How do I fight this jealousy?

[E-Squared]

I wonder if that is the right term for it. Anyway, lately, I have been feeling sort of jealous towards a female friend dating someone. At first I felt glad for her, but then I started gaining a negative feeling towards it. Hear me out about this: In no way am I feeling entitled to her, nor do I feel that she is with the wrong guy. I have known this girl for nearly two years and I think we are good friends, but one of the primary thoughts that I have had is that I think that I screwed up my chance with her. I have done another thread about a couple of months ago about how I have been rather flakey with her. She would ask me if I wanted to hang out, but some things had come up or I was not really up to it after a really long day. I know I could have made time for it, but I didn't. She may have told me that she was not upset about it, but I thought otherwise.

 

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, she had told me that she had started dating a guy whom she had also been talking to for a while. I then said that I was happy for her, but then I think a few days later, I started to feel sort of jealous. Then I felt that I may have messed up my chance with her already. It didn't help that I noticed some Facebook pictures or Instagram stories with those two kissing and stuff. The thing that I am doing to fight it is avoid texting or calling her (She had told me that he boyfriend isn't the jealous type, but with the way I am feeling right now, I think it's best for ME not to contact her), as well as try not to pay attention to any Instagram pics/videos/stories involving her. I may contact her in the future after the negativity wears off, but now is not the time. Hell, I don't even want her to know that I am going through this.

 

What are some ways to defeat this negativity? A few days ago, I took a few hits of weed to help and it did a bit, but a friend of mine had told me not to use substances when you're down, or I'll get addicted.

[alphamale]

keep yourself mentally busy and smoke some more weed. you did the right thing by going into NC.

[Gaeta]

Truth is you envy what she has but you're not jealous of her being with another guy. If you had been interested in her you would have found time to hang out with her when she asked.

 

Let it go and find someone you'll be really interested in and build your own happiness around somene else.

 

Stay away from weed. Self-medicating isn't a good idea. It's just a little heart-break it's not like you're divorcing after 20 years marriage. Be a man and move on to something else with a clear head.

[Mr.Me]

People have been self medicating since the dawn of the human race.

Moderation is the key to everything in life.

 

I agree with the above. You're envious. Not jealous.

[E-Squared]

Perhaps I may be envious, but really, I am more mad at myself for not having made the effort to hang out. I prefer planning in advance to do stuff, not do things in short notice. Plus, I feel that I screwed up my chance with her, even though I have stuff like school and work getting in the way. He deserves her more than I do, but at the same time, I can't help but feel that I messed up. I feel a bit resentful.

[alphamale]

Perhaps I may be envious, but really, I am more mad at myself for not having made the effort to hang out. I prefer planning in advance to do stuff, not do things in short notice. Plus, I feel that I screwed up my chance with her, even though I have stuff like school and work getting in the way. He deserves her more than I do, but at the same time, I can't help but feel that I messed up. I feel a bit resentful.

school and work are much more important than some broad

[Mr.Me]

Pave a women a sidewalk and she'll come running down it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think you should release the guilt about how you are feeling, first of all. It's quite natural to feel the jealousy you are feeling.

 

Don't self medicate. Just try to distract yourself with other activities, maybe meeting someone new.

[Gaeta]

Perhaps I may be envious, but really, I am more mad at myself for not having made the effort to hang out.

 

You did not make the effort because she was not that important at the time. If she had been you would have pushed through your comfort zone and spend time with her even short notice.

[E-Squared]

You did not make the effort because she was not that important at the time. If she had been you would have pushed through your comfort zone and spend time with her even short notice.

Spare me. You clearly don't know exactly the whole situation. You weren't there. You may have a point on some parts, but I also forgot to mention about how she was pretty bad when it came to communicating. For example, I would text her earlier in the day, like say 8 or 10 in the morning, and I wouldn't even hear from her for hours, like maybe 1 or 2 in the afternoon, sometimes even a little later. It's not easy for someone who lacks transportation. Yes, I am aware of something called Lyft or Uber, but but I also need some stuff for that, like maybe an account with them. Because she lives actually a half hour away from me. What do you expect me to do, run like the Flash?

[sandylee1]

If you were really keen you could have proposed an alternative time to hang out. Or maybe you thought she's always going to be available..... then shock horror..she got herself a guy.

 

Do you prefer her as just a friend?

 

Maybe that's how it should stay.

[Steve51]

All I can tell you is that jealousy comes from insecurity and fear of loss. You figure out which apply in your case. You may fear losing a friend or be insecure thinking that she can get a man but you cannot. Keep in mind that even the ugliest people in the world find mates so you are much more likely to do so too. I never get jealous. My wife and I engaged in some group sex activities and neither of us got jealous because we are secure in who we are, what we bring to the table and the certain knowledge that we would never be replaced in each other's lives. 45 years later we are proven right.

