Jump to content

Evaluation of a list of how to meet others without the internet


Recommended Posts

mortensorchid

I came across this listing of how to meet guys without the use of the internet, as in how not to meet others without using a dating website / app. It's funny how we have to remind ourselves sometimes what we should or should not do before technology took over to the point it has. Evaluations of these methods as they have been in my experience...

 

1) Send them a drink at a bar/restaurant - Um, no. Want to risk humiliation? This is how it can be. I get rejected enough in other situations without taking such a risk.

2) Parties - I think it's safe to say that everyone on this forum has been to their fair share of parties in their lives, me being no exception. I have met maybe one guy at a party in the recent past who was interested, and we went out a few times. He was a good guy, we just weren't right for one another.

3) Hardware stores - Populated by men naturally. But I have no reason to go to a hardware store. And even if I did, what would I have to say to anyone other than "What is this? What does this do? How do I install this? etc." to one of the employees.

4) Standing in lines - I have chatted with people in lines in the past (at the movies, grocery shopping, etc.) but is that going to lead to some kind of relationship once you have paid and have left? I think not.

5) Volunteering - I volunteer at two organizations, a theater company in which I am on the board of and an adult literacy organization. While it's nice to put on the resume, the theater is populated by gay men (of course) and all the guys who are in the adult literacy program are married. Suggestions?

6) Coffee shops - I've tried this approach but ... No dice. High school kids and I'm in my forties. Come to think of it, I don't think I met many when I was younger.

7) Walking your dog - I don't have a dog as I have allergies. People say that this is a good place to go to meet others. I guess I would have to borrow a friend's dog and find out.

8) Sports bar/events - I have gone to sports bars or games. Men like sports (duh!) but they are usually paying more attention to the game rather than others around them.

9) Public transportation - I think they are romanticizing the two strangers meeting on a subway scenario. Want to get depressed? Ride the bus.

10) Waiting areas - Waiting areas? Like for a flight or a bus stop or something? Try to strike up a conversation with someone at one of those places, see #9.

11) Grocery shopping - Some have said that Whole Foods kind of brought back the old school cruising while grocery shopping. Perhaps there are those who did this on this forum back in those days. Like an idiot, I went to Whole Foods once in an attempt to see if this happened at the peak of dinnertime hours when they say single people are grocery shopping. I felt kind of ridiculous doing this.

12) Acting class - Who does this? I mean really WHO? See the volunteering answer, I would mostly think only gay men are interested in this.

13) Gym - Most everyone has been to a gym, I've seen posts here on the forum about someone having a crush on someone at the gym. All the times I have been to a gym, people barely talk to each other.

14) Shared hobbies - What hobbies that I haven't tried yet?

15) Set ups - I met the love of my life in a set up (another thread). And since then? I know of no one who will even offer to set me up with another. I had a former woman friend who told me that she would not go out with me anywhere nor would she even friend me on Facebook because it would take away from her chances of meeting men. That told me what kind of person she really was, but I think a lot of other women out there think that about their women friends.

16) Vacation - I met my second to last LTR while on vacation. A book should be written about that adventure, but ... I don't know of others who would keep up with an LTR because of it. That LTR was long distance, and we were trying to make a sandwich with the last two slices of bread and we did not make a good sandwich.

 

How do others feel about this? Anything similar?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine

Do you think you can give up/take a break from dating at least for a while (say at least few months).

 

It seems to me like you have been pushing it hard and have had a lot of dissapointments. Maybe you need to get some peace and reboot yourself from the negativity of recent experiences.

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites

Heh, I'll add one that annoyed my exW no end because she didn't think of it....

 

Car shows.

 

After I took her to one at Knott's in Anaheim, practically on top of where she grew up, and showed her all the hot single guys with hot cars, she wondered out loud why she married me :D

 

I'd been doing the show and race thing for decades so knew all about it. Wear some nice shorts and a low cut top and lean over a fender and ask a few dumb car questions and off to the races. Boom done.

Link to post
Share on other sites

LOL!! I like you!! I like your style. I love sarcasm. If it weren't for the fact that I am so fauked up in my own life and also the fact that I am not divorced or single, you would be my dream girl.

 

BTW.. I totally agree with all your points.

 

You could try night classes? Just find a night class for professional upgrading of some sort -- who knows, you might come across a guy that shares interests with you andis compatible. Plus, you won't look pathetic cruising and checking out people in Whole Foods .. you actually would have a reason to be in night class just as much and the other people in that class.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Do you think you can give up/take a break from dating at least for a while (say at least few months).

 

It seems to me like you have been pushing it hard and have had a lot of dissapointments. Maybe you need to get some peace and reboot yourself from the negativity of recent experiences.

 

I agree.

