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Policy on individual and group bashing/berating.


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Old 9th March 2016, 12:57 PM   #31
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As moderation has been ramping up clarity on the language issue, we'll be adding specifics regarding words we advise members are in violation of our language policy. This generally occurs via nudge unless the member has been advised prior, then stronger measures occur. Also, members who have a history of using inflammatory language are likely to go right to moderation or suspension without intermediate steps since they're well aware of the rules and choose to violate them anyway.

Here's some from this morning's work.....

Any permutation of bitch or whore or slut, like 'biatch', 'b*tch', 'wh*re', 'sl*t', etc etc.

Infidelity related: 'side piece', 'POS', 'POSOM', 'POSOW', 'POSMM', 'POSMW', essentially anything with the acronym for 'piece of shyte' in it. Don't even think about it. The infidelity areas are rife with name-calling so I'm sure we'll be adding more as time goes by.

Determination of appropriateness of language and berating of individuals, groups or topical subjects always resides at moderation's discretion and any lists we put together are only for clarity and convenience and are not in any way all-inclusive.

Thanks and have a good morning!
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Old 9th March 2016, 3:39 PM   #32
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Just making sure I understand the newer rules. If I am venting I'm not allowed to say (for example) my sis and I had a huge argument and then say she's a b.tch? Or if I'm replying to someone's thread and read how awful they've been treated by a person, I cannot say that person is a b.itch, jerk, ahole etc. ? What about the f word for venting purposes?

Thanks.
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Old 9th March 2016, 6:56 PM   #33
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Any and all uses of any of the listed terms are eligible for infraction.

If the moderator working your post chooses to let it slide due to context so be it, but that will be no guarantee you will be so lucky in the future nor does it mean another moderator can't see it differently and flag it.

Plenty of other words available so use these at your own risk. ~T
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Old 9th March 2016, 7:09 PM   #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by William View Post
Any and all uses of any of the listed terms are eligible for infraction.

If the moderator working your post chooses to let it slide due to context so be it, but that will be no guarantee you will be so lucky in the future nor does it mean another moderator can't see it differently and flag it.

Plenty of other words available so use these at your own risk. ~T
Is there a full list somewhere? Thanks!
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Old 9th March 2016, 7:16 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
Just making sure I understand the newer rules. If I am venting I'm not allowed to say (for example) my sis and I had a huge argument and then say she's a b.tch? Or if I'm replying to someone's thread and read how awful they've been treated by a person, I cannot say that person is a b.itch, jerk, ahole etc. ? What about the f word for venting purposes?

Thanks.
Please vent to a friend in real life, or right in the offenders face, any way you like using any language you choose. On LoveShack.org, irrespective of who, what, where, why or how, the words, especially those adjectives being listed in this thread, are prohibited. If a member gets a message from moderation or loses access to the forum and language is the reason we provide, that will be sufficient notice.

What I'm doing now is, if there's pushback when politely asking a member to cease using specific language, asking a simple question: Will you use this word here again? With the correct answer, which is 'no', membership continues. If anything else, terminated.

There's no reason to be challenging us on this stuff. We implemented it because members, largely women, had tired of the horrible language here and reports and messages to us reflected that. Well you asked for it and now you have it and it applies to everyone, equally.

I posted this separately because one of our newer moderators had responded prior.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JourneyLady View Post
Is there a full list somewhere? Thanks!
The most common words are listed in this thread. Any others will be included in any messages one receives from moderation. If you get a message from us regarding specific language, consider it on the list.

Last edited by William; 9th March 2016 at 7:18 PM.. Reason: Merge
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Old 10th March 2016, 12:35 AM   #36
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I recently read a thread where the Original Poster referred to herself as a side piece and a slut.

It made me wonder what the rule is on referring to oneself with a derogatory word.

William ~T suggested I ask that in this thread.

As I think about it, I send an alert on another member calling someone those words because it's obviously
rude. But if a person calls themselves that then so be it. There is no victim. Right?
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Old 10th March 2016, 8:06 AM   #37
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Doesn't matter. I'm repeating myself so will not answer this question again, rather will sanction members who are either purposely or incidentally being obtuse.

The words are disallowed. Their use is irrelevant. That's how inappropriate language is removed. It's not appropriate here and is disallowed. That a member 'opens the door' by calling themselves a disallowed word, or starts up a discussion about someone else who called them a disallowed word doesn't matter. The word is not allowed. We're not going to get into subjective semantics and debates on appropriateness.

It comes down to this: If you receive a message from moderation that certain language is disallowed, will you use it again here? That's all we need to know. Once that answer is out of the way, we can proceed.

As seen, definitely report language suspected of violating this policy. Members are doing this regularly and we appreciate it.
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Old 12th March 2016, 11:02 PM   #38
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Yep it's almost impossible to list all insults, racial or gender slurs in a thread much less a post. Occasionally and that include me someone will use 'ahole' or 'jerk' referring to someone offline but relevant to the thread. That you can get away with it I guess. Just as long as you don't resort to derogatory terms to a fellow member.

