Brainwashing kids into believing

[wed4ever]

A little background. My wife is Christian, I consider myself agnostic. Most of our differences in beliefs happened after we got married but so far we have both been happy and get along just fine.

 

Fast forward, we have two kids and the oldest is now three. I've noticed, especially since the holiday season has come that my wife has been pounding the three year old with religion to the point where I believe it is brainwashing.

 

I don't have any problem with my little one learning about religion or going to church as long as it's in a way that is fair to her. Even my wife has told me she wants our kids to be diversified religiously. (at least knowing about other religions). I know ultimately the choice will be up to the individual to believe at some point in their life. Even if they don't hear it from mom and dad they will hear it from a friend or other media source.

 

So the problem I have is the brainwashing part where you tell the kids so much, and so often that it automatically becomes truth to them nomatter what. I think it's ****ty that of the thousands of beliefs and religions in the world that a person can be so dogmatic as to brainwash a kid into believing a certain way at such a young age, instilling that belief so deep that it's with them for life. But hey, I guess that's how you keep the church going.

 

Anyway. Yeah a talk with my wife is coming. But I want some opinions. Am I blowing this way out of proportion?

[d0nnivain]

Christmas is a religious holiday -- fat guy in a red suit & all the commercialism not withstanding. You can't really talk about the birth of Jesus without getting into religion.

 

 

I'd say tread lightly & re-think your vocabulary choices. Brainwashing to you may simply be teaching to her. Yes it does include some indoctrination but since she previously said she was open to learning about other religions, why not celebrate Hanukah too?

[wed4ever]

Christmas is a religious holiday -- fat guy in a red suit & all the commercialism not withstanding. You can't really talk about the birth of Jesus without getting into religion.

 

 

I'd say tread lightly & re-think your vocabulary choices. Brainwashing to you may simply be teaching to her. Yes it does include some indoctrination but since she previously said she was open to learning about other religions, why not celebrate Hanukah too?

 

In other words, maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion. I wasn't going to say anything until after the holidays anyway. Maybe it will go away once the christmas cheer is over.

[central]

I'd tread carefully, but I wouldn't be afraid to express my views to the children, either. If you and your wife can't agree on how to approach this, then you'll have to do what you each think is best.

 

 

My ex "got religion" years after we married (went back to her roots, I guess), and started "teaching" our son. She wouldn't agree to stop and let him form his own opinion later on, so I would tell him my views as an atheist. I was always respectful of my wife's beliefs in doing so, and kept it age appropriate. Fortunately, she kept things respectful as well, so we avoided major arguments.

[wed4ever]

I'd tread carefully, but I wouldn't be afraid to express my views to the children, either. If you and your wife can't agree on how to approach this, then you'll have to do what you each think is best.

 

 

My ex "got religion" years after we married (went back to her roots, I guess), and started "teaching" our son. She wouldn't agree to stop and let him form his own opinion later on, so I would tell him my views as an atheist. I was always respectful of my wife's beliefs in doing so, and kept it age appropriate. Fortunately, she kept things respectful as well, so we avoided major arguments.

 

I think your son is in a very good position. You gave him the freedom to choose for himself.

 

I was deeply indoctrinated with christianity during my entire childhood. Even if I did want to believe otherwise I still didn't really have a choice because in the eyes of my parents that would have been totally unacceptable.

[nospam99]

I don't believe in God. I believe in good people. It worked out for my kids that there were good people in the congregation that my ex and I chose to belong to. These good people helped us to raise our children and to instill in them values of respect and kindness to other human beings. My three sons are all 20-somethings now. They are not religious. I don't think any of them believe in God. But they do show respect and kindness to others (not always as much as I'd like ). For that I can thank religion to an extent. I hope the OP can reap those benefits for his kids from religion and his wife's teaching. And Santa, the Christmas tree, and all THAT stuff is just FUN for a three year old

[Gaeta]

I was raised in a very catholic family and still was able to detached myself when I became an independent adult. My siblings followed our parents to church because they had no choice but once on their own they never set foot in a church again. We were all capable of independent thinking even if we were regularly spread with holy water. Your child will grow up and be influence by other people than his mother. Wait till he goes in high school, you'll wish he was 5 again.

