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emotionally abusive relationship


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Old 19th December 2009, 5:07 PM   #31
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you are all SO HELPFUL!! i would never have been able to stay away as long as i have from him without all your advice and reccommended readings!! i do feel like i get stronger each day....anyone who is in a relationship like this does need to get out....my head even feels better...i don't get that "icky" feeling in my stomach every day......I just finished reading the book that was previously mentioned..."WHY DOES HE SO THAT?"..INSIDE THE MINDS OF ANGRY AND CONTROLLING MEN. it was so helpful! i recommended to anyone that is going through this....i got mine at BORDERS.COM if anyone is wondering......
staying stong!!!
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Old 19th December 2009, 5:11 PM   #32
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"you have just been given a huge gift by NOT ending up with him. his behavior looks like that of an alcoholic or an addict. such huge mood and emotional swings. it's a way of manipulating the truth - it's exhausting at best."

BTW.....he does drink a lot...and when he does he does cocaine....which he used MY money for....so.....on top of the emotional abuse..the drinking/drugs doesn't help his brain chemistry!!
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Old 19th December 2009, 5:13 PM   #33
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"you have just been given a huge gift by NOT ending up with him. his behavior looks like that of an alcoholic or an addict. such huge mood and emotional swings. it's a way of manipulating the truth - it's exhausting at best."

BTW.....he does drink a lot...and when he does he does cocaine....which he used MY money for....so.....on top of the emotional abuse..the drinking/drugs doesn't help his brain chemistry!!
i had a feeling... it's always obvious.

stay far, far away!!!!
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Old 20th December 2009, 2:48 PM   #34
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Here's another link to a helpful site. It also has several links within it.
(one-stop shopping, I guess....)

It sounds like you're getting a little stronger all the time. Keep that forward momentum going!!

http://stoptherollercoaster.blogspot.com/


*hugs*
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Old 20th December 2009, 3:24 PM   #35
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ugh!! weak moment...he invited me over for dinner...gut said no...i told him i don't think it is a good idea....then he said fine...don't talk to me ever again...i'll find someone else to have dinner with! geesh!! i know ....i will change number.....now he just left a vm sayihg never talk to me again...we are NOT friends we are NOTHING!!..have a nice life good bye......is is mad because i "turned him down"...whatever
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Old 20th December 2009, 6:13 PM   #36
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ugh!! weak moment...he invited me over for dinner...gut said no...i told him i don't think it is a good idea....then he said fine...don't talk to me ever again...i'll find someone else to have dinner with! geesh!! i know ....i will change number.....now he just left a vm sayihg never talk to me again...we are NOT friends we are NOTHING!!..have a nice life good bye......is is mad because i "turned him down"...whatever
block it- or just don't answer his calls! better yet - call him now and tell him "do not contact me again" this will give you your power back - making it perfectly clear to him where he stands. do not give in to his hissy fits and manipulations, which is also another form of control on his part.

you are inviting negative, nasty behavior to be around you every time you correspond with him, are you ready to stop now?
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Old 20th December 2009, 6:44 PM   #37
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I DID IT!!!
i changed my number.....a part of me feels bad, sad, mean for doing it...but the other part says its the right thing to do !!
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Old 20th December 2009, 7:45 PM   #38
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Congratulations Suzanne, well done!

I'd recommend getting plenty of contact with sane, supportive people in your life and coming online to talk about it all to your friends here as much as you need to. This way you will be filling the gap left by leaving his dramas behind with something healthier, and you won't be tempted to check in with him so much.

You can't really help him, in fact he's trying to shift his own responsibility for his life onto you IMO, and he's certainly not helping you, or bringing all the postive things into your life that a bf should bring.

You need to be strong, stay away from him and take care of yourself. Good luck, you can do it.
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Old 20th December 2009, 8:09 PM   #39
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thanks....this is hard..but "talking" to all of you on here is quite helpful. Everyone is giving me such helpful information....i check everyday for info/advice!!..thx again everyone. it does help to to know that i am not the only one that has/is going through this. and knowing that people that have gone through it already are so much better now!!...it gives me hope!!!
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Old 20th December 2009, 8:11 PM   #40
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anytime i feel like contacting him.....i read all of the messages on here over and over!!!
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Old 20th December 2009, 8:14 PM   #41
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I've been with a alcoholic for 4 yrs. My BF is now in recovery and doing well, but has many issues still to face like some emotional abuse and mind games.
What I've learned from AA and Al Anon is this is the mind of a sick person, so I stuck it out.
Had I been smart enough years ago, I would not have ever dated an addict
He's working hard on his recovery but it will take YEARS for him to get to any sort of normal behaviour.

It's a good thing you are not going back. Trust me, it's not pretty!

And you never said how he abused you?
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Old 20th December 2009, 8:48 PM   #42
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red devil....he did many things....mind games, his way or no way at all, does not accept any other opinion than his, twisted around things i said to make me think i was the one that was wrong or crazy, would sulk if i wanted to spend time with my family, hit me a couple of times, sex at HIS request only, said he would have my daughter killed or my sister hurt in a "mysterious" car accident....the list goes on and gives me a stomach ache when i think of it.....then the thing is is that after he said any of these things he would say how sorry he was he didn'tmean it...he loves me SO much ..he loves me more than anyone....i left him 7 times before i have left this last time.....in the course of 7 months....ugh!! but the times when he was nice...he was so nice...loving..and wonderful...i think thats why its so hard to leave...i keep hoping for the nice bf to be there all the time....

i've tried to stick it out....but in doing so i had lost myself...just doing anything and everything to please him and not him get angry or say mean things....everyday was exactly like "walking on egg shells"

Last edited by ssuzanness; 20th December 2009 at 8:51 PM..
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Old 20th December 2009, 8:52 PM   #43
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red devil....he did many things....mind games, his way or no way at all, does not accept any other opinion than his, twisted around things i said to make me think i was the one that was wrong or crazy, would sulk if i wanted to spend time with my family, hit me a couple of times, sex at HIS request only, said he would have my daughter killed or my sister hurt in a "mysterious" car accident....the list goes on and gives me a stomach ache when i think of it.....then the thing is is that after he said any of these things he would say how sorry he was he didn'tmean it...he loves me SO much ..he loves me more than anyone....i left him 7 times before i have left this last time.....in the course of 7 months....ugh!!
He's in pain, and needs to hit his bottom
Stay away and heal yourself.

The twisting things around is very scary and my BF does this as well, doesn't realize he's doing it, but he does and it's really scary!

I'm glad you decided to leave
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Old 20th December 2009, 9:06 PM   #44
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I DID IT!!!
i changed my number.....a part of me feels bad, sad, mean for doing it...but the other part says its the right thing to do !!
wooo hoooo!!! good going! freedom! freedom from all the negative, nasty manipulations! what a huge step for you... stay strong.

does it feel as though you have your power back? you took control and made a positive move in the forward direction!
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Old 20th December 2009, 11:16 PM   #45
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it's hard 2sunny...i sometimes feel like i want to text him...see how he is doing...and giving him my new number in case he needs anything....BUT i haven't....trying hard to stay strong!!!
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