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Old 23rd December 2017, 12:11 AM   #16
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Why them? Why not her gym instructor, or some random I don't know? Why keep it so close to home? Just to rub my face in it every day? I ate and drank with these guys. She socialised with their wives. Why?
This is incredibly hurtful . I do hope that once all is exposed you won't feel so much like you're ready to implode because you will, hopefully, have friends to lean on.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 12:16 AM   #17
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People in this sort of situation always end up with a million "why?" questions on their mind, because the behavior is hard to fathom. I think that if a person becomes so uncaring in the first place that they are willing to do something hurtful to their long term partner, then there aren't going to be any good answers. Once they cross that huge line, then crossing other lines isn't a big deal to them.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 12:21 AM   #18
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People in this sort of situation always end up with a million "why?" questions on their mind, because the behavior is hard to fathom. I think that if a person becomes so uncaring in the first place that they are willing to do something hurtful to their long term partner, then there aren't going to be any good answers. Once they cross that huge line, then crossing other lines isn't a big deal to them.
It's actually a good thing that "we" can't understand why. I wouldn't want to be the type of person who could give any kind of explanation for this type of behavior.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 12:47 AM   #19
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She's a jerk, she has always been a jerk.

Good morning, have coffee, wake up.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 10:35 AM   #20
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OP, I hear that you want to put it all behind you: the cheating wife, the cheating friends, the business, the community you currently live in. I don't know your circumstances though from your posts I get a bit of your personality so I may understand. You also said you're considering moving. That may be the best thing to do. You've been terribly hurt and betrayed. I also thought you had written something about never trusting another woman. I didn't find that on a reread of your posts. May have been someone(s) else. Just in case, I'm going to offer (take it or leave it ) some 'fatherly' (I'm probably old enough to be your dad) advice. Don't give up hope to find a 'good' woman some day. I speak from experience. I gave a woman/wife the best 30 years of my life. Her betrayal was not as bad as yours, but a betrayal nonetheless. When my divorce was settled (about nine months ago) I was numb to the thought of being in love ever again. I needed some help but I have 'woke up' to the possibility. I'm still looking with no 'success' but enjoying 'the hunt' and meeting some women who, at least at first impression, are beautiful inside and out (haven't convinced any of them yet that I am too ) So try not to swear off love forever. And, of course, best wishes for a speedy 'recovery'.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 2:41 PM   #21
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Builder: I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you. This is an awful, traumatic situation. You are in the thick of things right now, so it's understandable that you are considering quick action.

One word of advice: Consult a lawyer. As a previous poster said, if you live in a no-fault state, the divorce will quickly come down to money. Dividing marital assets. Community property is shared 50/50. It is a very bitter pill to swallow, but there is not way around that. Before you confront your wife, be sure that you have your assets locked down tight so she cannot take more than she is entitled to. Also, get a legal separation agreement in place. That way, you draw a financial line in the sand and she cannot run up credit card debt that will then be your responsibility. (speaking from experience here.)

Again, I'm very sorry
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Old 29th December 2017, 9:45 AM   #22
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Well itís done. Sheís gone. Although she doesnít know it yet.

She is staying with her parents as I said earlier, so Iíve moved all her stuff including half the furniture into the rental we had. Iíve sent the photos with the keys and an offer of what I think is fair to end this. If sheís smart sheíll agree.

Now I sit back and wait.

I have met with the two wives and had totally contrasting experiences. One does not believe a word I said despite the photos, claiming that it could be anyone. The other had suspicions and has someone following her husband although she hasnít got any results back yet. Iím sure her results will corroborate mine. She was apologetic and thankful as I was to her.

I feel like a weight has been lifted. I suspect it will be a fight, Iíd be lucky if it all went smoothly, but at least I now know where I stand and am not being taken for a sucker.

So my NY resolution is to get this sorted ASAP (to be honest, she can pretty much have what she wants, except the house, if she makes this easy), decide whether to move or stay (I want to move but I built this house from the ground up. There is a strong emotional attachment), try to rebuild my business (or start a new one if I do move), stay single.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas, and that the New Year treats you well.
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Old 29th December 2017, 9:48 AM   #23
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Well itís done. Sheís gone. Although she doesnít know it yet.

She is staying with her parents as I said earlier, so Iíve moved all her stuff including half the furniture into the rental we had. Iíve sent the photos with the keys and an offer of what I think is fair to end this. If sheís smart sheíll agree.

Now I sit back and wait.

I have met with the two wives and had totally contrasting experiences. One does not believe a word I said despite the photos, claiming that it could be anyone. The other had suspicions and has someone following her husband although she hasnít got any results back yet. Iím sure her results will corroborate mine. She was apologetic and thankful as I was to her.

I feel like a weight has been lifted. I suspect it will be a fight, Iíd be lucky if it all went smoothly, but at least I now know where I stand and am not being taken for a sucker.

So my NY resolution is to get this sorted ASAP (to be honest, she can pretty much have what she wants, except the house, if she makes this easy), decide whether to move or stay (I want to move but I built this house from the ground up. There is a strong emotional attachment), try to rebuild my business (or start a new one if I do move), stay single.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas, and that the New Year treats you well.
While I'm sorry this has happened to you, I'm glad that you have a plan. My wish for you is that 2018 will be a year of healing.
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Old 29th December 2017, 10:58 AM   #24
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That sucks. I am sorry you are going through this.




Currently I am feeling cold and callous after being betrayed and I don't like it. I feel like he never took my feelings into consideration so why should I care about his. Good luck in your healing process. Take care of yourself!
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Old 29th December 2017, 12:01 PM   #25
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This is so horrible, I really feel for you Builder.

