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Boyfriend is only sweet when drunk


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So I've been dating this guy for about 4 months now, and I'm pretty crazy about him. Just one problem: he only tells me sweet things when he's very drunk. Sweet things as in compliments, telling me that he cares about me, that he wants me around forever, etc.

 

I've tried to talk to him about why he does this, and his excuses are that he doesn't want to look like a goof by saying something stupid, he's been hurt in the past by exes, and that he's just not a person who likes talking about feelings. I've tried to communicate in a polite, calm manner that I need him to say sweet things to me in order for me to feel loved. This was three weeks ago, and I have seen no improvement.

 

Is he really just a cautious, hurt guy or does he not actually care about me? I've heard the expression "drunk words are sober thoughts," but I don't know. Is it diva-ish to leave someone because they aren't being sweet with me? I feel like it is, but I'm not sure what else to do. The last thing I want to do is leave him.

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Hey Ayoh,

 

Welcome to our community! I don’t think your boyfriend will change much no matter how many times you talk to him about this. He’s a reserved guy, so you need to see him for who he is otherwise you’ll just be very frustrated.

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Welcome to LS :)

 

Presuming you're sexually active, is he more emotive in the bedroom and while sober?

 

How is he, in general, with loved ones? Family and friends? Is he emotionally expressive or stoic?

 

What's your age range?

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Good point. OP, does his recollection of what he has told you while drunk match up with your recollection? I've noticed this with MW's that they'll say and do stuff when out there on alcohol that they claim they have no memory of but I got smarter over time and asked them inaccurate non-leading questions to determine if it was a game or authentic.

 

If your BF is a blackout drinker I'd suggest having some second thoughts about continuing.

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I think the phrase in vino veritas certainly applies here. He claims to not be someone who talks about feelings but will happily do so after a few drinks. At least he doesn't say the opposite, which is a good sign!

 

That being said, it's very strange that he wouldn't start being more affectionate after being asked. You've given him space to say loving things to you with full acceptance on your part, and still he doesn't do it. Overall, for whatever reason he isn't able to love you the way you feel you need to be, and that's something you need to consider in this relationship.

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Not everyone says mushy things to each other, period. Doesn't mean they don't care. Go by what a person does, rather than what they say. A lot of people, myself included, feel awkward and self-conscious saying mushy stuff. I'm more likely to say it drunk too, and I can tell you it has led to a lot of break-offs because it's too much. What you are liking him saying drunk would run off most women who would think he was going overboard and not in control of himself. Restraint is good. Drunk yammering is bad.

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How often and how much does it drink?

He may be an alcoholic and they do things like that.

 

I remember my ex-alcoholic started being unloving after he got sober. I asked him what I had to do to get the loving guy back and he replied "Give me a 6 pack of beer"

 

:eek:

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