LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > General > General Relationship Discussion

How do you know if they really cared?


General Relationship Discussion Everything else under the sun. Not sure where to post? This is the place!

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10th December 2005, 5:43 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,629
How do you know if they really cared?

How do you know if someone you've been with really cared about you or whether they were playing you?
JS17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2005, 5:51 PM   #2
Established Member
 
westernxer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 6,372
Funny thing is, if I'm not with them, I don't know and I don't care.
westernxer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2005, 5:57 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,629
Unfortunately West, I do. You and I are very different people but you already knew that.
JS17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2005, 6:01 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 7,398
Not that many people are that cold. What's most likely, IMHO, is that they thought they cared but were premature in making that judgement, as so many people are. On later reflection and having learned more about you and about the dynamic of you two as a couple, they realize they were mistaken.
Outcast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2005, 6:01 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,674
Quote:
Originally Posted by JS17
How do you know if someone you've been with really cared about you or whether they were playing you?
I'd ask them. If they're not able to converse with you in a normal decent way after the relationship is over, they were never really worth it anyway and then why wonder about them. Whether they truly liked you or only thought they liked you won't matter if now they're not man enough to look you in the eye and give you resolution.
loony is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2005, 6:02 PM   #6
Established Member
 
JadeStar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 2,888
Good question JS. However the only thing I know is maybe just by taking their word for it, or possibly their actions towards you or the relationship as a whole. I dunno maybe someone else can give you better advice on the matter.




Jade
__________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

~Dr. Suess~
JadeStar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2005, 6:05 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,629
I'm starting to wonder whether anyone I've ever been with has cared about me at all. I think I know the answer but I just can't face it.
JS17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2005, 6:07 PM   #8
 
johan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 16,575
Quote:
Originally Posted by JS17
How do you know if someone you've been with really cared about you or whether they were playing you?
Of course, he (they) cared, JS. You're a sweet person. Caring is not all it takes to keep a relationship from ending. Love isn't even enough. Try not to let this kind of thought get to you too much. There's really no easy way to find out for sure. Better to look forward than backward, if you can.
johan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2005, 6:10 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,674
Quote:
Originally Posted by JS17
I'm starting to wonder whether anyone I've ever been with has cared about me at all. I think I know the answer but I just can't face it.
Don't believe this... Even if they would tell you know now that they don't care for you, it doesn't mean they never did. It might just mean that they're too immature to deal appropiately with their past and that they prefer to oppress it and move on.
loony is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2005, 6:35 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,629
I have a lot of friends but whenever I talk to them about this kind of stuff I don't think they get it so thanks for responding everyone.

Sometimes I wish I could be like westernxer and just not give a crap about anything, it must be a much less painful place to live.

Outcast, you are the voice of reason but sometimes reason is a hard pill to swallow when your emotions are involved. I didn't want to continue on with anyone I'd been involved with except for one and it's not the one that brought me here. I did care about them and still do but I don't want to be in a relationship with them. I think there's a pretty big difference between the two.

Loony, I don't speak to one anymore because it's just too painful, the one that brought me to LS. I speak to the others on occasion and only one has had the talk with me afterwards to resolve what happened.

Jade, your answer was the one I was afraid I was going to get. They all said that they cared but didn't really act like it. I got mixed signals from all of them.

Johan, thanks for the kind words but easier said than done. I take everything too seriously, I know I do but I can't help it. I try to talk myself out of thinking this way but it doesn't always work, especially when emotions are running high.

Its a terrible feeling to believe that the people that you cared about most and put all of your faith and trust into just didn't care about you at all and had so little respect for you. It's something that I've been thinking about for a long time but has recently come bounding to the surface with the emergence of an ex that is pretty much just looking for "fun". I'm a real person with real feelings and I don't want to be just fun for everybody. I feel like it would be easier for me to have the just fun relationships if I could honestly say that I had one in my bag that really meant something to someone besides me. I just feel really stupid and naieve sometimes.
JS17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2005, 6:41 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 7,398
Quote:
Its a terrible feeling to believe that the people that you cared about most and put all of your faith and trust into just didn't care about you at all and had so little respect for you.
There's no need to believe it because you have no proof that it's true.

However, what you need to do from now on is guard yourself against putting 'all of your faith and trust' into people too soon. People are the sum of their issues and some have a lot more issues than others. One of the biggest mistakes people make is thinking they can figure another person out in a few months' time. It's impossible. Humans are way too complex to unravel in a short time.
Outcast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2005, 7:09 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Brittanyjean06's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,279
if only people could look at those types of experiences and try to grow from them! i know its hard, i look back on my ex and realize all the mean things he has done to me, and that required no respect..makes me feel so werid inside that the one person you loved for almost 3 years....never really respected you, that sucks and its hard to get past that

but you will, and try to look at why they didnt have respect for you( witch im sure wasnt a good reason at all) but that can make you stronger, it can make you not tolerate people who dont respect you! respect is the biggest key to a relationship i think...with out respect how can you care so much for that person?
__________________
When the doors of perception are clensed, things will appear as they truely are

Pain gonna make everything allright.
Brittanyjean06 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2005, 7:52 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,472
It's easy to look back on a relationship and find all sorts of evidence that the person didn't care about you. I suppose we do that because we're drumming home the message that it's over. We start to think of all the things they did that seemed to show they genuinely cared - but viewing those things in the context of a broken relationship, we perceive them (possibly inaccurately) as having been false declarations of affection.

I think when someone genuinely sees you as the potential "one" they give off those vibes to their friends, who will generally respond by treating you - and the relationship - with respect. I really do believe that you can tell a huge amount about a man from the company he keeps...and if his friends aren't treating you with much respect, it's a warning sign that any declarations of love he's making don't match the comments he's making behind your back.

In any future relationships I may have I plan to pay less heed to what the SO tells me he feels and more heed to the vibes I'm picking up from his friends.
lindya is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2005, 10:29 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 124
I sometimes wonder that myself. Mainly because my ex bf had written that he only put a sad face for me when we broke up but he really didn't...
He, I believe did not care.
Just by saying that, plus he said that he had never cared about anything untile he moved out of the city to go to uni somewhere else...
So..
I don't know...its hard to know that someone you invested feelings in, or just fell for didn't really for for those.
But that's just for me...
I've actually hard time swallowing that so people wonder why I am angry about it still or upset...it's mainly because of that.
But like someone said I guess just by telling with what they do...actions.
Just my two cents
Nubemeister is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th December 2005, 11:15 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 57,612
Go with your gut instinct. If you got something good out of it and time spent together meant alot to you, that is all that should matter. Your thoughts and your feelings.

It's so easy to internalize something and question it - Make yourself feel bad and wonder...It's just not worth the heartache sometimes to go digging and ask the what if's. Sometimes it's best to remember with a smile and not look back. That person served a purpose in your life for a little while. It's not easy to get to that frame of mind but if you convince yourself of it, maybe it will help.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:52 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.