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Great relationship.. Mediocre sex.


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Old 5th February 2018, 11:39 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by gaius View Post
Nah, you can't have both. At best you might be able to find a jerk who directs most of his jerkness at other people but treats you rather well. Not gonna get high testosterone behavior from some bland nice guy.
I don't know about that. I've known guys who were talk, handsome, and kind. I've had more issues from less attractive men to be honest.

----
I don't think op is attracted to her boyfriend, plain and simple. Is the op willing to date a nice guy who she's not attracted to? Maybe he can sense she's not into him sexually. Has the op asked him what he thought about the sex?
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Old 5th February 2018, 11:41 AM   #47
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Nah, you can't have both. At best you might be able to find a jerk who directs most of his jerkness at other people but treats you rather well. Not gonna get high testosterone behavior from some bland nice guy.
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Originally Posted by Happy Lemming View Post
Personally, I've dated women who have been 4' 10" to 6' 1"...

And I've dated woman who weighed 98 pounds to 305 pounds...

My favorite women have been the ones that treated me well.

Does your guy want to loose his belly, if so help him... suggest long walks, veggie meals. You may also include talks about healthier eating relating to cholesterol and sugar levels, which can be a problem later in life if one eats poorly at a younger age.

Based on what you are writing he sounds like a pretty good guy. Maybe just help him a little bit with the minor issues.

Just my two cents....
To be fair, an overweight woman and an overweight man are not entirely comparable...
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Old 6th February 2018, 3:54 AM   #48
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It reads like you have fallen into a, this is how it is and will always be so. If you want change you have to make it happen, never underestimate the power if sexual tension. This might be having a date night underwear drawer, hasn't got to be trashy, a dress that you know shows a little, rather than letting it all out there, sexy footwear, meet at a bar and be a little late he he can watch you arrive. flirt, without scaring him off, book a room somewhere, shake it up, sometimes the same old routine makes fir the same old, if you get me.

Maybe he has this idea that you might run for the hills if he is more passionate. Sometimes we have to take the lead, if you cannot have a frank conversation now, then you might never be able to. I would use the we word rather than make it all about what he isn't doing ask him what he likes, he might surprise you.
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Last edited by seren; 6th February 2018 at 4:00 AM..
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Old 6th February 2018, 4:01 AM   #49
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Mediocre to me means its in between so its not bad but its also not great. Climax isnt an issue its what comes before that, its just not very passionate. We started talkinh and met almost a year ago. Really got to together a couple months ago. Sex started around 1 month ago and I dont know how many times, probably 10 times or so.

Maybe its is his personality, because he is very laid back and shy sometimes. He isnt the type that tries to act sexy, in fact I have wondered if sex is really just not that important to him. Because he always wants to see me and make future plans (like we have summer plans already) and he has said he is ready for a lifetime relationship. Its as though sex is low on his priority list.
Lots of people are laid back and shy IRL, yet are completely different once it comes down to actually having sex. This is certainly the case for the SO and I - if you met us IRL, you would have absolutely no idea what goes down in our bedroom!

Also, prioritizing a lifetime relationship and other aspects of a relationship doesn't mean that you can't have crazy, hot, passionate sex at the same time. It means that, yes, sometimes you choose to spend that Saturday going out together instead of spending all day in bed together, and if your partner is sick you take care of them without expecting anything in return instead of demanding that they "take care" of your "needs"... but when you DO have sex, it can still be everything you've ever dreamed it could be.

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But how much does sex even matter when you are old and crippled anyway? We take good care of each other (like if we are sick or what not...we have both been sick in yhe last few weeks. I realize these kind of things in the end are more important in the long term.

I am far from dumping him at this point as someone said.I like him very much and I dont like the thought of ending it over this. So perhaps its something I just need to live with and appreciate more.
Many of us have explicitly NOT said "dump him". In fact, this was my advice to you, earlier in the thread:

That being said, I wouldn't necessarily say dump him, if things are good otherwise. It's entirely possible to have both a great partner and a great lover, yes, but sometimes great lovers are made. Do you communicate with him about how things could be improved, or what you would like in bed? It might be as simple as having a few sexy talks about fantasies and desires. He can't give you what you want if he doesn't know what you want.
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Old 6th February 2018, 11:06 AM   #50
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I should try being more forward. Maybe that would help. But in the past I've dated guys where all I do is look at them and can't wait to tear his shirt off. Even though I like this guy, I'm don't get that feeling around him. But it's not like I'm repulsed by him either.
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Originally Posted by seren View Post
It reads like you have fallen into a, this is how it is and will always be so. If you want change you have to make it happen, never underestimate the power if sexual tension. This might be having a date night underwear drawer, hasn't got to be trashy, a dress that you know shows a little, rather than letting it all out there, sexy footwear, meet at a bar and be a little late he he can watch you arrive. flirt, without scaring him off, book a room somewhere, shake it up, sometimes the same old routine makes fir the same old, if you get me.

Maybe he has this idea that you might run for the hills if he is more passionate. Sometimes we have to take the lead, if you cannot have a frank conversation now, then you might never be able to. I would use the we word rather than make it all about what he isn't doing ask him what he likes, he might surprise you.
Is that the problem though? It sounds like she's just not into him sexually. There's not much fixing that, only acceptance. A gym membership for him would be a better investment than toys, undies, etc. Op's boyfriend may be sweet, but perhaps he's not the working out type.

It's hard to go from hottie to average guy. That would be like a guy going from Beyonce to a soft soccer mom. Id almost say it's more difficult to go from hot guy to average guy than from hot women to average woman.
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Old 6th February 2018, 11:36 AM   #51
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Why you shouldn’t get in relationships with someone you’re not that sexually attracted to. Unless otherwise stated, they will probably want a lot of sex

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 6th February 2018 at 11:38 AM..
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