Nice tolerance

[FastHands]

I know their are some people that are very kind and loving. My question is when does it become a turnoff/lose attraction? Some women will say he's an a hole and have a lot of attraction. While some guys love their women with being kind and show it. Then suddenly she changes.

What do you think is overly nice/kind? Maybe calling her too much? Is this the fault of the person being good or the fault of the person seeing the kindness?

How do you balance being an a hole and showing some good?

[smackie9]

geeeez are we still having this conversation?

 

Brah it's all about confidence and making sure she earns your attention.

[central]

Kindness and consideration have limits. If they are not appreciated and reciprocated, then you pull back. You cannot overcome abuse, neglect, or indifference with kindness - kindness requires a sharp edge at times, and firm boundaries that demand respect.

[basil67]

Yes, some women are attracted to men who treat them badly. But these women are broken and should be avoided at all costs. So take them out of the equation.

 

Being overly nice/kind is when you're a doormat. It's when you let her wipe her feet all over you and you just lie there and accept it. And yes, there's nothing attractive about that.

 

On top of the self confidence previously mentioned, you must also know how to be assertive. Being assertive means to look after yourself and your needs without being a d*ck about it.

[FastHands]

I guess boundaries have been set. Relationships is over 5 yrs. and all of the sudden she gets bored or tired? of someone that's been good to her. I mean she finds an ahole and drops you after 5 yrs?

[GoodOnPaper]

Oh sure - no matter if it’s been 5 days, 5 years, or 5 decades, you have to remain ever vigilant about recognizing if you are being too “nice”. It can get quite exhausting, but our culture keeps disconnecting kindness and sensitivity from what are considered to be masculine qualities.

[basil67]

I guess boundaries have been set. Relationships is over 5 yrs. and all of the sudden she gets bored or tired? of someone that's been good to her. I mean she finds an ahole and drops you after 5 yrs?

 

I don't understand. Is this happening to you now or are you thinking about hypotheticals? It's rare that people leave simply because they are bored and tired. Most often the problems go far deeper and have their roots in incompatibility.

 

Tell us the whole story and we may be able to support you.

[FastHands]

It's not me. It's a personal friend. He's been good to his spouse and children. I don't understand why being good in the family (all a woman can want) that now the other pair is tired? She's with another and turned her back on her partner.

[kendahke]

It's not me. It's a personal friend. He's been good to his spouse and children. I don't understand why being good in the family (all a woman can want) that now the other pair is tired? She's with another and turned her back on her partner.

 

That is the story he's telling you, but you don't live in their house hold and you aren't a part of their marriage.

 

He may have traits that he's shown her over the course of 5 years that he will never show you in a million years because he's not interested in men. It looks good on the outside precisely because you have no clue how he is to live with, as a woman and a spouse.

 

It takes way more than being bored or tired for someone to leave their marriage and children and go be with someone else. It also takes two to tango--meaning: just as she's brought something to the demise of their marriage, so did he--neither of them were operating in a vacuum.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It's not me. It's a personal friend. He's been good to his spouse and children. I don't understand why being good in the family (all a woman can want) that now the other pair is tired? She's with another and turned her back on her partner.

 

You have no idea what this woman wants and if your friend is meeting her needs. Your definition of the perfect husband may not be her definition of it.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I think that it is highly unlikely that someone would leave their partner because they were nice.

 

In a long term, committed relationship it is probably an accumulation of different reasons that either led to frustration, resentment or loss of attraction.

 

I think it is more likely that they might feel guilty for breaking up with them because they are nice, but it clearly not the same thing.

[somanymistakes]

look when a woman breaks up with you and says "you're a nice guy but", she's not dumping you because you're nice, she's not dumping you because she loves jerks, she's dumping you for her own reasons, which she doesn't trust you enough to tell you.

 

probably because she thinks you'd ignore her and just decide it's because she loves jerks. because women get kind of sick of hearing that.

 

had an angry ex who kept going on rants about how he was such a nice guy and my new guy didn't measure up to him so why did i just love to make myself suffer, why did all women suck, why couldn't i accept that he was just THE BEST THING EVER? gee, I wonder.

[FastHands]

Thanks for everyone posting. I think it's due to money. I'm thinking love is greater than material things, but maybe it's just me?

[basil67]

Thanks for everyone posting. I think it's due to money. I'm thinking love is greater than material things, but maybe it's just me?

 

Love will certainly be eroded by frequent fighting over money. Disagreements on how to handle money is one of the biggest marriage killers out there. Put a spendthrift with someone who wants a luxury life and it will end in disaster.

[Birdies]

The best kind of guy IMO is a really nice, sweet guy who is also confident in his skin. Not majorly dorky and awkward, just confident and nice. Don't balance being nice and being an "a hole". Just be nice.