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Do most men feel anger towards women who reject them?


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Cookiesandough

Do most men resent women who tell them they are not interested even if they don't express it?

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Back in the day it was mostly hurt but that was before getting toughened up by sufficient rejection. After, it was essentially :shrug:. However, I think much had to do with getting into rejections where there was no ambiguity or manipulation. Those went a lot better. No anger, no hurt, just OK, fair enough, thanks for being honest and polite. After a few dozen of those my outlook changed. Rejection didn't hurt the way it used to.

 

Some guys likely don't take rejection well. Reasons vary. Can't read their minds. However, lack of expression and/or a stoic exterior isn't unexpected. That gets beaten into men at an early age, perhaps less so now than when i was young. Men learn to control and suppress their emotions, one so as not to appear weak to other men and two due to competition with other men over women. Don't let them see you sweat. It is what it is.

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Can't speak for most men but shyt hatred angers a bit strong.

lf you were to ask somebody out thinking she was some really nice person but she acted like a smart ass when you did l'd feel some anger then but if she was nice about it and you could see it didn't go to her head, for me it'd just be ahwell, l tried.

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I'm a woman so . . .

 

"most" seems like an over generalization. Of course there will be a few. I have never known a man to be angry at me for saying no, but then again, they could have simply hidden it.

 

I would like to think that a polite no thank you which acknowledged the risk he took in asking & his humanity would not cause anger. But I only dated in the world of OLD for 90 days. I hated that platform sooooooo much because it was replete with rejection & the more I read about it here, it seems few people realize that there is a living breathing person with feelings on the other end of that message / wink. Ghosting probably ratchets up the anger because it's so impolite & just cold.

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Cookiesandough

Ty

 

Can't speak for most men but shyt hatred angers a bit strong.

lf you were to ask somebody out thinking she was some really nice person but she acted like a smart ass when you did l'd feel some anger then but if she was nice about it and you could see it didn't go to her head, for me it'd just be ahwell, l tried.

 

If you took her out for dinner, drinks, and all seemed to be going well, and when you were about to seal the deal she told you she didn't think you were a match, would you be annoyed with her? The way I see it is that men value their 'ego' a lot more than women. Women get sad or blame themselves, but I can see a guy saying "bleep women and their games". Plus you're usually spending the $. :laugh: I am just generalizing here, which I get is the wrong thing to do.

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Nobody likes being rejected, guy or girl. Rejection is literally the other person saying, "I'm not into you like that." Something about that person's character is flawed to the point that that other person doesn't want to get involved deeper for whatever reason it is. Nobody wants to deal with that if they don't have to.

 

 

<quote>If you took her out for dinner, drinks, and all seemed to be going well, and when you were about to seal the deal she told you she didn't think you were a match, would you be annoyed with her? The way I see it is that men value their 'ego' a lot more than women. Women get sad or blame themselves, but I can see a guy saying "bleep women and their games". Plus you're usually spending the $. :laugh: I am just generalizing here, which I get is the wrong thing to do.</quote>

 

 

I mean yeah I would be annoyed and a bit sad, but not necessarily at her. Just the situation in general. If a woman doesn't want to be with you, she has every right not to be and sadly I guess a lot of people don't realize this.

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Do most men feel anger towards women who reject them?

 

To some degree if one includes anger in the spectrum of hurt feelings. Don't most women?

 

Mr. Lucky

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As a point of comparison I used the discovery that a MW I'd been seeing had lied to me about being married. I was angry about that. Pissed actually. Rejections, comparatively, were kind of sad. Like not returned.

 

However, in general, men are socialized to openly express anger versus hurt or sadness so that's one avenue of understanding. The other emotions, suppressed, are converted into an acceptable one, anger. In my generation that was learned during the physical pain period where we learned to take physical pain from battery and convert it into adrenaline-producing anger to fight and inflict equal or superior pain on the enemy. Sitting around and crying about it (expressing hurt and sadness) doesn't win the battle, rather impels more battery once the enemy senses defeat. These lessons were generally learned prior to puberty so the anger component carries over into social interactions as we integrate into groups and mature. Concurrently, young men are socialized into 'protect/serve' the female so come to understand that physical expressions of anger against women are inappropriate but that anger itself is still a valid and acceptable response to and expression of hurt.

