]

Usually, known assailants, with a mix between resident children and school children. Occasionally, it might be unknown. I would say the general period of assaults began around age 8 or 9 and continued until around age 15 when I was playing contact football and learned how to physically hurt people so used those skills to hurt people who threatened me. Prior I was a 'turn the other cheek' person, socialized that way by parenting and religion.

 

I would say the most difficult part of the 'red tape' is separating out the emotional blows from the physical ones, since the early learning was the physical invariably followed the emotional. Nowadays, generally, people simply run their mouths and very few escalate to physical combat but I still fight the response process hardened during those early years. That said, I've managed to stay out of jail where things went sideways and haven't done physical damage to anyone in decades. I kind of view it like a person who drinks being in recovery. Today I'll process perceived threats and offenses in as peaceful manner as possible.

 

Sometimes, outside influences can assist. Today, it was spending some time talking to military veterans who had set up an informational tent outside the grocery store. Talking about their experiences and my dad's service in WW2 and the challenges veterans face puts other such interpersonal conflicts in perspective. Today was a good day.

 

I'm glad you had a good day that's important.

 

I'm sorry you experienced all those years of being hurt by others. Repeated abuse makes you angry. I'm sure once you learned how to physically hurt others you probably wanted to find those guys that beat you and torture them till they cried.Managing anger isn't easy. I'm learning to delete the past from my memories by not thinking about them. It helps. Sometimes I reminisce and I get worse so I try and catch myself. I don't look at childhood pictures and my mom is getting better at not talking about the past. The past is dead but I'm still trying to bury it.

[carhill]

I'm sure once you learned how to physically hurt others you probably wanted to find those guys that beat you and torture them till they cried.

 

Worse, and exactly why the recovery process is ongoing in life. I wanted them dead. I visualized that. Fortunately, strong socialization against the taking of life mitigated such responses from what I term 'the dark side'. I understand bullying is different for everyone and probably has changed markedly over the decades but my particular flavor of it was a group of boys physically beating up one target and leaving them in the dirt. Different times and 'boys being boys'. I hope children don't have to deal with that (physical injury) anymore. There's no reason that kind of behavior should be tolerated. Plenty of other bullying behaviors to go around though, even with that out of the equation.

 

What we saw in that convenience store video tape in Ferguson was the tip of the iceberg. It started with 'taking', then a physical threat, then a warning, then a pummeling. Had I been the store owner/employee, I'd have shot the kid dead in his tracks. That's the red tape. Terminate the threat. Accept the consequences. They'll never again hurt anyone, anymore, anywhere. I'm good with that.

[Amy_D]

Worse, and exactly why the recovery process is ongoing in life. I wanted them dead. I visualized that. Fortunately, strong socialization against the taking of life mitigated such responses from what I term 'the dark side'. I understand bullying is different for everyone and probably has changed markedly over the decades but my particular flavor of it was a group of boys physically beating up one target and leaving them in the dirt. Different times and 'boys being boys'. I hope children don't have to deal with that (physical injury) anymore. There's no reason that kind of behavior should be tolerated. Plenty of other bullying behaviors to go around though, even with that out of the equation.

 

What we saw in that convenience store video tape in Ferguson was the tip of the iceberg. It started with 'taking', then a physical threat, then a warning, then a pummeling. Had I been the store owner/employee, I'd have shot the kid dead in his tracks. That's the red tape. Terminate the threat. Accept the consequences. They'll never again hurt anyone, anymore, anywhere. I'm good with that.

 

I know what it feels like to want someone dead. I have a "I Wish You Were Dead List" that I try not to think about.

 

I was never really hit. I was pushed into a car one time but I wasn't hit.

 

This was in high school I was walking home from school, alone and two car loads of girls screeched in front of me. The one girl who spent her whole life trying to harm me sat in the car while some other girls got out. Two of the girls pushed me up against the car. I was terrified but I pushed back. I was ashamed not to. Then this beast of a girl pushed me into the car hard. I decided not pushing back again was probably a good idea. They told me I was giving the girl in the car dirty looks at school and if I continued to do so they would kill me. So I said "OK, I won't give her dirty looks." They got into the cars and drove away. I couldn't believe it.

 

In all the years of being bullied that was the most physical it ever got. However, the psychological abuse was huge. My mind made up stories of what they could do to me. I was lucky that I did have some tough friends in High School so I did get those girls back and one of the girls who pushed me up against the car apologized. But it wasn't a real apology, she just didn't realize that I had some bad ass friends who could harm her. She didn't even know me she was listening to the girl in the car.

