Jump to content

My kids are claiming abuse.


tinktronik

Recommended Posts

tinktronik

This is so terrible. Last week my oldest came to me to tell that he was being smacked in he face and knocked down up to five times a day by their step-mom. He said my other boys were as well. He told me that he had told his grandma and that it kept happening and that he was scared. There was a lot more.

My middle boy said that it is going on for him as well and the same things and that it scares him and he goes and hides in his closet.

My youngest says the same , and did not know that it was not okay for her to smack them in the face and knock them down.

They told me it has been going on for years.

I am so heart broken.

Their Dad is still in Iraq and I emailed him with what the boys told me. He responded that our oldest is a liar, our middle and youngest don't know what they are talking about . That he thinks his wife pops them in the mouth sometimes repeatedly and sometimes knocks them to the floor but that is only because they jerk away or that it may be from a struggle.He went on to talk about what a saint his wife is and to tell me that I should be grateful to her for all the amazingly wonderful things she has done.

I was so disturbed by what the children told me , but made physically ill by their Dad's reaction.

I just don't even know .

I have begun the ball rolling ofcourse. But this just crushes me.

So I'm just sharing.

Link to post
Share on other sites

That sucks! What a mess to have to get into. I'd be out of my mind mad if someone was smacking my kids around like that.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
tinktronik
That sucks! What a mess to have to get into. I'd be out of my mind mad if someone was smacking my kids around like that.

My first response was anger. Uggh.

I do have to get into this mess though. I really sort of expected their Dad to take this somewhat seriously , but what I got back from him and with him never even talking to them about this . I was just dumbfounded.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, to at least try to be fair about it, he has no way of knowing what is going on. While you might have no reason to give her any credit, she is his wife. And it can't be an easy thing to admit that your wife is abusing your kids while you're away. Not until you see it.

 

I wouldn't say his response is the right one, but I can't imagine I'd necessarily buy into the accusations until I had some time to really see what was happening. From where he is that wouldn't be easy to do.

Link to post
Share on other sites
blind_otter

Oh I'm so sorry this is happening, Tink. :( I would also be crazy upset if I heard this was happening to my child. I hope everything works out without too many complications.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
tinktronik
Well, to at least try to be fair about it, he has no way of knowing what is going on. While you might have no reason to give her any credit, she is his wife. And it can't be an easy thing to admit that your wife is abusing your kids while you're away. Not until you see it.

 

I wouldn't say his response is the right one, but I can't imagine I'd necessarily buy into the accusations until I had some time to really see what was happening. From where he is that wouldn't be easy to do.

 

No , No , the kids are claiming that she has been abusing them all along , before he was gone. I understand that it is difficult for him . But it is not my job to give her benefit or credit , its not his either. He has physical custody because he took on the responsibility to put these children absolutely FIRST.

 

His email will lose him custody much more surely that the kids accusations. To demonize your own child claiming 86 times in one email that they are a liar, lie, exagerate, fib or tell tall tales continuously , something is wrong with your perspective of your child. This email was in response to my concern in what the kids had ALL told me separately and privately. This is a child that I have known to only lie to the extent any normal child would. He also opened the email claiming that he believes that this child and myself are working together to ruin his wife.

It is his job to protect his children and instead he is protecting his wife.This is why children are abused , adults downplay cover up and hide things for each other.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
tinktronik
Oh I'm so sorry this is happening, Tink. :( I would also be crazy upset if I heard this was happening to my child. I hope everything works out without too many complications.

 

I hope so too. I had somewhat expected to receive and email telling me that he would take he boys seriously , talk to them when he got home . ( I also wanted to add that this is not the first time that my son told an adult , he was not taken seriously , and punished for telling by step-mom / she old the adult it was just one time, will never ever happen again-- and has changed her story since the kids came to me).

If this had been a sitch where he believed hi8s children and agreed that stepmom needed classes or help, that is one thing. But thats not what he has done.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Tinktronik, have you called child protection services yet? I think this needs to be done. I understand the system is far from perfect. Still, in the few situations I know in which CPS was called in, the abuse at least slowed down because the parents knew someone was watching, so to speak.

