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The problem with "nice guys"


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Old 14th December 2017, 12:07 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by jjgitties View Post
Sorry, can someone remind me, what was the definition of a nice guy again? I think I forgot 'cause I got lost in all the smoke and mirrors on this thread..

There are no nice guys ladies. We all just want to see your panties and bras.
definition of nice guy personally is a guy who would wait till the woman is good and ready for him to see those panties and bras.....and appreciate more than panties and bras.... the inside guts as well as the silk...there are nice guys.....who wait....and show respect for the woman......deb
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Old 14th December 2017, 12:10 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by Michelle ma Belle View Post
Bingo!

Being labelled 'nice' is very subjective indeed. Everyone has their own definition of what makes someone a nice person.
Usually being labeled just nice is a bad thing. It usually means the person is lacking in some way. No one wants to hook up with nice people. They want to hook up with interesting people that are fun and have a personality. Almost anyone can be "nice" if you are nice yo them and you get to know them. But not everyone can be interesting and attractive to you.
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Old 14th December 2017, 12:14 AM   #33
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Ha, ha, Alpha is so funny....

Started the same thread back in 2004, well 3 days earlier in December this time

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/rom...omments-please

Good reading!
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Old 14th December 2017, 12:24 AM   #34
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definition of nice guy personally is a guy who would wait till the woman is good and ready for him to see those panties and bras.....and appreciate more than panties and bras.... the inside guts as well as the silk...there are nice guys.....who wait....and show respect for the woman......deb
Being able to relate to females as human beings and individuals and not reducing them to their flesh and genitals does not mean the guy is nice. It just means the guy has intelligence, manners and a modicum of class. But those things combined do not equate to "nice". The guy can still posses personality quirks like passive aggressive, jealousy, and know how to pick fights at the right time during the right arguments and you will still turn around and tell your girlfriends -- what a jerk!
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Old 14th December 2017, 1:19 AM   #35
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Originally Posted by Shanex View Post
IMO there are two types of nice guys:

- The fake ones: They will act super friendly around women in the hope that will get them laid, but in their circle of girl friends they become resentful, bitter and jealous when say friends sleep with other men. These guys lose in the end

- The true nice guys: They have a strong moral compass and may not be like those leather jackets bikers that many women go after but they are sincerely kind (Not overly so) generous and caring while in a relationship. These guys Always win.

Even though "the nice guys" may be seen as old school they are usually the men women choose and want. Reliability, confidence and stability being nice qualities.
And true nice guys don't go around saying what a great guy they are all the time. They have a decent sample of humility and simply are what they are, and prove it by their actions.
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Old 14th December 2017, 1:36 AM   #36
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Originally Posted by jjgitties View Post
Being able to relate to females as human beings and individuals and not reducing them to their flesh and genitals does not mean the guy is nice. It just means the guy has intelligence, manners and a modicum of class. But those things combined do not equate to "nice". The guy can still posses personality quirks like passive aggressive, jealousy, and know how to pick fights at the right time during the right arguments and you will still turn around and tell your girlfriends -- what a jerk!
in the world of probability

those personal traits of intelligence respect manners and a modicum of class should equate to over all...a guy being classed as in all probability.... nice......however.....every nice guy has flaws......as does every woman..no one person is perfect....and guys think about sex either mythically or not....about eight times a day...they can still be nice......its how they handle those thoughts that makes them nice....

when you say that you know that i would turn around and call a guy a jerk......do you really know that......that i would.....i tend to defend more than call guys jerks......i try not to call people names.....i of course have been known to slip up....i normally admit that too..


i mostly hold onto the nice i find in guys....because like women and animals...men are often jerks...i like the ones who can apologise and mean it........deb
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Old 14th December 2017, 3:35 AM   #37
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The problem with nice guys is that they're not really nice. They only think they are... and this self delusion is often such a problem that they never see themselves accurately.

All the biggest jerks I've ever met are self professed "nice guys" with a holier than thou attitude and so full of resentment for not being put on a pedestal that it's impossible to deal with these guys. No matter what you say to them to try to help them while they're complaining about not being treated right by women and the world (and trust me, they're always complaining) they're too stuck in their own sense of grandeur to hear you and will keep on being defensive over how great they are and how it's everyone else's fault but their own. This happens UNFAILINGLY.

Now when I hear a man brag about what a nice guy they are.. it turns me off right away. HUGE red flag
Nailed it!
This has been my experience too.
My 'nice guy' was my abusive ex.

I know of a guy right now, self proclaimed, married 6 months ago, his wife has breast cancer, after they were married secondary cancer was found and now it's spread to two other places. He has a harem of women whom he sexts by work IM, email and text every day. He has been the same over the last 10 years single, engaged, married, on his honeymoon even.
When he 'wants to talk' about his situation his place of choice to meet these women is the sauna. If they decline that, funnily enough he no longer needs to talk.
He has been trying to add me to his hareem for years, he tried again last night via text. I ignored him as usual.
What a nice guy!
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Old 14th December 2017, 3:42 AM   #38
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i would never describe myself as a nice guy
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Old 14th December 2017, 3:43 AM   #39
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Nice guys just don't turn women on.

