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Letís talk about confidence


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Old 9th February 2018, 2:58 PM   #16
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I'll try to explain it with behaviours I consider confident.

1) Being accepting of one's innate nature
2) Being accepting of other's nature
3) Does not feel anyone is better or worse than them
4) Is not afraid to speak their mind and state their interest
5) Does not worry about the outcome
6) Is able to walk away when the conditions are not right
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ďIíve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. Iíve lost almost 300 games. 26 times Iíve been trusted to take the game's winning shot and missed. Iíve failed over and over and over again in my life and that's why I succeed.Ē ― Michael Jordan
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Old 9th February 2018, 3:06 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by MaleIntuition View Post
This one is interesting. Not caring about the outcome (multiple posters have mentioned this) should indeed have a positive effect on the perceived confidence. But thatís perhaps better described as indifference, is it not?

And is it even possible to not care about the outcome simultaneously as you develop true feelings for someone? Or what happens when you start to care?

There's a line, fine though it may be, between letting go of outcome and indifference. After all, if you were indifferent, you probably wouldn't approach a woman in the first place. You're interested in a woman, and would welcome the opportunity to get to know her better, but if you're rejected, you smile and move on without it impacting your mood or self-confidence. You can't control her, only yourself.


If it progresses to a relationship, then you certainly can't be indifferent but you continue to not fret over outcomes. As Imajerk said, you know that whatever happens, you can handle it.


Works in other scenarios, too, like raising teenagers.
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Old 9th February 2018, 3:06 PM   #18
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tl/dr: What is confidence?
confidence is knowing when and how to kiss a woman
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Old 9th February 2018, 3:12 PM   #19
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Note how open they are about the challenges and successes and the willingness to show a bit of vulnerability. I thought they showed a lot of confidence. Fast forward to a climate where vulnerability and honesty is pounced upon and beaten down. I deal with it every day here in my other job. Can we talk about confidence in that vein or is that period over?

This might merit a different thread, but in my experience alone and not speaking for other relationships, showing vulnerability to my wife, on the few times I've done it, is an almost certain fail. You could call it the "va-clang" effect. Maybe other women are more open to it, but as long as I'm stoic or funny, I'm golden.
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Old 9th February 2018, 3:16 PM   #20
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Confidence does not mean much with out the context of info regarding the situation.

I only ask out women that I have some sort of repore with. If I don't have a repore. Whats the point. So asking a woman out, that I have never talked to, is futile.

I actually think most women would go out with me. Its only an outing. Not some sex fest or decloration of love. Its two people getting to know each other.
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Old 9th February 2018, 3:20 PM   #21
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Have you ever played golf or shot trap? It's not about the score, it's about getting the swing just right, isolating it from everything else around you and blocking any thoughts about the score. It's about achieving near-perfect form in sports, in life it's becoming who you want to be, not about reaching one particular goal.
Since you brought up golf, I play with a bunch of guys who hit it a long way. They usually outdrive me by 40-60 yards and for a long time that bothered me a lot. It made me feel less of a person and I tried all sorts of things to get distance which only made my swing worse. My coaches didn't really help by giving me terrible advice and only after I started seeing my current coach did I understand the value of acceptance. The first thing he told me was to forget distance and to play the course with the tools that were given to me. At first, I didn't like his advice because I was still chasing distance but as I gradually warmed up to his idea, I understood the wisdom contained in his words. I then started concentrating on my technique and in the process, became a better player.

The first hole on my home course is a drivable par 4 for some of my friends so when I take an iron out to play my tee shot I'm routinely teased for my conservatism. They don't sound so chirpy when I have their money in my back pocket at the end of the round though
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Old 9th February 2018, 3:59 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by CptInsano View Post
Have you ever played golf or shot trap? It's not about the score, it's about getting the swing just right, isolating it from everything else around you and blocking any thoughts about the score. It's about achieving near-perfect form in sports, in life it's becoming who you want to be, not about reaching one particular goal.
Iím not a golf player. Iím an offpiste skiier and Jiu-Jitsu newbie. Skiing is not about any goal, other than the process itself. That feeling, the flow, and overcoming challenges. There is no bull****, you either have the skillset to do it. Or you donít. This is an extreme sport where over confidence regularly results in broken limbs or worse. Jiu-Jitsu is a different beast. Itís a competitive, full contact, martial art where small girls with superior technique will tap you out. No matter how good you become, there will always be someone better.
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Old 9th February 2018, 4:32 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by GorillaTheater View Post
This might merit a different thread, but in my experience alone and not speaking for other relationships, showing vulnerability to my wife, on the few times I've done it, is an almost certain fail. You could call it the "va-clang" effect. Maybe other women are more open to it, but as long as I'm stoic or funny, I'm golden.
So along with stoic and funny you aren't https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/...20170430204552

Vulnerability, good, anything to keep you from green.

Last edited by Timshel; 9th February 2018 at 4:36 PM..
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