 

I am not sure what she is teaching him but being thought christian values cannot be that bad.

[stillafool]

I think the brainwashing of kids is telling them there is a Santa Claus. Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Jesus not a man in a red suit. I felt like a fool when I found out the truth about SC and was quite angry with my parents for their lies.

[rushed]

So the problem I have is the brainwashing part where you tell the kids so much, and so often that it automatically becomes truth to them nomatter what. I think it's ****ty that of the thousands of beliefs and religions in the world that a person can be so dogmatic as to brainwash a kid into believing a certain way at such a young age, instilling that belief so deep that it's with them for life. But hey, I guess that's how you keep the church going.

 

Anyway. Yeah a talk with my wife is coming. But I want some opinions. Am I blowing this way out of proportion?

 

I agree with you. My kids have always known that I'm an atheist. However, like you, I've always encouraged them to learn about other religions if they were interested. Also, I like to discuss current events with them and what can happen with religious extremists so they have an understanding of how it can impact the real world (e.g. suicide bombings, LGBT discrimination, 45, etc.). I've told them that God/Jesus is like Santa Claus for adults. It's a way to control people to get them to behave a certain way.

 

I've been lucky that my kids' dad is not religious at all. One thing that I always make sure to encourage my children to do is to question everything they hear even if it comes from me. I want them to do their research and to come to their own conclusions.

[somanymistakes]

Religious differences are a thing you should really try to sort out before you have kids!

 

Personally I think telling a kid ANY sort of belief as a 'fact' is harmful, whether it's Santa or Jesus or Zeus or anything else. However, it's really hard for a kid raised by religious parents not to at least initially pick up these ideas as "normal". When they grow older they will start to ask a lot more questions, especially if the household allows them to ask questions and doesn't just yell at them that they have to rely 100% on a single source for all their answers.

 

A bright kid, for example, is eventually going to ask questions about the bible creation story and how that goes together with the dinosaurs. Which gives you a chance for a nuanced conversation about different interpretations and different beliefs.... OR it gives you a chance to tell the kid that science is wrong and they should never ask questions again.

 

For the moment, if you're concerned that the kid is only getting ONE TRUE WAY, consider taking them along to some gatherings of other religions so they can see how other people do things?

[gpete3008]

What a great question.

 

As a parent, you are responsible for feeding your kids, insuring they are educated, taking care of their health needs, and various other things. One of those is also insuring they grow up to be morally responsible people who eventually raise morally responsible kids, your grandkids.

 

Throughout history, man has had an inquenchable thirst to know God. Greeks, Romans, Jews, Christians, Muslims, Budhists, Hindus, isolated tribes of the Amazon, New Agers...even (dare I say) agnostics. It's in our DNA. It's how we were created. We seek to quench this thirst by trying to find that one true God.

 

So, as you said, there are many religions out there who worship many different gods. If you look closely at each religion, you will find only one that guarantees salvation and thus a quenching of that thirst. Guarantees it. And that religion is Christianity.

 

We are only on this planet for a brief period. If we are lucky, 80 or so years. But when our body dies, our spirit is going to go somewhere. Wouldn't you want to know where you are going to go, and wouldn't you want to see your wife and your kids again when you get there? Only Christianity guarantees that.

 

So, if your wife is introducing and reinforcing the thirst-quenching, eternal life guaranteeing way to salvation to your kids, then why would you find fault or feel threatened by that? Perhaps you might learn a little by listening with an open mind to what your wife is teaching your kids. This might even strengthen your marriage over time as you move closer to each other by moving closer to God together.

[basil67]

Have you had a discussion about "different people believe different things?" It's how my kids were raised. They were introduced kinds of ideas but allowed to make their own choices.

 

The only thing I ever pressed upon them was that they were never to disrespect anyone by telling them that their belief was not the 'true' belief. Likewise, they should never accept others disrespecting their own personal beliefs.

