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What is "it"?


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I know a guy who is part of my extended group of friends who just seems to have “it”. What I mean is that he always seems to pick up women. He’s not overly attractive, although that is from a guy’s perspective, and as far as I’m concerned he’s rude, obnoxious and disrespectful. I would even go as far as saying that he is a misogynist with the way he treats women, yet he always picks up with ease.

 

He had always told stories of his conquests and the truth is I thought he was a sad soul and it was all fantasy or at least embellishment. So recently I had the (dis)pleasure of living with him for a few months when my house was getting repaired after a fire. From what I saw in that short time I have no doubt that his stories are indeed true. I don’t get how or why but there’s no doubt now. Obviously he has “it”, hence my question.

 

I will just give you a couple of examples that I saw with my own eyes so I know they’re true, although I wouldn’t blame anyone for questioning them, because I certainly did before I saw them first hand.

 

We went to a party, I was designated driver. The other two left early so it was just him and I on the way home. We came across a woman with a flat tire on the side of the road. He insisted we stop. We did, and we changed the tire for her. Well I changed the tire as he was just getting in the way being drunk. When I had finished I found them on the other side of the car kissing. If I didn’t interrupt it likely would have gone further, they weren’t holding back. She then kisses him to thank him, we're talking a passionate kiss for like at least 30 seconds, and just gives me a hug and a peck on the lips. I noticed she was wearing a wedding ring. I mean this doesn’t happen except in movies. If he told this story I would have just put it down to another of his fantasies. Yet I was there, and yet I still find it hard to believe. What did she see in him? Why would she cheat with a guy she had known 10 minutes? Why him and not me? What was the “it” that she saw in him?

 

Second example. We all went away on a holiday last summer. A girl in the local convenience store had the longest nails you’ve ever seen, ridiculously long. Anyway, he’s in there with a few of us and starts complimenting her on her nails and she looks like she’s enjoying the attention. Then he tells her that her nails “aren’t as nice as your tits” and that he’d “like to see them out of uniform”. That’s verbatim. She looked angry. I just walked out in shame, I mean that’s verbal sexual harassment to me. He comes out maybe 10 minutes later with her number. They met that night and they spent the whole holiday together. Again I ask why? What did she see in him? He should have got a slap across the face at the very least, instead he got a holiday fling.

 

We all have an odd story like this, but he has dozens. He’s obviously got “it”. So how can I bottle it and make a fortune? In all seriousness, what is “it”? It’s not just a bad boy image thing because he’s just downright rude, yet the women seem to ignore it or lap it up. And before you all ask if I’m just jealous, well I am a little bit. I treat women with respect and guys like this disrespect them and seem to have more success.

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It is a certain j'nai c'est qua It's hard to define but it's an innate ability to put people at ease & make them like you. A lot of politicians have it.

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Seriously?

 

what kind of women are we talking about?

 

I have never attracted to anyone like what you described. I saw so pretty women with men I wouldn't touch with a pole...so...each to its own I guess?

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lt's a personality thing with him. He can read them , when to pounce, what to say, things like that. You won't see that part.

 

One of my brothers can't get a gf or w , he's been getting dumped on by women that he gets serious about most he's life.

But he can walk into any pub anytime anywhere and walk out with a women 15mins later.

He could go back again in 30 and walk out with another one 15mins later.

He's got no job no money and usually not even a car .

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And before you all ask if I’m just jealous, well I am a little bit. I treat women with respect and guys like this disrespect them and seem to have more success.

 

Okay but do you want flings or something real? Doesn't sound like any of these experiences led to a lasting and love felt relationship. Is that what you're after?

 

This cannot really be described. Some people have it, some don't. It has a lot to do with non-verbal ques, knowing what to say (and what not to say) and when. It can be learned a little, but not completely. I wouldn't suggest you copy his behaviour to get laid, I doubt it will work for you.