Link to post
Share on other sites
littlekitty

My goodness Tink. :eek::mad::(

 

One good thing is that at least now you know and can take action. I take it that it was their fathers mother they told? Even so I can't believe the women didn't think to take some sort of action.

 

Stricking a child in that manner is quite clearly child abuse. It sickens me to think of it, let alone what it must be doing to you. :(

 

I hope things move quickly for your sake and they boys.

Link to post
Share on other sites
he believes that this child and myself are working together to ruin his wife.

It is his job to protect his children and instead he is protecting his wife.This is why children are abused , adults downplay cover up and hide things for each other.

 

Oh Tink, so sorry to hear about this.

 

To believe that his child is conspiring against his wife is pretty worrying.

children aren't that manipulative or vindictive.

And if people they trust won't listen to them or believe them when they are worried about something, that can cause longterm damage. (Not you, your exH)

 

Do the kids live with her? I would seek professional advice on how to approach this situation, if you confront her, her treatment of the kids may get worse.

 

You need backup from another adult, and clearly the kids dad isn't going to fulfil that role.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
tinktronik
Tinktronik, have you called child protection services yet? I think this needs to be done. I understand the system is far from perfect. Still, in the few situations I know in which CPS was called in, the abuse at least slowed down because the parents knew someone was watching, so to speak.
Yes, I made the decision to call after the other adults began making excuses and backing step-mom. I have also retained an attorney to get me in front of a judge double-time.

My boys are currently in my home and in no danger.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
tinktronik
My goodness Tink. :eek::mad::(

 

One good thing is that at least now you know and can take action. I take it that it was their fathers mother they told? Even so I can't believe the women didn't think to take some sort of action.

 

Stricking a child in that manner is quite clearly child abuse. It sickens me to think of it, let alone what it must be doing to you. :(

 

I hope things move quickly for your sake and they boys.

Yes it was their father's mother. She claims she did not know the extent, but my son said he told her everything.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
tinktronik
Oh Tink, so sorry to hear about this.

 

To believe that his child is conspiring against his wife is pretty worrying.

children aren't that manipulative or vindictive.

And if people they trust won't listen to them or believe them when they are worried about something, that can cause longterm damage. (Not you, your exH)

 

Do the kids live with her? I would seek professional advice on how to approach this situation, if you confront her, her treatment of the kids may get worse.

 

You need backup from another adult, and clearly the kids dad isn't going to fulfil that role.

I have not confronted the step-mom, have not spoken to her at all . I have found another adult to back me up, one with a degree in law.

Thank you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
littlekitty

Glad the boys are safely with you Tink.

 

I can't believe that their Grandmother didn't take action. :mad:

 

I hope CPS pull their finger out and do the right thing. From what I've heard they're usually pretty quick to action these types of things.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I have not confronted the step-mom, have not spoken to her at all . I have found another adult to back me up, one with a degree in law.

Thank you.

 

Good. I don't know about you, but I would find it difficult not to lose it somewhat if I had to speak to the stepmom, so the less contact with her the better.

 

Glad the boys are safely with you Tink.

 

I can't believe that their Grandmother didn't take action. :mad:

 

I hope CPS pull their finger out and do the right thing. From what I've heard they're usually pretty quick to action these types of things.

 

I am glad they are with you too. Hopefully you can get some quick resolution as LK says. I wish you the best of luck with that.

 

Its such a shame- at least you are taking your children seriously and taking the appropriate action, which is more than can be said for their father, absent or not.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Trialbyfire

I can't believe that family won't interfere. Child abuse is sickening. I'm so glad that your boys spoke up to you and that you have legal backing. I sincerely hope you get full custody. Poor little mites. :(

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry but if she's the main care-giver to your children and not your H then they should be with YOU.

 

A long time ago I had a spat (what else is new?) with AC on this subject. No matter how much you love your step-kids (and she doesn't even sound like she does) you're never going to feel about them as you would for your own child(ren). Never.

 

Do you agree with me now that you have your own, AC? Is it the same as what you felt for your stepdaughter? Doubtful.