Someone else posted about turning cold as stone and I think that's where you need to be right now when she comes home. It's got to be all about the practical.

Really importantly though get yourself some legal advice.
Explain everything.
You have passed over photos - do you have access to copies of these and of any other evidence you might have left with them?
You have made an offer too but making an offer and her agreeing to it are two separate things and you can bet she will go straight for legal advice as soon as she can. Get ahead of the game and find out exactly where you stand legally.

If she did the books she will know your company and personal account details and will have access to them.
It's totally possible she might be fair but she also might not be.
You have interests to protect but there's other legalities linked with the business too I would imagine and also with your employees - of which she was also one.

Much as I suspect you feel better about having moved her things etc the concern I have is businesses are currently closed for the holidays - a part of me thinks that you might have been better to wait until after she returned so that you had time to approach a lawyer for a couple of consultations before moving her out and before letting her know that you know.
Though I can't say I wouldn't have felt like doing the same thing.

When is she due home?

ETA: Just a thought but do you have any friends or contacts who might have a contact number for a lawyer in employment or marital law who might give you some air time over this weekend? Even just for a few pointers?

Last edited by GemmaUK; 29th December 2017 at 12:18 PM..
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Old 29th December 2017, 8:45 PM   #26
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Something in my world has happened similar. Guys gives her everything and she cheats and even when he finds out, she still cheating. Lol maybe the 15 yr old behavior was relived with her. Seems that marriage is no longer the promise. Is their such thing as the cheating type? How can some guys or women be blind to this?
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Old 1st January 2018, 7:36 AM   #27
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This is so horrible, I really feel for you Builder.

Someone else posted about turning cold as stone and I think that's where you need to be right now when she comes home. It's got to be all about the practical.

Really importantly though get yourself some legal advice.
Explain everything.
You have passed over photos - do you have access to copies of these and of any other evidence you might have left with them?
You have made an offer too but making an offer and her agreeing to it are two separate things and you can bet she will go straight for legal advice as soon as she can. Get ahead of the game and find out exactly where you stand legally.

If she did the books she will know your company and personal account details and will have access to them.
It's totally possible she might be fair but she also might not be.
You have interests to protect but there's other legalities linked with the business too I would imagine and also with your employees - of which she was also one.

Much as I suspect you feel better about having moved her things etc the concern I have is businesses are currently closed for the holidays - a part of me thinks that you might have been better to wait until after she returned so that you had time to approach a lawyer for a couple of consultations before moving her out and before letting her know that you know.
Though I can't say I wouldn't have felt like doing the same thing.

When is she due home?

ETA: Just a thought but do you have any friends or contacts who might have a contact number for a lawyer in employment or marital law who might give you some air time over this weekend? Even just for a few pointers?
I've dodged a bullet here.

To my astonishment she has accepted what I offered. There was no denial. She apologized. She offered to answer any questions.

According to her she was hoping to be caught because she just couldn't tell me. Wait for it.... because SHE IS PREGNANT !!!!! LOL, and she doesn't know to which one!!!

She is not coming back here. She is going to sell the rental and move away. She doesn't want lawyers involved which suits me just fine.

Well it's New Year. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

The business is officially closed, well it will be once the paperwork is processed. I 'sold' the jobs I had to another company and I will be just working for them as an employee for a while. She agreed to sell the equipment to the company I will be working for. The remainder of the company assets will be divided between her and I.

This was just too easy. I've probably ripped myself off. But it's done and without a fight. You know it's been so smooth I almost (almost!) feel like I could wish her well in the future.

Such a weight has been lifted. I thought I was going to be bogged down in legal crap for months or even years and then end up with nothing at the end. In fact I think I need to find me some celebratory sex,
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Old 1st January 2018, 8:29 AM   #28
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I've dodged a bullet here.

To my astonishment she has accepted what I offered. There was no denial. She apologized. She offered to answer any questions.

According to her she was hoping to be caught because she just couldn't tell me. Wait for it.... because SHE IS PREGNANT !!!!! LOL, and she doesn't know to which one!!!

She is not coming back here. She is going to sell the rental and move away. She doesn't want lawyers involved which suits me just fine.

Well it's New Year. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

The business is officially closed, well it will be once the paperwork is processed. I 'sold' the jobs I had to another company and I will be just working for them as an employee for a while. She agreed to sell the equipment to the company I will be working for. The remainder of the company assets will be divided between her and I.

This was just too easy. I've probably ripped myself off. But it's done and without a fight. You know it's been so smooth I almost (almost!) feel like I could wish her well in the future.

Such a weight has been lifted. I thought I was going to be bogged down in legal crap for months or even years and then end up with nothing at the end. In fact I think I need to find me some celebratory sex,
Sounds good BUT ... I don't know what state you live in. Here, in the New York Feminist Socialist Republic, what the wife SAYS about how the marriage will be dissolved means nothing. The only thing that matters is what the judge says after closed door meetings with the lawyers that the husband may not even be told were going to happen. Eight months after the papers were signed, I just was (IMO) 'ambushed' for another $10K direct transfer from my 401K to hers by a court order. So ... I hope it works out as well as you are now thinking it will. But be careful about the legal stuff.
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:12 AM   #29
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I wouldnít celebrate yet.

What if the child is yours ? DNA test is in order. If not , nothing to worry on that issue.

Even if the settlement gets signed, divorce papers are signed , there will be issues that will linger on for quite sometime. While one burden is off but you will see that drama will ensue especially when you start to date again.
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