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Women cheat for sex


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Old 30th December 2017, 7:01 PM   #1
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Women cheat for sex

I've never understood the narrative that men cheat for sex and women seek an emotional attachment, because in my experience the opposite has been true.

I'm a man, and over and over again throughout my life it's been the wives/gf's of friends and acquaintances who've pursued me aggressively for sex. A few examples:

- One time my friend's live-in gf waited for him to go to sleep while I was hanging out at their place. She came out to me when I was just trying to watch TV and she ended up pregnant by me that night. They'd been using protection but apparently with me she didn't want to.

- Back in college I knew a girl who was in a "committed" relationship with a guy but told me "I can't stop thinking about you". I was hoping for an emotional connection with her but it turned out she only wanted sex with me. It was so disappointing to learn that.

- Late at night at another friend's house his wife and I ended up in the kitchen alone together. She told me "I don't ever do this kind of thing, but you're very attractive". It was the first time I'd ever met her. Sex on the couch followed shortly after that. No "EA", no contact with her after that night.

- I currently have another friend's wife stalking me on FB. She said she fell in "lust" with me the first time she saw me. Now she's saying she wants me to get her pregnant. How messed up is that? I never asked for any of this crap.

Those are just a few examples, but that kind of thing has been happening my whole life. It's been awful, because all I've ever wanted was to find true love again with a woman after experiencing that at a young age. Sex is far down the list of priorities when it comes to what I really want.

I guess my point is that the narrative that women don't cheat for sex is false. They've been cheating on their men with me my whole life for exactly that.
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Old 30th December 2017, 7:05 PM   #2
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IME, MW's use sex, or the lure of sex, to get the emotional part with the men for whom the emotional part is a challenge and whom are otherwise strong, attractive, successful males, often married themselves. The more powerful the man in the ladder of reproductive power, the more likely the MW will go to the sex bucket to grab a piece of him.

That's simply been my experience over six decades on the planet. YMMV.
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Old 30th December 2017, 7:37 PM   #3
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People are people. Men and women are less different than we like to imagine we are. Sure, one group is more likely to do a certain thing than the other group is, but "more likely" doesn't mean everyone.

Also, people tend to pay more attention to behaviors that match expected patterns, while discarding other evidence as a fluke. On a forum devoted to married people whose spouses have very low sex drives, nearly half the people posting about their lack of sex lives are frustrated women. And yet the male posters keep ignoring them and bemoaning about how no women want sex, any woman who did want sex could get it easily, etc, disregarding all the evidence right there in their faces.

Anyway. Yes, some ladies just want to bang, and some men care more about love than sex.
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Old 30th December 2017, 9:54 PM   #4
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I've cheated once in my life and that was for revenge, as my partner was sleeping around all over the show. It just destroyed me, the guilt, the fallout. I would never, ever, ever do it again.
Why did you sleep with the 3 women who were in relationships with your friends? For sex or an emotional connection? How did your friends feel about you sleeping with their partners?
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Old 30th December 2017, 10:31 PM   #5
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In my first marriage I was a WW and all I wanted was some charming company and sex. I was not interested in any emotional attachment beyond friendship, at most.
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Old 31st December 2017, 12:59 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by mrs rubble View Post
I've cheated once in my life and that was for revenge, as my partner was sleeping around all over the show. It just destroyed me, the guilt, the fallout. I would never, ever, ever do it again.
Why did you sleep with the 3 women who were in relationships with your friends? For sex or an emotional connection? How did your friends feel about you sleeping with their partners?
Different reasons each time. One of the wives told me that whenever I would stay overnight (in the guest room) she would watch me sleep. The following day after I would leave she would take the blankets I used and sleep with them herself just to smell me. I "paid her back" for showing that kind of emotional investment by letting her have sex with me. I wasn't really into her but I enjoyed the attention.

Another guy wanted to watch me have sex with his wife for some reason. Prior to that I had no emotional connection to her but afterwards I secretly fell in love with her. He opened up Pandora's box by having us do that, because we ended up having sex multiple times afterwards without his knowledge.

One of the wives who I had sex with the night I met her came out of her/his bedroom when I was alone on the couch late at night and just started performing oral sex on me. It was a huge turn on knowing someone was that attracted to me at first sight that she would basically risk her marriage just to experience me physically.

Another committed woman I met I'd only known for 30 minutes before I was inside of her. The knowledge that she would rather be with me than her own man and that it only took a half hour to get to that point was intoxicating.

I'm naturally introverted, so I was never the one to "make the first move". I have no "game" to speak of. The wives/gf's always initiated and I guess I just could never resist.
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Old 31st December 2017, 1:26 AM   #7
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Nothing in life is all inclusive, so of course some women who cheat do so solely based on sex. It's rare, but it happens. Reason is women have a harder time disassociating sex and emotional connection, it's really science.

Oxytocin "the love chemical" is produced in the female body during childbirth, breastfeeding, SEX, and in small dosages during hugs. When oxytocin floods the brain it fosters bonding trust and pleasure associated with the person with whom she is in contact with.

Men produce oxytocin as well but only during sex and at a much, much lower rate.

Sadly, in many if not most cases of "committed" women who seek sex only outside of the relationship can (most likely) be a result of traumatic experiences.

I know this comments will upset some here, but with I'm saying is backed by science, studies and research.

Last edited by DKT3; 31st December 2017 at 1:30 AM..
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Old 31st December 2017, 4:55 AM   #8
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As the saying goes, “Women use sex to get love, and Men use love to get sex”.