 

OP, based on your threads, you could use a break. Your approach to dating hasn't been working for you. I would rest, re-set your energy, then get back out there.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
mortensorchid

People have suggested this to me many times, to "take a break" from it all. We'll, I would say that I have taken a break from it and this "break" has lasted years and years. I mean I live a very isolated life to begin with so it's not like I am avoiding things on purpose. I'm just tired of the nonsense. But I am not alone in this, it's not like I am the only one.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The same can be said about finding quality single women in their 40s.

 

I’ve tried a bunch of stuff including volunteering and self defense classes (might want to try that for dudes as it was a sausage fest). Not a one.

 

The worst part about it is when you do these things in hopes to meet someone and don’t you are disappointed.

 

I think it’s when your not looking that you tend to find someone.

 

So I am still on old having mini relationships with incompatible women.

 

The annoying thing is when I’m out with these women it’s the only time I see other women I would like to date. This has been a curse my entire life. It’s not unless I’m with one girl that I see an interested girl I really want to get to know.

 

I never learned how to pick up another girl while you’re out with one who you will likely stop seeing in a few weeks.

Link to post
Share on other sites

None of those. I find most of them ridicules.

 

Have you tried speed dating?

 

I think you'd have more chances at political rallies or attending conferences of all sort where you take breaks between conferences, people have name tags and are all open to start converstions. Another place to find a bunch of single men is comiccons.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Public transportation only works if you live in a city where regular people ride the train/bus. If you are in a place where only people who cannot afford a car ride the bus, then it may not be the best option.

 

Personally, two great relationships started on a train/bus for me and I had plenty of good experiences. But none of them in Ohio. One woman in Chicago simply sat down on my lap when I offered her a seat. (Okay, that works too.) A woman in Germany frowned when I asked if the seat to her was free. "No it is not. It is reserved for you." And she started smiling.

 

Another one started indeed in a waiting area. I thought she looked at me, and I simply walked over, sat down, and commented on how people were all quiet.

 

Parties, weddings, and other social events were great too, and I have to admit that work was also always a good source.

 

All of the suggestions in your list could work depending on the circumstances and how comfortable you feel in these settings.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
mortensorchid

Because I was in the mood to do so, I decided to look up another listing of methods in which one can meet someone. This time expanding it to the use of technology (it does not always mean that one uses a dating website/app, but some use of technology is alright for it.) Here is a new listing and analysis:

 

1) Your friends' friends - Well, yes of course, this is how people network together for all kinds of purposes. I must admit, however, that I don't think there was ever a time - going all the way back to junior high school - that people really networked others together for said purpose. If it was going on, I was not aware of it. Then Facebook happened and we were able to do so. But still not like I thought it would be.

 

2) Brush up on the news - What? You're supposed to watch the news and that's going to help you meet men?! This will impress men that you are so smart, this article says. Are you kidding me?! All the guys I and most other women I meet I catch staring at my boobs or my ass the whole time and my being aware of the news is going to make others think I am smarter than I am? People have written private messages to me here on this forum saying that I sound intimidating in the textual information I post here, imagine what they would say if we got into a debate about something in the news.

 

3) Twitter - Say what? Yes, Twitter. You can send out a tweet that you are going to your favorite bar/hot spot and you hope your followers will come out and bring their friends as well. You can call that story "the time I was almost murdered".

 

4) Alone time - Spending time alone makes you more appealing to men. Many men they say are intimidated by seeing a small group of women together out places, so go out to your local coffee shop with your laptop or phone or books/magazines/newspapers, or take your dog for a walk in the park or go jogging by yourself. Well, okay that may be the case about seeing a group of women together, but what makes you think that a person is going to be approached by anyone when they are alone? Once I was in a bar with a friend, we were on our way out and he said he needed to use the bathroom and then we would go. I said okay, sat on a stool and waited for him. A man came up to me and leaned in closer. He said I looked sad and someday some man will come along and make me happy. I looked at him thinking he was going to say he was that man in question, or try some cheesy pick up line, but he just walked away. Maybe he was drunk.

 

5) Say yes to everyone - Just because he's not tall, dark and handsome doesn't mean he isn't wonderful, so give him a chance. Do you know how much trouble I have gotten myself into with this thinking? At least 2/3 of my OLDs total in my lifetime have been the result of this. If anything I realize I was too friendly to a lot of people. I've become more cautious in my middle age of trying to "see" who that person really is. I also realized at times that I "saw" something or "sensed something" was not right or that this person and I were not right, but I think I ignored it or denied. Hence my rules I post about them.

 

6) Recycle cast offs - Invite all your old bfs to a party and your single women friends together, then watch the sparks fly. I couldn't imagine the disaster and how you would ever be able to show your face again to another friend / acquaintance who was at that party.

