unit1 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 So I came back to dating lately, joining a few groups and a few dating sites. I stopped for long years cos of some family details and own mental depression. now I feel I m hard to cope ..... people will ask u out very fast, they barely talk to u about anything, just a superficial chat or caught by a photo..... If u wanna a deeper talk or friendship, they either too busy to go forward or just quit in the middle. someone tells me that men and women r different, men start the interest from looks and fun, they can't pay attention on girly conversations. Is that so? another male friend once told me that there is absolutely no friendship between male and female, they won't bother going there. but I still hope to find a relationship based /started from friendship, I need to get to know each other, and want that foundation. Is it possible for nowadays? there r couples felt in love for the first sight and quickly got involved, that is true but rare to happen.....even if they involved very fast, they still need to get to know each other in a deep level....right? Hope to hear your comments. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Yeah , know exactly what you mean , it all seems crazy these days, people are crazy , shallow, no depth in any of this stuff. rush rush rush , with all these rules and do's and don't , just to chase their own tale it seems in the end, l dunno. l'm pretty well new to all it too now after divorce and man is it one different crazy world out there now, can't believe some of the stuff l hear and read. But yeah , what your asking is easily possible it just needs the right person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Unit , l feel funny calling you a unit haha. Anyway , this is related to something going on for myself right now and so please don;t think l'm asking as any kind of judgement on your ideas. But l'm just wondering if you have any ideals of how long would you like to spend time as friends and getting to know each other first. ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author unit1 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 (edited) Chilli, mmm actually I feel for half a year or one year is enough to know if able to live with him for a long time, ...... but I feel its even hard to find such a person .... when was in college,i stayed pure friendship with that bf for 3 years till we went into hot romance....but those kind of stuff forever gone, hehe. I became very deeply into spiritual learning in previous years since my counselling sessions failed, so I started to read a lot and thus.....recently people on those sites r telling about soulmate or twinflame, they say we each have many soulmates, but only one twinflame for this life. actually its a vibration match. so now, I become quickly to know whose vibration is aligned with me or not. but since I myself still have issues to fix, I don't want to follow my intuition totally, I want to let time to decide, so I stay conversations with people I feel discomfortable ..... by the way, I m curious why men don't have the patience? if u r seriously going to find a woman to stay for long, why no patience? Edited January 20, 2018 by unit1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 (edited) Hi unit thanks for that , should open pm l'd love to talk to you about all this stuff.l believe and know stuff also in twin flames but l think we have to do certain amount of posts first. anyway for me it's not impatience l'm nothing like what seems to be the go these days so with other guys l'm not sure . me l'd wait as long as it takes for the right women if l had too . For me the right womens worth 50 others and l'm not interested in the 50 others. but for me the problem would be you can't trust most women especially if they're wishy washy instead of just needing time. She might eff you around for 2yrs and then just turn around and tell you she's made a mistake and off she goes. So l wouldn't wait around for one of those, that's the difference. Edited January 20, 2018 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
Author unit1 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 Yeah, its difficult to know if a woman is sincere or not nowadays, too. and even if she is, she may change. who knows the future? so, meeting the right one is crucial , after all...... I m still studying the twinflame thing, I know from another forum someone finds her twinflame while meditating , she just saw that vision, then it manifested, its like a fantastic movie. but usually the twinflame only stays at the other dimention , supporting us from there, we can feel that energy, but can't meet in this reality. because our karma is not reaching that level , so we can't handle it. soulmates come to teach each other lessons, when the lessons is over, the relationship is usually ended. twinflame will teach even bigger lessons, so some twinflame will never connect or just run away . After posting here, I now feel my patience is also related to my own stubborn character. I saw there is a thread "persistence is good or not", have to read it later.....I m the one persisted in a relationship till it went rotten....actually it is stupid and meaningless. and deeper root is , I had and still have insecurity issue. Thanks for your replies, it helps me to learn more...... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 It's possible to build a solid foundation for a relationship but that does take time. However you need to get the vocabulary straight. If you say you want "friends first" most adults will assume you want a platonic only interaction with no flirtation, no romance, no touching, no hand holding, no kissing & certainly no sex. That is not exactly what I am hearing you say. What you want is to "go slow" to get to know the other person & to build a foundation of mutual respect & attraction before sex. You want to go on dates -- prearranged meetings where you can talk & get to know someone. You want the romantic gestures but you have little interest in NSA sex. If all that is true, stick to your standards just stop using the word "friend" to describe what you seek. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 If all that is true, stick to your standards just stop using the word "friend" to describe what you seek. That's tricky, d0nnivain. What's a 'good' label? I know in one of my early threads I wrote 'friends first' and the result was a mild inter-generational storm where some of the (female IIRC) posters scolded that any mention of 'friend' would be taken as FWB. 