No expectations?

[kangaroo]

When you meet a guy, and they say they have no expectations, what do they mean?

[carhill]

There are some 3+ billion guys on the planet. Can you narrow it down to a group or to one in particular?

 

I often post on these forums about going into interactions such as romance with no or limited expectations, rather enjoying the social interaction in the moment for what it is.

 

IOW, I can have a great date one night, focus on that and if I never hear from the lady again, it was still, to me, a great date and memory. I have no expectations that the great date turns into a string of great dates, or dates in general, or anything. I can still feel desire, sure; connection, sure; lust, sure. The choice is in accepting those feelings in the moment and not forming thoughts about the future from them.

 

Is that healthy? IDK, each of us is different. It works for me. After a great date if I feel like asking the lady on another date, I do. If she says yes, OK. If no, OK.

 

The tricky part is where processing out feelings leads to what I call 'the dead zone' where care is actively erased, meaning I don't care whether an interaction is positive or not. IMO, that's a slippery slope to thinking love instead of feeling it. I try to guard against that but accept it as a possibility.

 

I caught myself on that slippery slope awhile back when a particular MW I did care about, but within my boundaries, sobbed out her love for me. I caught myself chuckling, hey you're married to a great guy wtf? I caught myself not really caring about her feelings. To me that was wrong. Of course, affairs are wrong too but finding a solid boundary that respects and acknowledges feelings was the goal I was seeking. I stopped myself and instead, in the moment, 'thought' empathy, also on that slippery slope to 'thinking' feelings.

 

Interesting stuff. I'll revisit tomorrow and see how it goes. No expectations.

[central]

If I say that, it means I don't expect sex. I also don't expect anything more than meeting to see if we click, but I wouldn't be meeting if I didn't have hope that we might click, that I might find you attractive (and vice versa), that we might (sometime soon) have sex if that attraction exists.

 

I also think expectations are counterproductive, because it's easy to be disappointed almost immediately, rather than simply enjoying whatever the meeting has to offer.

[carhill]

^^^^ perfect. See that's how all guys are different. Sex never even entered my mind when contemplating 'no expectations'. No wonder that particular MW thought I was gay