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Being asked for sex on first date


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Does this happen to any other ladies? Is there away to stop this? Most men I meet try to have sex with me very quickly, usually by the end of the first date. Very few men in my experience do not do this.

 

I am not intending to date, but I would like to know.

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fieldoflavender

I think it depends on tons of things - what your profile and their profile says, what your discussions pre-meeting are about, and what you talk about on the date.

 

I am (was?) looking for LTR so I would on purposely bring this issue up if it's a tinder guy, and no one has yet to this day asked me for sex on the first date. But that's because I on purposely make it clear what my intentions are. People may have implied and tried to imply for the second date but I shut it down.

 

But if I am going on a date with some guy who only has topless pictures, then yeah, I guess I would know what I am expecting?

 

Or if I was open to sex on a first date, then I guess I would approach it MUCH differently.

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Unless I was the one giving out those signals that I wanted it, I have never had a man push for sex on the 1st date.

 

 

the most positive way you can handle it is to be flattered that he thought you were attractive / desirable & that you know early on where his priorities lie so you don't continue to waste your time.

 

 

Since this apparently happens to you often, you need to figure out why. Is it something you are doing / saying? Is it where you go with these dates? Is it where you meet them? Is your picker just off?

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Cookiesandough

This has never happened to me. I have been asked to go over to their house after a first date, but the only thing that happens is kissing.

 

 

I had one guy try but that’s bc I brought it up first. It was the 3rd date and he alluded to oral “I bet you taste like candy” :sick:after making out heavily with clothes. I think he was trying for sex on our 6th, 7th dates but never happened.

 

Another one said he’s really good oral and loves doing it on like the 3rd date. But that was that

 

 

I have been on dates with 20+ guys but most of them just some activity outside. Only about 5 I went to their house and 2 hinted at oral, 1 at sex, but wasn’t ready so they dropped it. Another 3 just made out

 

 

That sounds so weird when I write it like that.

 

 

Anyway it could be the men you are choosing to go out with, maybe you are attracted to very assertive, sexual types

 

How do these guys even ask that on a first date? I’d be insulted kind of.

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No, this isn't my experience. I'm pretty unmistakable in my intentions on early dates and sex ain't a part of anything until we know each other much better than this.

 

What types of guys are you going after?

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When I was dating it did happen quite a bit and it was mostly caused because I have a bubbly personality, I flirt, and dress sexy - not provocative but classy-sexy. Men took it as I would be willing to follow them home while ALL I wanted was to experience a good date and nothing else.

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Gaeta

 

 

I think the difference is you understood why it was happening. Hotpotato doesn't seem to know & therein lies the problem. Since she is the common denominator, she needs to figure what is causing this.

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For the most part, no, there is no asking for sex outright or pushing it. Most men are gentlemen. I'm also older. Even younger, I don't recall many men being that pushy. Now, let's be realistic that if you're making out, and hands go places and you don't put a stop because, well, you're rather enjoying it, he's going to keep on pushing it one step further. For the most part, I get some smooching when he walks me to my car, and then we part ways.

 

First dates, especially with OLD or you met the guy at a bar or randomly IRL, you should stay public, take your own transportation, that sort of thing, so you don't put yourself in a precarious position. The privacy of a car can lend itself to actions, and if a guy is pushy, you just need to push him away, get in the car, go back to the restaurant/bar, whatever.

 

Yes, some can be pushy on a first date, but few, in my experience, expect it or push it to any degree that I feel fearful...annoyed and don't plan on seeing him again, yes. :)

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Gaeta

 

I think the difference is you understood why it was happening. Hotpotato doesn't seem to know & therein lies the problem. Since she is the common denominator, she needs to figure what is causing this.

 

She needs to explore how she presents herself. I had no clue I was sending that signal to men till a couple of them pointed I was very flirty. I thought I was being nice but now that I look back I was flirty.

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Most of my dates were from pof,but even when I met a guy girl, he still tried to do it. I've never used tinder.

 

I never dressed provocatively. I was never super flirty.

 

I'm not sure if I take as a compliment as they usually ask for sex then disappear. In some ways the immediate ghosting is better than some of my other experiences.

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Gaeta -- I agree. that was why I asked hotpotato some Qs. No judgment jut figure out if there is something she can do differently if she is upset by the early requests for sex.

 

 

I had the opposite problem when I was younger. I could barely get a date because even when I thought I was being open, casual & approachable boys my age found me to be intimidating & cerebral.

 

 

As an adult people of both genders find me bossy. Well, I am bossy because gee, I'm usually the boss. But I was president of a business group & my board got upset saying I was too authoritative with them. I was so hurt because I had been tamping down my assertiveness & I thought I was bending over backwards to be accommodating. A few of them actually saw me do my day job which requires a significant command presence. At that point they realized that I had been being sweet to them.

