Why do men hate to see their exes move on?

[Dearlover]

Hello Loveshack. This is just something I’ve been pondering. Why do men get angry when women they dated move on? Even if it was just casual dating, they still get upset when they see her with someone else. Even if the guy gets married, he still gets mad if he sees a woman he used to date with another guy. Even if the girl is single, and he is married, he is still upset that woman moving on from him. Even if he was just with that girl as a FWB, he still gets mad if she moves on. Why get mad over a FWB? Weren’t you just sleeping with her anyway?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

This jealousy is not reserved for just men. Women do this, too.

[PRW]

What CautioslyOptimistic said, and they were probably the dumpee and not the dumper. Rejection leads to obsession.

[littleblackheart]

Is this about one man in particular?

[Dearlover]

I just noticed the pattern with me and a few girlfriends

[d0nnivain]

It's hard to realize that somebody you were with prefers somebody else. Both men & women do this. You & your friends see it in men, because you don't date women.

[preraph]

Men are worse about it. They'll actually hear you're seeing someone and come try to pull your strings to see if they can still get you in bed. It's all just an extension of seeing women as objects to possess, if you ask me. I've had a guy who I was in love with outright reject me only to get really jealous if he saw me canoodling with some guy. I've had a gay guy get hurt and angry because an old bf came to town. It's crazy. Also, they always want to think they were the best in bed you ever had, as if that was ever your top reason for dating them. They like that ego boost.

 

That old Leslie Gore song used to go through my head a lot: You Don't Own Me/I'm not just one of your many toys.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Men are worse about it. They'll actually hear you're seeing someone and come try to pull your strings to see if they can still get you in bed. It's all just an extension of seeing women as objects to possess, if you ask me. I've had a guy who I was in love with outright reject me only to get really jealous if he saw me canoodling with some guy. I've had a gay guy get hurt and angry because an old bf came to town. It's crazy. Also, they always want to think they were the best in bed you ever had, as if that was ever your top reason for dating them. They like that ego boost.

 

That old Leslie Gore song used to go through my head a lot: You Don't Own Me/I'm not just one of your many toys.

 

 

My exH and I reconciled after being divorced for 4 years (it failed). While we were reconciling he told me he often drove by my apartment to see if he could tell if I had anyone there with me (a man). After we reconciled, he realized he couldn't deal with the fact that I had been with men other than him in the time after our divorce and before our reconciliation. He begged and begged for details and when I finally gave him a crumb (dumb), he freaked. Couldn't get over it.[]

Edited March 20, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[Dearlover]

Men are worse about it. They'll actually hear you're seeing someone and come try to pull your strings to see if they can still get you in bed. It's all just an extension of seeing women as objects to possess, if you ask me. I've had a guy who I was in love with outright reject me only to get really jealous if he saw me canoodling with some guy. I've had a gay guy get hurt and angry because an old bf came to town. It's crazy. Also, they always want to think they were the best in bed you ever had, as if that was ever your top reason for dating them. They like that ego boost.

 

That old Leslie Gore song used to go through my head a lot: You Don't Own Me/I'm not just one of your many toys.

 

I really think that is what it is. Seeing women as objects to possess or own. Once you have sex with a guy a few times they really feel like they own the coochie. Sometimes it's once you had any conversation with the guy! If a guy likes you and you had a simple conversation with him, then if that guy is not very mature, he might feel that he has some kind of ownership.

 

I am not bothered by the fact that men want to own the coochie. I just don't get why old coochie still counts to them lol.

[Agonistes]

My experience has been completely opposite to Preraphs.

 

I have had multiple women stalk me over the years. One even broke into my house to steal all my bedding because she couldn't bear the thought of me being under "our blankets" with someone else.

 

I have never even had the slightest twinge of jealousy when an ex finally moves on. My thoughts are more likely to be along the lines of I hope you get a boyfriend soon so you can finally leave me alone.

[Woggle]

I couldn't care less what my exes are doing. In fact it has been them who freaked out when they saw me with another woman.

[preraph]

My experience has been completely opposite to Preraphs.

 

I have had multiple women stalk me over the years. One even broke into my house to steal all my bedding because she couldn't bear the thought of me being under "our blankets" with someone else.

