Reinar22 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 (edited) Ok so first off it is not my intention to make my ex look bad in any way so let me say first hand where I went wrong, I was insecure and that drove her away. It was a short term relationship but it hurt so much We were dating for about a month already and I cant say if it was a long distance relationship but their place is a 3 hour bus ride from mine but it did not bother me much, I was able to visit her 2 times a week, we have been in contact almost every day and she is the one always to initiate. So one day I decided to go to church with her in the town she is in, we belong to the same church just different branches. After the service we were invited to attend a meeting to discuss church activities in the coming months and in that meeting there was this one guy who just cant stop flirting with her, he was trying to get her attention non-stop, he was always joking to her, staring at her, being playful and he did not even care that I was sitting next to her he just won't stop. Normally I wasn't bothered that she has admirers because she was quite popular around her friends but what bothered me was she was responding back she laughs at his jokes, teases the guy and they even looked into each others eyes. I nudged her to focus on the meeting but she was annoyed and told me "What's your problem?" and then continued being playful with the guy. Her friends tease her with this guy all the time, earlier that day, we were having a conversation with her friends they said that he was sad that her "boyfriend" was with her and then my ex asked about what the guy said and I told her "Why do you care?" then conversation continued and then she asked her friend again about what the guy said I was a bit annoyed but did not feel concerned as she assured me it was nothing.The meeting just finished with her and the guy still flirting. I was angry after that meeting, I rode the bus home and did not talk to her, she called later that night and there I said some nasty things like how I was so disappointed at what I saw and why she was not telling the guy to stop and why he was too familiar around her. She said that I judge her too quick just because of what I saw and that I don't know her at all. The following day she did not call or text and then the day after that she texted that she wants to break up, she was not happy and can't accept the fact that she was called "flirty" I never called her that, I only asked why she was not stopping the guy from what he was doing, she wanted to break up on text but I wanted to face her upfront so after my enrollment for the next semester in college that day I went straight to her house and there talked with her. We were able to fix it and agreed that it won't happen again, I apologized for being overbearing and she also apologized for making me feel that way. The days after that she started becoming distant and cold, she did not text or call anymore, sometimes she does but most of the time she does not. Whenever I try to talk to her about those concerns she just dismisses me and says that I have too many demands, I was not demanding it I just felt that she was becoming distant. To make things short she became distant and then I started to chase which made things worse and then one day we got into an argument and she said she wants to breakup because she does not have feelings anymore for me. I did not stop her that time and we broke up. It was a short term relationship but it hurt so much I was normally a focused guy but this breakup made me feel so distracted and unfocused which was really hard because I'm already in my third year in college where research and undegraduate thesis is a constant companion. NC has really helped me out in this situation as it allowed me to gather myself again, I tried to talk to her after that or message her on facebook but she ignores me almost all the time then one day she told me to just forget about her as she has no plans of reconciling and don't make her block me on facebook. So I finally decided to go NC, I blocked her on facebook and it felt right. From what I hear from her friends she kind of hates me for blocking her on facebook, they apologized on her behalf because even though she had many suitors I was her first boyfriend so they say that she does not really know how to be a proper girlfriend, either way its over and I'm already accepting that it is over. So that's my story, what do you guys think? I do not regret the breakup because I've learned so much from it but there are times that I wonder how things would have played out if I did not call her out for her behavior on that meeting and sometimes I also wonder If I there was really nothing and I just overreacted. Edited March 1, 2018 by Reinar22 Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 Your ex sounded very immature. To be honest, her behavior would have been unacceptable in my opinion to flirt with other guys in your presence. That is disrespectful. No one should put up with that behavior. Breakups suck, but she did you a favor. No contact is good. It helps the healing process move along much quicker. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 For most people, flirting= cheating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reinar22 Posted March 2, 2018 Author Share Posted March 2, 2018 Not necessarily but it was just something that I could not handle in my presence, the way they flirted is just too much for me, when I mentioned that they looked into each other's eyes I noticed them and they broke eye contact but when I was focusing on the meeting they are doing it again and again, now it could be that I was just overreacting but in my opinion her behavior continually encourages the guy to flirt with her. He even invited her to visit somebody with his buddy who also has a crush on my ex, my ex then told me "hey I'm gonna go with them" even though she already felt that I was uncomfortable with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 Do you think she flirts with her mom? her friends? etc...no...only opposite attractive sex, right? so flirting is definitely cheating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Wth hell were you talking about things being your fault. She's flirting right in front of you, it is cheating and they both knew exactly what they were doin. And yeah , she's also very immature. Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoulB Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 (edited) Why do you people not know how to communicate? Reinar22, when stuff like that happens, you need to clarify **** with your partner. Find a time and sit down with them and talk about where the relationship is currently at, what is and isn't OK, and what is expected from each other. If you guys had sat down and talked it out, you may have found out that 1 month wasn't something that's enough for her to see 1 guy. Maybe she was still in "looking for a guy" mode, but she didn't explicitly mention it, and you never asked her about it either. Maybe thats why she thought you were too demanding. I believe she didn't think you guys were in the "exclusive phase" yet, and you were already telling her not to talk to other guys. Like holy ****. Communicate people, communicate! Edited March 5, 2018 by OldSoulB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reinar22 Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 I couldn't agree more. When things calmed down I wanted to talk with her about it but she said she does not want to explain herself and hates explaining why she does the things she does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reinar22 Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 forgot to mention concerning the "exclusive phase" she told me I am not allowed to date other women anymore or even go to parties and dance with other women, I agreed because I'm was in love with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Learn this lesson. If you chase they move farther away. I wouldn't have went back the first time. Life is to short to put up with crap 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoulB Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 forgot to mention concerning the "exclusive phase" she told me I am not allowed to date other women anymore or even go to parties and dance with other women, I agreed because I'm was in love with her. Aha, so now stuff is surfacing that was never mentioned in the original post. How are we supposed to give opinions and insights if we don't know the full story? I'm not saying you're hiding stuff. All I'm saying is that you're probably neglecting stuff because you either think it wasn't significant or you forgot about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reinar22 Posted March 9, 2018 Author Share Posted March 9, 2018 Appreciate the tip. You are right I did not think it significant anymore at this point, rest assured I am working on that nasty side of me. The original post is the summary of it all. Like I said it is not my intent to demonize her or anything because I also have my own mistakes and that is not communicating very well. Link to post Share on other sites
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