 

 

Hotpotato -- just be more self aware & you can probably prevent this if that is what you want.

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Cookiesandough

That’s really weird hotpotato. If you’re not dressy provocatively or hinting/being very flirty the only thing that makes sense is you’re choosing sleazy guys for some reason

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I'm not sure if I take as a compliment as they usually ask for sex then disappear. .

 

 

I just meant don't be insulted that they asked. Of course be insulted that they asked, didn't really take no for an answer & then ghosted. That's just rude but it does show you want they want.

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Cookiesandough

What kind a guy is your type? I may be wrong but I have gotten from other thread that you either date really good looking guys or you’ve dated not so good looking guys who are really thirsty and rude. Why are you choosing guys who are not even good looking but also come at you in a very disrespectful way just wondering?

 

There are plenty of very respectful guys out there and gentlemen who wouldn’t even try to kiss on the first day. These guys annoy me to no end personally, but they are plentiful

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Most of my dates were from pof,but even when I met a guy girl, he still tried to do it. I've never used tinder.

 

I never dressed provocatively. I was never super flirty.

 

I'm not sure if I take as a compliment as they usually ask for sex then disappear. In some ways the immediate ghosting is better than some of my other experiences.

 

Do you filter these men before meeting them? Do you ask them why they're online? what they're looking for? Do you check with a couple of questions if they are serious about their search?

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For the most part, no, there is no asking for sex outright or pushing it. Most men are gentlemen. I'm also older. Even younger, I don't recall many men being that pushy. Now, let's be realistic that if you're making out, and hands go places and you don't put a stop because, well, you're rather enjoying it, he's going to keep on pushing it one step further. For the most part, I get some smooching when he walks me to my car, and then we part ways.

 

First dates, especially with OLD or you met the guy at a bar or randomly IRL, you should stay public, take your own transportation, that sort of thing, so you don't put yourself in a precarious position. The privacy of a car can lend itself to actions, and if a guy is pushy, you just need to push him away, get in the car, go back to the restaurant/bar, whatever.

 

Yes, some can be pushy on a first date, but few, in my experience, expect it or push it to any degree that I feel fearful...annoyed and don't plan on seeing him again, yes. :)

I already learned the hard way 'be alone with Me means sex. It doesn't have to be at his place either lol

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Cookiesandough

Oh wait I forgot one guy I went to their house, they cooked me a huge meal plus dessert, we played video games, at the end of the night I hinted at a good night kiss. He said he doesn’t kiss until exclusive. Lol.

 

We had another date planned but I canceled

 

It’s def not you , but the guys!

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Do you filter these men before meeting them? Do you ask them why they're online? what they're looking for? Do you check with a couple of questions if they are serious about their search?

 

I admit, when I used POF I didn't ask many questions beforehand.

 

Also, there is usually not much if any hand holding or kissing before he asks. Usually, there is none. It's from frapucino or dinner date to sex. I tried wearing something very unflattering to see if guys would stop, and it would still happen.

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I remember a date in the middle of the day. The guy walks me to my car after the date and as I am getting in my car he says *wait* and he pulled his d&ck out of his pants!

 

I said WTH is wrong with you?? and he said he wanted to make sure I knew he was well equipped. Yep! under a shining sun in middle of afternoon in a parking lot.

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Cookiesandough
I remember a date in the middle of the day. The guy walks me to my car after the date and as I am getting in my car he says *wait* and he pulled his d&ck out of his pants!

 

I said WTH is wrong with you?? and he said he wanted to make sure I knew he was well equipped. Yep! under a shining sun in middle of afternoon in a parking lot.

 

Why can’t my dates be like this

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What kind a guy is your type? I may be wrong but I have gotten from other thread that you either date really good looking guys or you’ve dated not so good looking guys who are really thirsty and rude. Why are you choosing guys who are not even good looking but also come at you in a very disrespectful way just wondering?

 

There are plenty of very respectful guys out there and gentlemen who wouldn’t even try to kiss on the first day. These guys annoy me to no end personally, but they are plentiful

 

I definitely have a type, someone who is really into fitness like me. However, the guys I have dated have been a mix. Yes, that is something I mentioned in another thread-id try to date a guy I wasn't attracted to her get sexual very quickly, and I'd get tempted by the more attractive guy. I haven't had a guy co e ast me disrespectful in the first emails, or texts or first part of the date.

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I remember a date in the middle of the day. The guy walks me to my car after the date and as I am getting in my car he says *wait* and he pulled his d&ck out of his pants!

 

I said WTH is wrong with you?? and he said he wanted to make sure I knew he was well equipped. Yep! under a shining sun in middle of afternoon in a parking lot.

 

Hahaha made my evening :D :D

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