 

I have never even had the slightest twinge of jealousy when an ex finally moves on. My thoughts are more likely to be along the lines of I hope you get a boyfriend soon so you can finally leave me alone.

 

It does go both ways, certainly, but I don't think women are bad about breaking off with you only to come back to see if they can get you away from seeing someone like men do. I mean, I'm talking men who didn't want commitment. I think when a woman does the breaking up, she's also more than ready to give up the sex with the guy. But guys would often like to keep the sex going after a breakup.

 

I think how women are is they put so much effort into looking and dressing well, that they are insulted if the guy then goes after someone who it's insulting to be compared with. And that happens all the time. But that doesn't mean they want him back, just that they're appalled at his taste and realizing he didn't even have any or appreciate the finer points in her either.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

One even broke into my house to steal all my bedding because she couldn't bear the thought of me being under "our blankets" with someone else.

 

lol WOW!

[Agonistes]

lol WOW!

 

Truth is stranger than fiction sometimes. She left me with nothing but a queen size top sheet and one pillow and pillow case. It was the day after Valentines Day. She had driven by my place the Valentines night to see if my car was home. I was at an anti-valentines party so I wasn't' there when she drove by.

[Woggle]

I had my first wife try and shoot at me when she found out I was engaged.

 

I had one former fwb knock on our door when she found out why were moving to California because she wanted one more romp with me. She asked this right in front of my wife and asked her if she would be okay with it.

[Dearlover]

It does go both ways, certainly, but I don't think women are bad about breaking off with you only to come back to see if they can get you away from seeing someone like men do. I mean, I'm talking men who didn't want commitment. I think when a woman does the breaking up, she's also more than ready to give up the sex with the guy. But guys would often like to keep the sex going after a breakup.

 

I think how women are is they put so much effort into looking and dressing well, that they are insulted if the guy then goes after someone who it's insulting to be compared with. And that happens all the time. But that doesn't mean they want him back, just that they're appalled at his taste and realizing he didn't even have any or appreciate the finer points in her either.

 

I relate to what you said here, about how men will come back just for sex, or keep a "relationship" going for sex. Or pride.

 

SO many men say they have women "stalking" them, but sometimes I wonder if they like it that way. What I keep seeing is, if the woman truly is not interested, and is just moving on for her own reasons, they never forgive or forget.

 

I know women probably do this too, I'm just speaking from my own observations.

[Dearlover]

I had my first wife try and shoot at me when she found out I was engaged.

 

I had one former fwb knock on our door when she found out why were moving to California because she wanted one more romp with me. She asked this right in front of my wife and asked her if she would be okay with it.

 

 

How would you feel about a woman who didn't care about your personal life after you guys stopped having sex? Do you think she is [promiscuous]? Or mature?

Edited March 21, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[Woggle]

I have a few exes who did that and I don't care. I have a great woman in my life so I don't care. I only care about my first wife to the extent that she blames me for how her life turned out and keeps spreading lies about me. If people want to hate me then fine but get your facts straight and hate me based on facts instead of lies. I wish she would her crap straight and forget about me.

Edited March 21, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact quote of immediately preceding post

[Dearlover]

I have a few exes who did that and I don't care. I have a great woman in my life so I don't care. I only care about my first wife to the extent that she blames me for how her life turned out and keeps spreading lies about me. If people want to hate me then fine but get your facts straight and hate me based on facts instead of lies. I wish she would her crap straight and forget about me.

 

I haven't seen a guy like this but it sounds good.

[preraph]

I think with women the big difference is if the woman broke it off, except for some regretful circumstances like doing it for important life reasons, that she is DONE. Again, not so if it's something like you want kids and I don't. But if it's just she's fed up or has decided he's not all that, she isn't going to be coming around just because the guy is dating someone.

 

But a guy might, for sex. Some have too much pride than that, though.

 

Two of my relationships with divorcing or divorced guys, both said they could not imagine never having sex with their (ex)wife again ever. The very thought rattled them. Yet they were divorcing. I do think the wife of one came after him (she was the betrayer) again as divorce proceedings were under way. And I think he probably went for it.

 

Of course, most divorcing couples get together for one more try.

[mingomatic]

my GF was the OW before. Her ex, a married man wrote an email to me exposing her as revenge, because she dumped him in favour of me. Sent a copy to her father too.

