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Inspired by the Contact Post recently. Should I contact her after this long?


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Old 15th November 2005, 9:28 AM   #1
 
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Inspired by the Contact Post recently. Should I contact her after this long?

I saw a recent post labelled: "Should I contact her?" and with the combination of recent events, I registered here on this website and decided to post. If you're willing to read all of this, I'd very much appreciate feedback.

The closest thing I have done to a date is probably this thing back in February:

I was planning on going to a car show to Los Angeles and planning on drive down with a few friends. I was online surfing on my computer on my favorite car forum. And someone posted on the forums about needing a ride down. For now, lets call her, Yuri.

Actually, Yuri and I have have talked in person in the past during comic conventions. Nothing big, just hi and hello. Nothing got past more than 2 sentences, I think. We knew each other in passing because at one time, I worked/attended at the comic conventions.

Anyways, getting back to the car forum. I found out she posted on the exact same forum I have been browsing for a while. She was looking to go to the same racing event I was going to. I offered a ride down and Yuri said Yes!

I was pretty dang happy at that point, Yuri was so incredibly cute from what I remember from the comic convention. And this person who I didnt really know at all, accepted a blind invitation down to a racing event. I felt awesome Heck, I still feel awesome about it right now. Still, it felt wierd because of the whole online thing.

Yuri is very pretty. Slender, long dark hair, and a smile to just makes me fall apart. Around 5' 8" in height. Speaks multiple languages. And seems like a very humble, and very nice person.

She's completely the opposite of me. I'm 5 '8". Weigh 250 lbs. Im a pretty fat guy. Below the average looks.

Over various e-mails, I got the address where she lived, where to pick her up,
and what time. I was already kind of worried. I didnt know if she'd feel comfortable being the only girl in the car at the time with 4 other guys. Space in the car was going to get tight. She told me over the e-mail that the entrance to her place was kinda behind the building.

So, like a moron, I placed my car on the corner and waited for her. I
think about 10 or 15 minutes past, and I was getting kinda worried that she didnt show. Eventually she came out, and said that the entrance was over there where she was waiting and wondered why I parked my car over on the corner. I apologized and said that I thought the entrance was on the corner.

She was the first person I had to pick up for my car pool down to L.A. Then I had to go pick up 3 more of my friends.

On the way down to pick up the rest of my friends, we talked. Talked about favorite cartoons, about our cars. At that point, I learned that she lived close to my parent and wanted to make her car's rims bigger so they look bigger. Going from 16" inch rims to 17" rims. She liked the smoke metal look. She also talked about a new job she just got and was lucky her new manager gave her the o.k. to leave work early, so she could drive down to L.A.

Then I picked up the rest of my friends.

There was probably three big events on the drive down towards L.A. For now, lets call the highway I was driving down, Interstate 4, or I-4.

The first event we ran across a modified Vabara ZRC VTi (changed the car name) on the road. It had crazy Vabara logos all over it. It was going pretty fast down I-4 and we followed it for a while. When Yuri saw the car passing on our left, she kinda shouted in surprise, "Hey!" She sounded pretty happy to see that along with everyone else in our car. And I think everyone talked about that for a good solid hour.

The second event was this restaurant I wanted to eat on the way down to Los Angeles. I ate there a lot of times before and they served the best beef/meat plates ever. There are two types of diners in the restaurant, one expensive sit-down and one more cheaper dine-in. By the time we arrived, the cheaper dine was closed. The only one open was the sit-down restaurant. No choice. I gotta eat at the expensive restaurant.

We sat down, opened the menu's, and saw the really expensive price tags at that restaurant. My friends kept complaining about the prices, made jokes about the food. Yuri was pretty quiet during the meal.

I tried I think to keep a cool composure and pretending to be a big shot and offered to pay everyone's food. My friends arent exactly poor or rich, but at 50 dollars a plate, it hurted. I think the tab turned out to be about 300 dollars. So I yanked out my good old credit card and paid it all. Yuri offered to pay for her meal. I refused, but she insisted. I was like ok. She wrote me a check for her amount. I never cashed her check. She was talking about her financials earlier I think when we were alone. I figure not cashing her
check was the manly thing to do. (cry 300 dollars hurts)

The third event was I guess was dropping off Yuri at her hotel to sleep at. Being yet another clueless male, I thought she was gonna to go with us to our hotel room crash before going to the track. She mentioned that shes staying her friends in a hotel room. And her hotel was over there. I was worried because i didnt know the area to well. We eventually made it but it was a huge detour off my schedule.

If you could imagine the scenario, it turned out to be like this. The racing track is in the middle of the map. Our hotel (the guys) was 20 miles north of the track. Her hotel (Yuri's hotel) was 20 miles south of the track. We were at completely opposite poles. There was nothing I could do except bite the bullet and keep my mouth shut. She thanked us for driving her down when we dropped her off and we went to our hotel.

That was the last of Yuri I saw for that morning.