'Go slow' is accurate but is not a label on the other's relationship status. I happen to like 'girlfriend' or 'dating partner'. And I think I succeed in making it clear to the women in question that I have romantic intentions - PDAs from date one: hand-holding, other touching, kisses as greetings and goodnights, etc. I assume most readers get my drift. But I remain curious if folks have other labels. BTW I don't grok the twinflame stuff which sounds New Age/spiritual to me. I believe that there are many women 'out there' with whom I could be soul-mates but to take my life to the next level of happiness finding 'the one' does not mean finding the only one in existence, merely the one among the many where we find each other. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Are you talking platonic friendship here? With no physical affection or romantic love? I'm a woman. If I meet a man and find chemistry, I will want a relationship with him. I'd get to know him as the relationship progresses. The best part of a new relationship is the 'getting to know you' process. If he held me at arm's length and wanted only platonic friendship for months, I would move on to someone who is more suited to what I'm looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Yeah , on the twin flame thing, l believe l have actually known someone in something like that, whole nother story though. In soul mates although yeah imo there are different people we could be equally as entwined with on that level for each of us, but finding even just one of them though and it actually working out for life is the tricky bit. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Just tell them you are dating and that it sometimes takes you awhile to get invested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unit1 Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 Actually I hope to start from platonic friendship ..... I don't trust chemistry thing very much. but from all your comments here, I feel I m seeking something doesn't exist, and like one therapist told I maybe really need to relearn how to approach to males. it seems I lost the ability..... I also got the idea soulmates/ twinflame from that therapist, I don't fully buy into it yet, but it is interesting and enjoyable to read, and make me grow up my vibration. Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 A man who's interested in a romantic relationship is going to run the minute he hears "friend". I have heard "take things slow" once and it led nowhere. It was flaky at best on her part. I haven't fallen for that again. Women I have had relations with tend to want to dive right in, as it were. As do I. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 Definitely. In my opinion, this is the best way. Starting out by being colleagues or meeting as friends with a mutual interest and then it turning into more is ideal to me. Just don't say "friend" lol. Get to know them slowly and let it blossom. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 Yeah , not many people believe that stuff and that's why l wouldn't go on about it here but l will say l experienced something l know for fact not many ever will but , nother story. On the friends or very slow thing though, well that'd be about trust you see and it's pretty obvious your in a very transitional stage, and for most women that means what they say and think today could be just about anything in 12 mths time. So most guys are gonna run at that idea but hey, never know , meet the right one, maybe it works out. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 There are those who want to start out as friend first and then grow to something more. And then there are those who want to start out with physical/romantic attraction first and then grow to something more. Neither is wrong really, just different. You can't pair these two groups of people up or it doesn't work out. You are just experiencing a mismatch. Yes, there are men online who want to get right to meeting in person (these are guys who want attraction first) but there are also men online who want to start with friends first. These are guys who want to chat a lot first and aren't so concerned with meeting up asap. Ignore the former and only concentrate on the later. Me? I'm the type that likes the guys who want to meet right away and I ignore the chatters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unit1 Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 There are those who want to start out as friend first and then grow to something more. And then there are those who want to start out with physical/romantic attraction first and then grow to something more. Neither is wrong really, just different. You can't pair these two groups of people up or it doesn't work out. You are just experiencing a mismatch. Yes, there are men online who want to get right to meeting in person (these are guys who want attraction first) but there are also men online who want to start with friends first. These are guys who want to chat a lot first and aren't so concerned with meeting up asap. Ignore the former and only concentrate on the later. Me? I'm the type that likes the guys who want to meet right away and I ignore the chatters. Thank u..... so I m experiencing a mismatch very often..... when u say those guys who want to meet right away they want attraction first, do u mean the physical attraction , I guess. and u say u r the type likes the guys who want attraction first, too....the chemistry..... mmm....people r really so different. both of us r women, I don't quite understand u, either, Link to post Share on other sites
Author unit1 Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 There are those who want to start out as friend first and then grow to something more. And then there are those who want to start out with physical/romantic attraction first and then grow to something more. Neither is wrong really, just different. You can't pair these two groups of people up or it doesn't work out. You are just experiencing a mismatch. Yes, there are men online who want to get right to meeting in person (these are guys who want attraction first) but there are also men online who want to start with friends first. These are guys who want to chat a lot first and aren't so concerned with meeting up asap. Ignore the former and only concentrate on the later. Me? I'm the type that likes the guys who want to meet right away and I ignore the chatters. Thank u..... so I m experiencing a mismatch very often..... when u say those guys who want to meet right away they want attraction first, do u mean the physical attraction , I guess. and u say u r the type likes the guys who want attraction first, too....the chemistry..... mmm....people r really so different. both of us r women, I don't quite understand u, either, Link to post Share on other sites
Author unit1 Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 (edited) repeated post sorry my phone made mistake. pls delete the previous repeated post, too, thanks . Edited January 21, 2018 by unit1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 Sure, the SO and I did. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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