[wmacbride]

I'm agnostic, while my husband leans more towards full on atheism. He told me one time that , after seeing what he did in combat, he can't reconcile that with there being a kind and loving god.

 

I've nothing against most religions, so long as they teach kindness, honesty, compassion and that all are equal, I think they can be a wonderful thing. In some ways, I'm jealous. It mus be a nice feeling to be a true believer. I'm not good at blind faith. It would be a wonderful feeling to feel like I'm part of something larger, and that my life will have meant something. Who knows...maybe it will.

 

We raised our kids to question and think for themselves. If they explore religion and find one they feel they truly believe in, they I would support them in that,so long as it's not harmful to them. Just as important, we've taught them to not mock or give people who are religious a hard time. This includes the Mormons and JSW's who come to our door. Be polite but firm that you are not interested. Many times, these people really believe they are helping people, and it's coming from a place of kindness.

 

Interestingly, these people have never once given them a hard time for not believing. They leave their tracts, say thank you, and are gone.

 

Personally, attending church/mosque/temple,synagogue or what have you if you don't really believe makes no sense. If there really is an all powerful diety(ies) then surely he/she/it knows what's in your heart.

[central]

To some extent, my approach would depend on the particular religion and sect my spouse belonged to. The more fundamentalist/evangelical the congregation, the more I'd need to intervene, particularly if they promote views that are biased, hateful, or contrary to scientific fact.

 

I was raised Catholic, and went to Catholic schools through high school. I got an excellent education, and it was strongly based in science and reason - not on the bible. I became an atheist around 6th grade, though, but was still treated fairly and kindly, and that even led to open discussions in some classes. That does not happen often, IMO, and most such congregations and schools would try to force their views on anyone present, or discriminate against them. You must protect your children from that, as well as educate them in alternatives. It may even be necessary to insist that your spouse can only take them to church on alternate Sundays, for example, to limit their exposure.

[OpenBook]

...my wife has been pounding the three year old with religion to the point where I believe it is brainwashing...

 

So the problem I have is the brainwashing part where you tell the kids so much, and so often that it automatically becomes truth to them nomatter what. I think it's ****ty that of the thousands of beliefs and religions in the world that a person can be so dogmatic as to brainwash a kid into believing a certain way at such a young age, instilling that belief so deep that it's with them for life. But hey, I guess that's how you keep the church going...

 

Am I blowing this way out of proportion?

 

It depends on how she is "pounding" your kid with religion. Is she literally beating it into them? If so, yall need to put a stop to that right quick, or you'll be raising the next Son of Sam.

 

Can you describe in more detail what your W is doing to indoctrinate your kid(s)?

 

Kids (little ones, anyway) are like little blobs of clay, they'll mold into whatever shape you enforce at home. They look to you, their parents, as examples and guides on how to navigate through the world. They'll mimic what you do and say; that's all they have the capacity to do right now!! They're too young to analyze and compare. They just want a straight, firm, simple answer from Mom & Dad. The complicated stuff will inevitably come later, no matter what you do anyway! For now, your little one is just following your example and guidance. I hope and pray that you and your W are providing that guidance (whatever you decide that guidance is) with lots of love, gentleness, and kindness. Otherwise, the happy and hopeful message of Christianity gets twisted into an evil, unrecognizable form and puts your child through a living hell on earth.

 

A bright kid, for example, is eventually going to ask questions about the bible creation story and how that goes together with the dinosaurs. Which gives you a chance for a nuanced conversation about different interpretations and different beliefs.... OR it gives you a chance to tell the kid that science is wrong and they should never ask questions again.

 

I believe wholeheartedly that this conflict between religion and science is completely man-made and a tool of the enemy to confuse and cripple us as a species, and throw us off the path of our evolution. A kid should never be discouraged from questioning things and thinking it through. God made us sentient beings for a reason. There isn't supposed to be a conflict between our faith in God and our relentless pursuit of knowledge!