jah526 Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Hypothetically, let’s say you are a pretty young single girl and have struck up an acquaintance with a married man through your work. One day he gives you a box containing an inexpensive piece of jewelry, ostensibly to thank you for some help you’ve given him, although you have a suspicion he may be interested in you. Do you accept the gift? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 (edited) Of course not. Doing so would encourage him to take it to the next level. It would be telling him "green light". He is married and clearly wants an affair with you. You should show him "red light STOP". Edited March 16, 2018 by PegNosePete 7 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Context is everything. Where I work it's a tradition for bosses to bring back their staff a gift when they travel, internationally in particular. I do it myself. The gift in and of itself is not an issue. It's whether it is materially more lavish than those given to others without cause. Is it accompanied by unwelcome attention? Is there an inference that you are uncomfortable with? What is your level of comfort and perception of appropriateness with regards to this gift? If you're uncomfortable.... Publicly pass it on to a more junior staff member. Then have the conversation with your boss. If he or she is not receptive... take it up a level or to HR. Depending on your company policies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 On the one hand I feel people should have the right to keep gifts and not feel obligated because of it. On the other hand I know that too many married men would take this as a suggestion that they had a right to you. I wonder if "Thanks - my mum will love it!" (making it clear that you're not keeping it but passing it on to someone else) would defuse the situation? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 When I was a young woman, i'd have accepted it but felt very weird about it. I wouldn't have had the courage to say, "no thanks creepy old man, you're married." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I think it would be awkward to turn it down but there’s nothing that says you have to believe he has ulterior motives. If he does, that’s his problem. Just play dumb until he tries to ratchet things up, if he actually does that. Then tell him you’re sorry there was a misunderstanding. Link to post Share on other sites
CatMinx Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 How inappropriate of him. I would tell him thank you, it’s lovely and I appreciate the gesture but I can’t accept this, I’m sure it’ll look beautiful on your wife. Has this hypothetical woman been involved with a married man before? Why would she even consider getting involved in another affair? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
JDJ Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 You should not be striking up an acquaintance with anyone at work in the first place. This is 2018, and that is no longer appropriate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Hypothetically, let’s say you are a pretty young single girl and have struck up an acquaintance with a married man through your work. One day he gives you a box containing an inexpensive piece of jewelry, ostensibly to thank you for some help you’ve given him, although you have a suspicion he may be interested in you. Do you accept the gift? Hypothetically? I agree w several of the other responses. Turn it down and say it would look great on his wife. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I would tell him thank you, it’s lovely and I appreciate the gesture but I can’t accept this, I’m sure it’ll look beautiful on your wife. Perfect response. Has this hypothetical woman been involved with a married man before? OP's history says hypothetically probably yes! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 You should not be striking up an acquaintance with anyone at work in the first place. This is 2018, and that is no longer appropriate. Ridiculous overreaction. There is nothing wrong with talking to your coworkers, there is a problem with putting sexual pressure on them. I can't think of any workplace with a "thou shalt not ever under any circumstances speak to any coworker about anything other than work" rule. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 If it's from the MM you have the crush on the answer is NO! It it's from a MM that has his name and his wife's name on it as giver the answer is YES! Which MM is it? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Jewelry is a very personal gift traditionally given in romantic or family relationships. It's highly unusual for a married man to give it to a work subordinate for any reason. I got a necklace from a boss when I ended an internship. He had been very paternalistic toward me during the internship so it was a fatherly gift, but not in a condescending way, more like a mentor. He had also become friendly with my own dad & dad was in on the gift because he asked to see it when I got home. If this guy had given you a coffee mug, food or a gist certificate to say thank you, I'd say it was fine to accept it. In this situation, you hand it back & say you can't accept this because it's too personal. If he has any sense he will realize how inappropriate it was even though he failed to recognize that when he purchased it. If he continues to insist, you recognize that he has improper motives. You keep the gift & make detailed notes of the exchange then keep both in a safe place as evidence for your sexual harassment suit. After you no longer work there, you hock it & spend the money. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jah526 Posted March 26, 2018 Author Share Posted March 26, 2018 Perfect response. OP's history says hypothetically probably yes! I actually wasn't posing this question about myself but about someone else I know who not only accepted the gift, but posted a pic of it on FB. Just wanted to get other thoughts on the appropriateness of it. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 As an employer, Ive only given gift cards to female employees/ assistants.....I agree with the other poster who said that it might be something that's a little too personal... I'd never do it... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts