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My gf hurt and kill animals in the past, should I be concerned?


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KevinDuff90

What worries me is she didn't tell me about this herself. It was at a reunion where a mutual friend (Linda) of her family told me about it.

 

If it weren't for her parents and other relatives, Linda wouldn't be even be cordial with her. I was told that when my girlfriend was an 8-11 year-old kid, she hurt several puppies a bunch of times, bragged to her peers about stabbing a cat, shooting squirrels and birds' nests with an arrow and also hurting Linda's rabbits. She was aggressive with other kids at school (one of them being Linda's own son; giving him a black eye) too.

 

When I confronted with all her, she was shocked, admitted it was true but claimed to have changed long ago. She did expressed remorse about it.

 

She's already been introduced to my family, my baby nephew and my uncle's Siberian Husky. She hasn't done anything and seems like a wonderful, nurturing woman that loves kids... but this new revelation is worrying me. This isn't normal for even a kid, esp not a little girl.

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Yes that is troubling behavior for a child but it was the behavior of a child. She was allegedly 11 when it stopped. How old are you both now? If her age no longer has the word "teen" in it, I suspect she has matured & worked through her demons.

 

Perhaps ask her about that period of her life -- what she was feeling? Did she get therapy? Does she feel like that now? See what she says.

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LivingWaterPlease

This would concern me very much, too, Kevin. I would consult a trained and experienced counselor or two about this, were I in your place. I'm not a trained counselor or professional in human behavior by any means but it is my understanding that this could indicate serious psychological issues that may precede violence toward humans.

 

I'm not sure what would constitute regeneration for a person who had done these things as a child. I believe in second chances for people if they have changed, but not sure how you could ever be sure she had.

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Happy Lemming
It means I'm worried about it and haven't stopped thinking about it.

 

Dude...

 

RUN!!

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I would be worried too. You know the saying most serial killers or at least sociopaths starts with animals. She is an absolute peanut.

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Your post sounds like something from Deadly Women.

 

You're right to be concerned. That behavior is very distressing. Is there anything else off about her? How old is she now?

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Eternal Sunshine

This is very serious. There is also no gurantee that she stopped at 11, she possibly just got older and wiser in hiding it.

 

Kids go through a lot of stages and can do weird things they grow out of. Torturing and killing animals is not something anyone without serious psychological issues would do at ANY age.

 

RUN.

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bathtub-row

I’d worry that something down the road would push those buttons and then it would start all over again - for example, marriage or kids. Ask yourself, would you want your children raised by this person? Sorry, I think her behavior is extremely radical and indicates a very sick mind.

 

I’m always sympathetic toward people with emotional demons but I learned a long time ago not to invite them into my life. I’ve also learned that when you see red flags, do not ignore them or you will live to regret it. This isn’t something I could overlook. It falls into the ‘dealbreaker’ category.

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KevinDuff90
Perhaps ask her about that period of her life -- what she was feeling? Did she get therapy? Does she feel like that now? See what she says.
No mention about therapy so I'm assuming no.

 

 

She feels complete remorse about it now and stated she would never hurt my nephew nor our Husky.

At the time, she was feeling some sort of power trip, angry urges and a sick satisaction of hurting animals and those (her classmates she bullied) weaker than her.

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GorillaTheater

We can pretty much say for certain that she was a seriously hurting and messed-up kid. Maybe that's resolved and maybe it hasn't, but unless she's spent some serious time in therapy (which as far as we know didn't happen) or has done considerable self-reflection, I can't imagine that she's 100% good-to-go now. I'd say she poses a real risk of continuing destructive and harmful behaviors, emotional or otherwise. Too big of a gamble for me; how about you?

 

 

How about another talk with Linda to get her views on what this woman has been like since her puppy-kicking days?

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Not sure how old she is now but behaviors of a 8-11 year old doesn't mean it's how she'll always be. If she's loving and caring for other animals and hasn't displayed any aggression towards animals or people, it could be that she grew out of it. Be aware of any 'red flags' that you sense and accept her as a loving, caring partner.

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She's 26 now and haven't noticed anything odd about her to be honest, other than what that revelation.

 

15 years ago and nothing else wrong? I think you can give her the benefit of a doubt. Maybe it was just a phase.

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Maybe a phase, but if she tells mutual friends - would they agree and be nice?

 

I know I would find her to be horrible and would just feel an inner urgh on the sight of her thereafter.

 

Would you feel embarrassed if she told your mutual friends?

 

I mean to say, she was blabby enough to tell you.

Edited by darkmoon
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Well my feelings are hurt that she hurt those animals. I don't forgive her. How could she STAB a cat? Is this really for real?

 

Have you two had a fight yet?

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LivingWaterPlease
No mention about therapy so I'm assuming no.

 

 

She feels complete remorse about it now and stated she would never hurt my nephew nor our Husky.

At the time, she was feeling some sort of power trip, angry urges and a sick satisaction of hurting animals and those (her classmates she bullied) weaker than her.

 

She can say all of the right words but to torture living creatures is an extreme way to act out that doesn't go away because she decides to quit. Seems to me those anger urges, power trips and the sick satisfaction she got when she was watching a kitten or puppy suffer will present in other ways, and could come out at any time. That's not something you just decide to quit doing and then the urges to damage and hurt naturally dispel.

 

The depth of hatred it takes to get to that point doesn't just fade away with age. It just burrows itself more deeply within, but at some point it's going to need a release.

 

If you should decide to break it off with her at any time, be very careful as to how you go about it.

 

This is something I'd run from, no questions asked. I would need to interact with someone like this for a decade, going through arguments, disagreements, all kinds of emotions with them, and watching them deal with others in like situations of various emotions before I'd get involved in a close relationship with them.

 

I don't believe I'd ever want to have children with a person who had committed these kinds of acts. She may get well at some point, and be fine with children, idk, but I'd never risk it.

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todreaminblue

if this were my child i would have sought help for her.... mental help..i would have had her admitted to a child psychiatric unit......and i would have also ...sounds bad but i would have sought consequences of her actions against animals....i find it strange her family knows ....yet nothing was done.....

if there were no consequences to what she did or no mental evaluation ...no matter how much remorse she shows now...the issue wasn't dealt with appropriately

 

children normally have a high level of empathy for animals....animals being helpless and vulnerable.....it is what children are ...helpless and vulnerable.... hence empathy.....

 

 

takes a certain type of personality to kill animals......its not a healthy personality...child or not......even if she is remorseful ....i feel mental evaluation is needed still...to deal with what she has done...killing anything as a child...would affect who you are as an adult.....every time she saw an animal....that was like the one she killed or stabbed or maimed...

 

 

i cant even imagine hurting an animal ...i cant even kill mice in my house which is actually a problem....

 

 

to be angry enough to kill an animal is serious...and i believe that she would benefit from counselling as will you if you decide to continue to date her..its not something you just get over i believe.....whole-heartedly....i could however be wrong...seek counselling and find that out whats right ....whats wrong.... ...let us know how it goes please....good luck..deb....

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LivingWaterPlease

I was going to include in my post along with depth of hatred, lack of empathy. Could be one or both, most likely both.

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todreaminblue
I was going to include in my post along with depth of hatred, lack of empathy. Could be one or both, most likely both.

 

 

 

if there were a precise word for the opposite of nurture that would be the word i would choose.... i thought every word had an exact opposite....i can only find the antonyms as being part and parcel of the lack of nurture..help me out living waterplease.....one exact word for opposite of nurture there has to be one....deb

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She sounds like she was an incredibly disturbed child... but that's an extreme example of the silly things we do as children that we grow out of. She hadn't brought it up before presumably because it's a part of her past she's highly embarrassed about.

 

I would be seriously concerned if by "past" it was when she was around 18-20. But at the age of 10? I've seen kids and teenagers act up in serious ways, and turn out to be successful as adults (I mean, who else here has done silly things in childhood/adolescence?). I'd be cautious from this point but I certainly wouldn't run yet until you have a reason to with current behaviour.

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LivingWaterPlease
if there were a precise word for the opposite of nurture that would be the word i would choose.... i thought every word had an exact opposite....i can only find the antonyms as being part and parcel of the lack of nurture..help me out living waterplease.....one exact word for opposite of nurture there has to be one....deb

 

Oh, my, deb! Let's think about that one! The word that came to mind was ignore, but then I looked on a list and saw neglect...yet further on down the list was victimize!

Edited by LivingWaterPlease
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LivingWaterPlease
She sounds like she was an incredibly disturbed child... but that's an extreme example of the silly things we do as children that we grow out of. She hadn't brought it up before presumably because it's a part of her past she's highly embarrassed about.

 

I would be seriously concerned if by "past" it was when she was around 18-20. But at the age of 10? I've seen kids and teenagers act up in serious ways, and turn out to be successful as adults (I mean, who else here has done silly things in childhood/adolescence?). I'd be cautious from this point but I certainly wouldn't run yet until you have a reason to with current behaviour.

 

Do you personally know anyone who has tortured animals at any age of their lives? Torturing is not a silly thing that people do as children. It's a vicious criminal act that people can do at any age and is not an indication of immaturity, but rather of deep-seated illness.

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