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In defense of narcissists


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So... I test really high on the narcissist tests. Like really high. I could give you a song and dance about how that isn't a bad thing etc but let's face it, I have a little USC marching band in my head celebrating my awesomeness.

 

Two things I want you to know:

 

1) I don't see that as some sort of superiority complex. I don't see myself as better than anyone else. I want everyone to have their own little marching band. A common misperception is that the narcissist sees other people as beneath them. Lower than them. I see greatness in everyone I see. I am everyone's greatest cheerleader. I want everyone to have what I have.

 

2) When someone like me falls in love with someone like you - you need to know that that means they find you to be the greatest there is. The most astoundingly amazing creature on the face of the earth. i honestly believe that any woman, be it Beyonce, or Gisele, is within my reach if they just got to know me. And the fact that I chose you means that you're just not at the top of the list of every woman I could reasonable have, you are the most amazing woman on the planet. The whole f***ing planet! You are greater, more beautiful and more majestic than any other woman that walks the earth. I choose you. Not out of the catalog of possibility but out of the catalog of all.

 

So when a narcissist loves you, you can be Certain that he/she really loves you. No caveats. No hesitation. He or she is declaring that you are the pinnacle of their desire. There is no one else.

 

So stick that in your hat and smoke it.

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Mmm, ok.

 

I was with one of you once. The way he loved wasn't so bad. It's the way he acted after his love turned to hatred that really left an indelible mark.

 

Never again.

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Mmm, ok.

 

I was with one of you once. The way he loved wasn't so bad. It's the way he acted after his love turned to hatred that really left an indelible mark.

 

Never again.

 

Ya I can see that

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Mmm, ok.

 

I was with one of you once. The way he loved wasn't so bad. It's the way he acted after his love turned to hatred that really left an indelible mark.

 

Never again.

 

Me too. Traumatized for life from all the manipulation.

 

I'll never trust men again... even though I know most aren't like my exH.

 

It's abuse at its highest level. Living with someone that selfish sucks big time.

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True Narcissists absolutely believe that other people are beneath them.

 

True narcissists are not really capable of love because they view people as objects to be manipulated and used.

 

Based on your post you are not a narcissist. You are probably a person with good self esteem, lots of self confidence and perhaps a big ego, but not a narcissist.

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You don't seem to realize what a true narcissist is. It's a person with a real personality disorder which shares a lot of common traits with sociopaths and psychopaths. That a narcissist considers others below isn't a misconception, it's a fact. Someone with NPD not only considers others worse - they lack sympathy and disregards other people's feelings. There isn't just a marching band in their head celebrating their awesomeness - they have a grandiose sense of importance which can't be matched by anyone else. Constantly demanding others to prove themselves, to level up otherwise they aren't worthy of a narcissist's attention.

 

I've dealt with a real narcissist, not someone who took a couple of Internet test (do you really think those are serious??) and it was an awful experience.

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todreaminblue
Narcissism is often interpreted in popular culture as a person who’s in love with him or herself. It is more accurate to characterize the pathological narcissist as someone who’s in love with an idealized self-image, which they project in order to avoid feeling (and being seen as) the real, disenfranchised, wounded self. Deep down, most pathological narcissists feel like the “ugly duckling,” even if they painfully don’t want to admit it.

 

narcissists are often wounded souls who project a certain image....my ex who lives with me....he is one.....he can be cruel aggressive and has all the signs of a narcissist...he wasn't born that way.....he was turned that way.......he had the hardest childhood of anyone i know.....and sometimes the narcissistic side comes out.....arrogance ignorance cruelty......i don't like his behaviors.....but i know the wounded child he is..and after i bring him down from his cruelty and ignorance.......i feel for him ...i know its his defense mechanism......narcisssim

 

the boy who doesnt even know when he was truly born what day or even what year.....picked up half dead and malnourished by cops with a head full of head lice the size of marbles.....packed off into an orphanage and sexually molested by the people who were supposed to care for him....

 

 

all narcissists have issues......i dont think your a narcissist...you may however have issues.. you have a swelled head to fit that marching band in...you'll live....go for the worlds smallest violin instead...still plays music you can waltz too.......deb

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So stick that in your hat and smoke it.

Consider it stuck and smoked.

 

Personally I thought those tests and "diagnosis" were meant to help you identify aspects of your personality and the choices you make which may be causing you problems, and help you self-improve. But you seem proud of the fact that you have personality traits which many people find unattractive, red flags and deal-breakers.

 

Well, OK. Good luck with Beyonce :)

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Eternal Sunshine

They can only “love” someone that gives them unconditional adoration. Nothing to do with how great that person is. Everything to do how great that person thinks *they* are.

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Personality disorders are not diseases; they're diagnostic guidelines. They exist as a means of understanding common clusters of characteristics. It is possible to have many if not all of the traits associated with a given disorder but not have the actual condition. Only a certified medical professional can determine whether you actually have narcissistic personality disorder.

