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Boyfriend is grieving. So am I.


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Old 8th February 2018, 12:11 PM   #1
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Unhappy Boyfriend is grieving. So am I.

My boyfriendís grandad sadly past away on Monday. He lived abroad so, my boyfriend canít be there for the funeral because of work commitments. His loss makes it feel like itís my loss too. I feel so sad and devastated for him. I cry too. And I canít stop thinking about him and everything that heís going through. Itís hurting me that heís hurting. Heís opened up to me though, told me that heís been crying and that which surprised me because I didnít think that he would be so open with me regarding his emotions. Why am I hurting because of his loss? I never knew his grandad. Iíve never felt this way before. Like my friends, in the past few months have lost their grandads too but I never felt like this. I was sad for them but I didnít feel so hurt like i do for my boyfriend. I love him so much and itís killing me to know that heís hurting so much. I lost my grandma a few years ago and it killed me. I know what he is going through.
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Old 8th February 2018, 1:25 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by mia251 View Post
My boyfriendís grandad sadly past away on Monday. He lived abroad so, my boyfriend canít be there for the funeral because of work commitments. His loss makes it feel like itís my loss too. I feel so sad and devastated for him. I cry too. And I canít stop thinking about him and everything that heís going through. Itís hurting me that heís hurting. Heís opened up to me though, told me that heís been crying and that which surprised me because I didnít think that he would be so open with me regarding his emotions. Why am I hurting because of his loss? I never knew his grandad. Iíve never felt this way before. Like my friends, in the past few months have lost their grandads too but I never felt like this. I was sad for them but I didnít feel so hurt like i do for my boyfriend. I love him so much and itís killing me to know that heís hurting so much. I lost my grandma a few years ago and it killed me. I know what he is going through.


You just answered your own question. Empathy. You feel for him because you've been through it yourself so you know exactly how he feels. You're feeling the pain that he is feeling.
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Old 8th February 2018, 1:31 PM   #3
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I'm not sure there's an easy fix other than to have some perspective, which it sounds like you do, and give him some space if he needs it (or if you need it from him). Also, if you know what he's going through then don't forget that feeling even when he's at his lowest.

When my mom died, it hit me hard because I was young and I'd never lost a family member before. I'm sure my girlfriend at the time wanted to be supportive but she couldn't really empathize, and my misery probably got to be too much for her eventually. My dad just died recently and remembering what happened the last time, I'm trying to be a lot less open about it with my current gf because as much as she assures me I can be sad, open, etc, I feel like if she actually sees me struggling with it then she'll think differently about me, to no fault of her own. I'm not sure there's an easier answer other than to know what you're each comfortable with and to take some time with it. However you get through it, it won't be overnight. Best of luck.
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Old 8th February 2018, 1:55 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by mia251 View Post
My boyfriendís grandad sadly past away on Monday. He lived abroad so, my boyfriend canít be there for the funeral because of work commitments. His loss makes it feel like itís my loss too. I feel so sad and devastated for him. I cry too. And I canít stop thinking about him and everything that heís going through. Itís hurting me that heís hurting. Heís opened up to me though, told me that heís been crying and that which surprised me because I didnít think that he would be so open with me regarding his emotions. Why am I hurting because of his loss? I never knew his grandad. Iíve never felt this way before. Like my friends, in the past few months have lost their grandads too but I never felt like this. I was sad for them but I didnít feel so hurt like i do for my boyfriend. I love him so much and itís killing me to know that heís hurting so much. I lost my grandma a few years ago and it killed me. I know what he is going through.
Because empathy. When we care about someone we hate to see them hurting. You understand how bad loss hurts from experiencing your own loss. My condolences. Heart goes out to you and your bf. <3
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Old 8th February 2018, 2:09 PM   #5
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Thank you. I didn’t think of it that.
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Old 8th February 2018, 2:15 PM   #6
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He is really comfortable with me and open in many ways as I am with him. That’s the best thing about our relationship... Even though I hate that I lost my grandma, I’m glad I can empathise with what he is going through. I ask what he’s doing and how his day has been. I never ask how he is because I already know. I give him his space because I don’t want to be in his face all day.
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Old 8th February 2018, 7:08 PM   #7
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He is really comfortable with me and open in many ways as I am with him. Thatís the best thing about our relationship... Even though I hate that I lost my grandma, Iím glad I can empathise with what he is going through. I ask what heís doing and how his day has been. I never ask how he is because I already know. I give him his space because I donít want to be in his face all day.
Make a few meals and drop it off for him. I'm sure he'd appreciate that!
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