 

I noted some of this being unwound by our MC as he worked to get at the hurt in the M. If with a partner who respects hurt, that can be a healthy process. In our case, not.

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Do most men resent women who tell them they are not interested even if they don't express it?

 

Resent?

 

No because there are women out their that I would

never date. So I know that I will not be every woman's

type.

 

Though I would feel disappointed because after all I

thought she could be the one. On to the next victim, err

I meant the next possible GF/wife.

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Ty

 

 

 

If you took her out for dinner, drinks, and all seemed to be going well, and when you were about to seal the deal she told you she didn't think you were a match, would you be annoyed with her? The way I see it is that men value their 'ego' a lot more than women. Women get sad or blame themselves, but I can see a guy saying "bleep women and their games". Plus you're usually spending the $. :laugh: I am just generalizing here, which I get is the wrong thing to do.

 

Seal the "deal" as in make out, have sex?

 

No to me the goal is to get a second date. Anything past that

is pure bonus.

 

Plus there are two goals to a date.

 

The first goal is to show her a good time so that she see's

you in a good light and you get the second date.

 

The second and concurrent goal is for her to make you want

to ask her out again. So if the date goes bad due to her a man

will not ask her out again.

 

So there are no guarantees when you go out on a date.

 

So if a man does not want to ask her out a second time why

should a man have to expect that a woman must go out with

him a second time just because he spent money on her.

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Do most men resent women who tell them they are not interested even if they don't express it?

 

no anger. I just move on to the next woman. It's all a numbers game.

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Happy Lemming

I'm assuming you mean someone you just started dating...

 

Then, no I don't feel rejection or resentment. If she doesn't want to go out again after a couple of dates, no big deal, NEXT!!

 

Not every person is right for every other person, no big deal.

 

As far as the money, I was entertained also. I got to eat, talk to someone new and hopefully, got to listen to some good stories or adventures.

 

There is a famous quote, but I don't know who the author... "Men/Women are like buses. If you miss one there is always another on the way in 15 minutes"

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Do most men resent women who tell them they are not interested even if they don't express it?

 

Depends on the rejection. I'm still friends with two of those who rejected me. (One of them hooked me up with her best friend.) I also had a relationship with a woman who had rejected me years prior.

 

Then there are some where I would say that their behavior was very much unreasonable, and disappointing at the least.

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To answer your question in the general abstract sense, I do not feel anger. No one can be everyone's cup of tea.

 

Ty

 

 

 

If you took her out for dinner, drinks, and all seemed to be going well, and when you were about to seal the deal she told you she didn't think you were a match, would you be annoyed with her? The way I see it is that men value their 'ego' a lot more than women. Women get sad or blame themselves, but I can see a guy saying "bleep women and their games". Plus you're usually spending the $. :laugh: I am just generalizing here, which I get is the wrong thing to do.

 

 

Well, it's the games/inconsiderate behaviour that gets old the fastest. Neither gender likes to be led on.

 

Hopefully the guy isn't spending a lot of money on a girl he does not know, but just the same, hopefully the woman isn't treating dating as a chance to get a free dinner courtesy of someone she really isn't interested in either.

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If you took her out for dinner, drinks, and all seemed to be going well, and when you were about to seal the deal she told you she didn't think you were a match, would you be annoyed with her?
Although that rarely happened to me, meaning any woman who agreed to the first date generally dated me awhile and most interactions developed into relationships, I viewed it as equitable. Gave it a shot, no joy, two strangers didn't click. In my generation men asked women out and paid for dates so I never considered the 'taking her out' thing as anything but usual and customary.
The way I see it is that men value their 'ego' a lot more than women. Women get sad or blame themselves, but I can see a guy saying "bleep women and their games". Plus you're usually spending the $. :laugh: I am just generalizing here, which I get is the wrong thing to do.
Sure, men have pride; in general all humans do. The expression of any real or perceived wounds to it vary by man. I never really considered dating experiences that ended to be a wound to pride. Repetitive rejections of approaches, over time, sure. That hurt. Had to learn to deal with that. Taking a break from it helped. It was after some significant breaks that approach rejection lessened and more dating experiences resulted and any endings were perceived as part of life rather than a wound to ego or pride. Women were the same. I changed. Life lessons.
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Do most men resent women who tell them they are not interested even if they don't express it?