It kind threw out my schedule out of whack. Because instead of getting around 3 hours of sleep, we got about less than 2 hours of sleep around the hotel.

Yuri was pretty quiet on the trip down after I picked up my friends. I think she slept on the way down most of the time. It was a long trip on the way down. Me and my friends talked about the new cool cars, and our favorite cartoons. I dunno, if she got freaked out with hang out with us. But I dont think so, shes been to comic conventions and knows the people going there.
Right?

During the race, me and my friends bumped into her again taking pictures of the event. I think she mentioned that her and her friends are in the top bleachers watching the race and wondered if I would like to watch it with them at the top.

Problem: The guys went early to the track to get tickets early so we could get some really good seats
at the very front.
Problem: She was at the top bleachers with her friends.
Problem: The racing track was crowded. I might not get a seat.
Problem: I couldnt just ditch my friends like that.

I'm screwed aren't I?

I think she mentioned this 2 or 3 times to go join with her to the bleachers
but I didnt pick up on these hints until after it was all over.

We all met after the race. But at that time, I was tired. Everyone was tired.
I was going on 48 hours with 2 hours of sleep. And a few naps during the race. We still have a 6-7 hour roadtrip back home.

It was a rough interesting trip back home. Because, I was really tired. My friends and Yuri offered to drive on the way back in case I got too tired to drive. That just got me more motivated to go drive the entire way back home by myself.

We stopped by a Genny's restaurant where you get ok food for a relatively cheap price. We talked about the race and the anime we like watching. It was a fun time. Even Yuri participated with the conversation with us.

We talked about one special comic and said I have those comics stored on my computer. If she wanted a copy of the comics, Id make a copy of it while we were eatting. She said sure.

Problem: The laptop was in the car
Problem: I had the key.
Problem: I was tired and didnt feel like getting it.

So, I asked Yuri if she wanted to get the laptop. She said yes. And off she went to get it. I felt pretty bad asking her to get my laptop because well, being the guy, Im suppose to be the gentleman. But I made her a copy of the comics and she seems happy. It wasn't the complete series I told her. But she said it was ok anyways. That made me happy.

I dropped off all my friends. Leaving just me and Yuri. When we dropped off my last friend, Yuri offered to drive to her place. It was maybe still 20 minutes away. I was kinda hesistant, giving someone my keys to someone else to drive. But since Yuri was driving, a completely totally cute woman driving my car, I thought screw it. A cute girl in my car was also an awesome thought. I was fading in and out of consciousness. In case anything bad happens on the road, at least, I got a cute woman to drive my car.

In fact, thats the only time I ever had another girl in my car minus close
family.

I know Yuri was making some small talk like, it's very pretty tonight. And it was, but it was really hard to comment back. I wasnt thinking straight, and I said, "yeah, its nice." I was fading in and out of consciousness.

When we reached her place, I dropped her off and she was saying more about the comic series we talked back Genny's. She wanted more of the comic series and to give her a call, so we could exchange comics. it was an awesome feeling.

But I never called back. Just figured it wouldnt work out. She was this totally cute babe. She's into cars and comics. Man, you dont run into women like this.

But Im starting to have second thoughts about it again. Its been about
7 months now. Should I call her about it?

- Confused Geek

Last edited by confusedgeek; 15th November 2005 at 9:40 AM..
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Old 15th November 2005, 9:33 AM   #2
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I think you should contact her. Apologize for being out of touch so long.

Find another event you can both go to, or something you'd both be interested in and invite her.

But keep in mind, 7 months is a long time and she could have a boyfriend by now.

Never let fear stop you from doing things -- oftentimes it's too late by the time we re-think it.

Good luck
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Old 15th November 2005, 9:47 AM   #3
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Thumbs up

Quote:
Originally Posted by JayKay
Never let fear stop you from doing things -- oftentimes it's too late by the time we re-think it.
I'm with JayKay on this, especially the part about fear.

Though you may berate yourself for not thinking you handled things properly, I think you did admirably. Even given the fact that she invited you to watch the race with her friends and you stuck with your buddies was, IMHO, a good move. A woman of quality - and Yuri sounds like this - will prefer a man who's not a sycophant and won't entirely turn his life upside down for her or bail on his friends at the last moment.

Good move on picking up the restaurant tab, by the way. You should tell her, though, that you haven't cashed her cheque; keeping one's finances in order can be a real painintheass, especially when you've got an outstanding payment.

By all means, give her a call. What have you got to lose?

Good luck!
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Old 15th November 2005, 10:29 AM   #4
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Yup, just to add the voice of an experienced Romeo to the chorus - call her. Be light, friendly, casual. See if she fancies doing something light and friendly.

And I agree - not ditching your friends is a plus point in the eyes of a quality girl, not a minus.

One thing I would ditch though is the neediness and the agonising. Have fun. Don't overanalyse. Or beat yourself up over small things.