 

Sorry to go a little off-topic there Tink but I mention this only because no one is going to love them and take care of them like their own mother or father. Unless one or both parents is physically or mentally (for whatever reason) incapacitated and can't, NO ONE will give them the love that they deserve. Especially not a step-parent who has to deal with them day in and day out.

 

Trust me. I consider myself a loving person and still, it's nowhere near the same depth of feeling. When you lose patience with your biological child, you may WANT to hurt them but most of us just don't.

 

Get someone who is not completely in control and who is responsible for taking care of someone else's kids, and it could be bad news as it is in this case. She may harbor real resentment about having this huge responsibility.

 

They should be with you. And I hope you win your case, Tink.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm sorry but if she's the main care-giver to your children and not your H then they should be with YOU.

 

Well,

 

Tink probably doesn't want to have them either.

 

As she said: He has physical custody because he took on the responsibility to put these children absolutely FIRST.

 

I mean, aren't the kids first no matter who has them?

 

She probably has them today because it's a long weekend, but Monday comes and I doubt she'd want to have the responsiblilty and just "work out a deal" with the stepmom that she is not going to me mean.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Well,

 

Tink probably doesn't want to have them either.

 

As she said: He has physical custody because he took on the responsibility to put these children absolutely FIRST.

 

I mean, aren't the kids first no matter who has them?

 

She probably has them today because it's a long weekend, but Monday comes and I doubt she'd want to have the responsiblilty and just "work out a deal" with the stepmom that she is not going to me mean.

 

OUCH, Ariadne! You're jumping to a lot of conclusions there.

Link to post
Share on other sites
OUCH, Ariadne! You're jumping to a lot of conclusions there.

 

Well,

 

She also said: I had somewhat expected to receive and email telling me that he would take he boys seriously , talk to them when he got home .

 

Like that's the solution. Stop doing that to them!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
tinktronik
Well,

 

Tink probably doesn't want to have them either.

 

As she said: He has physical custody because he took on the responsibility to put these children absolutely FIRST.

 

I mean, aren't the kids first no matter who has them?

 

She probably has them today because it's a long weekend, but Monday comes and I doubt she'd want to have the responsiblilty and just "work out a deal" with the stepmom that she is not going to me mean.

 

Like I have said before. You are mentally ill.My children have been with me since their dad went overseas. MONTHS and MONTHS ago. My child just worked up the courage to tell me. Dad has primary custody and I have secondary we live half way across the country from each other and dad moves due to military transfers about every six months. To say I don't want my kids is ignorant , something said by someone who has not looked back into the sitch . Check your facts before you make a call like this one.

I have never worked out any deal with anyone else to take on the responsibility of my children.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
tinktronik
Well,

 

She also said: I had somewhat expected to receive and email telling me that he would take he boys seriously , talk to them when he got home .

 

Like that's the solution. Stop doing that to them!

 

No kidding that is not a solution. This is the very least I expected , obviously he should in the very least take them seriously and not decide they are lying before you have ever spoken to them about it.

 

Also you took two quotes and mushed them together.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
tinktronik
If their dad is in Iraq why are they staying with their stepmom rather than their mom?

 

They are with ME.

 

I will add a few things here. I was not told dad was going to iraq. I made my bi-daily phone calls talked to the kids . dad and I don't talk often, step-mom and I don't talk often. No one bothered to tell me he was gone. Then about a month into his deployment one of the kids told me. I went and got them.

Link to post
Share on other sites
freckles3131

I haven't seen anyone suggest that you get the kids in some therapy.

What has been happening is very damaging and could potentially effect them for the rest of their lives. Get them some help before it's life altering.

Plus, they will have an outlet and neutral party to talk to about all of this and on top of it the reprecussions of what the stepmom did to them and how awful it was to them, will come from a "professional" when the time comes for you to go into court. You will have a "professional opinion" to back you up. Plus it will show that you do have the children's welfare as your priority because you have them in some sort of therapy.

As a child that was abused from age 5 to 11, I wish my mom had insisted I get some therapy at a young age...I didn't go to therapy until I was almost age 30 and it helped so much for me to have a better sense of self worth and self esteem. (which I was lacking all through my youth and made very poor life choices because of it)

Thank goodness you believe them! Too many parent's that don't....

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...