 

So think about these two elements of jealousy and figure out which one or maybe both, apply to you. Many times in our young age we get jealous of our friends. We think that they have something we do not have, but want. We think they are enjoying life more than us and once again, have something we do not. Not everyone gets what they want and even when they do, they do not get it at the same time as others.

 

My wife was a virgin until she was 19, never had a steady boyfriend and was jealous of her two best friends who each had a boyfriend whom they married while my wife had no one. However, my wife met the hot guy in town that her girlfriends wanted. The guy who made enough money to buy a new all brick house in the suburbs at the age of 20. The guy whose income in is the top 5% of the nation and knew rich and famous people that she got to meet. That guy is me and now her girlfriends are jealous of her. One married an alcoholic and the other married a guy who could not hold down a job forcing her to work 3 jobs to support her family. My wife never had to work a day in her life if she did not want to. We are living in our 9th house and have lived all over the country and seen a lot of the world. So don't be jealous until the final curtain because what is happening in your young life is not the what will be in the near future.

[thefooloftheyear]

Just another textbook reason why most guys really shouldn't bother keeping female "friends"....You have feelings for her, otherwise you probably wouldn't have even bothered with her....Now she's banging some other guy and the thought is driving you nuts...

 

And don't fill your mind with the horsecrap that "you missed your chance"...If she was single and had any type of feeling for you, even a tiny bit, you wouldn't have completely blown every chance with her because you bailed out on hanging out with her one time....Let's get real...If that were the case, then she probably wouldn't continue to be your "friend"...When she told you she wasn't upset about it, believe it.... she wasn't disappointed because she doesn't see you as bf material..

 

At this point about all you can do is distance yourself from her completely...Don't be bitter about it, and don't mention the fact that she is with the other guy....Just fade out on her...If she doesn't like it,....tough...

 

And take out your frustration with some weights at a gym or some long hikes on a wooded trail, and don't rot your brain with weed, booze or any other substance......You'll feel a thousand times better..

 

TFY

Edited December 11, 2017 by thefooloftheyear

[Gaeta]

Spare me. You clearly don't know exactly the whole situation. You weren't there. You may have a point on some parts, but I also forgot to mention about how she was pretty bad when it came to communicating. For example, I would text her earlier in the day, like say 8 or 10 in the morning, and I wouldn't even hear from her for hours, like maybe 1 or 2 in the afternoon, sometimes even a little later. It's not easy for someone who lacks transportation. Yes, I am aware of something called Lyft or Uber, but but I also need some stuff for that, like maybe an account with them. Because she lives actually a half hour away from me. What do you expect me to do, run like the Flash?

 

I would expect you give us the whole story so we can advice you properly. You said in your original story that you acted *flaky* with her so we answered accordingly.

 

It sounds she was not that into you to start with.

 

I expect you to do your best when interested in a woman. You make a proper invitation and you do what ever it takes to see her. You acted flaky then it got too complicated to get together so what was she suppose to do? She found someone that didn't act flaky and has an easier time getting to her.

 

That's life, big fishes eat smaller fishes. Work on becoming a bigger fish, get organized, get a metro-bus pass or your drivers license.

[E-Squared]

Just another textbook reason why most guys really shouldn't bother keeping female "friends"....You have feelings for her, otherwise you probably wouldn't have even bothered with her....Now she's banging some other guy and the thought is driving you nuts...

 

And don't fill your mind with the horsecrap that "you missed your chance"...If she was single and had any type of feeling for you, even a tiny bit, you wouldn't have completely blown every chance with her because you bailed out on hanging out with her one time....Let's get real...If that were the case, then she probably wouldn't continue to be your "friend"...When she told you she wasn't upset about it, believe it.... she wasn't disappointed because she doesn't see you as bf material..

 

At this point about all you can do is distance yourself from her completely...Don't be bitter about it, and don't mention the fact that she is with the other guy....Just fade out on her...If she doesn't like it,....tough...

 

And take out your frustration with some weights at a gym or some long hikes on a wooded trail, and don't rot your brain with weed, booze or any other substance......You'll feel a thousand times better..

 

TFY

 

You make it seem as if I am snorting coke, injecting smack, or even smoking meth. Weed doesn't do any of that stuff and I should know because I started doing that two years ago, when I was with my ex. Hell, I don't even do it that often.

[thefooloftheyear]

You make it seem as if I am snorting coke, injecting smack, or even smoking meth. Weed doesn't do any of that stuff and I should know because I started doing that two years ago, when I was with my ex. Hell, I don't even do it that often.

 

 

So have at it, Skippy...

 

TFY

[Popsicle]

Yea, I've gotta agree. Chalk this up as a lesson to not put yourself in the friendzone ever again. You're not alone, many guys have gone through this and learned this lesson.