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Hi everyone, I wrote to this girl on her twitter account that I have a crush on her in one of my college classes and told her I was too shy to talk to her. As you all know with my aspergers, it makes it more tough. Here's what I wrote to her, so please tell me what you think honestly.

 

Hi, I was in one of your classes at U.T. I thought you were really cute. I was always too shy to talk to you, because I was always busy with my studies. I'm a commuter student so I don't live on campus and also an Accounting Major.

 

If you don't want to reply back, I understand. I don't want to freak you out.

 

I figured she may take this as a sweet compliment or she may think I'm a crazy stalker, but I took my chances.

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somanymistakes

Public twitter, or direct message?

 

Mostly you did fine, although you need to actually MEAN it that it's okay if she doesn't respond. She might not be interested.

 

Or she might be uncertain and need time to think about it... she might wait a while to be sure you're not going to do anything crazy stalkerish, and then when she feels safe, ask you if that message was really from you.

 

But really, it's a perfectly okay message. You didn't do anything bad here.

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Hi everyone, I wrote to this girl on her twitter account that I have a crush on her in one of my college classes and told her I was too shy to talk to her. As you all know with my aspergers, it makes it more tough. Here's what I wrote to her, so please tell me what you think honestly.

 

Hi, I was in one of your classes at U.T. I thought you were really cute. I was always too shy to talk to you, because I was always busy with my studies. I'm a commuter student so I don't live on campus and also an Accounting Major.

 

If you don't want to reply back, I understand. I don't want to freak you out.

 

I figured she may take this as a sweet compliment or she may think I'm a crazy stalker, but I took my chances.

 

 

Hi, I was in one of your classes (tell her the specific class/es)

at U.T. I think you were really cute. I am always too shy to talk

to you. I'm a commuter student and also an Accounting Major.

If you would like let's meet for lunch this Friday at the school cafeteria.

 

Wait a week and then follow up with this version. When you want to try

again with others come here first. There will be people here that will

love to help you plan out what to say or write.

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normal person

Hi, I was in one of your classes at U.T. I thought you were really cute.

 

Cool, but does she even know who you are? How did you find her on Twitter? Does she follow you?

 

I was always too shy to talk to you, because I was always busy with my studies.

 

Don't say you're too shy, it's basically the last thing she wants to hear. Women like confidence, and saying you're shy is saying you're afraid of people, and therefore not confident. Also, I'm not sure how being "too busy" with your studies meant you couldn't ever speak to her in person when it probably takes the same amount of time to write her a message on Twitter. I don't think it's something she's going to give you the benefit of the doubt for. It also makes you sound kind of square. For future reference, don't advertise your lesser qualities (shyness). Instead, find a subtle way to draw attention to your good ones.

 

I'm a commuter student so I don't live on campus and also an Accounting Major.

 

So... she doesn't know who you are? Your Twitter has a picture she's going to recognize, I hope? Is she an accounting major too?

 

If you don't want to reply back, I understand. I don't want to freak you out.

 

I know you're trying to be nice, but this makes you seem like you're not confident and almost expecting the worst. Not really the best look. I would leave that out next time. If she doesn't want to reply back, she just won't. She doesn't need your permission not to.

 

I figured she may take this as a sweet compliment or she may think I'm a crazy stalker, but I took my chances.

 

She probably gets told she's cute a dozen times a day. Hearing one more time likely isn't going to make any noticeable difference in her life. What you should do next time (with someone else, not this girl) is talk to her in person, and show some demonstrable value. Show her a reason to like you (if you're funny, interesting, exciting, fun, etc) rather than just exposition about yourself (I'm an accounting major). To get a woman to like you, you usually need to move her emotionally somehow. You have to get her to feel something positive about you. You can't really do that if you just tell her you're too shy (she'll pity you) and that you're an accounting major (there is no emotional component attached to this information so it's basically irrelevant).

