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How do I get rid of my EX?


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I have an ex boyfriend. We dated for just over a year & broke up because I didn’t trust him. He cheated repeatedly. And admitted it, because he simply wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. No problem. We ended amicably. Now live thousands of miles away from each other.

 

Six years later, he has never forgotten to text message or send a greeting card in the mail on my birthday. But we never communicate otherwise. Not holidays. Nothing. Just my birthday because he initiates it. And even then, he won’t engage in any meaningful conversation. Just a few emojis or Lol’s. No “how are you doing.” Or “What’s new in your life.”

 

I stopped sending him birthday greetings after the first year. I thought he would take the hint & leave me alone. But it doesn’t matter. I can’t even ask why he bothers to remember my birthday since he won’t talk to me. From Facebook I learned he has a girlfriend that moved in with him 5 years ago. This makes it more strange that he contacts me at all. They could be married by now for all I know.

 

Does this seem odd? I hate being reminded of him every year on my birthday & that’s really the only thing his messages do. He’s not a friend. It bothers me because why does he do this if he’s not willing to be friendly & talk to me like a human being? He’s not trying to get me back. Why won’t he just go away?

 

It seems like he doesn’t want to be my friend. But he can’t be my boyfriend. So what purpose do we have in each other’s lives at this point?

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Sounds like he feels guilty for how he treated you and how immature he was, and that it isn't actually about you. He probably wants to feel like he's not that bad a guy. (Also sounds like he's still immature!) If you really don't want to talk to him, block his texts. Unfortunately you can't do much if he sends you a card in the mail besides not open it. Then consider why you still care about what he does? At this point, it's just a minor once a year annoyance to you that you don't even need to respond to. Really, it's his problem, not yours.

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I suppose blocking his texts would help. But I would have to block him on all social media as well because he follows me online. And I never know which platform he will use to send the birthday message.

 

It bothers me because I’m still trying to move on. In six years I’ve had two other failed relationships. I hate being reminded of my past, especially when it’s a person who makes it clear they have no interest in speaking to me otherwise.

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I have an ex boyfriend. We dated for just over a year & broke up because I didn’t trust him. He cheated repeatedly. And admitted it, because he simply wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. No problem. We ended amicably. Now live thousands of miles away from each other.

 

Six years later, he has never forgotten to text message or send a greeting card in the mail on my birthday. But we never communicate otherwise. Not holidays. Nothing. Just my birthday because he initiates it. And even then, he won’t engage in any meaningful conversation. Just a few emojis or Lol’s. No “how are you doing.” Or “What’s new in your life.”

 

I stopped sending him birthday greetings after the first year. I thought he would take the hint & leave me alone. But it doesn’t matter. I can’t even ask why he bothers to remember my birthday since he won’t talk to me. From Facebook I learned he has a girlfriend that moved in with him 5 years ago. This makes it more strange that he contacts me at all. They could be married by now for all I know.

 

Does this seem odd? I hate being reminded of him every year on my birthday & that’s really the only thing his messages do. He’s not a friend. It bothers me because why does he do this if he’s not willing to be friendly & talk to me like a human being? He’s not trying to get me back. Why won’t he just go away?

 

It seems like he doesn’t want to be my friend. But he can’t be my boyfriend. So what purpose do we have in each other’s lives at this point?

 

Block him on all social media and email. Change your cell number if possible.

 

This is a game to him, an ego feed. He knows he can get you to think of him every time he contacts you.

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Why haven't you removed him from your social media? That should have been step one after you broke up. There's not much you can do about postal mail, although you could write on the envelope "return to sender" when it arrives.

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My ex-bf was doing this annoying thing too, so I blocked him. It took a while for me to get there, but like you, I felt annoyed by it and just didn't want to be reminded of him anymore. For him, the birthday greeting is a pleasant reminder of you. For you, the birthday greeting is a unpleasant reminder of him and you're not getting anything good out of it, only he is. So....

 

Be good to yourself and block him. You'll be at peace and happier for it.

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I was afraid blocking him would make it appear that I’m angry & bitter about the breakup. If I’m never going to see or speak to him again, his opinion doesn’t matter. But we do have mutual friends who know the relationship ended amicably. When they discover that I’ve blocked him, they will want to know why. And then it will seem like I’m not over him since a simple “Happy Birthday (insert my nickname he calls me)” bothers me. Hey

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He does this because he knows he's got a hook in your cheek that you won't pull out. He checks that line once a year to make sure you're still on it, even though he's supposedly moved on (almost reminds me of the Count of Monte Cristo when he was in prison and every year on the anniversary of his imprisonment, he was strung up and whipped by the warden.)

 

Blocking him is about giving yourself the lattitude to go forward in your life without living in dread of an annual, mediocre, non-caring message from him. It's not bitter at all. After 6 years and he can't arse himself to ask you about your life, why exactly do care if he thinks you're bitter? Why care about what he thinks at all?

 

There comes a time when you have to drive the stake into the vampire's heart if you don't want it rising and coming for you.