 

I do not. But I've never actually made a woman tell me that. I always knew it and backed away on my own. Why force her to tell me? I won't like it and she probably won't like telling me. In person it's body language, tone of voice, etc. Online it's the way she responds or if she doesn't respond which is a response of its own.

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If you took her out for dinner, drinks, and all seemed to be going well, and when you were about to seal the deal she told you she didn't think you were a match, would you be annoyed with her? The way I see it is that men value their 'ego' a lot more than women. Women get sad or blame themselves, but I can see a guy saying "bleep women and their games". Plus you're usually spending the $.

 

I do think that a man who thinks a woman only used him for a free meal / drinks will be more resentful then a guy who is let down before a significant financial investment. If I'm not feeling it, my response was always to pay the check. It just seemed kinder.

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For me, it's very situational. If a woman rejected me when I first asked her out, I felt no anger towards her. In fact, over time, I came to respect and appreciate those women. While a long string of rejections did hurt (until I developed thicker skin), I tended to direct my negative feelings towards myself for being "unworthy" of female affection.

 

I did feel some resentment to women who delayed rejecting me until after some investment on my part. For example: There was a woman who I bought several appetizers and drinks for, danced with, and spent most of the evening talking to. At the end, when I asked her phone number, she then revealed she doesn't date Indian men.

 

Finally, we come to the women I felt deliberately led me on. I certainly felt anger towards these women as well as myself for falling for their antics. An example: In college a woman feigned affection for me in order to get me to help with her studies. She delayed our "relationship" getting sexual until the end of the semester because she wanted to keep her mind focused on school, but she promised we would get there. Like a fool, I believed her. After I helped her get straight A's, she cut all contact with me. Other examples include the various women who used me for free meals/drinks/entertainment over the years. I don't count single dates among those, only the ones that went on for some time.

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It really depends on the guy, but I think it's safe to say that most guys hate getting rejected. Some guys take their anger out on the people who rejected them, avoid these guys. Other guys take their anger out on themselves.

 

I know for me, I don't get angry at anybody who rejects me. I only get angry at myself.

 

Rejection hurts because it's a blow to one's self-esteem and confidence. People want to feel good about themselves and believe they are valuable, and getting rejected especially if it's for a reason out of your control makes you feel worthless. When you've been rejected repeatedly, you start to question yourself and start to think of yourself as flawed. If nobody likes me, then there must be something wrong with me. You now see yourself as worthless.

 

Imagine if you were a short guy and were repeatedly rejected because of your height, something you have zero control over, it's going to feel worse because you are being rejected for something you can't change, who you are as a person. It's like the girl is walking up to you and saying "sorry you're not good enough"

Edited by GuitarGuy7
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Resentment seems out of proportion. Disappointment, embarrassment, rejected...yuck, but anger I think shouldn't really be the case.

 

Unless...she heavily flirts, hints, and behaves in a "come hither" fashion, as if she's waiting...waiting for him to make the move, then cold rejection when he finally does. THAT, I could see promoting a nice, healthy dose of anger or resentment. Hopefully anger he exhibits privately, with close friends, or a nice rant at LS, and not outwardly in front of the object of his affection...no retaliation due to resentment, no destructive, punch a hole in the wall anger, but I think resentment would be fully warranted in this type of scenario.

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Eternal Sunshine

I do think men are more likely to get angry and blame women. Also, they are totally wrong about free dinner/drinks. Who the hell wants to make awkward small talk with a stranger for a free meal? I have never met a woman that does this, yet men think it's common place.