Just as a note: it seems the sexual subforum allow more derogatory or lewd terms. Is there a different policy for that forum specifically? Because there's supposedly no 'taboo' there. So using 't*ts' or 'd*ck' (apologies, examples) might not be an offense there as its a subforum requiring registration and we're all adults.
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Old 13th March 2016, 8:55 AM   #39
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Yes, certain language is tolerated in the sexual forum that is not tolerated elsewhere, and at times if a thread goes that direction we will move it there.

The way I have been handling this policy looks at a number of things

1. How is it used, if the word is used in an insulting or berating manner, if so then you're guaranteed to at least get some points. If directed at another member, sanctions will be more severe.

2. If it is honestly being used in an attempt to further the thread, such as "Am I being a ____" or "He/She called me a ____" In those cases I look at a members infraction history and see if this has come up before. If not, then a no points reminder (Nudge) will be sent and the post edited to a more appropriate word.

3. If the member has already been made aware, then there will be penalties including points, moderation, and even ban if there has been a pattern of this sort of thing.

That's the system i have been using, but I can't speak for the other five mods. ~T
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Old 14th March 2016, 10:59 AM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms. Red View Post
I recently read a thread where the Original Poster referred to herself as a side piece and a slut.

It made me wonder what the rule is on referring to oneself with a derogatory word.

William ~T suggested I ask that in this thread.

As I think about it, I send an alert on another member calling someone those words because it's obviously
rude. But if a person calls themselves that then so be it. There is no victim. Right?
i can't really agree that there's no victim. The "victim" is *all* such people covered by the offensive term, who find it offensive. If a Jewish person calls themself (an offensive term used to insult Jewish people) in the presence of other Jewish people, who find the term offensive, is it a "victimless crime" just because the person using the term is themselves Jewish? Is the offence felt by the other Jewish people then irrelevant? I'd say no - same way I feel about any use of racist, sexist, homophobic etc insults used by anybody. They're offensive, don't use them.

If you (generalised you) want to beat up on yourself, get creative about how you do it. There is no need to mobilise millennia of structural violence and prejudice to make a point about your own shortcomings.
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Old 16th March 2016, 7:39 AM   #41
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That is one of the reasons that we have decided to stick firm on the use of these terms, everyone has a different idea of what is acceptable vs what is offensive.

By removing the questions of context, there are no grey areas to be debated or considered.

The other reason is that while most members post within guidelines and with good intentions, there are the few that seek out to expose and exploit any loopholes or leeway to the breaking point. Those few spoil many things for the many. ~T
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Old 17th March 2016, 7:21 AM   #42
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I sometimes use phrases such as "he doesn't give a carp", "she doesn't give 2 short ships about you", or similar. I've never regarded this as using intellect as a weapon or attempting to circumvent moderation, but rather as a family-friendly way of using a well-known phrase. Sure, I could say "he doesn't care about you" instead, but sometimes I feel the use of a more emphatic phrase is more helpful to the OP especially if they are in denial.

I've never been nudged or FR'd about this but reading this thread, it seems this kind of thing is not allowed? Should I desist from using this kind of phrase?
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Old 17th March 2016, 7:48 AM   #43
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Technically, yes that would fall under vulgar language and words like S**T are automatically edited by the software so trying to get around that would be an infraction although not covered under the group berating policy but language and decency.

That being said, most of us are adults here, so unless it's a post with vulgarity every third word, or something else deemed crossing that line I usually let it slip or edit the term without sanction.

If the post draws an Alert from another poster, you have a much better chance of getting flagged then if I just trip over it. Use common sense and you should be fine.

As always, your mileage with the other mods may vary, but most of the others seem to play it pretty close to what I've laid out here. ~T.
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Old 17th March 2016, 8:15 AM   #44
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I suggest the moderators stop being so politically correct. I was "slapped" for referring to some other third party (not a member) as probably something on your list and I thought that was going to far. We are all grown adults - well most of us. I think if someone berates/insults a member with these words I guess I have no problem with that. But I do believe these words should be allowed in certain contexts. I do feel there is a lot of unnecessary nitpicking going on and it's turning into a site that feels like its being run by North Korea. Let us debate. Use the system to filter out certain words if you must but you need to loosen up not tighten up.
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Old 17th March 2016, 9:50 AM   #45
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Feel free to use any language you wish on another forum of discussion. I was just reading another site I moderate and members call each other, the candidates and political parties, in polltical debates, all sorts of vile and disgusting names. It's OK with that site. Go there. There are thousands of them. We don't mind.

You just equated moderation here with North Korea. Volunteer members who work for free and listen to member complaints daily, get no support from the site owner and do our best to implement what we've been taught and in response to those complaints, the major one about how abusive the members on this site can be.

What does that say about you?
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