 

I'm not too fond of the human race; as a whole they seem so barbaric and psychotic that I feel as if I wasn't meant to be human. I mean, I am human but I know there is a better way to live in this world and humans aren't doing it.

 

Peace is so easy. All people need to do is to keep greed in check and stop fighting. I'm not sure why they don't do that?

Edited August 21, 2014 by Amy_D

[Hope Shimmers]

Truly understand people can be so cruel even a little child of age 8. Once my daughter had a very good friend as she thought they were very close at school. She always pissed her off at school with saying nasty things. Once she invited whole class for her damn birthday but not my daughter she was really sad and when she asked her this little bitch said to my little girl" my mother said you are a ugly dark skinned child with a big ass so you are not invited " I felt till my back born the ugly cruel mind of that child and her mother who feed her with that nasty feeds about her friends. Since then I am not letting my daughter to be with her. And that little bitches mother tried just wipe her instead of letting her to apologize, so I got to realize that is the dirty mind of her mother what blown up at school. Not only that this little bitch thrown the lunch to the toilet, beaten my daughter while lunch hour, pulling her hair, total nasty girl.

 

I can totally understand how you feel - I would be in a rage too.

 

But in all honesty I think your focus should be on the girl's parents. They are the ones who created this kind of reaction and opinion in their daughter. But I don't know what I would do or say. That is a horrible situation for your child. I'm so sorry.

 

Schools are trying to do more about bullying these days but it still is a huge problem. I think it is the parents' job to raise their kids so that they are open-minded about people not exactly like themselves and so that they have compassion and empathy.

 

My daughter (who is 13 and just started back to middle school this year in a large school district) told me the other day that one of the girls in her literature class was diagnosed with leukemia this summer and spent all that time getting chemo. She came back to class wearing a knit cap and had no hair. My daughter said that several of the kids, when they saw her, thought it was funny to run up to her and pull her cap off in the hallway between classes.

 

That broke my heart so much that I could barely respond.

 

My daughter was upset about it. She told me that his girl said nothing to anyone because no one paid any attention to her (other than the cap-pulling thing in the hallway between classes). My daughter had never met her or talked to her before this (big school). I told my daughter when we were talking about it that anyone can get leukemia at any time, and to think about how she would feel if she lost all her hair because she got sick and had that happen to her. I just reminded her that it didn't change who this girl is as a person at all and that she has to be so lonely and none of it is her fault.

 

I told my daughter to treat her exactly how she treats everyone else (she's outgoing and friendly) and to make a point to say hi to her in class and be friendly. She was a little nervous ("what if I mention her cancer and she gets upset?") and I just said I'm sure it will be fine. Just treat her exactly like all your other friends or potential friends.

 

So my daughter approached her in class and said "hi" and they ended up being Facebook friends. They chatted online for a couple of hours last Friday night and this girl ended the conversation by saying "thank you. I luv you!"

 

I am very sensitive to people hurting, so this is a tough subject for me.

[Hope Shimmers]

That's the real world.

 

It shouldn't be.

[carhill]

So my daughter approached her in class and said "hi" and they ended up being Facebook friends. They chatted online for a couple of hours last Friday night and this girl ended the conversation by saying "thank you. I luv you!"

 

I am very sensitive to people hurting, so this is a tough subject for me.

 

I saw my first example of that very kind action of your daughter at around age 12-13, when out of nowhere came a young guy I never really knew before who made a quick mess out of the group of the day; that got my attention and I came to get to know him over time (he was a schoolmate) and found he came from a quite poor family and had faced a lot in life and knew how to fight and hurt but despised violence in others. I learned some fighting tricks from him but learned more about how a loving family can overcome a lot of challenges. That was the life lesson of that one experience which is easily remembered some 40+ years later. I can even easily remember his name, very Irish, all these years later, even though he and his family moved on after the school year and I never saw him again.

 

Plenty to be proud of in your daughter. Kudos to her.

[Haydn]

I was bullied at school, not as extreme as you. My dad was pretty old school and told me to step up. The results were mixed.......Yes on the whole bullies are cowards but how many people are afraid of a brave person or bully? Just my opinion.

