How To Learn To Treat Women With Respect

[jjgitties]

Not sure if this one has been asked before.

 

How does one learn to get batter at treating women with respect and make them feel like they are appreciated and loved? What sorts of things can you do and say to make them feel that way?

[heartbrokenlady]

I guess it depends on the woman.

 

For me, one of the things that hooked me into falling in love with my ex was when he read my favourite book. I'm an English teacher, so books are a huge part of my life. His spending the time to read my favourite was a very big deal to me.

 

In general, cooking me a meal, physical affection, a very occasional 'I love you' sticky note left somewhere I would find it, rubbing my feet when I was tired, or even making me a cup of tea in bed in the morning, at the weekend.

 

It really is the little things that count IMO.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Not sure if this one has been asked before.

 

How does one learn to get batter at treating women with respect and make them feel like they are appreciated and loved? What sorts of things can you do and say to make them feel that way?

 

An unfortunate typo for a post about respect

 

Taking an interest in what she's interested in.....I don't mean developing the same exact interests and hobbies (no need to force it), but making her feel like you support her in what she does and you approve of it. This shows that you truly want her to be the best version of herself.

 

Also, ask her opinion and advice about things.

 

This list could get huge, but those are two things I'd like to add.

[norudder]

Is it a matter of learning what to do and say to "act" like you respect women or actually respecting women? I think when you respect people it naturally shows in how you treat them. It's a do or don't.

 

In the context of a relationship that looks like taking an interest in her as a whole person, thoughts feelings interests etc and giving those parts of her enough value to be taken into consideration with your words, actions and decision making as well as inviting her into your own world of thoughts and feelings, sharing the various parts of your inner and outer life with her.

 

Those are elements of respect imo. Love and appreciation vary more greatly woman to woman. Communicate and ask. Read 5 love languages by Chapman. You could give in all 5 areas just to keep the bases covered but more effective to focus on filling her love tank with the things that really matter to her.

Edited December 25, 2017 by norudder

[Trail Blazer]

Is there really an instruction manual on this kind of thing? Surely it's something that's innate? I don't think there's a formula on how you can come across as respectful - you've just got to be intuitive in every given situation. Getting angry and being reactive is a surefire way to not be respectful.

 

I think you have to respect not just women but people, from within, before that will translate to behavior that demonstrates as much. Some people can fake it well, but I don't think that tips on how to fake respect is what you're after here. All I'll say is that to show respect you've got to feel respect and if you respect women from within it will show in your behavior.

 

And on that note I want to wish all the fantastic women out there, whether you be wives, moms, sisters, aunts, daughters or all of the above, a very safe and merry Christmas with your friends and loved ones.

[Nilfiry]

How to Treat Women With Respect 101

v 0.1

 

Step 1: Treat others how you want to be treated.

Step 2: Communicate

Step 3: Use what you learned through communication to customize Step 1.

Step 4: ???

Step 5: Profit!

 

Or, there is a more effective way but requires more patience.

 

Go plant a flower seed in a pot. If it dies or does not grow properly, then you screwed up and did not learn anything. If you managed to raise the flower to full size with a vibrant and lively bloom, however, then you have successfully learned how to treat women.

[healing light]

I think it's important to discover your partner's primary love language(s) and then express it back to her.

 

People generally have a primary love language or two--acts of service (washing someone's car, taking out trash without being asked, etc.); verbal affection (saying I love you, writing love letters, etc.); physical touch (hand holding, hugs, kissing, sex, etc.); gifts (self-explanatory); or quality time (regular dates, frequent face-to-face interaction, etc.), if I recall correctly. For me, I think I feel most loved when there's affectionate touch and verbal affirmation. So wrapping me into a hug or stroking my hand, or being told that I'm loved makes me feel more connected to my boyfriend. On the other hand, my mom's primary love language is gifts, so no matter how many times you say something nice to her, it doesn't register as well as a thoughtful gift (also, if your gift sucks, this upsets her quite a bit).

 

In general, though, prioritizing a woman's needs without her having to ask will get you pretty far. Listening to small comments she makes and then surprising her with things related to those comments. I also feel loved when a man has my back, gives me the benefit of the doubt, or listens to me without needing to fix me.

