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Men 35-40 - would you have a LTR with woman your own age?


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Eternal Sunshine

And if not why not? I don't mean few dates and some sex but would you actually consider her for something serious.

 

This is a trend that my friends and myself have noticed where men will only stick to casual if at all with their peers..

 

I just want to hear some answers without sugarcoating.

 

Assume that the woman has no baggage in terms of ex H and kids and is in good physical shape and attractive.

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Men 35-40 - would you have a LTR with woman your own age?
I'm 35 and my girlfriend is 33. She has baggage in the form of kids. We've been together 3.5 years. She may or may not fall under your definition of "my own age" though. However, I can safely say I'd have a relationship with a woman my age, provided she is relationship material, of course.
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Dating is a matter of supply and demand. If some guys in their late 30's keep getting hit on by a bunch of 20 somethings then it is possible they won't date women their own age. That's usually the richer, more successful men though, not a regular guy like myself.
My experience matches this. When I was in my twenties, most of the women I knew and met ignored me in favor of the older men with some wealth to throw around. The OP is in a higher wealth bracket herself and searches for men who are her equals. Those are the same men who generally have younger women flocking to them.
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No one has mentioned the kids consideration yet. A man interested in an LTR may also (more likely than men interested in just sex) want to have children. In spite of advances in prenatal care, younger women have better odds to bear healthy children. So a man 35-40 who wants kids may prefer a 20-something as a 'mate'.

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I'm a single dad with two young kids. Finding a women who is okay with that is next to impossible so far. The largest factors appear to be that her kids are grown and she doesn't want to be a parental type role model to little ones or she already has her own and is too busy with life outside that. Sometimes it's just that she get's hit on so often they see it as just another guy of the hundreds looking for FWB or a casual encounter. I think many men don't want to have the extra responsibility to they hit on the single moms thinking they are single and vulnerable/easy.

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Yes. I would enter into a LTR with a woman my age. I look for people that are stable and mentally together.

 

The issue I see with a lot of single women in that age range is there is almost always a good reason they are single. The years have taken a toll on their personalities and their thinking pattern

.

 

Some have crazy expectations. For instance a average looking woman is waiting for a super good looking guy to come around and it never occurred to her that a super good looking guy in her age range had a lot more options than an average looking woman like her.

 

Another common one is the really pretty woman in that age range that only dates aholes but constantly complain s how there are no nice guys out there.

 

Much more common than you think.

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thefooloftheyear

Just viewing from the outside here....

 

Guys that are halfway decent looking to good looking have no trouble getting sex...Women aren't as discriminating as they once were in this area, and therefore a lot of these guys are less likely to commit...That's going to obviously take some of these guys out of the LTR game...

 

Also, I really don't see a lot of guys(even top tier) in this age range going for women 15-20 years their junior for LTR material...As enticing as it may seem, not that many guys at this point want all the extra crap that comes along with it..For casual? sure...but not for someone they want to actually connect with on a daily basis...

 

Not saying this of the OP, or any other female poster, but if a woman in this age range is struggling to find a guy that meets their criteria,they'll often throw out these theories(that somehow all of these guys are waiting at the college dorms for the tight assed, perky boobed co-eds)...That's not happening...And perhaps like the other poster correctly pointed out, some women have gotten a false sense of their own desirability based on the OLD hits they get....So they may be passing on compatible guys as a result...

 

A lot of factors at play here....

 

TFY

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Been awhile but when I was that age I married a woman my age, actually a couple months older. Never gave it a second thought. TBH, her age really wasn't important. Sure, it made getting pregnant more of a challenge with two older folks but that's how it goes. No regrets.

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some_username1

Probably not, I would prefer to take advantage of the 'male privilege' that allows me to date younger while women of late 20's to early 30's are looking to date older guys. I also look very young for my age which helps make my attraction to younger women more congruent. Mainly though kids are still a consideration for me (I don't have any) and to have an LTR with a woman 35+ would require at least 2 years of dating before I knew I was making the right decision to have kids with her so she would be pushing 40 by that point which I would rather avoid for healthy offspring reasons.

 

It should also be said though that I don't think traditional relationships work anymore in the hook-up app/instabook era, at least not for a guy without fame/serious money so I don't really see myself having a traditional LTR with anyone, instead just trying to make this new carousel-like dating paradigm work for me as best it can.

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Let’s see, from what I see around me in real life, men who are 35-40 with no baggage, good looking, and good career are going for women 10 years younger. And they should. Men with baggage are going for women their own age.

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at 38/39 I found myself single after being married and a Step Dad for 5 or so years..

 

I dated younger but less than 10 years and mostly like 5-6.. when I say younger though it was because I still think I wanted kids so I was looking for a Woman / Single Mom still in her baby making years (under 40).

I did date women my age as well but those only fizzled out quickly as they for the most part had already had their family and weren't looking for more..

 

I married younger but not much.. 5 or so years younger and the rest is history... :)

 

So that was my view point in that age range

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I'm 34 and a half but I'll answer for my 6-month-future self :p

 

Yes, I'd date someone around my own age, provided they're in good shape and attractive. Note though, that I've got a kid so I'm immediately dismissed from a good portion of women's dating pools.

 

That said, my last few girlfriends have all been around 4-6 years younger. I don't set out for it to happen that way, it just seems that those around my age are less likely to be in shape or are a little bit mental.

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Eternal Sunshine

Yeah I hear you. I get the kids argument. I get the the supply and demand argument. It just sucks to be a woman in this position knowing that the market will never again turn around in your favour. Until the day I die.

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some_username1
Yeah I hear you. I get the kids argument. I get the the supply and demand argument. It just sucks to be a woman in this position knowing that the market will never again turn around in your favour. Until the day I die.

 

Not necessarily. Any woman who puts the effort in can still be a catch in her 40's. In my experience 90% of women over 40 on Tinder look dog rough- you can see they have totally let themselves go so it isn't even like you have any competition if you just stay in shape and have a bit of class about you. The ones that do look like they still have their figure and look reasonably youthful are often very hot- there are just rarer than rocking-horse crap (intellectual compatibility not withstanding too of course).

 

So imo a woman who ages well I imagine to be quite sought after. The downside is that there will be a more limited pool of guys to choose from as guys that same age will usually be driven to date younger just as women seem to date older when all other things are equal.

Edited by some_username1
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Yeah I hear you. I get the kids argument. I get the the supply and demand argument. It just sucks to be a woman in this position knowing that the market will never again turn around in your favour. Until the day I die.

 

There is more to a relationship than the ability to have kids or be a young age..

 

You have to be able to be a partner too.. I would have been okay never having kids even though I desired to have them, I had lived half my life without them so it was already ingrained in me...

If time passed and I hadn't met my wife I would have opened my dating pool back open to older women and kept right on dating...

 

The fit is more about the connection to me and the fact she wanted kids was a plus...

We connected, she laughed at my jokes and I thought she was hott...:laugh:

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Not necessarily. Any woman who puts the effort in can still be a catch in her 40's. In my experience 90% of women over 40 on Tinder look dog rough- you can see they have totally let themselves go so it isn't even like you have any competition if you just stay in shape and have a bit of class about you. The ones that do look like they still have their figure and look reasonably youthful are often very hot- there are just rarer than rocking-horse crap (intellectual compatibility not withstanding too of course).

 

So imo a woman who ages well I imagine to be quite sought after. The downside is that there will be a more limited pool of guys to choose from as guys that same age will usually be driven to date younger just as women seem to date older when all other things are equal.

 

 

Women that are in their 40s and are in shape and look good aren't stupid. They know they look good and they don't need to go on Tinder of all places to meet men. ;)

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Women that are in their 40s and are in shape and look good aren't stupid. They know they look good and they don't need to go on Tinder of all places to meet men. ;)

 

Well it probably depends on where they live, what their job entails, what their social circles comprise of and what their interests are and their core personality, as to how likely they are to chance meet suitable AND available men.

Pretty useless to look good and keep in shape to find she works in a small workplace, and is surrounded by married couples and families, the too old, the too young, the boring, the scary and the completely ridiculous...

Not everyone can afford to uproot themselves and jettison careers and family to go on a man hunt in the big city...

 

At least on Tinder and the like, she can find men who are at least looking to date and she can then apply sensible filters.

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I'm now out of that age range the OP mentioned, but most of the relationship-minded guys I knew were indeed in a relationship at that age. The first divorces occurred in their mid-forties.

 

I would say that many men are in a relationship close to their age around 35-40, but they are likely to have met that woman earlier.

 

Those who are single are often because of a particular reason. This may change if they suddenly realize that it may become too late to have kids. But that is another can of worms.

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Yeah I hear you. I get the kids argument. I get the the supply and demand argument. It just sucks to be a woman in this position knowing that the market will never again turn around in your favour. Until the day I die.

 

I always thought a man (me) would best be served dating

a woman the same age or 4 years younger. Never older.

 

Yes she could of graduated HS the same year and be a few

months older than me and that would be ok.

 

Though with time the market keeps on getting worse because

with every year less of the good ones are left single. This is true

for men and women.

 

If I was 40 and never married I would want that 30 year old

for one reason. Having healthy kids. In my opinion too many

women put having kids on hold too long because of a job. When

biology makes their number 1 career is being a mom.

 

You can be a mom/doctor/teacher/accountant/whatever. And

those whatever careers do not have to start when they are 20

years old.

 

I know a friend of a relative. She is about her mid 30's.

Until a few years ago she was 80 lb overweight. Now she

has a nice milf like figure. She wants a "10" and constantly

complains that the young men are jerks and her age

appropriate men leaves her with nothing desirable.

