Jump to content

wowwow...am I so wrong?


Recommended Posts

So, this guy on Tinder msg me. He seems pretty awesome.

 

The convo went similar to this:

He: what are you doing?

Me: watching women snowboard halfpipe. you?

He: watching movies

....(a few minutes later)

Me: so you go to gym 5 times a week? that's cool. I only managed 1-3 times a week.

 

He: I try my best.

Me: I need to go to now

He: where?

He: which gym you go to?

Me: gym...I really need to push myself hard. easily to be lazy.

Me: good night then.

He: good night...

 

 

2 hours later, I came back from the gym and looked at tinder.

 

boom.......he was gone (unmatched)

 

I am so SHOCK! I was thinking the potential with him in the gym ...

 

wow...my god...men nowaday really have so little tolerant? god, looks like I am really not cut out for any man in this society.

 

I expect a man to have patient and chase me a bit (just a bit). but...reality really shock me.

 

what's wrong with my convo? am I expect to keep talking to he? keep the conversation going?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

My God...I am regretting...my god...this thing is too demanding of me.

 

Maybe I am not a soft and smooth person. I am demanding of a man?

 

is tinder really just for hookup? (I know this is an old question)

Edited by Springsummer
Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m surprised you replied

I usually go on okc and I’ll send the same opening line he used and nothing ....

I just browse from now on.

 

I haven’t tried tinder mostly from what I heard it’s usually just to hook up but that’s what I’ve heard

 

Don’t worry there’s plenty of other people just be patient

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I’m surprised you replied

I usually go on okc and I’ll send the same opening line he used and nothing ....

I just browse from now on.

 

I haven’t tried tinder mostly from what I heard it’s usually just to hook up but that’s what I’ve heard

 

Don’t worry there’s plenty of other people just be patient

 

sigh...OLD is full of shocks...good for you...Thanks. you are right. Maybe I just dodge a bullet...but what a shock.

 

nowadays, women are supposed to be the ones to chase men? generally speaking...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Are you trying other avenues for dating??

 

no. used to try pof...nothing...bad experiences...quit already. so now only restarted tinder a few days ago (profile probably was there all along)

 

I am jaded already with OLD even nothing really happened. just from this kind of mini episodes.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm really confused. That was a very poor conversation where he showed little interest.

You (understandably) bailed on the conversation and left.

 

Given his poor conversation, why were you disappointed that he dropped your profile? But if you liked him regardless, why did you bail so abruptly on the conversation? The whole conversation was beyond awkward from both ends.

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I'm really confused. That was a very poor conversation where he showed little interest.

You (understandably) bailed on the conversation and left.

 

Given his poor conversation, why were you disappointed that he dropped your profile? But if you liked him regardless, why did you bail so abruptly on the conversation? The whole conversation was beyond awkward from both ends.

 

Did I come across as bailing? I didn't mean to. I was a bit shy and scare. I didn't want to appear eager. I didn't want to engage in long convo with a stranger the first time.

 

so he was a poor conversationalist or little interest? ok, then. I am at peace now. Thanks.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Happy Lemming
no. used to try pof...nothing...bad experiences...quit already. so now only restarted tinder a few days ago (profile probably was there all along)

 

I am jaded already with OLD even nothing really happened. just from this kind of mini episodes.

 

I'm kind of "Old School", I prefer to go out into the real world and meet people. I, briefly, tried on-line dating quite a while ago and I hated it. I don't know if its changed much. Based upon your experience, I would say it hasn't.

 

In your day to day travels, do you talk to people. Grocery store, Post office, local pub, etc. Oddly, I've been talking to quite a few women at my local used book store. I'm in a LTR, so I don't pursue it, but I know where I'll start if my girlfriend and I ever break up.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Did I come across as bailing? I didn't mean to. I was a bit shy and scare. I didn't want to appear eager. I didn't want to engage in long convo with a stranger the first time.

 

so he was a poor conversationalist or little interest? ok, then. I am at peace now. Thanks.

 

He made no effort whatsoever. Didn't ask you who is in the halfpipe. Didn't mention what movie he was watching. Didn't elaborate on his gym activity when you tried to prompt conversation.

