Fight with boyfriend

[krista28]

My sister is having a fight with her boyfriend. Theyve been in a serious relationship for a few years and live together. She said lately hes been coming home angry a lot and stressed. Then two weeks later he got written up at his job and in trouble for working from home too much.

He is worried he may lose his job. So meanwhile for the last 6 months theyve been planning a vacation for her 30th birthday which hes told her he doesnt want to go on... too depressed and doesnt care and is calling her a selfish brat. I guess hes been so unkind to her shes come back here to visit our parents the trip is in 3 days... she said shes so mad at him she doesnt want to go anywhere with him...what advise should I give her

[mortensorchid]

Yikes ... This is sticky.

 

If you insist on giving her advice I would back off and let him cool down. Don't do or say anything that would make him angry, but he sounds like someone who will find a reason or excuse to be angry. Maybe he is showing his true colors to her and others.

[Gaeta]

I would tell her that she needs to take a back seat and make him her priority. Men identify with their work much more than women. He is going through something very difficult that hit his ego and Identity as a man. He needs reassurance, support, understanging and space. She needs to cancel the trip, they can go next year. Her insisting on going on that trip while he's depressed is extremely selfish in my eyes. She's 30 years old, not 12. Supporting a partner during a difficult phase is more important than a birthday trip.

 

ETA: The fact he called her a selfish brat indicates she's has not been acknowledging his distress and she's made this all about her.

Edited December 9, 2017 by Gaeta

[kgcolonel]

I would tell her that she needs to take a back seat and make him her priority. Men identify with their work much more than women. He is going through something very difficult that hit his ego and Identity as a man. He needs reassurance, support, understanging and space. She needs to cancel the trip, they can go next year. Her insisting on going on that trip while he's depressed is extremely selfish in my eyes. She's 30 years old, not 12. Supporting a partner during a difficult phase is more important than a birthday trip.

 

ETA: The fact he called her a selfish brat indicates she's has not been acknowledging his distress and she's made this all about her.

 

Gaeta, this is excellent advice. I am a sole breadwinner in our household. The pressure and stress can be overbearing. I do understand your sister's wanting the 30th BD trip however this is the time to show her guy that he's her priority and show him, she's in this through thick and thin. There'll be other trips and this could either make or break the relationship.

 

I would advise her to go back to her BF, tell him that she understands the stress and that she too would like to postpone the trip until it will be enjoyable for both. Tell him that he is her world and that she is there to support him no matter what..

 

That is what I would want to hear from my girl if i were in this situation.

[kendahke]

My sister is having a fight with her boyfriend. Theyve been in a serious relationship for a few years and live together. She said lately hes been coming home angry a lot and stressed. Then two weeks later he got written up at his job and in trouble for working from home too much.

He is worried he may lose his job. So meanwhile for the last 6 months theyve been planning a vacation for her 30th birthday which hes told her he doesnt want to go on... too depressed and doesnt care and is calling her a selfish brat. I guess hes been so unkind to her shes come back here to visit our parents the trip is in 3 days... she said shes so mad at him she doesnt want to go anywhere with him...what advise should I give her

 

Go on the vacation by herself or take you along. Ask your folks to front you his share of it so she doesn't have to be alone and she probably needs to get away.