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My Story...


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My Story...

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Posted 26th December 2007 at 12:40 PM by Micke81

Well, here it is. I've told portions before, but I don't really have questions anymore; besides most of the people who responded seem to think that my husband and I are morally corrupt. I still have a need to tell the story though. I don't have friends that I can tell, so this will be my outlet.

It starts in June 2007...I went overseas for 5 weeks for work. While I was there I met a man who I found extremely attractive, both physically and mentally. Because my husband and I have/had such great communication skills, there was no problem telling him about this guy. After much talking, I decide to have a summer fling with this other guy with my husbands full knowledge and consent. It was amazing.

After the 5 weeks was up, we parted ways. By this time I had told him that I loved him. I also told him I loved my husband. I was confused but confident in my marriage. I met up with my husband in yet another country for a weeks vacation. It was weird. The sex wasn't very good, but I was willing. Afterall, he's my husband. I just couldn't stop thinking about this other guy. For simplicity, lets call my husband Bob and this other guy John. Definitely not real names. That was in August 2007.

John and I kept in touch via online chatting over the next few months. He started dating someone and then broke up with them. Then he made plans to come to the US for 3 weeks. He came right before Thanksgiving. He and I spent a week together (again with my husbands knowledge and consent) in another city. This time there weren't people around who knew us, so we really got to act like a couple. It was so amazing and passionate. Then one week later he came to my town, and now you will all gasp with horror, he stayed in my house with my husband and I. He came for business. He and I went to work together everyday, pretending that we were just friends. It was terrible for him, he barely slept at all as he would lie awake and listen to any movement that came from the bedroom with me and my husband. He was in tears on almost a daily basis. But it was too late to get him a hotel room as all our colleges knew he was staying at my home, and would find it very very strange that he suddenly went to a hotel. John and I did have sex during this week, but Bob and I did not. I did give Bob one bj, but that was all. Then I took John to the airport, and now is when I start to think I'm going insane.


Passion is something my husband and I don't have. I feel like I've married my best friend.
Before John, the sex was okay at best. Now, I recoil at his touch. Since Thanksgiving, I've only had intercourse with Bob 5 times. This is significantly less than what I had with John during our Thanksgiving vacation.

Now I'm torn...so torn. I've told my husband my feelings. I do love my husband...but I'm not so sure that it is romantic love. Not anymore. Bob is an amazing man, and I will defend that to the end. He's kind, compassionate, loyal, funny, and patient. He trusted our connection to be stronger than this...he still does. Clearly we were stupid to allow John into this marriage...but that is already done. I feel like I'm dying inside. I recoil at Bob's touch.

One minute I think that I can't stand it anymore and am looking up plane tickets...the next I think that it will eventually be fine, I've just got to stick it out.

I've done lots of the research on what it would take to join John, and it would be extremely difficult. Because of the nature of our careers, I'd basically be shooting mine in the foot. Not to mention my family and Bob's family's reactions. And of course, hurting and losing Bob.

John and I originally decided on no contact, but that lasted only 24 hrs. He was so upset at the airport I had to know how he was doing. I've set it up so that I only respond to him, but he still send me messages on a slightly regular basis.

I know we should stop that, but I don't have the will power. Bob won't even insist on it. I think it would be easier if Bob would show some backbone...it's strange but I don't know how he can be handling this so well. I asked him what he would do if I did actually leave. His answer was, "I'd be lonely. Probably mope around the house." His answer makes me think of how little passion there is between us. We are best friends, of that there is no doubt, but he'd be lonely...that's it? Guess I was hoping the thought of losing me would bring out some sort of passion, even if it was anger...something. I feel so numb.

I know this is long, but it is helpful for me to get this off my chest.
victimsoflove likes this.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    PlacidityLove's Avatar
    Interesting senerio, first and foremost it is obvious to say the least your husband and you have an open relationship and with that being the question, why?
    Secondly, how long have your husband and yourself been together? The reason why I ask me personally I could not imagine being married yet having a open dating relationship, interesting enough, I see no use in it all together. However to each there own. At any rate what make your husband and you stay together- is it only due to being lonely? SInce it is obviously you two are very secure within your open relationship I guess i should not even asks the questions I just did, but it is out there now. Question? what do you want to come out of this relationship if any with John? do you love him? If so, one in a one-on-one do you think the fling will stop. I say this becasue it is fun to sneak around or simply be with someone that is not fully your-I guess- however this numbness you have in regards to Bob, why do you think this is the case? Most importantly and soforth do you really think things will get better between Bob and yourself? I know you mentioned you love him, but do you really? I would like for you to ponder on the questions I just posed here, and truly seek the truth. At the end of the day it is about your happiness, regardless who it hurt. I do not think that noone should be married out of convenience or obligation. However again to each there own. Hey these are not judgements. I am just an realist.
    Posted 24th April 2008 at 2:14 PM by PlacidityLove PlacidityLove is offline
  2. Old Comment
    In the last 4 months so much has changed, and yet nothing has. I don't know the answers to your questions, but I have been pondering them. Maybe if I knew the answers it would all be easy. There are some recent updates, so maybe I will post.
    Posted 25th April 2008 at 12:15 AM by Micke81 Micke81 is offline
  3. Old Comment
    victimsoflove's Avatar
    Hi. I think the relationship u have with Bob is a soulmate relationship. You are like bestfriends and that's what best friends do, set you free and make u happy.