 

A few examples with my relationship: I'm financially in the crapper because of huge student loans/poor health, and my guy pays for our dates without my asking. He lets me come up with inexpensive ideas or find things on discount, which I'm really good at, and then he gets the tickets or follows through with the idea. He also tells me to pick out more expensive activities occasionally for our bigger dates. I've never had a man do this before and it makes me feel really good because I'm not stressed about how I am going to afford the date. He cares about my emotional state by gifting me dates, genuinely wants to give to me, and that makes me feel very loved instead of guilty about it. I love to cook, have to eat at home most of the time by necessity, and like to nurture other people through healthy meals, so he'll buy the groceries when I see him and let me cook for him. This also makes me feel loved, especially if he expresses how he likes what I've made. Also, he has never said a negative thing about my body and wasn't pushy about sex (he was my first and waited 2.5 months to sleep with me), and that went very far for me in regards to feeling respected.

 

So I think in general if you listen to her, ask her how her day is or how she feels regularly, initiate contact or dates (especially in the beginning), take her needs into consideration, and enjoy doing little things for her, then she will feel loved and respected.

[Trail Blazer]

How to Treat Women With Respect 101

v 0.1

 

Step 1: Treat others how you want to be treated.

Step 2: Communicate

Step 3: Use what you learned through communication to customize Step 1.

Step 4: ???

Step 5: Profit!

 

Or, there is a more effective way but requires more patience.

 

Go plant a flower seed in a pot. If it dies or does not grow properly, then you screwed up and did not learn anything. If you managed to raise the flower to full size with a vibrant and lively bloom, however, then you have successfully learned how to treat women.

 

I disagree with that analogy. It may be applicable to children, but women are their own person who also are responsible for their own actions and happiness. Men can have an impact on whether they're happy or not, but the success and failure of a woman doesn't hinge solely on how men cultivate the relationship.

 

Unless you're proposing that women have zero rights? It's the 21st century not the 1800s so women have the same rights as men and therefore are as responsible for their own happiness as men are of their's. I could argue that I'm a dying flower who's not treated with respect but then I'd be labeled a weak beta who got what he deserved.

[staggerlee71]

your first hurdle is your differentiate from male female. doh!

[healing light]

Oh, and I agree whole-heartedly with the poster who said if you let her into your inner thoughts and feelings, and incorporate her into all parts of your life (meeting the other important people in your life, etc.), that goes a long way with respect. Good communication can't be beat.

[staggerlee71]

just so I'm clear, the general consensus of this thread is you treat a women a specific way, according to gender?

[jjgitties]

just so I'm clear, the general consensus of this thread is you treat a women a specific way, according to gender?

 

I get the impression that the term respect in a relationship with a woman has a very different meaning that it does within the context of how men interpret it within their own relationships amongst each other.

[staggerlee71]

I get the impression that the term respect in a relationship with a woman has a very different meaning that it does within the context of how men interpret it within their own relationships amongst each other.

 

Impression? This implies inconsistency, variance,

[staggerlee71]

So I'm not trying to be an ass. simply trying to overtly open up use of words and how they pertain to your question.

 

In light of me too, women and the movement of equality and respect, I guess my point is, why would you treat a women different from a man? people are people right?

[BaileyB]

Quite simply, I think you should treat a woman with the same kindness you would like to be treated with yourself.

[staggerlee71]

the interesting thing with this thread is inevitably we will get to a double standard.

 

I don't buy flowers for my boys

or open car doors

I use profanity with my boys

 

I am challenged all the time both professionally and socially. people will always be challenged by power

 

is it really possible to reach a true equality, not in the sense of intelligence but in the sense of expectation. years and years of social norm and expectation.

[Trail Blazer]

So I'm not trying to be an ass. simply trying to overtly open up use of words and how they pertain to your question.

 

In light of me too, women and the movement of equality and respect, I guess my point is, why would you treat a women different from a man? people are people right?

 

I can see where this thread will end up going. My view is equality should extend to equal opportunity, equal pay, not discriminating based on sex (or anything for that matter) so long as the person of a different sex can do the job as equally well.

 

If you want to adopt true equality then you invite complete erosion of gender identity. No matter what happens, there ARE differences between men and women - the way their brains are wired and how they think and feel. These differencee need to be understood and embraced. A one-size-fits-all approach won't work.

[Trail Blazer]

the interesting thing with this thread is inevitably we will get to a double standard.

 

I don't buy flowers for my boys

or open car doors

I use profanity with my boys

 

I am challenged all the time both professionally and socially. people will always be challenged by power

 

is it really possible to reach a true equality, not in the sense of intelligence but in the sense of expectation. years and years of social norm and expectation.

