Spractor Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I don't make a ton of money and work hard for every penny I make. My boyfriend, on the other hand, makes over 100K a year and does not struggle with money at all, but is super cheap. I bought $150 of Best Buy gift cards because I was waiting for the perfect sale to buy a TV for the apartment and got a good deal on the gift cards. This never came up and then Christmas was around the corner. He is a tech guy and I told him to hold on to the $50 gift card and if some tech gadget that we both could use was available then he could use that card. No way was I giving him $50 to spend on his own free will. For Christmas, he bought me a nice smartwatch and told me how expensive things were. I bought him an Amazon Plus Echo that he never opened since he wanted a more expensive gift than this. I went to his room to put clothes away and saw my gift card on his stand. I thought to myself, let me check the balance, which was 0. I was suspicious because my Starbucks gift card magically got into his drawer the other day and he said he didn't know why he put it there. I then proceeded to ask him where he got that $50 Best Buy card and if it was mine. He said no he will give me my $50 card later. I said, "No I want the card now." I asked if his boss gave it to him, and he says "yeah something like that." Now he is getting pissed. I said I really hope you did not use my money to spend on my Christmas gift. Then he proceeds to tell me I am cheap he wants nothing to do with me and now he wants to move out. I investigated more and found the receipt for the present he gave me and matched it with the gift card which was mine. He also had stated, "how do I know if he even used on me, he may have bought stuff for the home for us but now he is not going to tell me." Which is not the case since I figured this out. Now I don't know what to do because he won't discuss anything with me. But I feel so hurt since I put so much time and money into the relationship. He makes more than double what I make and then to use my own money on my Christmas gift. I just have never experienced this before and need any advice or feedback about this situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Spractor, You said it yourself ; My boyfriend, on the other hand, makes over 100K a year and does not struggle with money at all, but is super cheap. Cheap? That's an understatement, the guy is so tight he squeaks ! I dated someone like this who was a university lecturer but as mean as muck. The only time he took me out for a meal was after he dropped the jackpot on the one-armed bandit at a pub. I dumped him and you should do the same with this guy - he won't change. Sorry x 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 How odd. Trying to think how I would handle that. I believe I would have done one of two things: 1. Have been so turned off that I would have told him the relationship wasn't going anywhere and not mentioned what he'd done or why I was breaking up. Just said something like I wasn't feeling it anymore and broken up with him. Or 2. Have given it some time and watched for other odd signs that indicate deviant behavior, because to me, what you described is devious. Then break up with him after seeing several odd things. Because I believe anyone who would do this type of thing will probably do other weird stuff. Honestly, though, to me that would be a major turn off and I doubt I'd even care to discuss it with him were I certain of the facts. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 he totally lied to you and got mad at you for calling him out on it? let him move out, having to pay all the bills himself will probably make him see your value better, not that you should care... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spractor Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 I don't want him to move out since my rent is so cheap now. I am fine staying in my room alone since it was hard enough to find a good place at a decent price. I am going to get a fire safe for stuff that is in my room since I do not trust him anymore. BUT now that I caught him in a lie, is there no point in even talking about it. It doesn't seem like he is going to admit anything and now he wants all of our stuff to be completely separate. I want to prove to him how I know he is lying but he will deflect all of this and say he wants nothing to do with me ever again and tell me on repeat how I will never get married blah blah a typical American white girl. He is from India and this I think is my first and last time with one. But also I didn't want to admit that I found the receipt because he will flip his lid to know how great of detective I really am. I am going to return the stuff to get the money back, but I never had a guy use my money to buy me gifts. I feel like my self-esteem is so low to allow myself to still live here. He blames it all on me and that I am worthless over this situation. I just cant fathom where he is coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 He sounds like a real catch Here's the thing. None of this is really about the gift card. It's about the fact you two are completely incompatible when it comes to finances, respect, trust.... Things that are vital to a healthy and happy relationship. When I got to the part where you mentioned you two lived together my jaw dropped. I thought for sure you two were just casually dating (I wondered how he had access to your cards). Any way.... Better now than before more energy was invested. In the future play close attention when incompatibilities surface, and be careful about compromising too much. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 He stole from you then lied to you. Why isn't he simply your EX BF at this point? Get a different roommate. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I don't want him to move out since my rent is so cheap now. I am fine staying in my room alone since it was hard enough to find a good place at a decent price. I am going to get a fire safe for stuff that is in my room since I do not trust him anymore. BUT now that I caught him in a lie, is there no point in even talking about it. It doesn't seem like he is going to admit anything and now he wants all of our stuff to be completely separate. I want to prove to him how I know he is lying but he will deflect all of this and say he wants nothing to do with me ever again and tell me on repeat how I will never get married blah blah a typical American white girl. He is from India and this I think is my first and last time with one. But also I didn't want to admit that I found the receipt because he will flip his lid to know how great of detective I really am. I am going to return the stuff to get the money back, but I never had a guy use my money to buy me gifts. I feel like my self-esteem is so low to allow myself to still live here. He blames it all on me and that I am worthless over this situation. I just cant fathom where he is coming from. Of course he blames it on you. A guy this devious is not going to own up to the truth. To the above: what do you gain if you prove you're right? Nothing. You still don't want to be with him. The situation just gets more nasty the more you try to deal with it. This guy will never admit what he has done. Furthermore, he is already, at the very least, exhibiting odd behavior. He very well could become nasty and a real problem for you. The reason he's breaking up with you is because he doesn't want to deal with his problem so if you force the issue he is going to do other things that are more severe than just telling you he wants to separate to try to push you away and those other things could cause you some real difficulties. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spractor Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Of course he blames it on you. A guy this devious is not going to own up to the truth. To the above: what do you gain if you prove you're right? Nothing. You still don't want to be with him. The situation just gets more nasty the more you try to deal with it. This guy will never admit what he has done. Furthermore, he is already, at the very least, exhibiting odd behavior. He very well could become nasty and a real problem for you. The reason he's breaking up with you is because he doesn't want to deal with his problem so if you force the issue he is going to do other things that are more severe than just telling you he wants to separate to try to push you away and those other things could cause you some real difficulties. Thank you for this, I really needed this side of things. I sometimes like to prove I am right in a situation, but in this one who cares. I know deep down and I do agree that he could cause further difficulties. This is why I need to keep my distance. Great advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spractor Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 He stole from you then lied to you. Why isn't he simply your EX BF at this point? Get a different roommate. I know, totally easier said than done. But the time and energy in this situation should be towards getting a new roommate. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spractor Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 He sounds like a real catch Here's the thing. None of this is really about the gift card. It's about the fact you two are completely incompatible when it comes to finances, respect, trust.... Things that are vital to a healthy and happy relationship. When I got to the part where you mentioned you two lived together my jaw dropped. I thought for sure you two were just casually dating (I wondered how he had access to your cards). Any way.... Better now than before more energy was invested. In the future play close attention when incompatibilities surface, and be careful about compromising too much. You are 100% right. Great advice, now the plan to get out or get him out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spractor Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 How odd. Trying to think how I would handle that. I believe I would have done one of two things: 1. Have been so turned off that I would have told him the relationship wasn't going anywhere and not mentioned what he'd done or why I was breaking up. Just said something like I wasn't feeling it anymore and broken up with him. Or 2. Have given it some time and watched for other odd signs that indicate deviant behavior, because to me, what you described is devious. Then break up with him after seeing several odd things. Because I believe anyone who would do this type of thing will probably do other weird stuff. Honestly, though, to me that would be a major turn off and I doubt I'd even care to discuss it with him were I certain of the facts. I wish I did this and actually thought it through before accusing him. I was just in total shock and couldn't believe he did this and thought he would apologize or something. But now it is a sticky living arrangement and I am glad I found out now and need to trust my gut more often. These are not normal and I needed to get advice since I was going crazy in my head about someone doing this. Thanks for your sides. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I wish I did this and actually thought it through before accusing him. I was just in total shock and couldn't believe he did this and thought he would apologize or something. But now it is a sticky living arrangement and I am glad I found out now and need to trust my gut more often. These are not normal and I needed to get advice since I was going crazy in my head about someone doing this. Thanks for your sides. "Live and learn," is what I always say! It's one thing to be sitting at a computer or holding a phone responding to someone else's predicament than to be actually emotionally involved and have something nutty happen! You're doing fine. Actually better than fine because you're seeking counsel, always wise! Just play it as cool as possible, imo, then get away from him as soon as you can afford to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 We should have award ceremony for clowns like this guy ! I can’t believe how men today act just wow ! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 We should have award ceremony for clowns like this guy ! I can’t believe how men today act just wow ! Maybe it's an age thing. Maybe a generation thing. But when I see a thread like this, I shake my head and wonder 'how women today act'. They're living together, right? To me that is super serious to begin with and implies they are also sleeping together which is also serious. OP (or any of the other flies on the wall), what about this guy prompted you to live with him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spractor Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Maybe it's an age thing. Maybe a generation thing. But when I see a thread like this, I shake my head and wonder 'how women today act'. They're living together, right? To me that is super serious to begin with and implies they are also sleeping together which is also serious. OP (or any of the other flies on the wall), what about this guy prompted you to live with him? Well we moved in together as friends and then it led to more. Which is very unfortunate and now I see his true colors. I had a perfect living arrangement before but both of my roommates were getting deployed and I needed a new room ASAP. Typical rent around my area for a 1 bedroom is $1,500 which I cannot do currently, so I needed to move in with someone and found him to split a 2 bedroom with. On top of this, I moved from my hometown with my ex bf and we lived together for 4 years and since that breakup it has been a series of unfortunate moves. Even though my last move was okay, the sudden deployment was not in my favor since I was only able to live there for 6 months. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 He is from India. I am not defending the guy as he is a liar and was probably never ever going to marry you anyway, but although he was earning good money, was he sending a big chunk of it home to India to his family? (maybe parents and siblings, but maybe wife and kids, just a thought). Many do. He may then be cash poor. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Trust me, you guys have much bigger problems than gift cards... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spractor Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 I am not defending the guy as he is a liar and was probably never ever going to marry you anyway, but although he was earning good money, was he sending a big chunk of it home to India to his family? (maybe parents and siblings, but maybe wife and kids, just a thought). Many do. He may then be cash poor. This may very well be the case. He wanted to bring me to India and we had plans to go next month, but he said he won't bring me now since I won't marry him and his parents wouldn't want to waste their time meeting me if we weren't getting married. He also talks about how disappointed his parents are with him since he is not married yet, but this could be all lies along with everything else he has told me. (I wouldn't ever marry him, but I did want to go to India and explore it with a local.) Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Spractor, Now you have said he is from India this is a whole different ballgame Is he Muslim, Hindu, Seikh or Buddist? There is a very good reason why I am asking this question .... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spractor Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Spractor, Now you have said he is from India this is a whole different ballgame Is he Muslim, Hindu, Seikh or Buddist? There is a very good reason why I am asking this question .... It's funny you ask this because when I confronted him about his lies he said I am so terrible and he only wants positive energy and then he brought up his religion. Even though he does not practice it, he was brought up Hindu. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 spractor, If he is Hindu then this is nonsense. This may very well be the case. He wanted to bring me to India and we had plans to go next month, but he said he won't bring me now since I won't marry him and his parents wouldn't want to waste their time meeting me if we weren't getting married. Did he ever propose to you or did I miss that bit? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spractor Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 spractor, If he is Hindu then this is nonsense. Did he ever propose to you or did I miss that bit? Nope he never proposed to me but said he wanted to marry me. I never said I would and he tells me I am typical American who will probably not ever know what I want until I am in my 50's. I just wanted to experience India, but he had other intentions that I made clear I would not do. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Spractor, Please get rid of this guy. His head seems to be full of broken biscuits, and quite frankly I think he's nuts Hindu men are brought up to respect women so stealing off them just doesn't gel with his behaviour. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spractor Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Spractor, Please get rid of this guy. His head seems to be full of broken biscuits, and quite frankly I think he's nuts Hindu men are brought up to respect women so stealing off them just doesn't gel with his behaviour. Thank you for this. He always tells me how women in his culture are treated very highly blah blah blah. Before the stealing situation, I always told him actions speak louder than words. Since he would always tell me something, but his actions did not line up. He really must be nuts, but I am really beginning to believe that he is a pathological liar. I just want to be positive on my end, since he has said some really rude things to me after his lies. Oh he says I am a pathetic loser, he should speak for himself IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
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