    Then u met John and u were attracted to him physically and mentally. We don't meet people by accident. They were meant to cross our path. Because we probably have unresolved issues from a past life with them or because we need to learn a lesson from them. That's why the attraction is so strong.

    Maybe John is a deeper soulmate than Bob. Bob doesn't have an issue with letting you go. He loves himself and not afraid to lose anyone in his life. Yes, he will be lonely because of the memories u had together, but he loves you too and letting you be free to choose for yourself would make him happy too. that's true love i think.

    I suggest you read about karmic relationship, soulmate relationship, and twin flame relationship and see which kind they belong.

    Good luck!
    Posted 28th September 2016 at 1:32 AM by victimsoflove victimsoflove is offline
  4. Old Comment
    I once read an account similar to this one in another forum( unrelated to this one) and all I can say is that your husband Bob is what is known as a cuckold. He is what is termed a beta male and such people abdicate their masculinity in favour of more dominating males who assert their masculine superiority over other males including wives of other males who do not assert their masculinity to protect their relationship with their wives.
    The way I see it is that you should ask ( assuming you have not already done so considering that I am responding to events which occurred in 2007) for an amicable divorce from your husband Bob and then marry your new boyfriend(I guess old by now) and settle down to a happily ever after life with him. If you have already done so then my advice is redundant although as a sequel I would say that such unions don't last and if it has'nt happened yet then it is likely to happen in the future, that you will find that all is not so hunky dory in your new relationship and you will yearn for the old relationship you had with Bob. What happens next only you can tell us.

    Will be happy for an update if you do happen to read my comments. Cheers.
    Posted 12th October 2016 at 1:52 PM by Just a Guy Just a Guy is offline
  5. Old Comment
    I just thought i should share this with everyone, the fact about life is that everyone will face one or two challenges which define them .its either you overcome it or you it overthrow you.18 years ago i had divorce with my husband, he left me for another woman who i never thought could be. i was so down and devastated that i was pissed with my life itself. it was the end of the world i thought because so much i tried to bring my husband back was to no avail, i could not help it that i had to try more and more years trying to bring him back. He would not answer my phone not even talk of wanting to see. we had two child that was left for me to take care of them, it was hell for. tried to be in another relationship since then but it wont work out because my heart is with him and i still love him so much. even thinking of the kids we shared that was left to me. four years of trying i could still not make him come back. so i left him for good i suppose believing that if you love something you set it free, if it comes back its yours and if it never comes back then it was never yours. so that was how i have lived since then, lonely and heartbroken. but i fight it all through if not for anything but for my kids. Last year my son, who is now 32 had strokes and met a man who happens to be a herbalist, who cures him and he was able to lift and use his right arm and leg again. it was indeed a miracle to us. i was trying to say thanks to this man and give some gifts for the good work he has done for us to show my appreciation. he was very happy and would collect it from me. we became a very good friend in the long run and i had to talk him what my life was all about. i told him about my husband leaving me for another woman and abadoning the kids for me alone to take the burden and work has not been really fine. So is this man ask me ..
    'Do you Still love the man?"..i could not say no because i still love him and he said if i wish him back in life he will surely get him back for me. I asked how is that going to be possible but he promised me if i believe i will surely get my husband back. I believe him and follow all his instructions. to my surprise my husband call wakes me up the following week asking for permission to speak with and will like to say some things to me that even though i dont want to him back as husband but he would like to be a very good friend. i was shocked and could not believe what happened. we got together and work things out and now we live happily together again with out kids. and our son is getting married come this december 9th. it was such a wonderful story i love to share with you people. i know there are some people out there like who is willing to straight things in their life. i can only say one thing that if you would believe what you have lost can still come back to you. then i would want you to get in contact with the man who has helped me also.

    His name Ifatona Ikusaanu..
    email - ifaworldoflife@gmail.com
    and number to get in contact with him are .......+1 386 444 2009 or +2348141756652,
    Goodluck to you. i wish you happiness as mine.

    Regards
    Halina Snudling.
    Posted 18th November 2016 at 12:13 PM by maria09 maria09 is offline
 

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