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Touched by my grandfather, beaten by my big brother and dad, raped by a drunk etc...


Abuse Support for and discussion of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse.

Old 6th February 2008, 2:49 AM   #1
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Unhappy Touched by my grandfather, beaten by my big brother and dad, raped by a drunk etc...

Since I was little, I have always been physically abused by my dad, then my big brother who is 18 started physically abusing me when I was about 10 or 11. I am nearly 14 now. When I was about 9 or 10 my grandfather touched me like five times then he moved out of our house. I was paralysed when he touched me down there. I was frozen and couldnt move or speak, then finally I tried to turn around with wide open eyes. Is he still wrong when I didnt make him stop. Is this sexual abuse? I definately try stop my big brother and dad though, sometimes I grab objects to defend myself. But it never works. Only a knife does and that makes them even more angry and violent. I just do small things like not go to bed when they tell me to or try to stand up for myself when they say mean things.

The month I turned 13 I got lead to a dark place and this drunk random who was about 20 something had sex with me. Again, I was paralysed and scared, once I asked him to get off me but he kept going, it really hurt and I bled a little bit. Then finally he fell asleep on top of me, I couldnt move for like 5 minutes, I was really upset and was crying. I pushed him off and ran away.

My mum sometimes is calling me names like slut, whore etc. and tells me to not wear so much makeup and change my clothes. Once, I was going to the beach to see my friends. I was dressed in some short shorts, cardigan and bikini top, she yelled at me for about an hour telling me to stop acting like a slut etc. and wouldnt let me go see my friends, she knew I was going to the beach. She always makes me cry and accuses me of doing things I dont do. Now she is following me everywhere I go and wont let me do a thing with my friends apart from going to school. She is ruining my social life and I am really really upset. Is this classified as abuse?

From year 4 to year 8 I was bullied at school because I told my so-called friends about what happened to me, 90% of them didnt believe me and called me names and things. I had no friends and cried almost everyday. Now I am a year 9 and there are still rumours going around about me. People I dont even know come up to me and ask me sick questions or they say hey boiana to me, I ask them how they know my name, and they say everybody is talking about me.

When I was a year 7 to 8, I used to cut and got so depressed, I got bullied even more. I started having sex with guys alot and sleeping around and I always felt dirty afterwards and would break down crying. I am most likely to be pregnant now and I dont know what the hell to do.

I told the police once, they said "go to the authorities" and walked off, I was so angry then and didnt tell anybody else again. I dont trust anymore adults and stuff. I dont know anything about the authorities etc.

I live in New Zealand, north island. Please give me advice and help me, I really have nothing to live for!!!!
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Old 6th February 2008, 3:49 AM   #2
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I don't know anything about laws in New Zealand but I googled and found this website http://www.sexualabuse.co.nz/ with a lot of information and resources. You should check that out and try to contact someone there for some advice if someone else doesn't post a more helpful tip here.

Everyone you've mentioned is abusing you and you desperately need to get some help.

You say you cannot trust any adults. Do you have a teacher or mentor that you trust? If you do, you could go to them for help.

Where I am, if a teacher knows of abuse, they are required to report it to the proper authorities. I know growing up I always had at least one teacher I could trust. I hope you have that.

I'm sorry I can't help more. *hugs*
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Old 6th February 2008, 3:55 AM   #3
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Nevermind, use the site Sera posted.
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Last edited by Citizen Erased; 6th February 2008 at 3:58 AM..
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Old 6th February 2008, 4:17 AM   #4
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Hi, there are many helpful sources that can help you I believe. did you talk to your school's conselor? I emailed one New Zealand youth ministry, to ask if they can help you. maybe soon they will give me some information about that. there are good authorities

here is a phone number they offer advises and detailed help if you call them: (09)522 2999
a useful link http://www.headspace.org.nz/family-w...tting-help.htm

There are lots of things worth live for. Now it is difficult, but you will overcome this. hang in there
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Last edited by Lovelybird; 6th February 2008 at 4:20 AM..
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Old 17th February 2008, 2:34 PM   #5
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I am sooooo sorry for everything that you have gone through and are going through!

You need a lot of courage right now to get OUT of this. But you can. Your greatest weapon is to NOT stay silent.

Tell someone. But don't stay silent. Keep telling. Tell a trusted teacher, tell a counselor, tell whoever you can and keep telling. Do not be afraid. People will threaten you to stay silent, but do not listen to them. You have got to speak up. Call one of those help numbers. Try a search on the internet for one. But tell and keep telling until you find the RIGHT person who will help you and listen.

Just do not stay silent! Stay strong and keep speaking out. You cannot get out of this alone - you need to keep telling until you find the right person to help you.

Please be strong, you can do this!
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Old 17th February 2008, 4:55 PM   #6
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BOiiana--

If this is you. I'm glad that you have come back--

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t134476

How is counseling going for you?
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