Not ready for a relationship?

[HiCrunchy]

I hear of lot of instances when people are in the stages of dating and are usually dating for a while (like a few weeks or months) and then hit their partner with "I am not ready for a relationship" line?

 

I always thought the intention of dating was to get into a relationship. And if the person was looking for a fwb or more causal set up, most people are clear from the start, just so they don't create unfair expectations in the other person.

so why is that?

[Cersei]

I think it could possibly be a case of " I am not ready for a relationship with you." They tested the waters and decided no.

 

Sorry if this has happened to you.

[lana-banana]

The above is correct. Nobody who is dating (on dating websites, asking people on dates, etc) is "not ready". It's a polite and clever way to reject someone because the person hearing it doesn't feel like they did anything wrong. If he met Ms. Perfect tomorrow I guarantee you he'd be ready.

 

See also:

"I'm really busy"

"I don't know what I want right now"

"I need to focus on myself first"

[HiCrunchy]

Oh I see. Oh it has never happened to me, but I was just curious because I hear about it all the time and it didn’t make sense to me. It’s just a cowardly way of dumping somone.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Nobody who is dating (on dating websites, asking people on dates, etc) is "not ready".

 

Well, not necessarily. Sometimes people don't figure out they're not ready (like they thought they were) until they've already joined the dating site and went on a couple dates.

[No_Go]

Well, not necessarily. Sometimes people don't figure out they're not ready (like they thought they were) until they've already joined the dating site and went on a couple dates.

 

Exactly. What you described has happened to me, most recently it happened this summer. I still have 3 dating accounts active and occasionally chat to people but I'm not ready, willing or able to venture into a relationship right now even if a prince on a white horse comes to me. Sorry.

 

I don't know how other people function but I can guarantee for myself - if I do NOT want a relationship - no 'Mr Perfect' will have a chance to get on a date with me let alone more because I shut down completely to dating. My dating accounts stay opened thought for the same reason why my Facebook does - to browse people when I'm super bored .

 

Too busy is not always an excuse as well. There are times in life when I've been NOT able to date because something else was occupying my mind too much (when I was defending my dissertation, right before and after buying my house, when switching career fields). If the 'One' showed up then - I would not only reject him, I'd also most likely not even notice his existence on Earth.

[No_Go]

I hear of lot of instances when people are in the stages of dating and are usually dating for a while (like a few weeks or months) and then hit their partner with "I am not ready for a relationship" line?

 

I always thought the intention of dating was to get into a relationship. And if the person was looking for a fwb or more causal set up, most people are clear from the start, just so they don't create unfair expectations in the other person.

so why is that?

 

I'm sure for some people this is an excuse line. But sometimes is real. You start dating someone and they preoccupy your time. You can't catch your breath, you're lagging behind on important aspects of your life unrelated to a relationship. Then you realize you just don't have the capacity to invest in one at that point in time. It is not always a deceit, it happens that priorities change over time and despite the desire to be with someone (the person you date or anyone else really), another priority in life gets a precedence.

[Popsicle]

Well, not necessarily. Sometimes people don't figure out they're not ready (like they thought they were) until they've already joined the dating site and went on a couple dates.

 

Agreed. Sometimes they may just want to get rid of their feeling of loneliness or sadness, so they think dating or finding someone else is the answer. Only for them to find out that they are in position to give and be a good partner to someone else.

[Chilli]

yeah , l think it can be either.

And some people truly just do not know themselves , so many idiots out there that get all desperate and force themselves out there to start meeting people when they aren't even ready yet but then when they do it's like dingggg !

l feel like gangster slappen people like that.

 

but in other cases yeah , it's just an excuse, they aren't feeling it.

 

lf you read through a date site, a lot of people say right there , they don't want a relationship or anything heavy right now so then that's fair enough. They're being up front from the get go.

lf it's really how they feel then they should remind anyone they go near of that day one before any feelings become involved.

That's being fair in my book.

[Popsicle]

yeah , l think it can be either.

And some people truly just do not know themselves , so many idiots out there that get all desperate and force themselves out there to start meeting people when they aren't even ready yet but then when they do it's like dingggg !

l feel like gangster slappen people like that.

 

but in other cases yeah , it's just an excuse, they aren't feeling it.

 

lf you read through a date site, a lot of people say right there , they don't want a relationship or anything heavy right now so then that's fair enough. They're being up front from the get go.

lf it's really how they feel then they should remind anyone they go near of that day one before any feelings become involved.

That's being fair in my book.

 

I think that’s fair too. I have encountered these guys and am grateful that they were upfront. Honesty and self-reflection is good. I want a relationship so I know to avoid them.