 

Social conditioning is a continual evolution as old as human beings. Why do we pit baby girls in pink and baby boys in blue? Social conditioning. An exercise in futility would be to try and wipe all social conditioning and start again. Too hard? You bet! So there's no point even discussing it.

 

As long as females are attracted to biological traits in males which demonstrates strength, courage, capability and an abulity to protect her and provide, things will always remain status quo. As long as men are attracted to traits in females which espouse beauty, fertility, kindness and empathy, things won't change much either.

 

The traditional domain of a man as a hunter-gatherer has meant that up until 100 years ago in most western cultures, women were still considered property of men. Men extended that domain of "protector" to also include "owner". It wasn't until women around the world stood up and made a stand - the rise of feminism with the objective being to irradicate misogyny and create an environment of equality.

 

The problem with feminism for men was that with female empowerment on the rise, men were unsure of how they fitted into an ever-changing society. All of a sudden your average guy was being overtaken by a woman who was more intelligent than he, who for all intents and purposes could do his job as good, if not better than he.

 

Society now applauds intelligent successful women. The same can't be said of men who assume the traditional female role of looking after the kids and staying home. Until we can rewire gender roles, men fearing that they'll be seen an weak beta subservients to their wives will hang on for dear life any shred of society where they can demonstrate some kind of masculitity. If that means finding a spouse who doesn't challenge them, many will elect to go down that path.

 

I married a woman 13 years my senior, who was at the time a qualified professional with 2 degrees (law and psych) working in a high level role within the government. Unfortunately it wasn't I who could quit my job as a mechanic and have a baby as, well, you know... it's not biologically possible for ne to get pregnant.

 

I did stay home once we had our son as I quit my job. It didn't work well. Staying home did my head in. I wasn't cut out to look after babies and run my stepkids around to their extracarricular activities. But I also couldn't go and earn the money my wife was earning. I was in a bit of a pickle. In the end my wife quit due ti ill health, I rerurned to work and things haven't really been the same since.

 

There may be other stories of successful housebusbands out there. I'm sure there are. I gave it a shot and what I learned from it was that it had nothing to do with social conditioning, my success at the role. I didn't care what anyone else thought either. Purely and simply I failed at a role I simply wasn't cut out to do. I think many men are in that boat as well which is why I think the evolution of gender roles and stereotypes are there for a reason.

 

We simply can't redfine who we are.

[Nilfiry]

I disagree with that analogy. It may be applicable to children, but women are their own person who also are responsible for their own actions and happiness. Men can have an impact on whether they're happy or not, but the success and failure of a woman doesn't hinge solely on how men cultivate the relationship.

 

Unless you're proposing that women have zero rights? It's the 21st century not the 1800s so women have the same rights as men and therefore are as responsible for their own happiness as men are of their's. I could argue that I'm a dying flower who's not treated with respect but then I'd be labeled a weak beta who got what he deserved.

 

I was intentionally being vague, so I guess it is understandable that my point would be misconstrued.

 

In order to nurture a flower to its fullest, you cannot just blindly cultivate it based on guesses and assumptions, else you would be more likely to do harm than good. You cannot just assume that it always want midday sun or just plain fertilizers. You must first pay close attention to figure out how it responds to stimuli, what its habits are, and what effects does it have on the surrounding. Only then can you figure out how to treat it in a respectful way so as to bring out the best in the plant. Then, once you see it come to full bloom, you will finally be able to appreciate the marvelous work of nature in front of you.

 

Learning how to respect women, and people in general, works the same way. You cannot just assume that a person wants this or that. First, you must observe. See how a person act, see how they react, and you will be able to see more than just impressions. Then, you must understand. Know the cause, know the outcome, and you will know why people are the way they are. Finally, only once you have seen and understood will you be able to appreciate all the intricacies that came together to create the person before you. At that point, you will naturally learn how to respect even without trying.

 

Without appreciation, there is no respect, and it is harder to do than most think. In order for you to truly learn to appreciate something, you must first drop all of your prejudice and presumptions toward that thing, and that is the hardest part of all.

 

It was not an analogy when I said to go grow a flower. I meant that literally.

Edited December 25, 2017 by Nilfiry

[basil67]

Is the way to respect a woman any different to respecting a man? I don't think so.

 

I found this "how to respect your partner" and think it would work well for either sex https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201701/25-ways-you-can-show-respect-your-partner

[Trail Blazer]

I was intentionally being vague, so I guess it is understandable that my point would be misconstrued.