 

That aside, narcissism is not a thing to be aggressively defended. It's like breaking into someone's house and while the homeowners are terrified and cowering you say "no, see, this is actually good for you!" Narcissism causes pain and celebrates indifference to that pain. It reinforces depression, loneliness and low self-worth among anyone unlucky enough to stay in your orbit.

 

The key to resolving any problem is to acknowledge the problem exists, not try to explain that it isn't really a problem. If you do exhibit these traits in a way that disrupts your life I hope you find all the assistance and healing you need.

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2) When someone like me falls in love with someone like you - you need to know that that means they find you to be the greatest there is. The most astoundingly amazing creature on the face of the earth. i honestly believe that any woman, be it Beyonce, or Gisele, is within my reach if they just got to know me. And the fact that I chose you means that you're just not at the top of the list of every woman I could reasonable have, you are the most amazing woman on the planet. The whole f***ing planet! You are greater, more beautiful and more majestic than any other woman that walks the earth. I choose you. Not out of the catalog of possibility but out of the catalog of all.

 

So when a narcissist loves you, you can be Certain that he/she really loves you. No caveats. No hesitation. He or she is declaring that you are the pinnacle of their desire. There is no one else.

 

So stick that in your hat and smoke it.

 

Also, I couldn't disagree more. When a narcissist "loves" you, what they really love is the extent to which you reflect themselves. They love the feeling of being in love, and rather than developing love for you they just feed on your validation and adoration. They "love" you because you make them feel as worthy as they consider themselves to be. They "love" you right until they no longer feel you're doing enough to prop up their inflated self-image, at which point they drop you for whatever dope will put them on a pedestal again. It's not real mature love, it's a suffocating need for idolatry.

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Also, I couldn't disagree more. When a narcissist "loves" you, what they really love is the extent to which you reflect themselves. They love the feeling of being in love, and rather than developing love for you they just feed on your validation and adoration. They "love" you because you make them feel as worthy as they consider themselves to be. They "love" you right until they no longer feel you're doing enough to prop up their inflated self-image, at which point they drop you for whatever dope will put them on a pedestal again. It's not real mature love, it's a suffocating need for idolatry.

 

This.

When I was in a relationship with a narcissist, he constantly pushed me to become someone I wasn't and when I failed, his love ended very abruptly. The same with his previous relationship, he pushed her to become the very same thing he wanted me to be (I was just a local level musician, which I was happy with, but he wanted me to either become a famous recording artist or disappear from his life). When he broke up with me he said I didn't live up to his expectations and were meant to crawl and not fly which he can't tolerate. His partner has to be "on the same scale of greatness" and this is his actual words. The guy was a nobody basically but was so deluded I was often taken aback.

This guy had an alter ego he identified with and had two huge portraits drawn of him as that character. He made me write a song about him as that alter ego, which I did and he didn't find it good enough. He also wanted me to get plastic surgeries in the near future.

 

That's how sick such people are. Nothing to defend.

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Well that went over like a lead balloon...

 

Ok so maybe I am not a narcissist and just have too much self esteem...

 

But let's get back to my main point. When I fall deeply in love with a woman I truly feel she's the best ever. Not the best that I can have. The greatest most perfect there is in all of creation. A comment and a question:

 

1. One thing I noticed is that when I am deeply in love with a woman I can't feel attraction to any other women. Oh sure I can admire but zero attraction. And when I fall out of love with a woman it is like the whole world changes from black and white to color. Women who I had zero attraction to all of a sudden are different to me. Attractive to me.

 

2. For those of you with fewer delusions of grandeur - when you are with or in love with a person do you ever caveat it or contextualize it with some recognition that if some otherwordly person were to come along you might see them as greater or better than your love? Not that you would leave but rather just hold them in higher esteem?

 

I don't know maybe I'm just splitting hairs here.

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Narcissism, the clinical variety, is a range of behaviors and personality characteristics that may to some extent live within all of us but are more pronounced in certain individuals, ruling them. It's a lot like BPD in that regard.

 

Back when younger, I didn't know all that clinical stuff and narcissism wasn't really talked about but I did notice some people I came to term 'collectors' who seemed to always be the center of the milieu, like a Caesar and his subjects. It wasn't so much that Caesar loved everyone, more that he let them love him. I've seen this with both genders but narcissism seems to be more commonly identified with males.

 

If one looks to the halls of power throughout time, one will find shining examples of narcissism. It's been with us as long as humans have. They have their purpose in nature, as we all do.

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I'm not sure what tests you're taking, but ...

 

There's a big difference between confidence and vanity, there's a difference between self-love/self-esteem and self-centeredness. Confidence and self esteem are healthy. Vanity and self-centeredness are over the line and they can manifest themselves in damaging ways for the people around you, even if you "love" them like you say you do. Often people can't see the difference and that too can be a problem.

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1) I don't see that as some sort of superiority complex. I don't see myself as better than anyone else. I want everyone to have their own little marching band. A common misperception is that the narcissist sees other people as beneath them. Lower than them.

