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Policy on individual and group bashing/berating.


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Old 8th March 2017, 8:02 PM   #61
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Specific phrase question

Feel free to merge this into the individual/group berating policy thread, which detoured into a very enlightening discussion of how we use language in this forum. The standards for acceptable discourse here have changed over time, which is wonderful; I have fallen afoul of the rules a few times and appreciate the moderators' dedication to making this a supportive place. It's also made me a more considerate person online in general.

In the spirit of limiting language that offends or harms others, could we please nix all instances of the phrase "emotional tampon"? It's appallingly vulgar and doesn't add anything of substance. It's almost always used in discussions of the "friendszone" (itself a subject that lends itself to pretty negative speech). My biggest complaint is the incredibly misogynistic implocations: namely, that a woman's feelings are akin to menstrual waste.

Thanks for your time and for cultivating such an unexpectedly great corner of the internet.
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Old 8th March 2017, 9:01 PM   #62
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I like this discussion. Whilst we go down this road, can we please fix all instances of "FWB" as I find that vulgar. It downgrades sex to that of a mere token 'benefit'. The effect of this discursive practice cheapens sex, downgrading it from a deep and shared act of trust and love, to nothing more than an inconvenient itch to be scratched. It is yet another tasteless reminder of how ugly contemporary culture is becoming. I feel that framing sex this way (through the phrase of FWB) dehumanises human beings to that of passive receptors to their biological urges, and it triggers uncomfortable feelings in me witnessing this behaviour. To enable dehumanisation is to dehumanise oneself, and I feel this should be prevented in the order of upholding values.
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Old 9th March 2017, 4:24 AM   #63
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This board already redacts posts that smear any one group or aren't constructive to the conversation. If I called someone a fat jerk or implied that all men are losers, that would be edited, and rightly so.

This isn't about "triggers" or refusing to discuss phenomena that exist. This is about having civil conversations and not using degrading language in the process.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 9th March 2017 at 7:42 AM..
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Old 9th March 2017, 7:36 AM   #64
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I'll merge this for discussion on the Group berating thread.

The policy is not all inclusive so if something is being used in a crude or disrespectful way then by all means report it as seen. While I do searches for some of the more common berating terms when I get a chance, I can't catch them all.

If it does not fall under Individual/Group berating, "Emotional tampon" and other such vulgar phrases that are obviously designed to shock, disgust, or otherwise illicit a negative reaction would be considered under Language and decency or Civility and respect depending on how it is used. I will agree that there are much classier ways to get that idea across especially if it is being directed at another poster.

FWB......, Friends With Benefits degrades sex to a benefit??? Who knew? I wouldn't suggest sending many alerts for that one. Thanks for the chuckle though. ~T
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Old 9th March 2017, 10:59 AM   #65
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Respectfully to everyone - Where do we draw the line? I get that some words are offensive, or are triggers for some but (most) are adults on this site and should be able to handle seeing stuff. I would hate to see that topics can't be discussed at all because it's offensive. Or if someone posted a thread that was upsetting and someone complained about it asking it to be deleted. Censorship can only go so far! And that includes terms and phrases.

FWB IS a term and a thing people choose to do. That's not offensive, it's a choice between two people who want to have casual sex and are okay with it.
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Old 9th March 2017, 6:08 PM   #66
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I'd vote against FWB being included as berating language. However, my vote is one of six. Majority rules here.

Since this policy has been in place for nearly two years now, and mainly in response to complaints from women about how women were being bashed and berated on this site with language, I trust that women are happy that such language is now either gone or sanctioned. If they aren't, not a problem. Big internet, lots of discussion forums to enjoy other than LoveShack.org. Part of being an adult is following rules. As Paul so clearly shares, this is his home and members are guests and his rules govern. He's away right now so the caretakers manage it for him. Hopefully he'll return someday with further guidance.
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Old 9th March 2017, 7:10 PM   #67
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Quote:
Originally Posted by William View Post
I'd vote against FWB being included as berating language. However, my vote is one of six. Majority rules here.

Since this policy has been in place for nearly two years now, and mainly in response to complaints from women about how women were being bashed and berated on this site with language, I trust that women are happy that such language is now either gone or sanctioned. If they aren't, not a problem. Big internet, lots of discussion forums to enjoy other than LoveShack.org. Part of being an adult is following rules. As Paul so clearly shares, this is his home and members are guests and his rules govern. He's away right now so the caretakers manage it for him. Hopefully he'll return someday with further guidance.
I feel a pang of hurt every time I see a woman referred to as a 'chick'. I feel it is disrespectful to women, and the effect of constructing women this way through language implies weakness, defenselessness, and dependency, ultimately rendering women powerless. Can we consider changing that please, because I feel it is a form of passive berating. Women are not animals.
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Old 10th March 2017, 7:07 AM   #68
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I personally have never thought of the term "chick" as being anything more then a slang term and have never attached any sort of degrading meaning behind it like you describe. Like "dude" for a guy.

As Original William stated, my vote is only one of six. This thread is all about discussing what should be included or excluded in the policy so we'll let other members weigh in on how they feel about it as well as getting the opinion of our female mods if they happen to see this.