 

In order to nurture a flower to its fullest, you cannot just blindly cultivate it based on guesses and assumptions, else you would be more likely to do harm than good. You cannot just assume that it always want midday sun or just plain fertilizers. You must first pay close attention to figure out how it responds to stimuli, what its habits are, and what effects does it have on the surrounding. Only then can you figure out how to treat it in a respectful way so as to bring out the best in the plant. Then, once you see it come to full bloom, you will finally be able to appreciate the marvelous work of nature in front of you.

 

Learning how to respect women, and people in general, works the same way. You cannot just assume that a person wants this or that. First, you must observe. See how a person act, see how they react, and you will be able to see more than just impressions. Then, you must understand. Know the cause, know the outcome, and you will know why people are the way they are. Finally, only once you have seen and understood will you be able to appreciate all the intricacies that came together to create the person before you. At that point, you will naturally learn how to respect even without trying.

 

Without appreciation, there is no respect, and it is harder to do than most think. In order for you to truly learn to appreciate something, you must first drop all of your prejudice and presumptions toward that thing, and that is the hardest part of all.

 

It was not an analogy when I said to go grow a flower. I meant that literally.

 

That is all well and good, but should it be the male's role to sit back and observe the woman first? She's not a subject of observation like a scientist would view an animal in its natural habitat. Isn't it also incumbemt upon women to do the same? Women are supposed to be the more observant and emotionally intelligent sex, so naturally they too would do this with the view to observe and adopt appropriate behavior and responses.

 

I understand what you are saying. I do agree with your views on a social and interpersonal interaction. I like to observe the people in my surroundings to better understand them and where I can fit into the social setting that surrounds me. I guess my point is that so long as both sexes adopt this mentality evenly, then responsibility for the success of a relationship can be shared equally.

 

It's not all down to the success and failure to adopt this way of thinking of just the male. Otherwise, for every relationship that fails, it will forever be blamed on the man. That old saying "it takes 2 to tango" rings true here.

[heartbrokenlady]

I think we've got WAY off the topic of the thread. The OP was asking for help. We've seen him struggle with an attraction outside his marriage and he's turned away from it and is now trying to work on making his marriage better.

 

I applaud him for it. I wish my ex had done as much.

[basil67]

I think we've got WAY off the topic of the thread. The OP was asking for help. We've seen him struggle with an attraction outside his marriage and he's turned away from it and is now trying to work on making his marriage better.

 

I applaud him for it. I wish my ex had done as much.

 

I see your point. It would have helped an awful lot if the OP had written this in his initial post.

[Nilfiry]

That is all well and good, but should it be the male's role to sit back and observe the woman first? She's not a subject of observation like a scientist would view an animal in its natural habitat. Isn't it also incumbemt upon women to do the same? Women are supposed to be the more observant and emotionally intelligent sex, so naturally they too would do this with the view to observe and adopt appropriate behavior and responses.

 

I understand what you are saying. I do agree with your views on a social and interpersonal interaction. I like to observe the people in my surroundings to better understand them and where I can fit into the social setting that surrounds me. I guess my point is that so long as both sexes adopt this mentality evenly, then responsibility for the success of a relationship can be shared equally.

 

It's not all down to the success and failure to adopt this way of thinking of just the male. Otherwise, for every relationship that fails, it will forever be blamed on the man. That old saying "it takes 2 to tango" rings true here.

 

Yes, people need to mutually respect each other. It has nothing to do with whether one is male or female, or even if they are looking for a relationship or not. That was merely to answer the initial question asked and not to imply that it is exclusive to any particular side. It can be applied in any way and is not just limited to finding respect for other humans either.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I think we've got WAY off the topic of the thread. The OP was asking for help. We've seen him struggle with an attraction outside his marriage and he's turned away from it and is now trying to work on making his marriage better.

 

I applaud him for it. I wish my ex had done as much.

 

Provided that this is true and you are, in fact, asking how you can treat your wife better, then I will say this...

 

We often hurt the ones we love the most. When the people we love the most hurt us, fail us or we perceive that they have failed us, we tend to become unreasonably myopic and tunnel-visioned. We also tend to project at times. If you continue to hold such anger or animosity, you will less likely view her in a way that would result in you giving her more respect. I know, my friend. I lost complete respect for my ex and she became enemy #1 and I wanted nothing to do with her.

 

If we are talking about your wife, you have to let go of the blame game. Take responsibility for your part, but also know that your anger may be involved in how you treat her, speak to her.