 

7) Coed sports teams - I did this once and only once about 20 years ago, a great way to meet guys isn't it? Oh yeah ... I joined a rowing team. I believe there are/were about 8 people per boat (or shell as they called it). They were all yuppy scummy, we had one actual competition at some point where we raced against the clock. Then it was over, we were done. It lasted 5 minutes. I asked what happens now? We were done. I said come on we're up already let's not waste the day we should go out to breakfast or something. They all said no, I'm going back to bed. And they did. I never showed up again.

 

8) Chipotle's - According to a poled individual, she and her female coworkers always love going to Chipotle's because it's a filling meal and there are tons of cute guys there. How much did Chipotle's pay them to say that? It was not printed.

 

Hope that was a nice giggle for some.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

For me, the coed sports teams is by far #1. I love sports and am competitive. I'm more attracted to a woman just for being active, and bonus points if she's competitive and good at the sport. Yet, even a goof off recreational league is still a win. Volleyball is the best choice. There are rec kickball leagues that are pretty laid back too. Common for both to go out for drinks after (and during in fact!).

 

After that, I think meetup is decent. It's good as a way to generally socialize and expand one's social network. In my meetup groups I've seen many people start dating. At least 1 marriage with kids off the top of my head. I've had a few hookups from it.

 

Beats a bean burrito.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It seems like the majority of places to meet someone are just too likely to have a reason for someone to be there and NOT want to meet someone. For example, someone may just want to enjoy a sport in a less competitive environment if they're in a co-ed sports team. Or, from your other thread, going to the gym (most people just want to work out... and some just feel unattractive while there) or on public transport (seriously? Most people hate talking to people on trains or buses, let alone be approached to date!)

 

I could go on but only a handful of things on the list could actually work, but in a modified sense. A random surprise drink at a bar is creepy, why not just approach? Parties - yeah that's good but only if you get invited to them - what happens if you have a minimal social network? Vacation - it's great in principle but to build something serious you have to meet someone who also lives in your city. Luck of the draw there.

 

The fact that it is so difficult is the exact reason why OLD exists - it's an easier way of finding people who are (at least we hope) available. It has its own problems but you can see why it's so widely used.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Public transportation only works if you live in a city where regular people ride the train/bus. If you are in a place where only people who cannot afford a car ride the bus, then it may not be the best option.

 

Personally, two great relationships started on a train/bus for me and I had plenty of good experiences. But none of them in Ohio. One woman in Chicago simply sat down on my lap when I offered her a seat. (Okay, that works too.) A woman in Germany frowned when I asked if the seat to her was free. "No it is not. It is reserved for you." And she started smiling.

 

Where I live, if you start chatting to strangers on a bus or subway train, you will likely be marked out as crazy and people will probably start moving to a different part of the bus or train. The only public transport I can see this as working is on an aircraft where for some reason people seem more willing to talk to strangers.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Where I live, if you start chatting to strangers on a bus or subway train, you will likely be marked out as crazy and people will probably start moving to a different part of the bus or train. The only public transport I can see this as working is on an aircraft where for some reason people seem more willing to talk to strangers.

 

where I live the only people that talk to strangers on the subway are the crazies.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Invite all your ex BFs and your single girlfriends and watch the sparks fly? Really? Who in their right mind would want to have all their ex's in a room together, and to watch your ex pair up with one of your friends? No. :laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll play. Because I met all my BFs / people I dated, FWBs, and husband... not online.

 

2) Parties - I met my husband at a Halloween party.

 

4) Standing in lines - See below. Been cold approached at the grocery store. One time it was the yogurt isle, the other time while standing in line.

 

7) Walking your dog - I met a guy I dated for a bit jogging with my dog (he was with his). He was new to the area and asked me about pet sitters, we exchanged numbers... and it went from there.

 

9) Public transportation - I ride a train every day. I met my affair partner on the train. We sat together every day for months, before "one thing led to another". I have met people on the train I now call friends (we socialize away from the train) - and gosh, the most handsome dapper man was making serious eyes at me the other day, but I behaved myself. If I was single I would have approached him.

 

11) Grocery shopping -I have been flirted with often at the grocery store, and on two occasions cold approached - asked for my number + date (I wasn't single at the time - one of the guys was cute, I would have done it if single).

 

14) Shared hobbies - Not for me, but I am an avid equestrian, and we see many "riders marrying riders" in our social circle. My dad met my step mom at one of my riding events.

 

15) Set ups - This is how I met my boyfriend I had when I was 17-19. My good friend who went to another school with him set us up. She kept saying "I have this friend who I think you would really like" - introduced us, he became my "first love".

 

 

Other? I met my long time FWB when I came to look at a room he had for rent. Met guys in classes. Friends of friends in my social circle etc.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Public transportation only works if you live in a city where regular people ride the train/bus. If you are in a place where only people who cannot afford a car ride the bus, then it may not be the best option.