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It's very simple: Masculine energy attracts feminine energy.

 

Masculinity attracts femininity.

 

Over the past several decades, men have been emasculated by the feminist movement. We've been molded and shaped into a meek and mild form of man that thinks confidence is "rude" and an open display of sexual attraction is "obnoxious" or "disrespectful". Any man who is assertive, decisive, and proactive in his pursuit of women is "misogynistic".

 

It should be obvious that what women say they want and what they respond to is two different things.

 

I'm not saying you have to be an uncouth jackass to get women.

 

What I am saying is there is a whole host of traits that display masculinity and that's what "it" is. This guy, whether he taps into it consciously or does it naturally, simply does what works. Not what society tries to tell him he should be.

 

I actually think his game is a little rough around the edges. He can be a little more ... palatable ... and still exude the same masculine energy. And get the same results.

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OP, I had an erstwhile friend like that, actually my best friend's wife's brother. BP1 and, when off his meds, zero boundaries and he could charm the pants off any woman and often did, right in front of their husbands. He didn't care. I started paying more attention when he was hitting on my best friend's daughter in front of her husband to see what was up. Married four times, never without a woman around and could snap one up anywhere, like that flat tire example. He's dead now, heart attack at fifty. Fortunately his wife was driving the rig when he keeled over. He had the wild eyes and women found him attractive. His wife's family was a very conservative seventh day adventist clan. He had dated her back in college at Loma Linda then they lost touch until his mid-40's then poof suddenly an item. I remember meeting her and him hitting on BF's daughter at the same get-together. ;)

 

Another aspect of that charm is where a man 'loves' women without reservation. It's just out there. Women like that, apparently. I noticed it in my own life, once more blatant and obvious things got easier. Letting go of old fashioned 'gentleman' behaviors was key. Poor socialization. Capital 'B' oring.

 

Some guys have 'it' naturally. Some have to work at it. I had to work at it. Still do. The old tapes still occasionally play and have to be shut off. It got easier after doing all that relationship/marriage stuff and not caring any more. There's no end game, no goal, no prize. Just life.

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Another aspect of that charm is where a man 'loves' women without reservation. It's just out there. Women like that, apparently. I noticed it in my own life, once more blatant and obvious things got easier. Letting go of old fashioned 'gentleman' behaviors was key. Poor socialization. Capital 'B' oring.

 

Some guys have 'it' naturally. Some have to work at it. I had to work at it. Still do. The old tapes still occasionally play and have to be shut off. It got easier after doing all that relationship/marriage stuff and not caring any more. There's no end game, no goal, no prize. Just life.

 

That's true.

 

If you read Casanova's autobiography, you'll discover he was a man that not only loved women but loved life. And pursued both unapologetically.

 

He was a Libertine. Someone who loves freedom and life and pursues them without concern for social restraints and conventions.

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I know a guy who is part of my extended group of friends who just seems to have “it”. What I mean is that he always seems to pick up women. He’s not overly attractive, although that is from a guy’s perspective, and as far as I’m concerned he’s rude, obnoxious and disrespectful. I would even go as far as saying that he is a misogynist with the way he treats women, yet he always picks up with ease.

 

He had always told stories of his conquests and the truth is I thought he was a sad soul and it was all fantasy or at least embellishment. So recently I had the (dis)pleasure of living with him for a few months when my house was getting repaired after a fire. From what I saw in that short time I have no doubt that his stories are indeed true. I don’t get how or why but there’s no doubt now. Obviously he has “it”, hence my question.

 

I will just give you a couple of examples that I saw with my own eyes so I know they’re true, although I wouldn’t blame anyone for questioning them, because I certainly did before I saw them first hand.