[Hope Shimmers]

I saw my first example of that very kind action of your daughter at around age 12-13, when out of nowhere came a young guy I never really knew before who made a quick mess out of the group of the day; that got my attention and I came to get to know him over time (he was a schoolmate) and found he came from a quite poor family and had faced a lot in life and knew how to fight and hurt but despised violence in others. I learned some fighting tricks from him but learned more about how a loving family can overcome a lot of challenges. That was the life lesson of that one experience which is easily remembered some 40+ years later. I can even easily remember his name, very Irish, all these years later, even though he and his family moved on after the school year and I never saw him again.

 

I agree with you. Those kind of things stick with you and make a lasting impression. And they should.

 

Plenty to be proud of in your daughter. Kudos to her.

 

Thank you so much for saying that. I am very proud of her.

 

What should be is not nearly as important as what is.

 

I disagree. With that attitude, nothing would ever change. People would just accept the status quo. I believe things can improve, but not if you just stay stagnant and don't care if things don't ever get better.

 

From your post I got the impression that you were saying that "this is life, suck it up, get tough, and beat up the world if you have to". I'm glad you could do that, but not all kids have what it takes. Certainly a kid with leukemia shouldn't have to beat people up who hurt her. Maybe some people think that she shouldn't be hurt by that treatment, but I can't imagine being in middle school and having cancer and feeling totally alone, and having people humiliate you on top of it.

 

The number of teenage suicides due to bullying supports the fact that many kids just don't have what it takes to deal with the abuse. Also, not all kids have access to ways to learn how to "fight" (you were lucky there in that your parents gave you classes on self-defense), even if that's how they choose to deal with it.

 

To each his own.

[Hope Shimmers]

Yes. Some people take charge of their own life. Proactive. Some people wallow in victim hood....some type of need for attention whether destructive or not.

 

For whatever reason, some people lack social skills to deal with adversity. They suffer from the abuse...but also lack skills to deal with the abuse. Others have the skill and strength to lead healthy lives. My grandmother was a Holocaust survivor and had no patience for those with a victim mentality. Somehow she managed to be a wonderful kind competent person despite the hell she went through as a teenage girl.

 

So you are saying that people who are upset because they are bullied always lack social skills and "wallow in victimhood"? Wow.

 

I hope you never have a child who has been bullied.

[todreaminblue]

I was a bullied child at school and most of my teen years....it has changed me i would like to think positively....in the fact i help others....except for my own daughter......i taught her defense as she was being bullied ...quite severely.....she is four foot nine...and a wrecking ball now......

 

she took down a girl who was taunting her......teasing her ...much bigger than her.....didnt matter this girl has been bullying her and inciting others to bully my daughter..........i now have to go to a youth justice mediation and my daughter is up on charges ....serious ones......the only saving grace we have is she told the complete truth which i told her to accept the consequences of what she had done and admit all.....so the conviction wont be recorded ...she has to apologise to the bully in mediation...the bully continues to taunt my daughter with telling everyone she could smash her if she gets another chance...i will be bringing this up in the mediation.....

 

i taught my daughter to fight....because i never did.......and it hurt ......i wanted to protect my daughter from that hurt but i have now caused a whole different issue of......my daughter turning into a bully....i have protected her against others badly hurting her......but she is now able to badly hurt others.....i am torn in this regard.....

 

 

my daughter has now promised em to walk away from fights and people who incite her to fight...they think it is funny to see my daughter go off...because she goes off like a wrecking ball.....they find it amusing someone so small can drop others....i explained to my daughter that it isnt cool to fight...to hurt others....and i told my daughter the reason why i refuse to throw hits at people...i will only defend myself or others...i hate fighting.....

 

i have been on the receiving end too many times to not know what it feels like to be hit and it hurts every time.....until you go numb.....

 

some of the replies in this thread are disheartening.......it is not victim mentality ...i tis survivor mentality that has to deal with trauma caused by bullying...and you can be the strongest person in the world and still suffer damage to your psyche...as i said...disheartening....my daughter could have killed that girl ...she truly put her down....and then continued to make sure that she didnt get back up......honestly she could have killed her....survival 101 ....take out the legs then take out their head so they dont get back up....and that is what she did.....self defense is a fine line from becoming a bully yourself......i do not incite bullied children to hit back i used too...and i deal with the consequences of teaching my daughter to fight as does she.....discernement on when to walk away is key....deb

 

 

 

 

...... ..........

Edited August 22, 2014 by todreaminblue

[Anela]

I was bullied extensively as a child, and in recent years, as well. I don't recall ever wanting them dead, I just wanted it to stop.

 

It shouldn't be.