I think it’s generalization as humans are more complex than that, but there you have it.
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Old 31st December 2017, 5:31 AM   #9
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As the saying goes, “Women use sex to get love, and Men use love to get sex”.
It's more like the opposite. I can get sex whenever I want, but it's not what I want. I get propositioned everywhere I go: by co-workers, wives/gf's of my friends, the freaking drive-thru girl at the local fast food place asking if I'm married, etc. I'm not bragging about that. I hate it.

I want to experience true love again, but every woman I ever meet just wants to ****. Masturbating to the mere thought of being with a woman I have an emotional connection with is much, much more satisfying than actual sex with a chick I'm not into.
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Old 31st December 2017, 6:36 AM   #10
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My AP said she pursued me because she knew I was better in bed than
her husband. However, it wasn’t really intercourse she was after. She really wanted all the stuff that came with it. Feeling desired, appreciated, excited, challenged, and, yes, an emotional attachment.

I think women are more complex than men. Our wants and needs are simple. While women can choose men for “just sex”, I think there is usually an underlying emotional motivation or need.
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Old 31st December 2017, 6:51 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by WorldInMyEyes View Post
It's more like the opposite. I can get sex whenever I want, but it's not what I want. I get propositioned everywhere I go: by co-workers, wives/gf's of my friends, the freaking drive-thru girl at the local fast food place asking if I'm married, etc. I'm not bragging about that. I hate it.

I want to experience true love again, but every woman I ever meet just wants to ****. Masturbating to the mere thought of being with a woman I have an emotional connection with is much, much more satisfying than actual sex with a chick I'm not into.
I see what you mean now. Yes there are some men that women see as good for sex, but not relationship material.
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Old 31st December 2017, 8:22 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by MidKnightDreams View Post
I think women are more complex than men. Our wants and needs are simple. While women can choose men for “just sex”, I think there is usually an underlying emotional motivation or need.
Yes, much more complex. Physically and strategically.

The widely accepted theory in evolutionary psychology is that men and women have asymmetrical reproductive strategies... mating and impregnating a lot of women is an effective strategy for men, however, a women's limited capacity (about 12 over a lifetime), combined with risk of pregnancy and burden of caring for offspring means that her best strategy is to optimize each opportunity. Female optimization includes choosing a mate who is a) willing to make familial investment (provide, protect and hang around), and b) has the best possible genetics for her kiddos.

But here's the interesting part, and apparently relates to what our OP is experiencing...

Since women conceive internally there is never a question as to whether the babies she births are her's biologically. The opposite is true for men––there's always that question. The woman can get around the big compromise (familial investment vs. genetics) by choosing a different man for each job. This means marrying for security, while covertly seeking to be impregnated by a man with better genetics. Studies have shown that women choose more masculine, better looking men when they are ovulating (sex drive increases as well), and the better provider at other times.

Studies have also shown that female sex drive is powerful, much more like males than presentation would indicate. The reason that women are concerned with perceived virtue is that men will avoid familial investment in offspring that are not their own biologically. That is evolutionary suicide. But since he can't mate-guard a woman every minute of every day, he will prefer one who he perceives as unlikely to covertly seek out better genes during ovulation, and have him waste his precious life resources insuring the proliferation of another man's genes.

Also keep in mind that humans are not inherently monogamous. Monogamy is a social construct that began only about 10k years ago, which is too recent to be hard-wired into our DNA (even if it were optimal, which it is not).

OP, you are apparently the lucky winner of the genetic lottery in that women want you to breed them covertly. Count that as a blessing man. You should read the threads started by men who cannot get any sex at all. Being able to get laid regularly is huge! If you want women to want you for love, I'd suggest that you become powerful and wealthy.

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Old 31st December 2017, 9:50 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by MidKnightDreams View Post
My AP said she pursued me because she knew I was better in bed than
her husband. However, it wasn’t really intercourse she was after. She really wanted all the stuff that came with it. Feeling desired, appreciated, excited, challenged, and, yes, an emotional attachment.

I think women are more complex than men. Our wants and needs are simple. While women can choose men for “just sex”, I think there is usually an underlying emotional motivation or need.
I agree with this women are more complex in their needs and desires , and also motivations as to why they do the things they do.

It may start as sex but if a Emotional connection is sparked it's a totally different story
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Old 31st December 2017, 11:03 AM   #14
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I see what you mean now. Yes there are some men that women see as good for sex, but not relationship material.
When I read the op's post, I'm reminded of my younger days. There was a girl where I lived who ( and this was really mean) was known as "[being promiscuous]". Somewhere along the line, she had gotten the idea that if she had sex with a guy, it would lead to much more. It never did, and no guy would look at her as serious relationship materials because they felt like they couldn't trust her.

That probably wasn't true, as in every other area of her life, she was very loyal. What she was doing to try and find love was actually holding her back from finding it.

OP, if I were a single woman and hoping to meet someone, and if I knew you would sleep with married women, I don't think I could ever trust you. I know that sounds very unfair, but it's true.
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Old 31st December 2017, 11:07 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by MJJean View Post
In my first marriage I was a WW and all I wanted was some charming company and sex. I was not interested in any emotional attachment beyond friendship, at most.
All of the women I know who have cheated on their husbands did it for sex with a charming and good looking man. Men will never believe that though; they swear it's for an emotional connection.
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