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Better to have loved and lost...


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Old 26th December 2017, 7:10 AM   #46
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The freedom is one of the best parts.
Although I've only been legally single again for about nine months, my ex and I lived apart for more than ten years prior to the divorce settlement. During that time and since I've had no romantic relationship. Co-parenting took up essentially all of my 'people in my life' time. I absolutely agree that the freedom was the best part. I'd have gladly traded the freedom and I'm currently looking to trade that freedom for a loving, caring life partnership.
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Old 26th December 2017, 7:25 AM   #47
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Although I've only been legally single again for about nine months, my ex and I lived apart for more than ten years prior to the divorce settlement. During that time and since I've had no romantic relationship. Co-parenting took up essentially all of my 'people in my life' time. I absolutely agree that the freedom was the best part. I'd have gladly traded the freedom and I'm currently looking to trade that freedom for a loving, caring life partnership.
I'd gladly trade my freedom for a great relationship too, but I haven't found that yet. So I'm just living my life and relishing the freedom.
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Old 26th December 2017, 1:52 PM   #48
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This thread is interesting. I prefer to never have loved than to have loved and lost.

Seems pointless and seriously a waste. None of my relationships have made me a better person, in fact they have only changed me for the worse. The only relationship that had a somewhat positive impact in my life was my hs relationship. Other than that, everything else, a pure waste of time, emotions and energy.

To be honest I wish I would have found my soulmate early on. Probably hs or something. Would have avoided all types of heartache.

My theory is you don't know what you're missing on if you've never experienced it. The blind example provided earlier was perfect.

Last edited by Hatelove_1; 26th December 2017 at 1:56 PM..
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Old 26th December 2017, 3:58 PM   #49
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lol you guys are amateurs.

Time heals this.

I'm serious...TIME. So much time passes that the pain subsides

I've been single for over 10 years, save a couple of 1 year relationships. Ten years. I am very used to being single. I'm not happy, but I'm not sad anymore either. Just there.

The only other person on this forum who I can think of who's been single for a long time and used to it is Carhill. We all know someone in our lives who is single and content and has been single for so long that you don't even expect them to be with someone ever again. I think that's me.
Im 30 and not an amateur. Time never healed any of my wounds. I feel hurt from years ago. Maybe dating isnt for me.
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Old 26th December 2017, 4:01 PM   #50
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This thread is interesting. I prefer to never have loved than to have loved and lost.

Seems pointless and seriously a waste. None of my relationships have made me a better person, in fact they have only changed me for the worse. The only relationship that had a somewhat positive impact in my life was my hs relationship. Other than that, everything else, a pure waste of time, emotions and energy.

To be honest I wish I would have found my soulmate early on. Probably hs or something. Would have avoided all types of heartache.

My theory is you don't know what you're missing on if you've never experienced it. The blind example provided earlier was perfect.
Ditto here. I wish i had found my love in high school or college. After the crap ive been through, being single doesnt seem so bad. I just cant keep doing this.

Many if ny high school peers married someone frim hs or college. They mostly seem happy.
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Old 26th December 2017, 4:09 PM   #51
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It seems that some people have a much harder time moving on than others. I don't know why that is, but it is clearly true, and makes love a high-risk venture for them, unfortunately.


I've been dumped, and I've been the dumper. Being dumped hurts tremendously, especially if you have no inkling that it's coming. For me, though, I somehow move past that and use it as motivation to find a new, perhaps better relationship using what I learned. Generally, I've found new relationships quickly - and often enough been dumped or ended it myself yet again, when one of us finds that there is something missing or something wrong.


Then repeat - until you either meet someone who you don't want to dump, who doesn't want to dump you, or, you decide that it's too much effort for too little return, and decide to be single. There is nothing wrong with that choice, if you are content. Relationships don't define us - we define relationships.
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Old 26th December 2017, 5:22 PM   #52
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It seems that some people have a much harder time moving on than others. I don't know why that is, but it is clearly true, and makes love a high-risk venture for them, unfortunately.

I have been in such emotional pain today. I've decided I'm not going to make myself vulnerable to this again. I'm not sure I can survive this again.

Free and single once I feel better.
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Old 26th December 2017, 5:56 PM   #53
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lol you guys are amateurs.

Time heals this.

I'm serious...TIME. So much time passes that the pain subsides

I've been single for over 10 years, save a couple of 1 year relationships. Ten years. I am very used to being single. I'm not happy, but I'm not sad anymore either. Just there.

The only other person on this forum who I can think of who's been single for a long time and used to it is Carhill. We all know someone in our lives who is single and content and has been single for so long that you don't even expect them to be with someone ever again. I think that's me.
Hardly an amateur, Iím 45 and been through this before. Time doesnít heal, it makes you forget. In the beginning stages every one of those previous heart breaks were brought to the forefront via vivid daily nightmares.

The difference with this one is I truly thought I found someone with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I was married once and never felt this way (getting married to her was a mistake).

Being comfortable single is what I aspire to be as well. I donít think I want, nor have the capacity, to open myself up like that again.

So that leaves me with being with somone who is not right (i.e. ex wife) or being alone. Not sure which worse out of the two.
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Old 26th December 2017, 6:01 PM   #54
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I donít think I want, nor have the capacity, to open myself up like that again.
I think this is what was wrong with my ex. And now he's done it to me.
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Old 26th December 2017, 6:41 PM   #55
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I think this is what was wrong with my ex. And now he's done it to me.
Itís a shame that previous experiences carry with us to future relationships. Yet it is a fact of life I suppose.

So much for time heals all wounds....
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Old 26th December 2017, 7:58 PM   #56
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I called you guys amateurs in terms of how long you’ve been single and completely alone. No dating or talking to opposite sex. Really alone. 10 years for me and time does make the pain go away.
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Old 26th December 2017, 8:10 PM   #57
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I called you guys amateurs in terms of how long youíve been single and completely alone. No dating or talking to opposite sex. Really alone. 10 years for me and time does make the pain go away.

My ex had been single 10 years when we got together. His previous ex had bust him up so bad he wasn't able to love completely again. I didn't understand that properly then. I do now.
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Old 26th December 2017, 8:40 PM   #58
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My ex had been single 10 years when we got together. His previous ex had bust him up so bad he wasn't able to love completely again. I didn't understand that properly then. I do now.
Yeah if you’re single for a long time you have to keep your heart open.
Some people act proud that their heart is closed. It’s nothing to be proud of.
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Old 26th December 2017, 11:02 PM   #59
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In the past 12 years ive had a 6 month relationship, 5 month relationship, 10 month relationship, and a 2 1/2 year relationship. I tried mass dating in my early 20s. I have spent most of my adult years alone and that includes no dating at all.

Ive never healed from any of the relationships. The pain is always there beneath the surface, bubbling.

Every couple of years i can find soneone. My guy friend has already dropped the l bomb. Every man who has said that to me has left fir other women. Its grown meaningless.
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Old 27th December 2017, 2:19 AM   #60
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Think l better stop reading all this kinda stuff. l met someone a wk or two back, have been really exited about her but now l'm all like, put the brakes on don't this don't that, better be careful ra ra ra.

Trouble is , l dunno how to do things like that. She loves the way l feel too but lf l start being all hesitant and hold back , it's gonna mess me up.

Last edited by Chilli; 27th December 2017 at 2:21 AM..
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