 

I don't think this is a misperception. Listen, I don't know you so maybe you're great. But a narcissist doesn't just like himself, he needs to know that he's better, Narcissism can actually help you in life because it can cause some people to strive to be the best...but it's harmful for two reasons:

 

1) it makes the person want to be the best for surface reasons - not to do good, not to see the world, not to get into a good law school - the END is being the best, not the MEANS.

 

2) when the narcissist doesn't feel he's the best in a relationship, even for a moment, it inevitably leads to gaslighting and emotional abuse where the attempt to lower the stature of the other person or people in a relationship.

 

The bottom line is it's ok and even good to believe in yourself but if you feel like you have a marching band in your head, then you have no doubts about yourself and it is DOUBT that leads to wisdom.

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CrosstimbersOkie

Narcissism is an idea derived from Greek mythology.

 

https://www.greekmythology.com/Myths/Mortals/Narcissus/narcissus.html

 

Narcissus was a hunter in Greek mythology, son of the river god Cephissus and the nymph Liriope. He was a very beautiful young man, and many fell in love with him. However, he only showed them disdain and contempt. One day, while he was hunting in the woods, the Oread nymph Echo spotted him and immediately fell for him. When Narcissus sensed that someone was following him, Echo eventually revealed herself and tried to hug him. However, he pushed her off and told her not to disturb him. Echo, in despair, roamed around the woods for the rest of her life, and wilted away until all it remained of her was an echo sound.

 

Nemesis, the goddess of retribution and revenge, learned what had happened and decided to punish Narcissus for his behaviour. She led him to a pool; there, the man saw his reflection in the water and fell in love with it. Although he did not realise in the beginning that it was just a reflection, when he understood it, he fell in despair that his love could not materialise and committed suicide.

 

Every person who spends hours gazing at their own image in a mirror is a narcissist. All women are narcissists.

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LivingWaterPlease
Narcissism is an idea derived from Greek mythology.

 

https://www.greekmythology.com/Myths/Mortals/Narcissus/narcissus.html

 

 

 

Every person who spends hours gazing at their own image in a mirror is a narcissist. All women are narcissists.

 

Haha, I dated a guy for quite awhile who would come to my house and if I was just finishing up at the mirror getting ready to go out, would actually stand next to me and push me out of the way to see his own reflection and primp.

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Do you think that non-narcissists all settle for for a partner whom they DON'T believe is amazing, though? I mean, sure, people with low self-esteem do. But there's quite a wide spectrum between "decent self esteem" and "narcissist". ;)

 

That being said, it really depends on what test you are taking. Unless you've taken one by a clinical psychologist, I really wouldn't take it as any sort of indicator!

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2. For those of you with fewer delusions of grandeur - when you are with or in love with a person do you ever caveat it or contextualize it with some recognition that if some otherwordly person were to come along you might see them as greater or better than your love? Not that you would leave but rather just hold them in higher esteem?

 

To me, it's not a competition or some kind of linear ladder. I don't care that Thor is stronger than my guy or has better hair than my guy or is heir to some throne. I simply don't have the same kind of connection, history, and love with Thor that I do with my guy - and that's what REALLY matters to me as far as attraction/esteem goes. ;)

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CrosstimbersOkie
Haha, I dated a guy for quite awhile who would come to my house and if I was just finishing up at the mirror getting ready to go out, would actually stand next to me and push me out of the way to see his own reflection and primp.

 

Some men can gaze at their own image for hours too...

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It's not them being in love with whomever that's the problem--it's the what happens when whomever is no longer in love with them that's the problem.

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All women are narcissists.

 

Don't confuse putting on make up or doing one's hair with staring at one's reflection in the mirror.

 

Everyone can have self-absorption problems--it's not confined to any sex. There are plenty of dandies who primp and preen in the mirror, too.

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CommittedToThis

There's being arrogant and full of ones self, and then there's narcissistic personality disorder, both are very different things.

 

I think the OP is not a narcissist. Narcissists do not fall in love; as stated above, narcissists seek personal validation and attention. It's a one-sided thing.

 

Someone posted this on another thread and it struck me as a textbook example of a narcissistic cycle of abuse. It seems to me the OP of this thread is not attempting this level of manipulation.

 

It is easy to make men or women fall in love - the process is the same. First you tempt them, you send them mixed signals, you hint at who you are - while finding out who they would prefer you to be, then you project those things. (I don’t believe right and wrong exist in seduction.) Then you enter their spirit by focusing intense attention on them - you take on their tastes, their moods, their feelings, effect a regression to a time of intense pleasure in their lives. Then you throw in a little pain - perhaps you’re no longer interested, there might be someone else, or you need to step back. You can keep this pleasure and pain dynamic going almost indefinitely! The lows will be low, but the highs will be monumental! The most important thing about making someone fall in love is that your efforts are ALL about *them* - you need to erase a lot of yourself during the process in order to project what they want.
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