 

We went to a party, I was designated driver. The other two left early so it was just him and I on the way home. We came across a woman with a flat tire on the side of the road. He insisted we stop. We did, and we changed the tire for her. Well I changed the tire as he was just getting in the way being drunk. When I had finished I found them on the other side of the car kissing. If I didn’t interrupt it likely would have gone further, they weren’t holding back. She then kisses him to thank him, we're talking a passionate kiss for like at least 30 seconds, and just gives me a hug and a peck on the lips. I noticed she was wearing a wedding ring. I mean this doesn’t happen except in movies. If he told this story I would have just put it down to another of his fantasies. Yet I was there, and yet I still find it hard to believe. What did she see in him? Why would she cheat with a guy she had known 10 minutes? Why him and not me? What was the “it” that she saw in him?

 

Second example. We all went away on a holiday last summer. A girl in the local convenience store had the longest nails you’ve ever seen, ridiculously long. Anyway, he’s in there with a few of us and starts complimenting her on her nails and she looks like she’s enjoying the attention. Then he tells her that her nails “aren’t as nice as your tits” and that he’d “like to see them out of uniform”. That’s verbatim. She looked angry. I just walked out in shame, I mean that’s verbal sexual harassment to me. He comes out maybe 10 minutes later with her number. They met that night and they spent the whole holiday together. Again I ask why? What did she see in him? He should have got a slap across the face at the very least, instead he got a holiday fling.

 

We all have an odd story like this, but he has dozens. He’s obviously got “it”. So how can I bottle it and make a fortune? In all seriousness, what is “it”? It’s not just a bad boy image thing because he’s just downright rude, yet the women seem to ignore it or lap it up. And before you all ask if I’m just jealous, well I am a little bit. I treat women with respect and guys like this disrespect them and seem to have more success.

Look at the sort of girls he's getting. Is that what you want? Sure you might not be 'getting' girls but you're not getting rubbish either. Don't be jealous of him or envy him. Who cares for that sort of rubbishy, empty, carry-on. Be decent and maybe one day you'll attract a decent girl.

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He's so assertive and fearless that he's meeting probably 100 times the women most guys are. And we all know it's about numbers as well as everything else. Women do like confident fearless men. This one sounds like a total tool to me, but apparently some women are overwhelmed by the attention he is giving them. And also he MUST be good looking to women for this to work. Men think it's all about the body, but it's not like that with women.

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Second example. We all went away on a holiday last summer. A girl in the local convenience store had the longest nails you’ve ever seen, ridiculously long. Anyway, he’s in there with a few of us and starts complimenting her on her nails and she looks like she’s enjoying the attention. Then he tells her that her nails “aren’t as nice as your tits” and that he’d “like to see them out of uniform”. That’s verbatim. She looked angry. I just walked out in shame, I mean that’s verbal sexual harassment to me. He comes out maybe 10 minutes later with her number. They met that night and they spent the whole holiday together. Again I ask why? What did she see in him? He should have got a slap across the face at the very least, instead he got a holiday fling.

 

No, it's not harassment, because she liked it. You cannot harass somebody with something she actually enjoys. Your friend obviously can read other people and he simply has balls. You don't even have to be confident if you don't care about consequences.

 

And a lot of sexual attraction has to do with wanting to be desired. If you can communicate that desire in a credible way it is perceived as attractive by many people. A crude compliment is easily forgiven as long as it is honest.

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Cookiesandough
He's so assertive and fearless that he's meeting probably 100 times the women most guys are. And we all know it's about numbers as well as everything else. Women do like confident fearless men. This one sounds like a total tool to me, but apparently some women are overwhelmed by the attention he is giving them. And also he MUST be good looking to women for this to work. Men think it's all about the body, but it's not like that with women.

Yes this guy must be getting shot down left and right too. I can only imagine with such a p poor strategy.

Subdue your ego and have enough nerve to say stuff like that to enough women eventually it will stick. You won't be picking up any gems but something is going to stick...