[Agonistes]

I think with women the big difference is if the woman broke it off, except for some regretful circumstances like doing it for important life reasons, that she is DONE. Again, not so if it's something like you want kids and I don't. But if it's just she's fed up or has decided he's not all that, she isn't going to be coming around just because the guy is dating someone.

 

But a guy might, for sex. Some have too much pride than that, though.

 

Two of my relationships with divorcing or divorced guys, both said they could not imagine never having sex with their (ex)wife again ever. The very thought rattled them. Yet they were divorcing. I do think the wife of one came after him (she was the betrayer) again as divorce proceedings were under way. And I think he probably went for it.

 

Of course, most divorcing couples get together for one more try.

 

I agree that it depends on who did the breaking up. I did the breaking up and she did the breaking and entering

 

Both my stalkers were women that I left when they thought things were good. One of them was just delusional. She knew how unhappy I was. I guess she was shocked I had the backbone to end things since I had let her walk all over me for so long.

 

The other was someone I met during my separation and I dumped her when I decided to go back my wife and family. It was my "one more try" before divorcing. This stalking may have cost me my reconciliation. My wife asked me if I had been with anyone during the separation. I knew she couldn't handle it so I lied and said ther hadn't been. Meanwhile the stalker was sending me hate mail at a furious pace. I was forced to save them to possibly be used as evidence of harassment. A few months later wife got suspicious about something, guessed my password, and logged into my work computer. She started snooping. She found the hate mail. Her therapist told her it was a good sign because the mail showed there wasn't an existing relationship and I had also dropped her like a hot potato when Wife had offered a reconciliation. It was a clear sign that I valued a reconciliation Wife and had no interest in continuing with the other woman. But my wife couldn't get past that I had been with someone else and that I had lied to her. There was never any trust after that and I resented it. I was treated like I had had an affair. She used her "righteous indignation" to avoid working on her anger problems. I finally got tired of all the verbal abuse and left for good.

[Agonistes]

I had my first wife try and shoot at me when she found out I was engaged.

 

I had one former fwb knock on our door when she found out why were moving to California because she wanted one more romp with me. She asked this right in front of my wife and asked her if she would be okay with it.

 

Unless you were still married when you got engaged this about as bat **** crazy a thing as I have ever heard.

[preraph]

I agree that it depends on who did the breaking up. I did the breaking up and she did the breaking and entering

 

Both my stalkers were women that I left when they thought things were good. One of them was just delusional. She knew how unhappy I was. I guess she was shocked I had the backbone to end things since I had let her walk all over me for so long.

 

The other was someone I met during my separation and I dumped her when I decided to go back my wife and family. It was my "one more try" before divorcing. This stalking may have cost me my reconciliation. My wife asked me if I had been with anyone during the separation. I knew she couldn't handle it so I lied and said ther hadn't been. Meanwhile the stalker was sending me hate mail at a furious pace. I was forced to save them to possibly be used as evidence of harassment. A few months later wife got suspicious about something, guessed my password, and logged into my work computer. She started snooping. She found the hate mail. Her therapist told her it was a good sign because the mail showed there wasn't an existing relationship and I had also dropped her like a hot potato when Wife had offered a reconciliation. It was a clear sign that I valued a reconciliation Wife and had no interest in continuing with the other woman. But my wife couldn't get past that I had been with someone else and that I had lied to her. There was never any trust after that and I resented it. I was treated like I had had an affair. She used her "righteous indignation" to avoid working on her anger problems. I finally got tired of all the verbal abuse and left for good.

 

Sometimes neither men nor women, even when they're heading for divorce can get past the fact that "he/she just went right out and started dating." Because they feel it makes it look as if they meant nothing. But it's more a way to cope, I think.

 

There's lots of stalkers out there. I know all about them. They're unstable. Certain types are completely irrational and nothing you say can divest them of their delusions. I hate stalkers of any type. There's a fine line there, but once they cross that line where they will do what they do regardless of whether it causes you anxiety or pain, you know at that point they don't love you because if they did, the last thing they'd want to do is scare you. But most of them want to scare you into submission.

[stillafool]

I think both genders hate to see someone move on. I don't think it's just the men. It means you will never have sex with that person again and never be together. The end of hope.