I will say that "chick" while not prohibited by itself is regularly removed when used in a derogatory context "side chick" is the one that most readily comes to mind.

We are in no way looking to remove anything and everything that may be taken as offensive. In proper context pretty much anything can fall under that description if you try hard enough. What this policy is looking to target are those terms that are obviously designed to do harm or illicit a negative response in those reading it. ~T

Last edited by William; 10th March 2017 at 7:13 AM..
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Old 10th March 2017, 7:37 AM   #69
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Don't worry about it. The member expressing their hurt and concern was sanctioned for the use of the word 'bitch' so their sensitivity is not a factor. To them, I'd suggest they move on and not test moderation.
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Old 10th March 2017, 8:24 AM   #70
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Don't worry about it. The member expressing their hurt and concern was sanctioned for the use of the word 'bitch' so their sensitivity is not a factor. To them, I'd suggest they move on and not test moderation.

That sanction was nearly 1 year ago, and was delivered privately. I'd like to remind you of one other policy this forum has in place.





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I think I may need to contact a moderator about this.

oh.....
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Old 10th March 2017, 9:16 AM   #71
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Actually, you'd probably better contact the site owner. Moderation answers to him. I'd love to hear his take on how this language issue is being handled. As things are, my opinion, both of your activities on this thread and in general, stands. You're not bothered by the words rather just having some fun playing word games. If you were bothered, you'd have never used the word 'bitch', actually 'self-centered bitch' was the precise language, in the first place. I did note that you responded to a post, quoting use of the word referenced here, 'chick', recently but did not report it nor derided it, rather added your opinion on the content. Additionally, given the massive quantities of poor language we've cleaned up over the last 1 1/2 years, nary one report from yourself on any language you found offensive, including the two terms you brought to this thread and one, FWB, is used daily.
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Old 22nd March 2017, 7:40 PM   #72
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Okay, I happen to use 'chick' often, but I thought of it indeed as slang rather than a derogatory term. I wasn't infracted because I used it but will refrain, in future.

The 'b-word' and 's-word' have long been banned from use on this forum, but I'm seeing a proponency of some using 'jerk'. In fact, everytime a thread pop up in dating, and some guy has misbehaved with a lady, the word seems overused. We can call men names here, but not women? personally I would rather neither to be used, and I'm not accusing of a double standard. But cool heads should prevail.

FWB doesn't seem wrong, to me anyway.
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Old 23rd March 2017, 7:48 AM   #73
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Quote:
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Okay, I happen to use 'chick' often, but I thought of it indeed as slang rather than a derogatory term. I wasn't infracted because I used it but will refrain, in future.
"Chick" has not been prohibited for use on the forum, this has been the first time it has come up in this discussion and did not find much support as a berating term by itself. It is deleted when used in conjunction of other berating terms though. The most common being "side chick".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shanex View Post
The 'b-word' and 's-word' have long been banned from use on this forum, but I'm seeing a proponency of some using 'jerk'. In fact, everytime a thread pop up in dating, and some guy has misbehaved with a lady, the word seems overused. We can call men names here, but not women? personally I would rather neither to be used, and I'm not accusing of a double standard.
While most of the common terms listed are female specific, terms directed at men are also prohibited as are berating terms directed at race, religion, sexual orientation, etc.

Common terms directed at men that are on the list in the first post are prick, bastard, and man-whore. These and terms such as these are eligible for infraction. As always remember that the list is the more common words but is not all inclusive. Reminders are given for terms that are not on the list. If you come across a term you feel is berating to you or someone else, send an alert and we'll take a look. If the term becomes a common occurrence we will add it to the list of examples.

jerk
jərk/

noun: jerk; plural noun: jerks
  1. 1.
    a quick, sharp, sudden movement.
    "he gave a sudden jerk of his head"
    2.
    informal
    a contemptibly obnoxious person.
I don't see jerk as being gender specific. We are removing offensive and berating language, not all negative language. After all, look at the subject matter we deal with here! ~T
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Old 20th April 2017, 6:44 AM   #74
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I understand certain terms and words are never meant in a positive way, and some expressions/phrases are meant to hurt and offend. They have no secondary meaning, and their intent is clear.

What I'm having more of an issue with is sanctioning the use of words because someone finds them offensive.

I'm probably not wording that well, and I likely won't be able to explain it well either, but please bear with me.

For example, the stigma against mental illness is a real sticking point for me, and this site is littered with examples of terminology related to mental health that some may feel are highly offensive ( bat (bleep) crazy, loony, crazy, loon, etc.) and I would tend to agree.

However, these terms are used so commonly and and I don't think that the user is trying to be offensive or hurtful. Should these words be sanctioned?

My personal view would be "no".
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Old 20th April 2017, 7:32 AM   #75
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I've had this come up a few times, and for the most part I don't sanction those terms when found unless they are directed at another member or their posts. That would be a civility & respect issue.

"Had a date last night and turned out she was a total loon!" < would be ok

"Your looney if you take so and so's post seriously" < would get flagged if found or reported. As it is directed at another member.

I do however send berating infractions for certain terms that are making light of mental handicaps and learning disabilities. I'm sure you know the terms I'm thinking of so i won't list them here. ~T
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