And don't offer to pay for big things or go a long way out of your way. Giving small things and doing small favours shows a girl you are generous. Big things and big favours near the beginning will make her feel pressured and uncomfortable.

PS Get exercising and lose some weight. Girls don't usually get hung up on guys' physical appearance. But they love it when a guy tries to improve himself - try losing just 20 pounds and see how much enthusiasm this generates among girls in your entourage.
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Old 15th November 2005, 4:05 PM   #5
 
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Alright, Ill give her a call tonight. I figure around 8-9 PM is a good time to call?

Ok, we share some common interests like comics and cars. But how I go about casually asking someone out to something?

Theres gotta be an easy way to ask someone out without having to actually say it. Is there?

Plus as someone also mentioned, she might be dating someone right now.

It's not like Ive done this before. i haven't even been on a date yet. Can you believe at age 27, I never managed to ask anyone out on a date yet?

Last time I went with Yuri, the invitation to drive her down was done via e-mail and a messageboard. Even then, there was a group with us.

Theres a big difference, at least I think, between asking someone via text and via voice.
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Old 15th November 2005, 4:26 PM   #6
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Great.. I'm in agreement with the majority here.. that you should call her..

I have always been the romantic type and believe that if more people would put themselves out there instead of fearing rejection that we would have alot more couplings..
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Old 15th November 2005, 5:11 PM   #7
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Good for you!

Let us know how it goes!!
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Old 16th November 2005, 1:37 AM   #8
 
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So I called her.

You know how hard that was to do??????? Jesus, I thought it would be easier. Its not.

So I called her up on her cellphone and I think it went well. It pretty much went well, I think.

We went to talk about how a certain comic convention was. If she was going to go to another car racing event down south. Talked about our jobs. Me talking about looking for one. I also talked about if she still needed the rest of the comic series, and she said not to worry about it.

I did learn she did like to travel. So, I started talking about my trips this year to Japan, Austin, Alaska, Canada. She started talking about maid cafe's in Tokyo. I never been to one, but she was telling me a story about her and her friends going to a maid cafe.

But during our conversation, I think her cellphone went lost connection. I was using my homephone line so, I dont think it was on my end.

Should I call her back? Do you think she hung up on me? Theres gotta be a way to find out if she's seeing someone, can anyone give me a tip?

- Confused Geek

Last edited by confusedgeek; 16th November 2005 at 1:43 AM..
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Old 16th November 2005, 2:06 AM   #9
 
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So I called again about 30 minutes afterwards. And got her answering machine. I just hung up during the message.

What do I do now?
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Old 16th November 2005, 2:52 AM   #10
 
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So out of desperation, I called a third time. And she was live!
Talked with Yuri more about comics and our friends in there.

I asked if she didnt mind me calling her up this late and said she
didnt mind. She called me a friend and to call her up again.
She said it was getting late, and to call her again.

Whew, this is really stressful.

I still dont know if shes seeing anyone. But now, Im not sure what to do next.

- Confused Geek
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Old 16th November 2005, 1:51 PM   #11
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YAY!!!

What you did took a lot of courage.

Now I think you should wait a few days before calling back. You don't want to push too hard.

Did she sound happy to hear from you?

As a matter of fact, wait a week. Look up something you can invite her too (in fact, make it a group outing so you both feel comfortable). When you've got things organized call her up and invite her out.
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Old 17th November 2005, 12:43 AM   #12
 
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I think so. She was surprised to hear from me.
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Old 17th November 2005, 8:35 AM   #13
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Well done! This sounds an excellent start.


Quote:
Originally Posted by JayKay
As a matter of fact, wait a week. Look up something you can invite her too (in fact, make it a group outing so you both feel comfortable). When you've got things organized call her up and invite her out.
Agreed. It sounds like you're a good conversationalist, which scores so many points with women. But don't end up as her phone buddy. Be the one that takes her on little adventures.
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Old 17th November 2005, 1:22 PM   #14
 
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Um... This might be a problem. I only have a few friends but they live about an hour drive away from me from the freeway/highway.

I dont think I can convince them to drive down over here just do I can get closer to a woman for a group activity.

I mean if this was for a comic convention or a car show, its a maybe.
Guy related stuff, like checking out a computer store or shopping for "guy stuff" its a little bit more easier to get them to tag along.

If I mention about bringing Yuri, I dont think they will join me. My friends are like fans of comics, cars, and video games.

Is it normal to take someone out on a group event after talking with them for a little bit? Because right now a group hangout doesnt seem to be likely.
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Old 17th November 2005, 1:43 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedgeek
I dont think I can convince them to drive down over here just do I can get closer to a woman for a group activity.
Point taken. It should be casual, and bussing your friends in when they're not gonna be there already is anything but casual.

Then invite her for a low risk, but one-on-one event on a theme of mutual interest. One where she asks herself "is this a date or not?". Afternoon dates are great btw. Have an option for the evening lined up in your mind - if it's working well at the end of the afternoon, then say, "how about x?"
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