How Do I Bond With My Girlfriend’s 7 Year Old Son?

[eagertoLav]

I am a divorced man in my late 40's currently dating a latina with a 7-year old son. I want to know how to impress 7-year old boys nowadays seeing as I’ve never had any children of my own.

Backstory: My first marriage ended badly because I married a woman impulsively. She had all the red flags that I should have seen right from the start. We would make love passionately and we would fight just as hard. However, all that passion couldn't save our marriage. I'm determined to make my second marriage a success.

I met my girlfriend on a sort of dating site from AFA. It's kind of a funny story. It was during a moment of weakness that I actually considered getting myself a mail order bride. I couldn't help being curious about what’s in the site. I went to find out if there was any bidding or transactions for brides. Turns it there isn't, but it did not stop me from browsing profiles.

I saw my girlfriend for the first time on the site and took to a liking to her immediately. There was something inside me that told me she and I would get along great. I wasn't wrong. We have similar personalities and priorities.

There are dozens of stereotypes about dating single mothers and a few friends tried to discourage me. I want to take a chance with this woman and I wanna do it right. That means to be a role model for her son and start by impressing him.

Her son is not into sports, but he likes video games. Back in my day, what fathers did with their sons was play sports. I'm not a sporty person myself and I'm not into computers either. How can I start breaking the ice with the son? Any ideas? Please help me.

[basil67]

You want to be careful to not form bonds with him too quickly in case the relationship fails. I'd be waiting for at least a year of solid relationship before you get too close.

 

How long have you and your g/f been together now?

[Gaeta]

Have you met in person?

 

Where is his dad? is he in his life?

 

I don't think you impress a 7 year old, you just need to put yourself to his level. The first time I brought my bf over to my 6 year old nephew my bf saw the lego blocs on the table and he said to my nephew 'can we play' and that's how they became best boddies. No matter the decennie, no matter the age, good old quality time together is the best way to connect with a chld.

[carhill]

No rush. Be yourself. Kids pick up on things.

 

Back when I was younger and dating single mothers I preferred to not be around the children too much, especially if they didn't have their bio father in the picture, not because I didn't like kids but rather to prevent premature bonding. Kept things light, maybe a shared trip to the park or shopping with their mom, day trips stuff like that but rarely time in their domain or one-on-one stuff.

 

Kids are like sponges. The world is full of new adventures and most at least like to try things out. The older boys I'd enlist to help me with maintenance on their mom's car and teach them car stuff or at least expose them to it. Same with sports, hunting, fishing, etc. With the girls it was mostly art and crafts and teaching them my baking recipes, stuff like that.

 

You'll work it out. Mostly, it happens naturally, at least did for me. I dated single mothers for over a decade off and on. Met my share of kids along the way. Fun times.

[alphamale]

buy his love with toys and an iPhone 10

[nospam99]

(Loving dad of 3 now grown sons here.)

1) As someone else suggested, don't bond with the kid 'too soon'. If the relationship with his mom fails, you don't want him to be hurt by losing you.

2) Get into what he's into. If it's video games, get into them. If he has any kind of positive feeling towards you, he'll probably love it if you ask him to show you how to play his favorite games, to watch him play (and kill hundreds of aliens/Chinese soldiers/etc), or to compete against him (he's seven - if you get good enough to beat him don't play 'for blood').

3) Offer him the opportunity to get into sports or whatever else YOUR 'thing' is. But don't force it. Find something he's got some natural affinity for. Make it one-on-one time with him leaving mom home at least some of the time.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Start watching "90 Day Fiance" on TLC.

[d0nnivain]

My EX's son was 10 at the time but I took him to an arcade for our 1st "bonding" experience. I let him play a few games he liked, then I directed him to some games I liked. Years later he told me he was glad we didn't just do what he wanted; when I asked him to play the games I liked he felt like it was more about playing & less about me trying to win him over.

 

 

Do encourage him to do some active stuff. Play catch in the backyard. Even if you are not athletic you can manage to play with a 7 year old. Consider going bowling or playing mini-golf with your new GF & her son as a date. Play board games around the kitchen table.

 

 

Talk to the kid & really listen.

[spiderowl]

Wait until you feel fairly sure that you and your girlfriend are going to be together for some time before getting too involved with her son. I know it is not easy if they are together most of the time. You may have to get involved, at least on a play level and occasional help level.

 

If you want to get to know him better, I would suggest getting the old popular toys that have stood the test of time - Lego, Knex, marble run, cards, Brio, toy soldiers - and just start making something with them yourself. He will probably come to see what you are doing and then join in himself. Ask for suggestions.

 

If he doesn't like the same sports you are used to, what about different sports - swimming is a good one that all the family could go to, table-tennis, ice skating, something new for him.

 

Try out different things in general, like films, shows, music, computer games, kite flying, whatever. New experiences can be good for both as you can help each other to learn. Get him to show you how to do something he is more skilled at.

 

Be kind to him if he is upset. Have fun at other times. It will take time for him to accept you but it will probably happen bit by bit. The problem is, what if you and his mother are not together for long. He will miss you then. It is something you need to be mindful of. If you want to be friends with this boy, then be friends for him not just to impress his mum.

[alphamale]

sugary snack treats seem to assist bonding

[Chilli]

Sounds like you haven't been with her very long why are you even around him yet let alone worrying about impressing him.

For a start he probably has a dad and any new men will just confuse the hell out of him.

And there might be 20 new men before she actually sticks with one for good.

imagine how all that will effect him.

 

The last thing you should be doing is forming a bond with him right now.

Your not suppose to be near any kids for at least 12mths in and only then if it looks like your a keeper.