 

Another thing you should do is press the situation forward while putting as little pressure on her as possible. When you just send someone a message saying that you're shy, you think they're cute, and that you're an accounting major, what exactly are you expecting the response to be? It's not like you invited her to a party where she can just say yes or no, you're forcing her to fill in a lot of the blanks herself and that's much more uncomfortable. You didn't ask her a question, implying that even if she wanted to talk to you, she would then have to lead the interaction when the whole thing was your doing. If she responds back you should be more proactive, ex: you should come to the bar, you should come to this party, etc, because that's your responsibility, not her's. She'll want you to lead and make decisions, not defer to her to do it all. You'll turn her off pretty fast otherwise.

 

Try that out next time if you need to. Hopefully she responds positively this time so you won't have to. Best of luck.

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Public twitter, or direct message?

 

Mostly you did fine, although you need to actually MEAN it that it's okay if she doesn't respond. She might not be interested.

 

Or she might be uncertain and need time to think about it... she might wait a while to be sure you're not going to do anything crazy stalkerish, and then when she feels safe, ask you if that message was really from you.

 

But really, it's a perfectly okay message. You didn't do anything bad here.

Well, it's been a year since I was in her class, maybe I should've done this earlier.
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Cool, but does she even know who you are? How did you find her on Twitter? Does she follow you?

 

 

 

Don't say you're too shy, it's basically the last thing she wants to hear. Women like confidence, and saying you're shy is saying you're afraid of people, and therefore not confident. Also, I'm not sure how being "too busy" with your studies meant you couldn't ever speak to her in person when it probably takes the same amount of time to write her a message on Twitter. I don't think it's something she's going to give you the benefit of the doubt for. It also makes you sound kind of square. For future reference, don't advertise your lesser qualities (shyness). Instead, find a subtle way to draw attention to your good ones.

 

 

 

So... she doesn't know who you are? Your Twitter has a picture she's going to recognize, I hope? Is she an accounting major too?

 

 

 

I know you're trying to be nice, but this makes you seem like you're not confident and almost expecting the worst. Not really the best look. I would leave that out next time. If she doesn't want to reply back, she just won't. She doesn't need your permission not to.

 

 

 

She probably gets told she's cute a dozen times a day. Hearing one more time likely isn't going to make any noticeable difference in her life. What you should do next time (with someone else, not this girl) is talk to her in person, and show some demonstrable value. Show her a reason to like you (if you're funny, interesting, exciting, fun, etc) rather than just exposition about yourself (I'm an accounting major). To get a woman to like you, you usually need to move her emotionally somehow. You have to get her to feel something positive about you. You can't really do that if you just tell her you're too shy (she'll pity you) and that you're an accounting major (there is no emotional component attached to this information so it's basically irrelevant).

 

Another thing you should do is press the situation forward while putting as little pressure on her as possible. When you just send someone a message saying that you're shy, you think they're cute, and that you're an accounting major, what exactly are you expecting the response to be? It's not like you invited her to a party where she can just say yes or no, you're forcing her to fill in a lot of the blanks herself and that's much more uncomfortable. You didn't ask her a question, implying that even if she wanted to talk to you, she would then have to lead the interaction when the whole thing was your doing. If she responds back you should be more proactive, ex: you should come to the bar, you should come to this party, etc, because that's your responsibility, not her's. She'll want you to lead and make decisions, not defer to her to do it all. You'll turn her off pretty fast otherwise.

 

Try that out next time if you need to. Hopefully she responds positively this time so you won't have to. Best of luck.

Don't women like honesty though?
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somanymistakes
Hi, I was in one of your classes (tell her the specific class/es)

at U.T. I think you were really cute. I am always too shy to talk

to you. I'm a commuter student and also an Accounting Major.

If you would like let's meet for lunch this Friday at the school cafeteria.

 

Wait a week and then follow up with this version. When you want to try

again with others come here first. There will be people here that will

love to help you plan out what to say or write.