 

Agreed, it shouldn't be.

 

I moved a lot. New town. New school. Even twice new country.

 

Never bullied.

 

Perhaps some who were bullied and still claim to have effects from it were probably already maladjusted socially and would still be messed up even if not bullied.

 

 

This isn't true for me. I was a healthy, happy, confident child, before bullying.

[SpiralOut]

I was bullied by two older boys when I was in grade 2. It was quite pathetic when you stop to think about it. Nobody else bothered me except for these boys who thought it was funny to pick on a little girl.

 

 

I can't remember anybody bothering me past that age, not in school anyway. My own mother bullied me my entire life, which has affected me drastically. Nobody bothered me in highschool. Nobody bothered me in university. Now that I'm in the workplace, several women have bullied me. A couple of them still do.

 

 

Funny thing is that the two women who bullied me the most admitted to being unpopular in highschool. You would think they'd be compassionate. But nope. They treated me the same way that others had treated them. I don't think they saw anything wrong with it. Perhaps they saw me as one of their former tormentors.

[carhill]

I was bullied extensively as a child, and in recent years, as well. I don't recall ever wanting them dead, I just wanted it to stop.

 

No recent experiences, at least where I felt threatened; I think the combination of being beat up physically, and being threatened, and being a man (young man) had a lot to do with the 'want them dead' part. It's the same stuff which is tapped into to make men killers, like assassins or soldiers. A disconnect from ethical norms.

 

 

 

 

This isn't true for me. I was a healthy, happy, confident child, before bullying.

 

Yeah, same here. Wonderful early childhood with a stable home life and neighborhood. It was only in pre-adolescence that the issues began, probably dating back to 'being different' by wearing glasses and being demeaned about that and having them stripped off and broken. That wasn't too popular with my parents.

 

In the end, I compensated, at least until learning better fighting techniques, by hanging out with college kids and doing hobbies I enjoyed which my peers generally didn't, like science and chemistry stuff, re-integrating with peers in high school and having some solid friendships after that point (with young men).

 

IMO, the poster does have a point that, for some people who are bullied, they are perceived as 'different'. Different stands out and, for some people, it makes them uncomfortable and young people are still learning boundaries and relationships and treatment of their fellow humans. For some, being bullies is a part of that process. Fortunately, most survive to adulthood. There were some I interacted with who didn't, generally because their attitudes descended into the illegal. Unfortunate but that's how it goes. By that time I had matured beyond the 'want them dead' phase, at least day to day. The triggers were still there, IMO, but hidden by the everyday excitement of being a young person entering the bigger world.

[amaysngrace]

I struggle with understanding a victim mentality and don't really have a whole lot of patience to deal with it but I'm learning it a little bit because my daughter has been suicidal because of bullying.

 

I wish that she'd say something intelligent to bite them back into their places but she's not very confrontational so she takes it inward and wants to hurt herself instead.

 

She's had extensive counseling to try to acquire some tools that are necessary to be able to cope better in certain situations plus she had to learn to value herself more.

 

In some ways I do believe she attracted bullies into her life because she was easy prey. I'm not saying that she asked for it because nobody deserves to be bullied but she had been made to feel as though she did not matter by her dad and then my way of handling it by instructing her to kick some verbal ass only made her feel misunderstood and that I was blowing it off. She didn't feel like she mattered much to anyone and she ended up with friends who would eventually turn on her and stop caring.

 

Different people have different thresholds. I've learned that at least.

 

It's sad for a kid to be depressed and hate being alive. That's how bullying can make a person feel.

 

Hopefully my daughter will attract better quality people and won't tolerate being mistreated by anyone. Time will tell.

[writergal]

I was bullied in high school by a bottle blonde boob job who was on my football cheerleading squad with me. I was a theater nerd at heart and had no business being a cheerleader as I learned the hard way by being bullied by this one gal. My theater pals cried "mutiny!" when I jumped "ship" for tri-colored pom poms and a cheerleading uniform.

 

The one and only hair-pulling fight of my life with bottle blonde boob job happened after she locked me in my locker as a joke during most of my lunch hour until some students took pity on me and let me out. I was told where she was, and went to ask her what that was about and the next thing I know she's trying to suffocate me with her boobs when she jumped on top of me.