 

Oh this is very true. I ride a commuter train in the SF Bay area. The crowd that is on the rush hour trains to San Francisco is full of single, successful, professional people (and is majority male). My co-worker is currently dating someone she met on the train.

 

A sketchy bus? Not so much....

 

Where I live, if you start chatting to strangers on a bus or subway train, you will likely be marked out as crazy and people will probably start moving to a different part of the bus or train. The only public transport I can see this as working is on an aircraft where for some reason people seem more willing to talk to strangers.

 

People chat on my commute all the time (train + subway). Lots of regulars and familiar faces, some I am on a first name basis with.

Edited by RecentChange
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Oh this is very true. I ride a commuter train in the SF Bay area. The crowd that is on the rush hour trains to San Francisco is full of single, successful, professional people (and is majority male). My co-worker is currently dating someone she met on the train.

 

A sketchy bus? Not so much....

 

Yes, I used to work in the south bay, so I didn't take the train that often, but when I went to San Francisco on the weekend people on the train seemed almost nicer than the crowd in bars and restaurants. Buses were okay too, especially in the more touristy areas of town.

 

As far as buses are concerned nothing in San Francisco comes even close to Chicago if you want sketchy. :D

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot

I think a problem with this kind of thinking is there is only so much time one can devote to such activities. The odds are low enough on any given outing to begin with and when you pile time limits on top of that the odds really are not in your favor.

 

If you're looking for a relationship, you need to be on the lookout all the time, wherever you are, whatever you are doing. Only then can you possibly encounter and engage enough people to bring the odds into your favor. And when I say in your favor, you're still going to have to work at it, sometimes for extended periods of time, before you have any reasonable chance of success.

Link to post
Share on other sites

mortensorchid,

 

I met quite a few b/f at ballroom dancing classes

 

At uni it was dances and other events

 

Some I met OLD

 

I met my first husband at a party.

 

I met my second husband at church.

 

I don't think there's any magic formula, it's just being in the right place at the right time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
What_Did_I_Do

Great topic since I'm back in the dating market.

 

Re the supermarket suggestion, I noticed that men in my city do their solo grocery shopping on Sunday evenings. Don't know if they are single or attached but they are there alone.

 

These lists have their purpose, but, if you are not approachable then that 'wall' may deter people from striking up a casual conversation. Case and point...I have a business associate that I've travelled with all over the U.S. This wonderful lady is mid 50's, married 35 years, quite attractive, does not dress provocatively or suggestive, and has this magnetic personality that draws people to her wherever we go. Airports, restaurants, line ups, shopping malls, you name it. She loves life and is always smiling or laughing. People are captivated by her enthusiasm. She's met handsome, well off, single men (boarding an aircraft) and could have numerous affairs (or a potential BF if she was single) but remains true to her H and just enjoys life. I've met so many fascinating people just through the conversations she strikes up with anyone and everyone, no matter where we are.

 

While we all don't have an acquaintance like this great lady, there's something that can be learned from how we move through our day. Are we approachable (or willing to approach)? Or not....

Link to post
Share on other sites

Woah you're really very comfortable socially :) I'd be creeped out in the majority of the described scenarios, except maybe the dog walking if we have been meeting / chatting regularly.

 

As a cat owner I miss a little the social aspect of owning a pet... I can imagine dogs can be great conversation starters.

 

Maybe that's what I need to get in 2018 - a cute dog, and even if I don't land on a guy while walking it - I'll have a new best friend for many years :cool:

 

 

I'll play. Because I met all my BFs / people I dated, FWBs, and husband... not online.

 

2) Parties - I met my husband at a Halloween party.

 

4) Standing in lines - See below. Been cold approached at the grocery store. One time it was the yogurt isle, the other time while standing in line.

 

7) Walking your dog - I met a guy I dated for a bit jogging with my dog (he was with his). He was new to the area and asked me about pet sitters, we exchanged numbers... and it went from there.

 

9) Public transportation - I ride a train every day. I met my affair partner on the train. We sat together every day for months, before "one thing led to another". I have met people on the train I now call friends (we socialize away from the train) - and gosh, the most handsome dapper man was making serious eyes at me the other day, but I behaved myself. If I was single I would have approached him.

 

11) Grocery shopping -I have been flirted with often at the grocery store, and on two occasions cold approached - asked for my number + date (I wasn't single at the time - one of the guys was cute, I would have done it if single).

 

14) Shared hobbies - Not for me, but I am an avid equestrian, and we see many "riders marrying riders" in our social circle. My dad met my step mom at one of my riding events.

 

15) Set ups - This is how I met my boyfriend I had when I was 17-19. My good friend who went to another school with him set us up. She kept saying "I have this friend who I think you would really like" - introduced us, he became my "first love".

 

 

Other? I met my long time FWB when I came to look at a room he had for rent. Met guys in classes. Friends of friends in my social circle etc.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...