LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Mind, Body & Soul > Abuse

i cheated on my husband and feel sick inside [update- apparent date rape]


Abuse Support for and discussion of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse.

Like Tree274Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 7th June 2014, 9:27 PM   #31
Established Member
 
sweet_pea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: The South
Posts: 805
Nofeelings, I don't know why it's so hard for you to believe that she was raped? Rape happens all the time (sadly) and it really isn't that big of a leap to believe that may have happened, given the details she's shared.
__________________
Never build your happiness off of someone else's pain.
sweet_pea is offline  
Old 7th June 2014, 9:28 PM   #32
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 438
Quote:
Originally Posted by janedoe67 View Post
I confess that because I have a modicum of self-control I have never been drunk enough to "black out," I suppose. I have a friend who was, and it was EXTREMELY obvious she was not in her right mind. EXTREMELY.

I confess my experience in heavy drinking, partying, and hooking up with random people I will never see again is very limited.

Yes, a series of bad choices were made here: the choice to go to an alcohol related girls night out, the choice to go to a stranger's house, the choice to do shots at a stranger's house. I have no idea when or if the choices became non-choices. I can admit that.

Neither do you. You have no idea what happened after the blackout either, so you cannot say for sure it was consensual...unless you your are highly experienced in "playing the odds" on consent, which is not necessarily something to be proud of.


Right. Agreed again, which is nice for the conversation or debate.

The point I'm making is none of you rape folks were there either. It was a rough night for the op. She is dealing with the fallout now. Why would you go and screw her up more by planting a false rape story in her head on top of everything else she is dealing with?

That's not fair. I wasn't there. Agreed. But hopefully, none of you were either.

Just because someone blacked out, and found evidence they hooked up, you can't scream rape. That's kind of nuts.

And i don't mean you janedoe. I'm saying that the way the whole thread stared by everyone crying rape was just wrong.

She doesn't need that on top of everything else...
nofeelings22 is offline  
Old 7th June 2014, 9:31 PM   #33
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 91
Well everybody thinks something strange has happened apart from the troll who thinks it's ok to have sex with someone who's that drunk they don't remember it the next day. Nobodies saying that blacking out means passing out, but someone who's blacking out drunk is CLEARLY very, very drunk. If you take advantage of someone in that situation you deserve the rape conviction that you will be given.
RoseMadder is offline  
Old 7th June 2014, 9:32 PM   #34
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,627
I do think an STD test is important, for you and your spouse.

Even if there was blurry consent from both of your, I doubt there was protection used.

I feel awful for you either way. I am not a man and have no idea how I would respond to this, but I would hope that the fact that you are so broken over it and do not remember would help your H have some compassion.
janedoe67 is offline  
Old 7th June 2014, 9:32 PM   #35
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,306
Quote:
Originally Posted by nofeelings22 View Post
Right. Agreed again, which is nice for the conversation or debate.

The point I'm making is none of you rape folks were there either. It was a rough night for the op. She is dealing with the fallout now. Why would you go and screw her up more by planting a false rape story in her head on top of everything else she is dealing with?

That's not fair. I wasn't there. Agreed. But hopefully, none of you were either.

Just because someone blacked out, and found evidence they hooked up, you can't scream rape. That's kind of nuts.

And i don't mean you janedoe. I'm saying that the way the whole thread stared by everyone crying rape was just wrong.

She doesn't need that on top of everything else...
No it wasn't. She was told to go get checked out and that it sounded like rape. Her entire first post focused on her thoughts that she had an AFFAIR. The replies were right on the money.

You're right, though - these posts are just screwing her up, so perhaps you can stop blaming her now that she has been advised to find out what really happened. Arguing about your lack of knowledge of the law is not the point of this thread. She needs support, not accusations and people to make light of what could be a very serious situation.
Hope Shimmers is offline  
Old 7th June 2014, 9:33 PM   #36
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 57,523
Quote:
Originally Posted by how could I View Post
i am feeling very afraid for my friends now because none of them have contacted me. there were four of us. i am going to go to the hospital now. i called my husband and asked him to take the kids to my mum's and to meet me there.

i feel like i will wake up at any moment. i wish i could. i texted my friends as soon as i read the drug thing but still no word. thanks you everybody for your help.
How good of friends are they? This is odd behaviour, not texting you back. Maybe I've watched too many Cop shows but it's like one of them set you up or were involved in this or your friends boyfriend.

Glad you contacted your husband. Hope all goes well and please post back when you can.
whichwayisup is offline  
Old 7th June 2014, 9:35 PM   #37
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 438
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweet_pea View Post
Nofeelings, I don't know why it's so hard for you to believe that she was raped? Rape happens all the time (sadly) and it really isn't that big of a leap to believe that may have happened, given the details she's shared.

Um,... because people go out every night and have the same experience?

You can't call drinking to blacking out, then finding evidence you left your friends and hooked up in the morning rape. That's crazy.

To do so is reckless. You are implicating her cohort on a very serious crime with absolutely zero evidence. Guilty until proven innocent? Mob Justice?

There is nothing about this account she wrote that suggests rape. She was with all of her friends.

Why create false accusations?

