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Do you ever get sad about other people's break-ups?`


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CautiouslyOptimistic

I just found out today about a married couple who is no longer together when the husband posted a photo of him and a new GF on Facebook. I feel ridiculous that it hit me so hard because he's not a close friend and I've never even met his wife. I was just so shocked I guess because even though he's 10 years younger than me, he's someone I "looked up to" as a man of God. I asked my kids if they knew about this and they've known for a long time and said his wife left him for another man. Another shock.

 

I guess it makes me feel just so pessimistic about relationships and life-long love. I mean, I didn't have it, but I still have hope that other marriages will survive and thrive and when they don't, it makes me really sad and some how more insecure and pessimistic I guess. I somehow personally feel defeated, but that makes no sense.

 

Does anyone else get bummed out like this when you hear of other relationships failing?

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Does anyone else get bummed out like this when you hear of other relationships failing?

 

no, not really

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CautiouslyOptimistic
“As a man of god”

 

What does this mean?

 

He's in a position of authority in a Christian organization, without getting too specific for anonymity :). Someone I've known for 10 years and look up to because of his strong faith in God.

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...and look up to because of his strong faith in God.

 

that doesn't mean he's a good person

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Bizarre coincidental occurrence in my own circle today....Crazy...

 

 

TFY

 

Wow, that is crazy. And sad :(.

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No I don't let it bother me.

I will always be there for them if they need a friend. But we all have our own issues to worry about. Sometimes you have to put yourself and your own feelings first.

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Usually no.

And most people are selfish so things like this happen so often I am not really surprised anymore. numb to it really.

 

though if it is a friend hurting, i'll try to be sympathetic, supportive and give her advice.

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I do get sad especially when it’s someone I thought would never break up because they seemed happy ... for me I think it’s like adding one small pebble to the bucket until it breaks and I’m just jaded

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A lot of people were upset and couldn't even talk about me and my w splitting up.

 

lt shocked nearly everyone . l felt really bad,, l know they all looked up to us and admired us and that we were the sort of couple people aspired too, we rebuilt their faith , l know.

 

But what could l do , no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

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thefooloftheyear

Realize I hadn't answered your question....

 

When I hear of a couple splitting, I may get surprised and realize that I really didn't know them as well as I thought I did...Some people do have a way of hiding these things pretty well,. and I know that most guys can compartmentalize things in their lives, so what can look good in one aspect of a relationship can be absolutely horrible in others..

 

Some are doomed to fail and there is really no surprise.Those need to end.....Others, in some cases, wind up ending over what appears to be fixable, or maybe even not worth ending an otherwise good relationship over...but who am I to say, really??

 

I almost always get sad for the kids, though.....Especially if they are younger....:(

 

TFY

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It's just another failure. Sad that no one seems able to make it anymore.

 

I love seeing elderly couples together. Most romantic thing in the world.

 

My grandparents were happily married for over 50 years until she died. I wish I could have had that.

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I've experienced sadness over another couple's breakup.

 

When xH and I were together, we had close friends go through a messy breakup and divorce. They were close friends in that we had interwoven lives for years. They are our daughter's God parents. We had frequent dinners and bbqs. They babysat for us. In the years we lived in different locations we'd visit each other and call often.

 

I actually cried when they broke up (away from them of course). Partly because it seemed an end of an era, partly because it was so painful for them, and partly because it became very quickly obvious we couldn't keep both parties in our lives.

 

The W in this case was very fragile and took it incredibly hard. She needed our support much more than the H. We actually took her in for awhile after they initially separated. The situation just organically demanded that we stick by her, and assist her in sharing NC. We actually wrote him an email lamenting the circumstances and regretting that we felt she needed us more than he did, and would therefore not be seeing him anymore. He responded that he understood, and said he was grateful that we were there for her.

 

He's now happily remarried with kids. She's still searching for someone special, but enjoying herself in the process. It was for the best in the end.

 

She was quite distraught when xH and I broke up. More than we were! And whilst I rarely hear from her anymore, he does on the regular. Funny how things work out

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I do get sad especially when it’s someone I thought would never break up because they seemed happy ... for me I think it’s like adding one small pebble to the bucket until it breaks and I’m just jaded

 

Yes, this is how it feels.

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I get very sad when it's a couple that I admire. I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart and hate to see it.

 

If I don't admire the couple, then I feel happy for them when they break up. It's like finally you can be unstuck and move onto happiness.

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If it makes you feel any better I am in a marriage that is going on eleven years and still going strong as ever. I generally have a cynical attitude towards most marriages but we did it right. We are more in love now than ever and I am the type that can tell if a woman is distancing herself.

 

As for other people I am sad when it is a couple that truly does seem happy but many marriages I know are not happy. It does make me feel good when I see a couple that truly seem in love and together. They are rare gems.

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Marriage is one of the hardest tasks a person could ever do. I don't know how people do it at all. So when people split up, I can't fault them or point fingers or blame or even see them as deficient or failures. I know how tough it is.

 

And those rare souls who do it successfully - they build each other up, keep each other strong, operate together like a perfectly tuned engine - well, I am full of admiration for them.

 

There must be a secret to it - high levels of tolerance? lots of self-sacrifice? separate bathrooms? I wish I knew what it was.

 

I love seeing elderly couples together. Most romantic thing in the world.

 

It really is. To experience that...

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CautiouslyOptimistic

There must be a secret to it - high levels of tolerance? lots of self-sacrifice? separate bathrooms? I wish I knew what it was.

 

 

 

 

All of the very successful couples I know have one thing in common: Respect.

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I wish I knew what it was.

 

 

1) Choosing the 'right' time and partner to begin with

2) Communication

3) Openness (including openness to adapt to your spouse)

4) Integrity (including no cheating)

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I'm only sad if I know and like them very well, and will lose the ability to socialize with them both. However, in the few cases where such couples I've known have broken up, it was obvious that there were serious problems, and they were better off apart than together. So while sad I lost friends, I was happy for their choice to move on from a bad relationship.

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