 

Yeah, see, if he's already said "it's okay if you don't reply" and then sends another message? That says "I am a liar and possibly a stalker."

 

Your version would have worked fine as the FIRST message though.

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somanymistakes
Well, it's been a year since I was in her class, maybe I should've done this earlier.

 

Yeah, that's true. It would have been better to do it earlier - at this point she is less likely to even remember who you are, so she's much more likely to ignore you.

 

Don't feel bad about that, though. Consider that you made a positive step: you reached out. You can do even better next time, though!

 

Next time, maybe talk to someone that you're still in classes with, and try asking them something they can respond to. road is right that asking a SPECIFIC question, a "would you like to meet at {place} at {time}?" is more likely to push her to actually make a decision and tell you yes or no.

 

Don't women like honesty though?

 

There's nothing that ALL women or ALL men like. There's also such a thing as being too honest. I don't think you'd go up to someone you've just met and suddenly tell them about the time that a mean kid dumped milk on your head at school, would you? That's honest but it's something that a random person doesn't need to know, and it's not a good first impression.

 

If you are shy, YES it is okay to say that you are shy. Some girls will not like that and will not be interested in you. Others will find it appealing.

 

Remember, nothing works for everyone. The point of dating isn't to make every girl on the planet fall for you, it's to find a good match for you.

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Unless you had a photo of yourself so she'd remember who you are, she's unlikely to respond except to ask your name. Did you give her your name and a photo so she remembers you?

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Yeah, that's true. It would have been better to do it earlier - at this point she is less likely to even remember who you are, so she's much more likely to ignore you.

 

Don't feel bad about that, though. Consider that you made a positive step: you reached out. You can do even better next time, though!

 

Next time, maybe talk to someone that you're still in classes with, and try asking them something they can respond to. road is right that asking a SPECIFIC question, a "would you like to meet at {place} at {time}?" is more likely to push her to actually make a decision and tell you yes or no.

 

 

 

There's nothing that ALL women or ALL men like. There's also such a thing as being too honest. I don't think you'd go up to someone you've just met and suddenly tell them about the time that a mean kid dumped milk on your head at school, would you? That's honest but it's something that a random person doesn't need to know, and it's not a good first impression.

 

If you are shy, YES it is okay to say that you are shy. Some girls will not like that and will not be interested in you. Others will find it appealing.

 

Remember, nothing works for everyone. The point of dating isn't to make every girl on the planet fall for you, it's to find a good match for you.

Well, I don't post my last name on my twitter and I don't have a picture on it, but if she doesn't write back and I see her in another class of mine in the future, would it be okay to start up a conversation with her since she didn't see my picture or knew my last name? Wouldn't it actually be better for me since I've started to talk to her in person?
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CrazyKatLady

I would think social media is ok to reach out on, but many people are leary--its best to take action in person.

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Yeah, see, if he's already said "it's okay if you don't reply" and then sends another message? That says "I am a liar and possibly a stalker."

 

Your version would have worked fine as the FIRST message though.

 

I agree.

 

I was pointing out how to do it in the future with someone new.

Did not make that clear.

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Well, I don't post my last name on my twitter and I don't have a picture on it, but if she doesn't write back and I see her in another class of mine in the future, would it be okay to start up a conversation with her since she didn't see my picture or knew my last name? Wouldn't it actually be better for me since I've started to talk to her in person?

 

 

Yes, a good idea.

 

 

Maybe I should stick to my original plan, to just hire and escort for an hour and be done with it.

 

 

No, a bad idea and you will find the experience empty.

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I don't mean to be mean, but I don't think anyone here can understand how sexually frustrated I am still being a virgin at 29 years old, I don't know of anyone being a virgin in their late 20s.

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Don't women like honesty though?

 

Honesty is a spectrum. Allow me to demonstrait:

 

1) One bite of this decadent layer cake will explode warm molten chocolate into your mouth releasing flavors and emotions you have never before experienced. Your senses will be overwhelmed with the richness this succulent layer cake complimented by a generous serving of vanilla ice cream made from hand picked vanilla beans.