 

Yes, such an abrupt departure made it very much look like you were bailing. Given he's dull, it's not a loss - but imagine if you did this to someone who had real potential.

 

Food for thought:

 

1. It worries me that you got interested in someone who's conversation was like pulling teeth. You should have been unfollowing him!

2. Why be shy or scared? And what's wrong with showing enthusiasm? If you're talking with someone and you click, don't play games pretending not to be eager - run with it! Enjoy building the rapport.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know what kinds of conversations via text you had prior to this example, maybe none, but he didn't seem too enthusiastic in building any rapport, but neither did you. By line 5, you were stating you need to go now. Like end the conversation? He asked where, and you didn't answer and then promptly said good night. You are both lacking.

 

He didn't seem too enthused but neither did you. You announced your exit twice.

 

OLD is a crapshoot - lots of frogs - don't let it get you down.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
He made no effort whatsoever. Didn't ask you who is in the halfpipe. Didn't mention what movie he was watching. Didn't elaborate on his gym activity when you tried to prompt conversation.

 

Yes, such an abrupt departure made it very much look like you were bailing. Given he's dull, it's not a loss - but imagine if you did this to someone who had real potential.

 

Food for thought:

 

1. It worries me that you got interested in someone who's conversation was like pulling teeth. You should have been unfollowing him!

2. Why be shy or scared? And what's wrong with showing enthusiasm? If you're talking with someone and you click, don't play games pretending not to be eager - run with it! Enjoy building the rapport.

 

 

You are right! Thank you so much for putting things in perspectives for me. so life is indeed very unpredictable and full of disappointments.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
So, this guy on Tinder msg me. He seems pretty awesome.

 

The convo went similar to this:

He: what are you doing?

Me: watching women snowboard halfpipe. you?

He: watching movies

....(a few minutes later)

Me: so you go to gym 5 times a week? that's cool. I only managed 1-3 times a week.

 

He: I try my best.

Me: I need to go to now

He: where?

He: which gym you go to?

Me: gym...I really need to push myself hard. easily to be lazy.

Me: good night then.

He: good night...

 

 

2 hours later, I came back from the gym and looked at tinder.

 

boom.......he was gone (unmatched)

 

I am so SHOCK! I was thinking the potential with him in the gym ...

 

wow...my god...men nowaday really have so little tolerant? god, looks like I am really not cut out for any man in this society.

 

I expect a man to have patient and chase me a bit (just a bit). but...reality really shock me.

 

what's wrong with my convo? am I expect to keep talking to he? keep the conversation going?

 

That's why he u matched you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
That's why he u matched you.

 

 

Gosh, seeing him 5 times a week made me think I should really do exercise before going to bed and it was 9:30pm, so it was bed time, so I said good night (now almost 1 am)

 

if I wasn't interested I would not even responded.

 

guess I have to remember people don't know me. they don't interpret me in the right way.

Link to post
Share on other sites

For all we know, he might have been talking to 5 other girls, and was able to go see one of the others. Tinder is often used just for hookups. Not everyone uses it for this purpose though - but I'm guessing he was.

 

No big loss. No need to worry. Next!

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I also wonder why you thought he was awesome?

 

Neither one of you were showing any real interest in each other and the way you ended the conversation came across like you didn't want to talk to him anymore. You could have said something like "hey I gotta go for a bit and do a workout but we can talk later"

 

But like others have said, not sure why you would want to talk to him as he didn't sound very interesting.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Did I come across as bailing? I didn't mean to. I was a bit shy and scare. I didn't want to appear eager. I didn't want to engage in long convo with a stranger the first time.

 

so he was a poor conversationalist or little interest? ok, then. I am at peace now. Thanks.

 

 

People are on there to meet people to date, they are there to have conversations so your fear of having a real conversation on a first contact is counter-productive. You also have no idea who this man is so why you qualify him as awesome before speaking to him is your first mistake.

 

You have real conversation to identify if this is a man you'd want to meet. There is no eagerness at this point. You should go right into asking important question like what do you do for living, how long you've been single, what are you looking for on here. That's not being eager, that's knowing what you're looking for and not wanting to waste your time with the wrong candidate.