 

I had one angry dude earlier last year. We had 2 dates. He was clearly a vetaran of OLD. Second date, he asked me to dinner. I was on the fence but thought I will give it one more date. He took me to this burger joint that wasn't fast food but wasn't far off. Once there, I wanted to order a cheese burger (around $11) but he made a strong suggestion that I order a slider version of the same burger ($6). So I went with it. Then he asked me what I want to drink and I said cider. He goes to the counter to order and comes back with 2 sliders and only 1 cider with 2 glasses (it was only 400ml bottle). He couldn't even order 2 drinks! This guy had a full time job and owned his home. I am sure he could afford to pay few extra dollars...but I almost had a feeling he was putting me through some kind of test. This was a big turn off.

 

Regardless of that, when he tried to hold hands I wasn't feeling the spark. So when he texted me for the 3rd date, I wrote him a long nice message about how I don't think we had enough in common to date further and how I had fun etc. He comes back with "I knew you were in it for the free dinner" :rolleyes: I am sure that he was telling his friends how he met another women that used him to get a free meal.

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Cookiesandough

I had one angry dude earlier last year. We had 2 dates. He was clearly a vetaran of OLD. Second date, he asked me to dinner. I was on the fence but thought I will give it one more date. He took me to this burger joint that wasn't fast food but wasn't far off. Once there, I wanted to order a cheese burger (around $11) but he made a strong suggestion that I order a slider version of the same burger ($6). So I went with it. Then he asked me what I want to drink and I said cider. He goes to the counter to order and comes back with 2 sliders and only 1 cider with 2 glasses (it was only 400ml bottle). He couldn't even order 2 drinks! This guy had a full time job and owned his home. I am sure he could afford to pay few extra dollars...but I almost had a feeling he was putting me through some kind of test. This was a big turn off.

 

Regardless of that, when he tried to hold hands I wasn't feeling the spark. So when he texted me for the 3rd date, I wrote him a long nice message about how I don't think we had enough in common to date further and how I had fun etc. He comes back with "I knew you were in it for the free dinner" :rolleyes: I am sure that he was telling his friends how he met another women that used him to get a free meal.

 

This made me laugh way too hard.

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I do think men are more likely to get angry and blame women. Also, they are totally wrong about free dinner/drinks. Who the hell wants to make awkward small talk with a stranger for a free meal? I have never met a woman that does this, yet men think it's common place.

 

I had one angry dude earlier last year. We had 2 dates. He was clearly a vetaran of OLD. Second date, he asked me to dinner. I was on the fence but thought I will give it one more date. He took me to this burger joint that wasn't fast food but wasn't far off. Once there, I wanted to order a cheese burger (around $11) but he made a strong suggestion that I order a slider version of the same burger ($6). So I went with it. Then he asked me what I want to drink and I said cider. He goes to the counter to order and comes back with 2 sliders and only 1 cider with 2 glasses (it was only 400ml bottle). He couldn't even order 2 drinks! This guy had a full time job and owned his home. I am sure he could afford to pay few extra dollars...but I almost had a feeling he was putting me through some kind of test. This was a big turn off.

 

Regardless of that, when he tried to hold hands I wasn't feeling the spark. So when he texted me for the 3rd date, I wrote him a long nice message about how I don't think we had enough in common to date further and how I had fun etc. He comes back with "I knew you were in it for the free dinner" :rolleyes: I am sure that he was telling his friends how he met another women that used him to get a free meal.

 

I do not think he would tell that to his friends.

 

Though I do think that he was self justifying that you not

willing to date him was on you and that he is not cheap.

 

Though we all know that when he holds on to a buffalo nickel

he holds it so tight that he squeezes out the manure out of

the buffalo. This is why the had to stop making buffalo

nickels. To stop and prevent cruelty to animals. How PETA

was formed. I never lie, or known to exaggerate.

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Also, they are totally wrong about free dinner/drinks. Who the hell wants to make awkward small talk with a stranger for a free meal? I have never met a woman that does this, yet men think it's common place.
Who said anything about the small talk being awkward? I got the impression that many of these women enjoyed my company on a platonic level as well as the free drinks/food/entertainment. Most wanted to be friends after they revealed they weren't interested in me sexually.

 

As far as it being common place, it happened to me a lot until I learned how to screen these women out. How could you possibly know I'm wrong? Have you dated a large number of women to observe that they don't do this?

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