 

2) This cake contains more calories than the daily recommended guidelines established by the FDA. Eating this will contribute to obesity which will make you less attractive to the opposite sex, as well as contribute to a variety of health problems.

 

Both can be honest, but which do you find more appealing?

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I don't mean to be mean, but I don't think anyone here can understand how sexually frustrated I am still being a virgin at 29 years old, I don't know of anyone being a virgin in their late 20s.

 

I understand your pain. Though no pain no gain.

So here is a little pain your social skills with the women suck.

 

Though you found us on LS. And what you have found is a

lot of people that will help you to approach women. Just

keep posting here. Then the next time to see a woman that

you like. Tell us about her and the people here, specially the

women here, that know this stuff will guide you on how to

approach her.

 

You will get there. You may make some mistakes though you

will find a woman that will see past those and see what you

have to offer more then makes up for them.

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29 years old, never had sex. A lot of people will tell me, you're a loser. I bet there are some people on this forum who probably think it, but are not saying it. I will say this though, no one knows how bad aspergers can affect your social skills. I'm on an asperger forum and they say the same thing. I didn't know I had this disorder until a few years ago. It would explain my experience back in middle school 16 years ago. I knew their was something off with me, but didn't know what, because I didn't act like how the other kids acted.

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Brad

 

You are not a loser but you are dealing with something bigger then yourself.

 

I don't know much about Asperger's but I know 2 people who have it. I get that they don't understand basic social cues. As a result they are misinterpreted by many others & they, like you, end up feeling isolated.

 

Is there are local therapist or social worker who can work with you to develop better social skills?

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littleblackheart

Hi Brad

 

I have Aspergers too, I've spent many a year observing social cues and understand them now, but it doesn't make getting into a relationship any easier. Having ASD will complicate things for sure, but it's basically just as tricky for NTs.

 

If you could put having ASD aside (difficult, I know), what do you find the most difficult to do and what do you think you would benefit most from the board in terms of general advice? Is it decoding signs of mutual interest, or more how to get yourself noticed by girls you like?

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normal person
Don't women like honesty though?

 

If the honesty yields to appealing truths, sure. If it leads to unappealing truths, you can't expect people to overlook the bad things just because you're honest about them. Honesty doesn't trump the off putting.

 

I don't mean to be mean, but I don't think anyone here can understand how sexually frustrated I am still being a virgin at 29 years old, I don't know of anyone being a virgin in their late 20s.

 

Maybe part of the problem is that you're 29, still in school, and hitting on college aged girls (18-21). If women go for older men, it's usually because they're more established and have their lives in order. If you're still in school at that age you're behind the curve and the women know it. You'd probably be much better suited trying to date women who were closer to your own age, I think.

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I don't mean to be mean, but I don't think anyone here can understand how sexually frustrated I am still being a virgin at 29 years old, I don't know of anyone being a virgin in their late 20s.

 

Try being a 32 year old woman and STILL being a virgin.

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If the honesty yields to appealing truths, sure. If it leads to unappealing truths, you can't expect people to overlook the bad things just because you're honest about them. Honesty doesn't trump the off putting.

 

 

 

Maybe part of the problem is that you're 29, still in school, and hitting on college aged girls (18-21). If women go for older men, it's usually because they're more established and have their lives in order. If you're still in school at that age you're behind the curve and the women know it. You'd probably be much better suited trying to date women who were closer to your own age, I think.

I know I'm behind the curve, not because I'm not smart academically, but because I've been through a lot in my personal life fighting depression and my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, but she caught it at an early stage, thank god. I would've graduated in 2012, but also the transfer credits I originally took transferred to a 4 year school I was originally going to go to, but I decided an a different school and had to take different credits which also put me behind. I changed my mind on the school I supposed to go to, because it was too far away from home.
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