Guest 3001 Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 Last year I had a really really painful break-up with this man and part of the reason was that he thought I pushed him to have a child even though he was the one who'd brought up the topic in the first place..... Well, I've now been in a new relationship for almost 6 months. It started out long-distance (i'm from Canada), but we talked and msn'd at least twice a day ever since we met. Now I'm with him in Israel (safe!) and have been living with him for almost 2 months and we hardly ever had an arguement. I am 35, he is 47. He has a fantastic disposition, never gets moody or grumpy like so many other men I've been with and known. Never criticizes me or asks me for money (always invites me) but sometimes I insist on paying and he appreciates it. He has a fantastic relationship with his mother and siblings who are all very close and extremely welcoming towards me. I've never seen people in families who get along so well before. I've met most of his friends who are also very nice towards me. He works very hard with long hours and drives about an hour every day to and from work. He spends EVERY moment of his spare time with me..we go out places, walk go to the beach, cafes, restaurtants... He has made several allusions to wanting children but never very direct. He visited me in Canada last spring and one time I was driving and got nervous and impatient in slow traffic, and he asked me how I would be in front of my child. I told him I would try not to show my child I was nervous and that you couldn't compare the two things. Well I am VERY VERY reluctant to bring up the subject about asking him if he wants children with me because of what happened in the last relationship. I kind of made a vague allusion to it and he said he wasn't ready for it now and "when the time came we would discuss it" that we still needed time to get to know each other and get closer, ect.. Well, I'm 35 and I don't really want to wait a long time to decide these things. I'm sure he is aware of this as I told him in a joking manner one time I didn't want to be raising kids as a grandmother. Tell me, is there any way to bring up this subject with him and get an idea of where is thoughts are on this without appearing like I desperately want his children???? Is there a non-threatening way to bring this up? What is a good time to do it? Where? Should I set a "time-line?" I don't to wait a year to have this discussion! I know he cares for me deeply, but is awkward at expressing things verbally. When he left Canada at the airport he had tears falling from his eyes.... Should I just be direct and speak from my heart without worrying about what he will say??? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 I kind of made a vague allusion to it and he said he wasn't ready for it now and "when the time came we would discuss it" that we still needed time to get to know each other and get closer, etc.. There's your answer. If I've got the timing right here you've only been going out with the guy for 2 months? You say 6 months, but does that include 4 months long distance? I understand about your sense of urgency, but I still think you're moving on this topic WAY too fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest 3001 Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 Well we met in Asia last Feb, then he came to visit me for 10 days in the Spring and now I've been with him since the beginning of July and in between we've talked and web-cammed every day. How does one count how long they were together in this scenario? After how long is it "appropriate" to move in on this topic? I keep meeting and hearing stories of people who met, knew each other barely a few weeks, one got pregnant, and "oop!" everything was "fine" so when I compare it to my situation I feel like,"why not me?" Like this student in my class who had a similar situation to me, was appart from her bf even longer, and they talked about all this stuff and it is clear to them.... I only knew my bf less than 24 hours in Asia and didn't think or expect anything "serious" to come out of our encounter, but he was the one who persued me with persistance and decided to take it further.. Now I feel like the "persuer" and wish I was on the other side again.... Link to post Share on other sites
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