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When and why do you disclose your finances?


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I live in a town that has a reputation for being money obsessed, and there is less of a taboo here about discussing it in various ways. I mean, it exists but not as strongly as elsewhere.

 

Even with that consideration, I've found myself taken aback when a man I've been dating lays out his complete financial picture. It has always been in my estimation waaaay too early into things to be relevant.

 

What spurs you to lay it all out there for someone you've been seeing? Does it depend on the kind of financial shape you're in? Do you expect reciprocal disclosure? Tell me all. :laugh:

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For myself it was getting engaged and doing marital planning. That was when the details were shared.

 

In money obsessed demographics, there's usually a hotline where everyone has a general picture of everyone else since that's how people keep score and screen out undesirables.

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I'd only talk about my financial information if I was 1) Complaining about my wages or 2) Talking about my next property purchase (as in, how much I could afford).

 

 

My recent ex however, thought it would 'attract' me to him, if he talked about the value of his property and his bank balance. WTF??????? Nothing could be LESS attractive, frankly.

 

 

 

I'm English. It is NOT good manners to talk about money. It is considered vulgar and very lower class.

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I usually give and get rough idea within first 3 dates. Not exact numbers, but workplace & position (giving very good idea for income), living situation & location (another good indication), and debt / thoughts about debt (it usually comes up organically as a topic). I feel like the person have to be a skillful liar to disguise the rough information for over 3 dates.

 

Exact numbers: on the first discussion for possible cohabitation and respective split of expenses.

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I would be really put off by someone either laying out their finances or asking me about mine in early stage dating.

It is pretty vulgar.

 

The only time anyone had flat our asked such questions, it's been Asian Girls, so I just explain that in this culture that's offensive.

 

I've even lived with a partner without having any such discussion (other than rent is x, is that ok)

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hi there lovephule,

 

if your not comfortable then tell him that, I'm sure if he likes you he'll accept that or would be prepared to wait till you know each other a lot better.

 

I'm not that sure that its a must, unless you are in a situation where you are finding yourself having to wash dishes every time you go out for a meal! haha..

 

I reckon he either really likes you and is letting you know he can treat you well, or he is nothing more than a big show off and someone for whom material goods are everything.

 

if it is the latter and you are not that sort of material person deep down then maybe consider the deeper implications this might have on his attitudes and what each of you will value further down the line.

 

are you going to be expected to be in an endless competition with each other, friends, neighbours and families etc...if so that is a terrific strain on anyone - unless they can afford to keep up with the jones. (or should I say...kardashians!!!!)

 

its better to be honest from the start, otherwise you may come unstuck!

 

good luck to you. maxi.:laugh:

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I disclosed twice.

 

Once I'd been living with the guy for almost 8 years when I got great new job & finally made 6 figures. I was bragging when I announced it. But that wasn't my whole financial picture.

 

The second time was before I got married in the course of creating our pre-nup. The disclosures were mandatory.

 

I would be very leery of a person who did a full disclosure in the casual context of a date. It'd be one thing if there was a little bragging -- I earn X, or I bought a house in fancy neighborhood but details would be off putting & would tell me the person has no discretion.

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I am a guy. I would think it seems a little odd to tell someone about your personal finances on a date. if it were a woman, and that happened to me at a date, i would think the guys has socially inept.

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Thanks for the input, everyone. I've always seen it as something you discuss on the brink of getting really serious (engagement and marriage).

 

I can think of two cases where it almost seemed like the guy was trying to put me off him, but completely different financial pictures. Very weird.

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