 

I've never seen a guy with "it" to be convinced "it" exists, but perhaps it does. He seems laid back and outgoing. Additionally, i'd wager this guy is reasonably attractive. Men are notoriously bad at figuring out what women find physically attractive in men and vice versa,unless it's an extreme, like male model. Plus peeps have different taste

 

Ewwww that song's in my head now.

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Additionally, i'd wager this guy is reasonably attractive. Men are notoriously bad at figuring out what women find physically attractive in men and vice versa,unless it's an extreme, like male model. Plus peeps have different taste

 

I would say not being unattractive is enough. A knew a guy who looked average, but was very smart and very confident, and didn't give a hoot about what was appropriate or not. It surely worked for him. I went out with him to limit the damage, but I wasn't always successful.

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I think I can shed light on why the woman responded the way she did when he said he wanted to see her tits. I had it explained to me this way. My old friend Harry, now passed on, told me a woman's nips are the barometer of her soul. If she liked what he was saying, her nips would be hard, and so perky that they would be almost drilling holes through her shirt to get to him... so your friend probably saw her perky nips, which told him she liked what he was doing / saying, so he went for the obvious line about wanting to see them. It worked. I've done the same thing. Telling a woman she is wearing a nice outfit, for example, if she asks. If the nips give me approval, I might also say something like "... but I like what's inside the suit better." On an unaroused girl, that might get me in trouble, but for an aroused one, it might get me laid. It all depends on body language and how good you are at reading it. Your friend is good at reading body language, is all.

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Cookiesandough
I think I can shed light on why the woman responded the way she did when he said he wanted to see her tits. I had it explained to me this way. My old friend Harry, now passed on, told me a woman's nips are the barometer of her soul. If she liked what he was saying, her nips would be hard, and so perky that they would be almost drilling holes through her shirt to get to him... so your friend probably saw her perky nips, which told him she liked what he was doing / saying, so he went for the obvious line about wanting to see them. It worked. I've done the same thing. Telling a woman she is wearing a nice outfit, for example, if she asks. If the nips give me approval, I might also say something like "... but I like what's inside the suit better." On an unaroused girl, that might get me in trouble, but for an aroused one, it might get me laid. It all depends on body language and how good you are at reading it. Your friend is good at reading body language, is all.

 

What did I just read and why am I glad I read it

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Eternal Sunshine

I once had a housemate like this. I couldn't beleive how many women he got. He had multiple FWBs and they would literally come over for sex and bring him a gift then leave an hour later. Even I slept with him :o

 

What he had? He was on the shorter/skinnier side but he had an incredibly attractive face. I am sure many men dismissed him as not being "all that" because he wasn't tall and didn't have a 6 pack. He was also very confident and funny. He wasn't afraid to make a move on a girl in any circumstance. It helped that he was also extremely good in bed. I would call it "charisma".

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I knew a guy like this. He was short and tiny but women loved him.

 

Personally his behavior toward me and general irresponsibly me made me want to punch him in the face.

 

He had many failed business ventures and was ultimately broke. I think what a lot of women found attractive is that he just didn’t care about anything.

 

That said, he pulled a lot of hot chicks, or he used to anyway (not sure because I no longer speak with him).

 

As far as comments of “Is that the type of woman you want” there are many kinds who fall for guys like this.

 

I’ve had this effect on some women - interestingly the ones I don’t care much about. I could be a total ass and they would beg me to F them.

 

Meanwhile, women I really like have left me.

 

I can’t help but think it’s related. When you ask a woman who she was most hung up on it’s usually not the nice guy who treated her well. It’s the jerk.

 

The tough thing is I can’t pretend to not like a girl (I’m far from a “nice” guy) if I do. So that leaves me with women who I don’t care much about falling all over me, or a girl I really like leaving me (or not giving me a shot).

 

Guys like this don’t particularly care about any one women. I’m envious of that.

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But the bottom line is, what works for him is not going to work for you. It's more than just words and timing. In his case it's natural to his personality. In your case it will be unnatural and women will pickup on it and smack you in the face.

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