 

You were both poor conversationalists. None of you could type a full sentence or put a full thought together into words. Your short conversation looks like a morse code not a real exchange. Learn to be interesting and you will naturally pull men in.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thank you all for your opinions.

 

I indeed don't know the ABC of dealing with men. guess everything in life is not easy? I don't know...seems so easy for some people? have to work on everything...I guess I am indeed egocentric and idiosyncratic too. Things are not what I expected...

 

but there are 2 men who are just hanging on there that I don't response at all...one said "we should get together" (hookup?) so I guess men are different too...hard to figure out.

Edited by Springsummer
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Why do you think he was awesome?? He sounds really difficult to chat with!!

 

oh, I meant looking from outside, tall and good looking...maybe awesome is not a right word.

Link to post
Share on other sites

OP, you know I am sympathetic to your efforts

 

So my observations as a 'chronologically mature' male who dislikes OLD as an Internet service but likes OLD very much as a way to meet UNATTACHED 'chronologically mature' women.

- Tinder has a reputation as a hookup site

- Some men are looking for a hookup. Others are looking for a LTR. These goals are on a continuum and any one man will be looking for his own personal balance of the two goals

- Guys get burned out by OLD just as much as gals do. When they have become burned out 'enough' they may have very little patience to continue communicating with a woman who doesn't seem interested. Just because THIS guy was on Tinder, doesn't mean he has figured it out that Tinder is for hookups. Nevertheless he may be burned out and impatient.

- I LIKE POF. I 'met' my current gf through POF. What I like about POF is that the 'essay questions' are open ended. Men and women both can write whatever they want: one-liners or Walls of Text. My gf and I both wrote 'moderately long' WoT that nevetheless revealed our characters and values to each other. My point is that an essay question can tell a lot about WHO a person is that is not revealed by how HOT they look in their profile photos. On the other hand, YMMV because with respect to the essay questions, 'Everybody lies', Dr Gregory House.

 

Bottom line: if you're going to use OLD to 'hunt', Tinder may not be your best option.

Edited by nospam99
Link to post
Share on other sites
I expect a man to have patient and chase me a bit (just a bit).
Why should someone chase you when there are plenty of women who don't require men to chase them?

 

While I'm certainly a better conversationalist than this man, when I'm chatting with multiple women, I tend to favor those who make it easy for me to get to know them. Those who dodge my questions (as you did with this man) and abruptly end conversations are generally going to lose out to women who don't do that.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

:confused:

 

I seem to be missing where the angst is coming from here. A rather flat and awkward online interaction that seems to go nowhere--e.g., what you posted OP--seems to be quite a standard reason to not pursue things further with an erstwhile Tinder match. I imagine unmatching like this happens all the time. It's not a matter of anyone being 'so wrong', if the connection isn't apparent as it wasn't here there is just no need to keep pursuing. On that note, what others said, he sounded difficult to chat with.

 

OP, you do seem to be taking this quite hard going by this thread. You just cannot be giving a guy you never met this much pre-approval. Especially someone going by your interaction who never seemed engaged to begin with. Unless you get thicker skin you're just going to drive yourself crazy.

Edited by Imajerk17
Link to post
Share on other sites
Thank you all for your opinions.

 

I indeed don't know the ABC of dealing with men. guess everything in life is not easy? I don't know...seems so easy for some people? have to work on everything...I guess I am indeed egocentric and idiosyncratic too. Things are not what I expected...

 

This isn't about dealing with men - this is about dealing with people. The contact you had should be an exchange of information. Question and Answer. Being engaging and interesting. Getting to know a guy is truly no different to getting to know a woman.

 

When you say that you're egocentric, do you mean that you're really only interested in talking about yourself? That you want to bring back all conversations to be about you? If so, it's great that you recognise this fault. Question is: what are you doing to become more personable?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear
This isn't about dealing with men - this is about dealing with people. The contact you had should be an exchange of information. Question and Answer. Being engaging and interesting. Getting to know a guy is truly no different to getting to know a woman.

 

 

Word....

 

It was a nothing burger, yet the OP reacted as if she was left at the altar..:laugh:

 

Just relax and stay calm...

 

TFY

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...