 

She needs a reality check. I man her age already that is desirable

already has a wife and a child.

 

She has to come to terms that her good looks now is not going

to make up for all the lost years due to her being overweight.

Yes she was not married, no kids, no debt, is not psycho, no

baggage except age.

 

She has to widen what she will accept or stay single.

 

I had a cousin. Slim, a little better than average looking.

Though she dressed dull. As she did not know how to market

herself. Non dating situations she had good social skills.

I never saw her on the prowl so who knows about that.

 

Thing is at 40 she met a man, 5'7" maybe 5'8", slightly bald,

not fat but a small potbelly, average face, not handsome.

Though he had a high paying career. Appears to be a nice

man.

 

They married. He got a fit relative young looking wife, One way

above his league and she got the husband she always wanted.

And she had just retired and did not need his money.

 

Mating is not just about what one wants.

 

It is about knowing the difference between what they wish

for in a mate and what they can pull in for a mate.

 

And the longer they wait the slimmer the pickings get.

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some_username1
I always thought a man (me) would best be served dating

a woman the same age or 4 years younger. Never older.

 

Yes she could of graduated HS the same year and be a few

months older than me and that would be ok.

 

Though with time the market keeps on getting worse because

with every year less of the good ones are left single. This is true

for men and women.

 

If I was 40 and never married I would want that 30 year old

for one reason. Having healthy kids. In my opinion too many

women put having kids on hold too long because of a job. When

biology makes their number 1 career is being a mom.

 

You can be a mom/doctor/teacher/accountant/whatever. And

those whatever careers do not have to start when they are 20

years old.

 

I know a friend of a relative. She is about her mid 30's.

Until a few years ago she was 80 lb overweight. Now she

has a nice milf like figure. She wants a "10" and constantly

complains that the young men are jerks and her age

appropriate men leaves her with nothing desirable.

 

She needs a reality check. I man her age already that is desirable

already has a wife and a child.

 

She has to come to terms that her good looks now is not going

to make up for all the lost years due to her being overweight.

Yes she was not married, no kids, no debt, is not psycho, no

baggage except age.

 

She has to widen what she will accept or stay single.

 

I had a cousin. Slim, a little better than average looking.

Though she dressed dull. As she did not know how to market

herself. Non dating situations she had good social skills.

I never saw her on the prowl so who knows about that.

 

Thing is at 40 she met a man, 5'7" maybe 5'8", slightly bald,

not fat but a small potbelly, average face, not handsome.

Though he had a high paying career. Appears to be a nice

man.

 

They married. He got a fit relative young looking wife, One way

above his league and she got the husband she always wanted.

And she had just retired and did not need his money.

 

Mating is not just about what one wants.

 

It is about knowing the difference between what they wish

for in a mate and what they can pull in for a mate.

 

And the longer they wait the slimmer the pickings get.

 

Yep, adapt or die. From what I read on boards like this and experience in real life women struggle to adapt to age where the options that they had in their 20s just aren't there anymore and the guys their age that they blew off in their 20s now have the deck stacked in their favour.

 

Time and age catches up with all of us eventually.

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It just sucks to be a woman in this position knowing that the market will never again turn around in your favour.
Women can bring many things to the table other than youth. It's up to you to determine what you want to bring to the table and accentuate that. I'm sure you can offer a lot that most women in their twenties cannot.
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thefooloftheyear

IME, Due in large part to the tech explosion of the last 20-25 years or so, we are living in a time where it's really not that rare to see women in their 40's and 50's looking better than their 20 something daughters,....These older women are now reaping the rewards of a youth that didn't involve staring at a screen all day long....like their daughters did/do...

 

TFY

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I am 33 and I will reply anyway.

 

Of course I would. I dated a woman 8 years older for over a year and she did not want children. Its all fine, we were healthy. No cheating, and very few fights.

 

Age is a number to some. Unless the woman is approaching menopause and the younger fella wants children.

 

Ive been 'rejected' online countless times though by older women so 40 more. Not in a rude way ''you're cute but way to young''.

 

I set the record once two years ago when a 49 yo woman wanted to hookup with me, a nooner actually because she was divorcing.

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Well it probably depends on where they live, what their job entails, what their social circles comprise of and what their interests are and their core personality, as to how likely they are to chance meet suitable AND available men.

Pretty useless to look good and keep in shape to find she works in a small workplace, and is surrounded by married couples and families, the too old, the too young, the boring, the scary and the completely ridiculous...

Not everyone can afford to uproot themselves and jettison careers and family to go on a man hunt in the big city...

 

At least on Tinder and the like, she can find men who are at least looking to date and she can then apply sensible filters.

 

A really good looking hot 40 year old woman that stays in shape and dresses well and has style is not working in McDonalds for min wage with no make up on all da She is banging or married to a guy that make lots of cash. just trust me on this one.

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