 

After several "fight!" "fight"! chants from gawking students, the next thing I know, the principal pulled us apart, marched us into his office, and made boob job apologize to me for the locker thing and me apologize to boob job for defending myself (yeah, I know, not fair). Boob job had previously invited me to a slumber party that same semester with other cheerleaders, and while I was asleep she put peanut butter in my hair and hand lotion all over my face -- not on any of the other girls. Not a nice person. They all thought it was funny and took pictures which I never saw but was told about.

 

My sister and her husband have done a great job preparing their kids for bullies, especially after my autistic nephew was bullied by normal kids during his time inside integrated classrooms. My sister was so upset that she pulled him from that school and has been home schooling him ever since. But her other two kids have healthy self esteem and are surrounded by good friends and know what to do if they get bullied. Plus, their school has a protocol for students and teachers to follow when bullying occurs and gets reported. Not that this kind of system will prevent bullies. Bullies will always exist unfortunately.

[Anela]

No recent experiences, at least where I felt threatened; I think the combination of being beat up physically, and being threatened, and being a man (young man) had a lot to do with the 'want them dead' part.

 

I was physically attacked by my sister, several times, both in childhood and over the past two years. I was also strangled by a man, as a child, and when I was in high school, a boy tried to set my hair on fire.

 

 

Yeah, same here. Wonderful early childhood with a stable home life and neighborhood. It was only in pre-adolescence that the issues began, probably dating back to 'being different' by wearing glasses and being demeaned about that and having them stripped off and broken. That wasn't too popular with my parents.

 

It started for me, with my grandmother, but really took off in school, also once I had to get glasses (mum thinks that was due to the stress from living with my grandmother- she had me stuttering). I had been happy to be able to see clearly again, until kids who had been nice to me, started to bother me because I looked different - I was suddenly inferior, and started to leave my glasses at home. My teacher caught onto that, and tried to make me feel better about them, and stop the teasing - she was a nice woman.

 

Occasionally, there were teachers who would do their own form of teasing/bullying. I thought they were supposed to be role models. One asked me if I was okay, after they realized I'd been crying - a big, tough guy, who was the PE teacher for the boys. I should have told him the truth, and said "no", but I didn't.

 

In the end, I compensated, at least until learning better fighting techniques, by hanging out with college kids and doing hobbies I enjoyed which my peers generally didn't, like science and chemistry stuff, re-integrating with peers in high school and having some solid friendships after that point (with young men).

 

IMO, the poster does have a point that, for some people who are bullied, they are perceived as 'different'. Different stands out and, for some people, it makes them uncomfortable and young people are still learning boundaries and relationships and treatment of their fellow humans. For some, being bullies is a part of that process. Fortunately, most survive to adulthood. There were some I interacted with who didn't, generally because their attitudes descended into the illegal. Unfortunate but that's how it goes. By that time I had matured beyond the 'want them dead' phase, at least day to day. The triggers were still there, IMO, but hidden by the everyday excitement of being a young person entering the bigger world.

 

It altered my socialization skills too much, so I became agoraphobic, until about eleven years ago. It was either that, or commit suicide, and when I finally begged mum not to make me go back, she supported my leaving. I kick myself for letting it go on so long - it wasn't so bad when I was in school, but when I was nineteen I'd started to come out of it, walking to the library in the small town we lived in, only to deal with taunting from a girl in the house opposite the one we lived in (in a tiny apartment). My anxiety attacks came back for months after we moved, even though our situation had improved.

 

I did feel bitterness over one girl, and the way she treated me. She just had too much fun at my expense, and five years ago, I became really upset after finding a facebook group that included the photos of girls who made the second school my nightmare. I couldn't believe how I felt, nineteen years after leaving them behind.

 

I can still be an easy target, but most people are good to me.

[SpiralOut]

Come to think of it, I did have a bully in highschool. We worked together at the theatre. He was such a tool that I didn't take anything he said seriously. Everybody liked me but him and he was such a dick to me that he would actually walk up to me and say what losers he thought my friends were. This was some freshman kid who tried way too hard to act cool.

 

Anyway, best moment? We worked with this 'cool' guy he kept trying to be friends with. Cool guys friend stopped by to say hello one night. Both me and the tool had plans to attend a school dance after work. He kept hinting at wanting a ride. They ignored him completely. I got changed and was about to leave when theyoffered me a ride. Tool just stood there gaping. Then he asked if he could come too. Then he insulted my lack of cleavage. LOL.

 

Anyway, bullies are always there, even if you're happy with yourself and not much of a target. I'm wondering now if he had some sort of crush on me. I mean commenting on my boobs? Seriously? Even girls never made fun of that.