Why? There are lots of reasons. But let's start with the basics. They're just not exciting. Have you heard the country song, "Ladies love outlaws"? Most women are attracted to a little bit of danger. Plus, in order to have the "in love" feeling, a woman has to have her love returned somewhat, but not altogether, and yet she has to have hope of having it returned altogether in the future.

Women need the excitement that makes her wonder, "Will he call or won't he?" Don't become too predictable. Yes, nice guys often finish last. Maybe it's because there's no challenge. Maybe it's because too nice is too boring.

Nice guys give too much too soon. They need to learn to give a little bit, and not consistently. Giving consistently doesn't make a woman want more. Giving intermittently makes her want more.

The kiss of death for a relationship (in the courting stage) is when they are always there for her and she knows you love her more than life. That's a lot more pressure than a woman wants in the beginning of a relationship. She wants a little equality, in terms of you both deciding at a similar speed if you want to be in a romantic relationship -- not you've decided and now she has to get on board.
Plus this is also true too.
Just a different type of 'nice' guy.

If I'm getting to know someone I don't want them in my face every moment of the day and I don't want simple dating and getting to know to turn into full on relationship mode - that's unrealistic.
But then these kind of guys will tend to move on to online stalking, wanting to know your every move, insisting upon any free time you have being theirs.
Becoming suffocating and controlling types.
That's not nice, that is massively unhealthy behaviour.
In recent years these are the only types of men I have met - which is why I rarely ever date - they're all too full on way too soon.
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Old 14th December 2017, 6:54 AM   #40
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Originally Posted by jjgitties View Post
We all just want to see your panties and bras.
Self-proclaimed here. But I think I've succeeded in walking the talk as well as keeping the talk to myself. Sure I want to see panties and bras. However there is no 'just' about it. I want to know the woman as a human being, care for and about her, have that caring be reciprocated, and check off all these boxes before seeing the panties and bras.
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Old 14th December 2017, 8:45 AM   #41
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There are no nice guys ladies. We all just want to see your panties and bras.
Have you heard of the false consensus effect?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_consensus_effect

If I "just" want to see panties and bras, I can just live out the rest of my days in strip clubs, and save myself the hard work and effort that comes into building a solid relationship.

I don't do that, because there is far more to a girl than that. Contrary to your belief, not all men are merely walking penises.
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Old 14th December 2017, 10:12 AM   #42
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Originally Posted by alphamale View Post
i would never describe myself as a nice guy
Same here. And it is partially due to my inability to define that term in any meaningful way.
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Old 14th December 2017, 10:21 AM   #43
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I will say that I am a nice guy...

I will say that I am a nice guy...

I am a great guy, and for the girls that don't give me any unnecessary BullS*** I am a great Boy Friend.

I am always nice, until I am not. And I stay nice until I have a reason to not be nice.

My rules are pretty strict though, women get one and only one chance with me, blow that and we are done, and it is your fault, because you knew the rules.

I think that is fair...
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Old 14th December 2017, 11:01 AM   #44
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i would never describe myself as a nice guy
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Same here. And it is partially due to my inability to define that term in any meaningful way.
Exactly. I can be nice and I can do nice things but I would never call myself a nice guy; it's just too subjective.

I've know a few guys with dating woes that would call themselves nice guys and give the whole nice guys finish last spiel. In each case what they described as nice, I saw as an inability to clearly, unambiguously show their sexual/romantic interest in girls/women they liked. They had became convinced that showing such interest was somehow disrespectful and would go through all sorts of contortions to try to show it without actually showing it. Time after time they would get swooped by guys that knew how to express their interest and decide that it was because these guys were not nice guys.

...and it's sad that I feel I have to qualify this, but leering, groping, whipping out your d!, etc., are not what I mean by showing sexual/romantic interest. That actually wouldn't be nice...
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Old 14th December 2017, 11:03 AM   #45
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Originally Posted by alphamale View Post
Nice guys just don't turn women on.

Why? There are lots of reasons. But let's start with the basics. They're just not exciting. Have you heard the country song, "Ladies love outlaws"? Most women are attracted to a little bit of danger. Plus, in order to have the "in love" feeling, a woman has to have her love returned somewhat, but not altogether, and yet she has to have hope of having it returned altogether in the future.

Women need the excitement that makes her wonder, "Will he call or won't he?" Don't become too predictable. Yes, nice guys often finish last. Maybe it's because there's no challenge. Maybe it's because too nice is too boring.

Nice guys give too much too soon. They need to learn to give a little bit, and not consistently. Giving consistently doesn't make a woman want more. Giving intermittently makes her want more.

The kiss of death for a relationship (in the courting stage) is when they are always there for her and she knows you love her more than life. That's a lot more pressure than a woman wants in the beginning of a relationship. She wants a little equality, in terms of you both deciding at a similar speed if you want to be in a romantic relationship -- not you've decided and now she has to get on board.
Usually itís mostly because they arenít good looking.
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