I mean I'm bored, on Loveshack and home alone too, but this is a serious real life crime. It should not be taken lightly.

Her "rapist" is probably telling the same story. She wasn't at a bar alone. She was with all her people.
nofeelings22 is offline  
Old 7th June 2014, 9:35 PM   #38
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,306
Quote:
Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
How good of friends are they? This is odd behaviour, not texting you back. Maybe I've watched too many Cop shows but it's like one of them set you up or were involved in this or your friends boyfriend.

Glad you contacted your husband. Hope all goes well and please post back when you can.
I agree. Something odd is going on. It's weird that they would not text you back.

Original poster - please let us know what happens. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Hope Shimmers is offline  
Old 7th June 2014, 9:35 PM   #39
Established Member
 
sweet_pea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: The South
Posts: 805
Op-- I'm sorry if my posts freaked you out/alarmed you. I am sure you are going through a lot right now but your initial post made me think that something very wrong happened. I hope that you go to the hospital and get checked out! Keep us updated.
sweet_pea is offline  
Old 7th June 2014, 9:37 PM   #40
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,306
Quote:
Originally Posted by nofeelings22 View Post
I mean I'm bored,
Clearly.

I notice you don't reply to my responses to you - very telling.
Hope Shimmers is offline  
Old 7th June 2014, 9:37 PM   #41
Established Member
 
excusememister's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
How good of friends are they? This is odd behaviour, not texting you back
I find this odd behaviour as well. Also, when me and my girlfriends go out, we NEVER leave, one without the other. We make a pact to arrive together and leave together. Hopefully your friends will get back with you soon and give you some insight as to what happened.

I'm sorry this happened to you and wish you well.
excusememister is offline  
Old 7th June 2014, 9:39 PM   #42
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 438
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope Shimmers View Post
No it wasn't. She was told to go get checked out and that it sounded like rape. Her entire first post focused on her thoughts that she had an AFFAIR. The replies were right on the money.

You're right, though - these posts are just screwing her up, so perhaps you can stop blaming her now that she has been advised to find out what really happened. Arguing about your lack of knowledge of the law is not the point of this thread. She needs support, not accusations and people to make light of what could be a very serious situation.

Exactly. I'm not sure, but she didn't mention her group of friends holding her down while they poured bottles of alcohol down her throat. Nor did she mention them paring her off and shoving her into bed with someone. If not her fault, whose fault is it?

What she needs is to remember this experience and not repeat it.

It was a life lesson.
nofeelings22 is offline  
Old 7th June 2014, 9:42 PM   #43
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 438
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope Shimmers View Post
Clearly.

I notice you don't reply to my responses to you - very telling.

There ya go. Just responded. I'm sure you are on here via your phone, throwing around rape accusations from a dinner at the White House,.,

We are all on here because we thought it eas a good way to spend some time.
nofeelings22 is offline  
Old 7th June 2014, 9:42 PM   #44
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,306
Quote:
Originally Posted by excusememister View Post
I find this odd behaviour as well. Also, when me and my girlfriends go out, we NEVER leave, one without the other. We make a pact to arrive together and leave together. Hopefully your friends will get back with you soon and give you some insight as to what happened.

I'm sorry this happened to you and wish you well.
That's a great point about the friends. It's scary how often this kind of thing can happen.

From a professional point of view I've had a lot of experience with people who have been fed this drug without their knowledge, and the OP's first post just exactly exemplifies what the effect is. I highly doubt that she had an alcoholic black-out. This drug is downright scary.
Hope Shimmers is offline  
Old 7th June 2014, 9:43 PM   #45
Unconfirmed Account
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,045
I am hesitant to suggest rape. It's possible, but it's also possible it wasn't.

It could quite simply be a case of getting too drunk, leaving with someone, unintentionally hooking up, and remembering none of it.


People get drunk and remember nothing quite frequently.


And people wake up in the morning feeling sick afterwards, frequently.


And people get drunk VERY quickly off of just a few shots, frequently.


Some people react strangely to certain alcohols or have a low tolerance.


I had a male friend in college who once got SO ungodly drunk and didn't remember any of the night. He called me up saying he was very drunk and needed a ride. I picked him up, he raised hell in my car, vomited in it, then got aggressive inside his apartment, raised hell throwing things, and finally peed on his computer before going to bed.


He remembered NOTHING. The last thing he remembered was taking shots with his buddies. He said he only had a few shots.


There's no way his buddies were randomly drugging him. He simply had a bad night and remembered none of it.


OP - going to the hospital to be sure there's nothing strange in your system may be a good idea just in case, especially if it'll help ease your mind. But don't get yourself too worked up worrying over what happened until you get more facts. Jumping to any conclusion just isn't good.
Phoe is offline  
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is it wrong to date if I feel nothing inside? (26M) DirgeInferno Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 4 16th June 2013 6:25 PM
Cheated on long distance boyfriend ... Feel sick :( Never ever again Long-Distance Relationships 9 15th August 2012 9:38 AM
UPDATE!!!!Husband cheated too many times/Unbelievable is it someone else??? confused woman23 Separation and Divorce 3 8th June 2011 1:40 PM
I feel so sick inside Hulme Dating 45 2nd November 2007 5:30 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 2:56 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.