 

Direct message him on social media and tell him that you no longer wish to receive any correspondence from him and ask him to respect your wishes. If he won't, then you tell his girlfriend to put a leash on her boy.

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I always feel blocking is pretty nuclear, but he's your ex, so just remove him as a contact or friend. If you don't want to do that, set up your privacy settings so that he has very little access and you don't see his stuff. He's your ex. You don't have some sort of requirement to keep him as a subscriber or friend. If your mutual friends have issues with it, too bad. I doubt they keep all their exes on their feeds. "We're broken up. We're not friends. There's no reason to keep him on my list." "You keep him...he's all yours."

 

I have had people in the past feel the need to fill me in on the life of the ex, and I have told them flat out, "We're broken up. What makes you think I want to hear any of this?" People don't THINK sometimes, and while it may have been "amicable," it doesn't mean it hurts somehow less or you aren't angry. You don't want these little reminders. Remove him, unfriend.

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He does this because he knows he's got a hook in your cheek that you won't pull out. He checks that line once a year to make sure you're still on it, even though he's supposedly moved on (almost reminds me of the Count of Monte Cristo when he was in prison and every year on the anniversary of his imprisonment, he was strung up and whipped by the warden.)

 

Blocking him is about giving yourself the lattitude to go forward in your life without living in dread of an annual, mediocre, non-caring message from him. It's not bitter at all. After 6 years and he can't arse himself to ask you about your life, why exactly do care if he thinks you're bitter? Why care about what he thinks at all?

 

There comes a time when you have to drive the stake into the vampire's heart if you don't want it rising and coming for you.

 

Direct message him on social media and tell him that you no longer wish to receive any correspondence from him and ask him to respect your wishes. If he won't, then you tell his girlfriend to put a leash on her boy.

 

 

Also, your reasons for looking out for your own best interests isn't a topic of conversation that you're friends are due. It's none of their business, really. It's time for the vault lid to be shut on this 6 years of a dead relationship. HIs annual communiques are a nuisance to you. He can continue to send them these non-interested messages if he wants and they're free to keep receiving them--doesn't mean you have to fall in line, too.

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One more thing -- these are YOUR boundaries. You don't have choices sometimes, and due to the mutual nature of these relationships, there will be overlap that you will manage with grace, but YOU get to pick your OWN personal boundaries and control what is in your capacity to control.

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I was afraid blocking him would make it appear that I’m angry & bitter about the breakup. If I’m never going to see or speak to him again, his opinion doesn’t matter. But we do have mutual friends who know the relationship ended amicably. When they discover that I’ve blocked him, they will want to know why. And then it will seem like I’m not over him since a simple “Happy Birthday (insert my nickname he calls me)” bothers me. Hey

 

So he cheated on you and are you afraid what people will think about

you for blocking him?

 

If asked why did you block him by these friends what is the problem for

you to say that he cheated on you and after all these years he still has not

learned, cannot understand that you want NC with this loser?

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When they discover that I’ve blocked him, they will want to know why.

Tell them you blocked him because you've got no interest in hearing from him again, and he won't leave you alone. Problem solved.

 

And if they don't accept that then tell them to mind their own damn business. Problem solved.

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But we do have mutual friends who know the relationship ended amicably. When they discover that I’ve blocked him, they will want to know why.

 

No they won’t. They could care less. They are busy living their lives and aren’t thinking about the intricacies of what you and your ex are doing. They won’t even notice or care if you announced it to them.

 

Oh, and your ex won’t ask about it either. I assure you he won’t have the balls. He will just fade like you want him to.

Edited by Popsicle
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Well, if it were just the greeting card, I'd say he had it set up automatic, but if it's texts sometimes, he's just one of those that has decided to send that little token once a year. It's not really unusual. But if it's a bad memory, just block him. He won't talk to you anyway.

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thefooloftheyear

I won't say if it's true or not in this case, but there are a lot of people, be it on the receiving end of a break up or not, that leave the door open.......even if its just a teeny bit...

 

Perhaps it's insecurity, indecision. whatever....they leave a door open..

 

There really aren't that many people that if you told them in no uncertain terms to not contact, call, text, mail, email, send smoke signals, etc. they won't disappear from your life forever....Doesn't have to be mean spirited, but if you really want to end and no longer remain in contact, most of the time it doesn't require an order of protection...

 

TFY

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This upsets you and it's a little jolt of the unpleasant on your birthday that you understandably want to get rid of. Send one message asking him not to contact you on your birthday anymore (to stop the cards) and remove as a friend. Any normal person would stop. How would your mutual friends even know you've done this? They won't, it just won't come up and I doubt their checking your friends list.

 

I just removed my ex from fb. We've been broken up for 2.5 years and it's something I'd avoided. It was a last thread of us together and we don't hate each other so it felt mean to unfriend. But I realised I needed to do it for me. The break up was devastating and has left a lasting negative impression on me. That thread, no matter how insignificant needed to be cut for me. If he notices (I doubt he will) and it causes him any sadness (again, I doubt), I'm sorry for that but I can't live my life avoiding any unpleasantness for others when it affects me so negatively. It had to be done.

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